So, I'm signing into college tomorrow, apparently. Of course, I can't pick a course out of six, and will mostl likely be put in the position where I just go with one for the hell of it. I like them all. And I like none of them enough to find it wise to jump into one of them and leave the others.
Nonetheless, I'll get up at seven, to get to Lisbon, find the school somewhat randomly, I hope, and stick around for an entire morning - this because thousands of student inscriptions are being processed in the grand total of two schools. Two.
Of course, this is no news. I've spent the entire week around my own school's assistance department (?) to take care of a series of minor affairs - each of them worth, natch, an entire morning/afternoon. Logical enough: everyday, there is a grand total of two people there for all of the 12nd year students, plus those renewing their inscriptions for the next year. Two. Cute.
The heat keeps me from sleeping. Which is absolutely ideal for days of sitting and waiting, obviously. The heat itself makes the waiting even grander, with the sweat. And the stickiness. And the discomfort. And the sweaty, sticky discomfort. Sweaty, sticky, uncomfortable waiting, then, wrapped up. A week of this? Grand.
Which of course takes us back to the start. To trying to define the next at least three, possibly six years of my life, with a week of lack of sleep, of shit, uninspired days driven by the sweet confusion of burocracy (Oh, dear waiting lady, how I shall miss your sense of false entitlement, as you shout to my friend, belittling her and dismiss my apologies for the circumstances [Which. Were. Not. Out. Of. Fucking. Order.]; what talent in playing up into the Portuguese stereotype of our own ability for raucous, arrogant drama! Oh, dear working lady, how I understand that after one morning's work after your vacations you're perfectly willing to adress me condescendingly and dismiss me as I try and calmly state my point after a morning in waiting; till the afternoon it shall be!).
And I am... venting? This isn't venting; this is letting foul breezes wander out, I think. To a message board, I was saying. Well, why, you ask?, what a wonderful question. Possibly because of out of the three people closest to me and who I'd expect at least some ear from, as I've given them time and time again, one has decided to erase me from her life (she got a girlfriend, you see, which makes me irrelevant for reasons beyond me. Life's funny that way.), the other just plays the usual game of ignoring me in times when I'm down, while expecting my patience when he is the one in that situation (he will, later on, possibly adress this, explaining that it's just how he is, the poor thing, because of the way people treated him when he was otherwise! - the way, say, he treats me. Aw).
I wish I was pissed off, actually, to go over to Urgh, Fuck and just curse an awful not, indulge in the ridicule of it all, and not feel so little. But this is just fucking bullshit of the tiresome, draining type, and it simmers.
So I put words in front of the strangers. See?
Maybe it'll help the mental clean-up at the very least. |
