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Godawful adverts

 
  

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Psych Safeling
18:11 / 14.11.05
Oh yeah, and I've never got my Believer without the envelope having a strategic big- enough-to-see-bare-boobies-through hole ripped in it. I don't think funny/pretentious articles and interviews float my postie's boat, though.
 
 
electric monk
12:05 / 18.11.05
The "Ride It Like a Ford" series of ads makes me want to give up TV entirely, just so I will never again be subjected to them. In a time when commercials are at least 50% louder than the actual shows, the absolute last jingle I want unexpectedly blasting out of my Surround Sound is:

Ride it like a Ford
Ride it like a Ford
Ride
R-Ride
Ride
Ride it like a Ford

You wanna take a ride while I climb aboard?
You gotta ride it like a Ford.


Sickening. In my mind's eye, I can see the balding, Viagra-choked Ford execs discussing how they might ensnare the yoof culture:

"Rap! That's it!" they say. "The kids LOVE the rap!"

"We'll get one of the Marketing people to write the lyrics. It can't be THAT hard."

"Bill, maybe your son could be the rapper. He wears baggy pants and wife-beaters, right? Puuuur-fect. Give him a gold chain and we're set."

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for the MUTE button!
 
 
Bear
12:17 / 18.11.05
I know this is meant to be about hate but I really like the ad for some shiny expensive television with the multicoloured bouncy balls coming down a road (in San Fransico?)... Cheers me up everytime I see it.

More bouncy balls in ads I say.

Trying to think of an evil one at the moment to even things out.
 
 
Jub
12:28 / 18.11.05
Bear, do you know what – that’s about the only ad I like at the moment too. In fact the first time I saw it I said “I’m going to buy whatever it is this is an ad for” – until I saw it was for a state of the art telly I could possible afford! – it also helps that the music is from the excellent Jose Gonzalez!!
 
 
■
14:09 / 18.11.05
It is a wondeful advert, shame it's advertising Sony whose ridiculously dangerous DRM on their music CDs means that a lot of people will be boycotting all their products for the forseeable future.
 
 
Triplets
22:33 / 18.11.05
I was going to post one before (maybe an Argos one?) but nipped off to the flicks. I'm gonna go watch some telly. First ad that pisses me off is getting shouted about in a completely-over-the-top face-stabby fashion to make up for it.
 
 
Smoothly
00:54 / 19.11.05
I've got to admit that I love that Sony Bravia ad too, although I'm sure all the cool kids loathe it. (Thread for Adverts You Like here, by the way.)
I've never heard of Jose Gonzales, and if someone had told me that there was an uptempo, acoustic version of Heartbeats I'd have felt sure that I'd have made pantomime vomitting gestures. But I can't help but like it. Couple with that my long-standing awe of those ski-slope-like San Fransisco streets and a childhood love of bouncy balls, it's an advert that could have been designed to push my buttons.
 
 
Saveloy
08:54 / 21.11.05
Any ad that mentions Intel, that isn't actually for Intel. Because Intel have obviously made some bloody law that says anyone who mentions them in an ad must play that dopey fucking Intel jingle immediately afterwards. It's a triple irritation: you've got the horrid jingle itself, the jarring insertion of it, and the general air of prima donna-ishness that goes with insisting on having your fucking dopey jingle played every time you get a mention. Grr!
 
 
electric monk
11:37 / 21.11.05
Fun Facts for ya, Saveloy: I worked on some print media that included products with Intel Inside and can assure you that they fucking fanatical about placement of their product. Their "Usage Standards" are about 30 pages long, and full of almost-too-ridiculous rules and regs. As an example, any time an Intel logo appears on a page, it must be equal to or greater in size than every other logo on the page. That includes the logo of the vendor selling their product. I'm sure it's the same for broadcast.

Thing is, Intel enforces their rules by setting all their vendors against each other in a competition for the largest chunk of a pool of money that Intel pays out for "Standards Adherence". Can't quote exact dollar amounts to you, but it's at least in the hundreds-of-thousands-of-dollars range for first place. Maybe more. The experience of working with Intel properties as a graphic artist is a hair-pulling, expletive-shouting experience unlike any other.
 
 
Triplets
18:55 / 27.11.05
Don't be an effective parent, cater entirely to your monstrous little shits by shopping online. At Argos!
 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
23:16 / 27.11.05
Speaking of Argos: the fact that you are selling a plasma television for $799 is NOT A COCKING STORY, with a happy ending or without. A happy ending would be whoever is in charge of Argos advertisements getting punched in the nose and their commercials yanked from the air.
 
 
Cowboy Scientist
04:12 / 29.11.05
A comic book ad classic:

BECOME A NINJA!!!!!
 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
19:58 / 16.12.05
I heard this on the radio the other day (paraphrased):

'Say, mate, can you spare some change so I can get something to eat?'

Translation: 'I'm addicted to heroin and I need a fix.'

'Can you spare anything for a bus pass?'

Translation: 'I'm a drug dealer and I want to buy a bigger gun.'

The sad truth is that, when you give money to people on the street, it probably isn't being used the way they say it is so give your money to us instead blah blah blah.


