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The miserable thread

  
  

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grant
03:11 / 16.06.07
I truly thought it was taking the piss

This is to your credit, I think.
 
 
Olulabelle
10:13 / 16.06.07
Yes I agree. I didn't see the cartoon because it had been and gone by the time I read the thread, but I probably would have thought the same thing as you. Not that that's probably much consolation, but still.

Also:

This morning I had a job interview that didn't go very well because I was too honest.
Are you sure? Usually complete honesty is a good thing. It might just feel like you were too honest. Unless of course you said to your interviewer, "Actually Sir I think you are a blithering idiot and I could do your job a hundred times better than you." In which case you would probably be right to feel you were too honest. Just a tiny bit.
 
 
Papess
12:17 / 16.06.07
By the Powers That Be!!!

Is there a way I can channel Audre Lorde? I have to write a detailed letter/report on the exploitation of sex workers by sex workers. I want to cry. It just doesn't end. Even those who are supposed to "have your back" in "solidarity" are just taking advantage of current oppression of sex workers to their own ends.

"To imply, however, that all women suffer the same oppression simply because we are women is to lose sight of the many varied tools of patriarchy. It is to ignore how those tools are used by women without awareness against each other."
- "An Open Letter to Mary Daly", Audre Lorde

Feminist thread? Rage? Well yes...but currently just miserable about this because I have to write about it in detail. Miserable details.
 
 
TroyJ15
03:57 / 18.06.07
Someone stole my @#$%* Ipod at work! I had 2,000+ songs on there and 10 playlists I spent waaaaay too much time on. Fuckery!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
09:31 / 18.06.07
I am very tired of being angry.
 
 
TroyJ15
05:17 / 19.06.07
Me too. But there is alot to be angry with the world about. It seems to never stop.
 
 
Sebastian Flyte
06:37 / 19.06.07
I am still frowning after watching Newsnight last night.

They had a panel discussion on Salman Rushdie's knighthood, and about why people are upset.

They could not find a single person to sit on the panel who seemed to have read ANY of his books, let alone The Satanic Verses itself. The only person they saw fit to bring on to defend Mr Rushdie's honour seemed to me to be (shortly before I turned off the television in consternation) the wife of the late MP for South Bradford, where there were riots on publication of said book.

Her single coherent argument was that he deserved a knighthood as Midnight's Children was 'an O-Level set text ten years ago'.

Anyway, yes. That is what has made me feel upset today.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:26 / 19.06.07
They could not find a single person to sit on the panel who seemed to have read ANY of his books, let alone The Satanic Verses itself.

Hahahahaha!

Well, I mean, who would admit to it at this point? "Ooh yes, I really liked that one which was a tie-in with Bono."
 
 
Triplets
08:59 / 19.06.07
Inspired by Bernard Manning my Dad and I had a discussion last night where, he revealed (as if pulling back a curtain), that Bernard was an alright chap because racism didn't exist before the 1990s. Everyone, apparently, took the piss out of each other equally (and without any kind of imbalance between, for example, white people taking the piss out of black people and black people taking the piss out of white people). It's only in the last 10 years or so (so from 1995+), he claims, that racism has existed and it only exists because "wussies", like myself, have become overly sensitive. He didn't use the term "PC" but, really...

I was... UGH! FUCK! last night but today? Just sad. Sad.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
09:05 / 19.06.07
What is it about certain public events that causes particular, ordinarily likeable and reasonable people to let the leathery bat wings rip from their back and reveal themselves as unwitting allies of hate?

I haven't mentioned the Manning event at work. I don't want to get involved in an uphill battle today.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:09 / 19.06.07
Me too. But there is alot to be angry with the world about. It seems to never stop.

Surely it stops for a moment, just for one quiet moment, when you are alone with tiny supplicant stone Mary Jane, Troy? Surely her silent, unquestioning devotion soothes your angry soul?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:55 / 19.06.07
Er, apologies to Sebastian for venting my antipathy towards Rushdie and his work in this thread, it's not really the place for it.
 
 
Spaniel
09:12 / 20.06.07
But, Trips, you seem to have missed the point: there is no such thing as racism. It is achul fax. You should feel great joy.

Thank your father for me, he has brought beautiful sunshine into my over-sensitive world, and toughened me up, all at the same time.

Did I ever tell you about the time my Dad pulled back the curtain to reveal "the jewish problem". Great stuff.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
06:28 / 21.06.07
Overjoyed to be heading Londonwards. Thrilled to be going to the States. Absolutely insanely ohfuck anxious about the actual travelling part.

Also, I will have to leave here at about 2am to catch my flight. To which an extreme meep.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
06:30 / 21.06.07
Lately I've felt like I'm full of poison. Not, like, real poison, the skull on the bottle kind, but the sort that makes you lash out at people close to you and rip apart electronic equipment in your bare hands for not following orders. And later you wonder why and how you became so mad at something so stupid and you get sort of worried that it'll happen again, even though you're the most mellow guy around.

Is it possible to inherit poor anger management skills?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
06:33 / 21.06.07
Yeah, I reckon it is.
 
 
grant
13:45 / 21.06.07
Thrilled to be going to the States. Absolutely insanely ohfuck anxious about the actual travelling part.

