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The miserable thread

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21:41 / 13.09.07

In my, hopefuly never to be enacted plan, by the time I get the cat's I am allready to fat to try for redemption.

And those bastard cat's get nothing. A dog would go out and bark for help. A cat would just use my slowly cooling face as a bed.

21:42 / 13.09.07

you'll look like a Kiwi soon enough.

Hopefully not like Peter Jackson. He looked so mean and evil when he got from "fat hobbit" to beanstalk.

21:53 / 13.09.07

Oh dear God.
I thought I was exagerating. But they are almost all hot. (Two uglys in my peer group so far).

But they are all so muscled. And I am short.

So short.

Dear God. This is the worst day of my life upto and surpassing the day I had glass removed from my inner foot without anaesthetic.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:08 / 13.09.07

I am SO going to stop being so diplomatic and conciliatory.

Years ago I made a decision that I was NEVER going to fall out with anyone over anything stupid ever again. And for ten years or so, it's a policy that's served me well and I can't really say it was a bad idea. I've kept some very valued friends who I'd be a fool to have lost.

But...

...but...

now I'm THAT GUY WHO DOESN'T HOLD GRUDGES AND FALL OUT WITH PEOPLE, a tactic I adopted to SAVE me from awkward situations, I seem to have become the middle man for everyone else's fights. And I fucking hate it. I end up getting MORE stressed out and upset by other people's shit than I ever did with my own. And apart from anything else I hate seeing my friends at each other's throats. I want no fucking part of it. Least of all the part where I get shit from both sides over stuff that has nothing to do with me.

And then I end up feeling like a wanker when I attempt to extricate myself. This afternoon I was told that me "sitting on the fence isn't helping". My response- that I wasn't "sitting on the fence", I genuinely had no idea who said what to whom BECAUSE I WASN'T THERE and therefore wouldn't be able to take sides even if I fucking wanted to, didn't go down so well. Ask some random guy in the street, for fuck's sake. He'll have as much connection to and informed opinion of the situation as I do, and he probably won't be as upset by it either.

GRR. This upsets me a lot, as I would like my friends to all get on. But if they're not going to, then why dump it on me?

23:39 / 13.09.07

I'm sick. Not in the fun "woo, no work/chocolate eating/runny nose" way, rather the (Buffy quote)"I've got stuff coming out both ends"(/Buffy quote).

On the plus side I get to watch cartoons and have rediscovered my love for Barbelith. In between trips to the loo.

07:31 / 14.09.07

The problem is, Stoats, is that you simply can't be an impartial observer, and they know it.

They know there's a good chance you'll have an instinct about who was most at fault, and that you'll likely have more than a couple of opinions, etc... so, when their temperature's up, sometimes they're bound to get stressed with you. Not saying what you're doing is wrong, just that I have a degree of empathy with the warring parties. I know what it's like to need your opinion validated, especially when I strongly suspect the person I'm talking to actualy in hir heart of hearts, agrees with me.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:36 / 14.09.07

Yeah, you may well have a very good point there, as usual.

Thing is, above and beyond anything else I don't WANT to be involved in this argument, because it strikes me as a particularly pointless one which I don't want to give any validation by weighing into. I mean, I hate arguments at the best of times, but if I think something needs to be fought over I'm more than willing to do so. This one just isn't. (The reason I'm being so vague isn't that it involves anything particularly juicy that I shouldn't put into the public domain... it's all just immensely tedious and trivial. Which is why my friends, in falling out over it, are REALLY starting to piss me off).

17:32 / 14.09.07

God, it's always the bloody trivial things that lead to worst rifts.

17:44 / 14.09.07

I mean, those trivial things usually have huge things looming ominously behind them, but still.

18:39 / 14.09.07

My new job forgot to pay me today. I realise fuck-ups take time to sort but having to wait til next Friday (at the earliest)? Grr.

18:41 / 14.09.07

RRRRRRR indeed

18:41 / 14.09.07

it is wicked hard. Plus often one accidently blows the coals betwixt while trying to get the hell outta there. I wish more schools taught conflict resolution. Some of it is very simple and quite effective if people give it a try but no one usually wants to bother.

Much like coursework there is some work involved.
If you want to eyeball any of it here's a link to some good free worksheets on having difficult conversations from the harvard think tank.

Mysterious Transfer Student

16:18 / 17.09.07

Dear self, if you really honestly don't want to get anywhere in life, why not do something dramatically awful like holding up a post office instead of stupid, petty, self-destructive things that gradually build up into a guano reef of utter worthlessness? Just a suggestion.

ORA ORA ORA ORAAAA!!

