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Celebrity Big Brother 2006

 
  

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Ganesh
09:58 / 02.01.06
Okay, so it's more a bloated, dignity-free rehab for z-list celeb careers than true Big Brother voyeurgoodness, but it can be a mildly interesting diversion in itself - and this year, Endemol seems to have taken the 'teh gays = viewer ratings' formula seriously. If teh gays are officially 'troubled', so much the better.

According to Digital Spy, possible housemates include Michael Barrymore, Johnny Vegas, Shane McGowan, Gillian McKeith, Pete Burns, Dennis Rodman, Boy George and Anna Nicole Smith. Delirium tremens ahoy!

Final line-up to be announced on Thursday.
 
 
Smoothly
23:34 / 03.01.06
I'm looking forward to this. For me, it only falls short of true Big Brother voyeurgoodness because it's, um, short. Given that it's 10 days versus 10 weeks, it does well, I think.

Forgive my ignorance, but given this pooves = viewers formula, how many of these suspects are bona fide members of the gays? Are you counting Pete Burns and Dennis Rodman?

Since Gillian McKeith literally thinks her shit don't stink, I'm particularly looking forward to seeing her suffer, I have to confess. A Vanessa-esque meltdown would be just the ticket.
 
 
Ganesh
23:49 / 03.01.06
Nah, Pete Burns and Dennis Rodman, while frequently claimed as honorary members of Teh Gays tend to avoid/defy categorisation. Burns is married, dunno about Rodman (although surely he has the gayest name evar!1!). I was thinking more of Barrymore, who's surely Big Brother gold by dint of being a troubled homosexualist who also fits the Les Dennis category of Light Entertainment Wash-Up On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown. And delightfully stroppy queen, Boy George.
 
 
Sax
08:07 / 04.01.06
Oh for some footage of Gillian McKeith secretly stuffing chocolate and burgers down her neck in the wee small hours, then having a Woodbine and farting long and hard.

I also heard my favourite ever psychic Derek Acorah was up for the cup as well. Anyone else.

And I'd have thought that Michael Barrymore would have been too busy with panto. Didn't he do Aladdin?

(That was a gag, by the way).
 
 
Triplets
08:20 / 04.01.06
Oh no it wasn't...
 
 
Ganesh
09:48 / 04.01.06
It's behiiiind him.
 
 
Smoothly
09:55 / 04.01.06
Only if he keeps his mouth shut.
 
 
Ganesh
10:29 / 04.01.06
Well, that surely cements "Homosexual Barrymore"'s water-cooler housemate status.

(Worth checking out: Mark Simpson's 2003 analysis.)
 
 
Shrug
10:46 / 04.01.06
I always thought Pete Burns was bisexual rather than just of the honourary gayer status. I seem to remember him turning up to an interview with The Face with boyfriend, wife and family in tow at one point. Perhaps I'm wrong though.
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
10:53 / 04.01.06
Oh, I do hope Pete Burns and Boy George are in there. I reckon Burns will wipe the floor with the George. I can just imagine the eye-scratching and beeyotch-slapping those two will engage in. Glee!
 
 
Ganesh
11:07 / 04.01.06
I always thought Pete Burns was bisexual rather than just of the honourary gayer status. I seem to remember him turning up to an interview with The Face with boyfriend, wife and family in tow at one point. Perhaps I'm wrong though.

I don't think he's ever said "I'm bisexual" either. My point is, although the gay press frequently attempts to claim him, Burns himself tends to eschew simple descriptors of gender/sexuality altogether.
 
 
Sax
12:43 / 04.01.06
He spins them right round, baby.
 
 
Ganesh
12:46 / 04.01.06
Then he puts his thang down, flips it and reverses it. Possibly.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
14:23 / 04.01.06
If Shane's in it, I'm watching. End of.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:33 / 04.01.06
Yes, if only to see the faces of other contestants when he makes that hissing lizard noise.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
02:37 / 05.01.06
I'm a bit sceptical about the names being put forward here though. Pete Burns and Barrymore seem fairly definite, granted, but they'd have to pretty much wheel Shane McGowan on these days, and then wheel him off again, always assuming he didn't, um, 'have one toke over the line' in the celeb Big Brother gents facilities - what a curse that would put on the place. I mean they're quite venal, Endemol, but presumably they don't want the CBB house to turn into the TV equivalent of Sid's room in the Chelsea hotel. There's no 'arc', it seems, with Shane McG, he seems fairly unrepentant, so while the odd interview's fine, I can't see a)Endemol risking locking him up there for the 23 days being mooted by Digital Spy (see above link,) or b)McGowan agreeing to it, unless he was fairly far gone upon arrival, which would I think potentially create it's own set of problems a bit later on - he could 'walk' in theory, but then again, y'know... And isn't Boy George due in the US courts on charges that could get him up to 15 years in prison shortly? On the one hand, it'd be a defiant gesture to appear on a show like this, as well as possibly (though hopefully not,) the last chance he'd have for the next say eight years anyway, if things go badly (this, dear fellow Barbelithers, for the possession of 3 and a half grammes of cocaine, street value I'm guessing about $150,) to put some cash in the bank, but on the other hand, the risk of some (entirely understandable) kind of breakdown live on UK telly would seem a foolhardy one to take. Unless, thinking about it, he's planning on thuh-rowing himself on the mercy of the US courts, in which case it might not actually be such a bad move.