Oh. Fuck. Off. I assume I don't need to explain why the second 'translation' is moronic, but I suspect a distressing number of people agree with the first part. Aside from the implication that all panhandlers are liars, why the fuck should it make a difference to me if someone's going to use the money I give hir for drugs? Frankly, if I was living on the street I'd probably want to be drunk or high all the time, and I certainly would prefer someone spend a night in relative comfort (doped up) rather than sick from needing a fix. Plus, if we're going the 'all panhandlers are CRIMINALS IN DISGUISE!!!!1!11! route, if the money a junkie gets panhandling means ze can get a fix without commiting some other crime eg mugging somebody, I consider that a fucking good trade. I mean, yes your charity is probably doing good work and, okay, if it comes down to it I'd prefer that the people I'm giving money to are in fact going to use it to buy food or whatever and not drugs, but honestly, why is the possibility that they might such a problem? And, frankly, when your charity resorts to transparent scare tactics in its adverts, it absolutely destroys your credibility. You're assuming moral superiority over the people you're trying to help; do I even need to explain why that's a problem?
 
 
Spaniel
20:49 / 16.12.05
That's for real? That's really fucked up. What charity? I want to write a letter of complaint.
 
 
P. Horus Rhacoid
23:38 / 16.12.05
Unfortunately I don't remember. I was too busy dropping my jaw and being appalled.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:41 / 16.12.05
I want to write a letter of complaint.

I want to bang up a load of smack and go round their offices with a gun.

That's utterly disgusting.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
06:15 / 17.12.05


Sorry about the width, but you have to sort of get that it's a banner ad.
 
 
Spaniel
08:28 / 17.12.05
Not really feeling the rage with that one.
 
 
■
08:33 / 17.12.05
Oh, those poor people in 1904, denied the joys of Christmas.
 
 
■
19:20 / 09.01.06
New Garnier ad. This stuff has "specially selected zinc" in it. Has it now? Can I get a job choosing your zinc, please? Bet I'd be good at it.
 
 
Char Aina
22:35 / 09.01.06
i'm hating that advert for 'bones' on sky.
every time i hear it in the background her voice just grates the shit outta my ears.

i wouldnt kill her, but i would pay to watch her losing the use of her vocal chords.
 
 
Smoothly
22:48 / 09.01.06
I've had my face slapped on every continent including Antarctica... I've crossed every ocean... I've stayed in four royal palaces and two prisoner of war camps... Been thrown out of countless nightclubs, both universities and several hospitals, all for misbehaving... I saw Hendrix at Woodstock and the Rumble in the Jungle... I've had six children, and have seventeen grandchildren and thirty-one great-grandchildren... I've had to return every passport I've ever had early, because they ran out of space. And through hard work (and a bit of luck) I've made a little money.
But I tell you this: If you can get me another minute, just one minute more than I'm due......I'd give you everything I have.


Bollocks.
 
 
Char Aina
23:16 / 09.01.06
yeah. i thought that guy was talking shit as well.
imagine the selfishness needed to rob all your hiers of a life of finanical security for a mere sixty seconds on your own, most of which are going to be spent explaining to your family why you need the time anyway.
 
 
Spaniel
06:37 / 10.01.06
Okay, so no matter how fantasticly exciting and skillient your life has been, you'd throw it all in the bin for another minute?

Agreed: that is shit talking of the highest order - but it gives me a good idea for a Future Shock.
 
 
Saveloy
07:03 / 10.01.06
"I've had my face mounted in every continent blah blah blah"

Argh! That's dire! What's that from then?
 
 
■
08:09 / 10.01.06
both universities

Not Hull, then. What the heck is this?
 
 
Spaniel
08:35 / 10.01.06
I've had my face mounted in every continent

Yeah, that too.

Unfortunately I can't remember the product being advertised.
 
 
Smoothly
09:31 / 10.01.06
Lastminute.com
 
 
Spaniel
09:33 / 10.01.06
Slaps own head!
 
 
Saveloy
09:57 / 10.01.06
"The ad is part of a wider campaign challenging people to "live every last minute" that also includes a book called 'lastminute living', highlighting the six rules to help people live smarter lives..."

Gnnnngggnn...!!!!! *eats carpet*

"An internet version features the man claiming to have smoked joints with "Bob Marley, the Prime Minister and two US presidents"."

*has aneurysm*

aka: "Are you aspirational? Not like one of them horrid nouveau riche types who like big tellies and stuff but in a really cool sorta way, cos you're into experiences and being a bit unconventional and... hee hee... naughty?"

Gah!
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:31 / 10.01.06
Every time I see that advert I think of:

"Mr Burns, you're the richest guy I know!"

"Ah yes, but I'd trade it all for a little more."
 
 
Spatula Clarke
16:31 / 16.01.06
This isn't so much godawful ads, but related.

Has anybody else noticed how there currently seems to be only the one actress who all the ad-makers are employing? And, like, nobody else? White, fairly tall, with black/brown shoulder-length hair. So far I've seen her in:

- Harvey's Furniture ads ("and all prices are [notices dog on chair] DOWN!")
- Imodium Plus (the one where there are two versions of her, one takes the drug and goes to work, then lunch w/ mates, the other stays at home and shits on the sofa)
- Something or other where she's having a shower in the middle of a supermarket (for either shampoo or tampons)
- PC World (some dude asks her if the price she's advertising a laptop at is correct)

and I've just caught her in a Direct Line house insurance one (I think that's who it was for, anyway - she's on the phone to a load of chickens, or something).

She must be trying to break a world record.
 
 
Char Aina
16:33 / 16.01.06
any actors among us might want to find out who her agent is.
ze's clearly Teh Siht.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
17:44 / 16.01.06
Imodium Plus (the one where there are two versions of her, one takes the drug and goes to work, then lunch w/ mates, the other stays at home and shits on the sofa)

Really? Hope it's not the nice sofa ):
 
 
■
12:04 / 21.01.06
"Girls are bored beyond endurance by the price of car insurance."

That couplet from one of the most irritating ads ever made has been spinning round my head for 24 hours solid now. Someone, for the love of Winner, get it OUT. [Scrabbles futilely at ear]
 
  

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