20:46 / 19.09.07

Out of all the stupid shit that's happening in the world right now, for some reason this is really making me upset. It's made me miserable, and miserable that I'm miserable about this rather than any of thousands of other things which are probably more important. Eh.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

16:49 / 20.09.07

We will be going on a one-day strike tomorrow as part of rotating job action, and the union has asked that those people who would normally be working the late shift -- including me -- picket the late shift. Working the late-shift is one thing, being inside and such, but I don't really feel like four of us standing outside on a Friday night in the dark, two of us with colds, with our library branch being in a fairly rough part of town where several co-workers have been attacked in the past is a good idea. I don't like that the chief steward simply yells at people if they ask questions or express concerns over this. The union being designed to promote better working conditions and employee safety should not be putting their workers in a bad position and then get mad at them for expressing their frustration.

Also: just because I am male does not mean that I am (a) automatically the protector of the three women I'm to picket with and that my presence makes everyone feel better and (b) it does not mean that I, myself, am automatically comfortable and feel safe in that situation.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

16:53 / 20.09.07

It's also worth noting that under normal circumstances we will not be picketing as late as we will be tomorrow, but they refuse to give an actual reason for the longer hours tomorrow.

17:35 / 20.09.07

It's an armchair position of course, but I'd be inclined to say no.

A four person picket line doesn't seem like something it would be that difficult to cross. Surely a sign explaining the union's position would do just as well?

Shiny: Well Over Thirty

19:39 / 20.09.07

What are the numbers like for the day shift? If there are a lot of people available to picket that would it be practicle for a few of them to join the late-shift pickets at all? Perhaps the steward hirself if ze's that determined that someone should do it. I'm a Branch Secretary myself (equivalent to steward I think) and I think one of the first rules is you never ask your members to be prepared to do more than you'd do yourself. And obviously you don't put them in real danger, but that should go without saying really.

Also are they asking you to cover the whole shift or just the first hour our two? I realize things might be very different in your workplace, but in the various strikes I've been aware in England hardly anyone ever covers a whole shift - as soon as everyone who is likely to be going in has either crossed the picket line or not as the case may be it's considered acceptable for people to either so their own thing or go to the pub together as preference dictates.

20:20 / 25.09.07

I'm upset, sad, miserable, and everything else bad. My SO and I had a horrible, horrible fight last night about his upcoming bachelor party. Although we had privately worked out a plan months ago, his friends and particularly his brother teased and harrassed him into coming home and telling me he was told to "put his foot down with me" and insist on staying out overnight in a hotel room with his brother. This is not how our relationship works, and it upsets me that these guys had to sow a seed of dissension between us. I don't appreciate unsolicited relationship advice from people who are unhappily-single/divorced/in crumbling marriages.

Now, ugly things have been said (many by me, I'm ashamed to admit) that can't be taken back, and the whole world seems sad and gray.

20:42 / 25.09.07

I posted something about this a couple of hours ago, then deleted it as it felt... wrong, somehow. But I want to post something about it again now, or at least mention it so that it's there and I've got my head around it a little better. And, I suppose, it links in, in a very small way, to something you've just said, ibis - about what's not possible.

Just found out that an old friend died at the weekend. Riding his motorbike, car crashed into him. I think at the weekend, anyway - the phone call came out of the blue and I wasn't really capable of taking much of it in.

I hadn't spoken to him for about five years - not for any reason, just because we drifted pretty quickly - and I'd only known him for the two before that. But we shared a house for one of those two years and he was, I'd like to think, a good friend at the time.

And every now and then over those last few years, I've thought, yeah, it'd be nice to get in touch again, see how he's getting on. He was a nice guy. We had a laugh. I'd like to know if that was something that'd happen if we met up again. Only, we never did, because as soon as I thought about it, I forgot.

And now it won't ever happen, because it can't. And I'm trying not to think about that so much, because it makes the world quite a lot emptier than it was before.

21:40 / 25.09.07

Sorry to hear about that, dancepants. I have a friend like your, who was my roommate for seceral years back in college and later moved to a city too far away to be reached by anything short of a airplane. We talk over the net from time to time, and we have met in a few occasions over theyears, but imagining how it would feelif he died does not fell good at all. Plus, I've lost more than too many friends and relativeson autocrashes, and it always gells so damn meaningless, it's hard to take. My sentiments.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:57 / 25.09.07

Shit, HD... there's not much I can say, really. Other than the usual platitudes, which are trite, but also true.

I came here for something much more vague. My life's just fucked. My flat's fucked, I have a drinking problem, I'm shit with money, I'm shit with relationships, I can just about look after a dog and that's about it, and I hate my job (that's a new thing- it just started getting really shit) but can't think of anything I could get that I'd hate any less.

To be fair, I have wicked cool friends, but they all seem to be far more sorted life-wise than I am. I'm nearly 36 and I haven't progressed since I was 17. Which is cool in that I still have fun and stuff, but...

...hey, fuck it. I have somewhere to live and I have food and shit like that. I'm still better off than most of the world. And I have a great dog.

22:11 / 25.09.07

Hope the ugly words can be smoothed out and dealt with, ibis. At least you know the family/situation you're getting into, I suppose, and he knows what you will and won't take on that front.

HD, that's unnervingly rough. Are you able to attend whatever mourning function there'll be? Nothing'll make it right, but hopefully something will make it better.