It could be great though, if C4 aren't lying. If nothing else, I'd take great pleasure in sacrificing my going-out, food and bills money for this month for the sake of repeatedly phoning up the CBB line from call boxes round town in attempt to get Johnny Vegas unceremoniously kicked off the show, not first, but fourth or fifth, or just whenever it is that it's most humiliating. In the 'what-was-her-name that went out with Maxwell' zone.
 
 
Sax
06:34 / 05.01.06
There's only one thing makes you babble on like that at 4.30 in the morning, and it sure as Christmas ain't sherbert.
 
 
Sax
06:35 / 05.01.06
But, great post, Alex. Some good points well made.
 
 
Sniv
09:18 / 05.01.06
Yay, God I love BB, can't wait.

I hear that Macaulay Culkin will be replacing Boy George because of the coke charges, but like most of these things, it's just a rumour.

I really hope they get Gillian McKieth, as I can't stand her and would like to see her cry, at least once. Or to drop one, and everyone has to walk away because the smell's so bad. That'd learn her.

Anyway, good-bye to anything else on telly for the next couple of weeks!
 
 
Tits win
13:20 / 05.01.06
Culkin? I look forward to the boobie-traps then. (I can see it now - Camera angle on closed toilet door, cue Culkin's strained voice: "Have you had enough, Barrymore, or are you thirsty for more?") Or maybe not.

So when does this start?

Also worth noting that guilty people don't go to New Zealand when they want to hide. What a nice place for a nice chap like Barrymore. I hope he 'strikes it lucky' this time round.

I wonder is BB had ulterior motives, sticking two drugged-up gays like Barrymore and Boy George under the same roof?
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
13:45 / 05.01.06
BB's motives for putting two "drugged-up gays" in the house are probably no more sinister than their motives for putting two pissed-up straights like Johnny Vegas and Shane McGowan in the house, I'd imagine.
 
 
Smoothly
15:56 / 05.01.06
So! To move on...

The line up set to be:

Michael Barrymore
Rula Lenska
Fari Alam
Pete Burns
Jodie Marsh
Traci Bingham (off Baywatch I think)
Dennis Rodman
Preston (out of Ordinary Boys)
Maggot (out of GLC)
And.... drumroll... Gorgeous George Galloway

Plus, one top secret surprise housemate I don't know the identity of. But sorry Stoat, I don't think it's Shane.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
17:33 / 05.01.06
Bum. I maaay watch anyway.
 
 
Ganesh
18:00 / 05.01.06
OooooOOOOOoooooo!
 
 
Smoothly
18:27 / 05.01.06
Alex'll be pleased when he wakes up.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
18:59 / 05.01.06
Oh christ, not Rula "I am descended from the Polish aristocracy" Lenska!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:01 / 05.01.06
TWENTY THREE DAYS?!
 
 
Ganesh
19:14 / 05.01.06
God, that's a decade in celebrity years!

Hmm, so they're putting in a non-celeb "nobody" (nice terminology, Davina) - Chantelle - on the understanding that she must convince everyone she's famous. I can't decide whether this is a Great Wheeze or a Crap Idea. The nobody in question does look like the epitome of Heat Woman, which should stand her in good stead.
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
19:14 / 05.01.06
Barrymore...indoor swimming pool... Jonathan Ross' writers are going to have a field day, aren't they?

The fake celebrity things sounds interesting. It can't be that hard an act to pull off, and it would be quite fitting if a Non-celebrity won the show by (I suppose) becoming an overnight celebrity.
 
 
Ganesh
19:24 / 05.01.06
Oi! Barrymore! Get in the fuckin' 'aaahse!

(That was 'house'.)
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:24 / 05.01.06
He looks rather overwhelmed.
 
 
Ganesh
19:27 / 05.01.06
Looks like Pete Burns has put his money where his mouth is.
 
 
Sniv
19:29 / 05.01.06
I heart ganesh's commentary.

*refresh*
 
 
paranoidwriter waves hello
19:29 / 05.01.06
Ouch. Fair play to him, I say. Whatever floats your boat.
 
 
Ganesh
19:31 / 05.01.06
I'll be interested to see how high-maintenance Burns' appearance is or isn't. I'm wondering, for example, whether he requires regular electrolysis/laser/hormones - and, if so, whether he'll be allowed to take them into the House or expected to go without...
 
  

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