Stoatie, go pet your dog. It's a good dog. All I have at the moment is a photo e-mailed last night of almost-my-dog eating a carrot, and you can't pet that. And good luck on sorting you life, of course.

16:08 / 26.09.07

Are you able to attend whatever mourning function there'll be?

I think so. I'd like to, but it largely depends on whether or not I find out when and where it is - like I say, it'd been a few years, so it's not like anybody other than mutual friends who I still do occasionally keep in touch with will be able to let me know. Failing that, we'll see if we can get some small get-together arranged, for those of us who had kept in touch with each other.

17:11 / 26.09.07

Failing that, we'll see if we can get some small get-together arranged, for those of us who had kept in touch with each other

That's what I'd do. Specially if said get-together takes place in a, hmm, place that the decesead liked to attend, or doing an activity the deceseaded enjoyed taking part in. I hear the spirited of the recently departed actually enjoy this a lot more than the traditional wake/funeral thingy.

And, Stoatie, for the little I know you, I take you are quite a good person, with a big heart. And believe me, the planet needs a lot more of that kind of people than "succesful", entrepeneural, rich people. Plus,if you substitute "drinking" for "pot-smoking" and "flat" by "I still live with my parents", and I know exactly how you feel.

18:20 / 26.09.07

Shit, HD.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

19:23 / 26.09.07

That's what I'd do. Specially if said get-together takes place in a, hmm, place that the decesead liked to attend, or doing an activity the deceseaded enjoyed taking part in.

I think if I were to die, that's what I'd want friends in a similar situation to do.

19:53 / 26.09.07

Amen to that, brother

21:05 / 26.09.07

I don't know of any death that I've experienced that wasn't tinged with the regret of no longer being able to communicate with someone anymore, or not having communicated with them enough before they died. It's rare that people know they will die and have the time to at least try to communicate what they want to before it's all over. And I don't know that we could constantly deal with people as though they might die at any time, it would be too...intense, or something. I think that regret is one of the worst things to deal with beyond the sheer loss. I had an uncle that killed himself a few years ago. He was bipolar, and we all knew that he was depressed, but no one knew it was that bad. He had visited a month or so before, he always had a nice time here in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. We always tried hard to make him feel good here, he had a tremendously hard time of it for a long time. But still, I regret not doing more to try to get him somehow in a more hopeful state of mind. Not that I could have done anything, mind you. But I felt maybe that one extra thing I could have said might make a difference. Or I wish he'd let it be known he was feeling that way, so I could talk to him about it...
But I know it's useless to think about it like that. I'm sure you all do. Can't get over it, can't go under it, can't get around it. It's just there. I guess I'm saying I feel for you, I'm sorry that you're feeling that way now, I hope you don't get too caught up in the regret, because you can never do everything— and at least you got to know them.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:10 / 04.10.07

Just lost my biggest client.

20:22 / 04.10.07

Oh fuck, Auntie. I'm so sorry. I wish I had something inspirational to say to you right now... Would you settle for a good hug?

Um...

Down:
I've come upon some information that's going to make it impossible for me to accept the position described in the Happy thread. The owner's currently on trial for some pretty recent shady dealings, and I can't get myself or my family anywhere near that mess. My heart is friggin' broken.

Up:
The reason I have the information I do is because the owner of another agency I had interviewed with called me. He was very curious as to why I had cancelled our second interview. I told him I was accepting an offer and he asked where. I didn't have anything to hide, so I told him. He proceeded to fill in some details about this person's history which stood my hair on end. (I checked on it all, and he seems to know what he's talking about. Documents relating to the case are online.) The owner of this other agency tells me he was ready to make me an offer at that second interview, and that the offer is still good if I change my mind. He asked that I make some calls and look into this mess myself, and gave me his cell number. I can call if I want to accept the Designer position.

Down:
I can't believe I almost got myself into that. If I were young and single, it might not be a big deal and maybe I'd still go for it. But I'm not a young man, and the family I love so dearly is depending on me. I can't get near that shit. Uh uh. FuckShitPissIWannaDoSkateboards. But uh uh. Not on your life.

Up:
At least I have another offer on the table. That's better than a good majority of the people in my position right now. That's A LOT better. I'm callin' that dude TONIGHT.

Down:
My heart is friggin' broken.

20:48 / 04.10.07

Just lost my biggest client.

May two clients of equal or better caliber replace that one.

Best.

20:50 / 04.10.07

Holy roller coasters, e-worm!

MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

20:54 / 04.10.07

Holy cats! E-Worm, those are all actually good things, they just don't feel good immediately.

But consider the alternative if you hadn't gotten the call, and had taken the job. Lucky escape!

22:19 / 04.10.07

Yeah, imagine if you'd found out a few weeks into the skateboard job. Eep.

However, like the rest of Barbelith, I am now intensely curious about this scandal and I don't really want to type "pedo skateboards expose" into Google. Again.

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