Eh?

America?

Don't sweat the travel part - fly in your slippers and pajamas.
 
 
Papess
14:03 / 21.06.07
Is it possible to inherit poor anger management skills?

It sure is. Considering that parents show their how to cope with the world at large. My parents, having learned dysfunctional coping skills, passed those on to me. I have had to take a serious inventory, and learn new and healthier coping skills, so I can serve as a proper model for my son. I really don't want to pass on this damage to future generations.
 
 
petunia
15:27 / 24.06.07
I have know F. for a long time, since she was about two. Her family is very good friends with my family her father, D. and her mother, C. enjoy frequent drinks and social occasions with my parents. She has been best friends with my sister since around forever. I have high regard and much love for F. I consider her as a sister.

A year ago, D. was diagnosed with cancer in his liver. It didn't look good. It had spread quite a bit and liver cancer is a pretty nasty one - lots of other vitals nearby to spread to.

[A note: I know very little about cancer. Any corrections greatly appreciated.]

F. took it in her stride. It is only recently she has pulled herself out from being heavily depressed for years. Self harm, panic attacks and mild hallucinations. Fun teenage hell. In the past few years, she has come out of it very strong, with success in her degree etc. We were worried that this might tip thing abit towards depression again, but she has been okay.

Fast forward a year, and D. has had chemotherapy and an operation. For a while, it seemed things were actually doing well, then there was a drop in his wellbeing, a big spell in hospital. Not great. I'm not too sure of the specific goings-on as i don't want to push F. for details, and i don't talk to my parents too much about the subject. Fear of death is a big thing for me.

So F. has been back and forth from her uni town to our home town, up to manchester as D. needed some pretty hefty treatment. Things weren't looking great for a while.

A few weeks ago, i ask my mum what's going on. She says it's pretty bad. Though the doctors had thought the initial treatment was going well, D. has got worse since then. He is worn out from the chemo, and the battle in general. He is taking time off from the treatment. She's not sure if he's going to go back to it.

A week later, i meet F. for drinks. I ask how things are going. She seems really positive. I'm thankful. Things seem to have picked up in the past week and D. is doing really well. He is taking time off from the chemo so that the family can enjoy summer together (they had to cancel their holiday last year). D. is going to go back on the chemo in September and get rid of the cancer. F. seems really happy about the situation and, after a year of worry, it seems like D. (and by extention, the rest of the family) are Going to Be Okay.

Last Friday, i'm out with my sister and friends. We mention F. I say how great it is that D. is getting better. Sister looks sad. I ask why.

Sister was there when F. was telling me how great D. is doing at the moment. While back home, she asked our parents what's actually going on. As far as my parents know, D. is not doing well. Dad talks to D. for clarification.

Basically, D. is worn out from the treatment. It's painful, tiring and generally draining. It doesn't seem to be working very well, either. After an initial success, the cancer has been coming back. A week or two ago, they discovered spots on his lungs. If D. decides to go untreated, it is near certain he will die within the year.

D. has decided to go untreated.

Currently, F. thinks D. is going back for treatment in September, that the treatment will be successful and that will be that. Apparently, D. has decided he will only tell F. (or F.'s brother and sister) his actual intentions if they ask.

I can understand D.'s position. I can see that he will want to enjoy one last holiday with his family, without his children having the knowledge that it will indeed be their last holiday together. I assume he plans to tell them after the holiday.

However. F. is not going on holiday with them anymore. She is visiting her friend the first weekend they are away, and she has shifts the weekend after that she cannot get out of.

Sister is pretty distraught about this. She thinks (and i agree) that it's pretty fucking important that F. go on this holiday. We can see that it will be a hang of regret for F. Obviousy, D. and C. are in a bind in that they don't want to tell F. why she needs to go but... fuck.

Added to this is the fact that I and my sister know what is going on, yet F. doesn't. I assume we are expected to keep up some weird lie of 'oh, that's good!' while F. tells us how well D. is doing.

Also, there is the added concern for F.'s wellbeing when her father dies. I think her current method of coping has involved quite a large dose of 'it'll be okay'. She's a realistic person and has definitely considered the potential for death here, but.. who of us really accepts this sort of thing as Really Real until it happens?

I'm worried this might spin her under again. I'm worried i wouldn't be able to help, that my dad will still be alive, that i won't have the words. Maybe a bit lot of this Sad is that i don't know what i'm going to do, how i'm going to be able to help F., who means a hell of a lot to me.

I don't know whether or not to talk to D. about this, to stress my and my sister's concern. I don't know if it is my place to get involved.

It's all a bit heartbreaking.
 
 
Spaniel
16:00 / 24.06.07
I've watched two people I loved dearly die of cancer - my mother's best friend, who left two teenage children (my Mother's God-daughters), and my Grandmother - it was, and to some extent still is, rough.

I know what you're going through.

Hugs
 
 
petunia
16:08 / 24.06.07
Thanks boboss.

At pretty much the same time as D.'s diagnosis, another of my Dad's friends (known to him since uni) was diagnosed with cancer in the mouth. It's fixed, but is chronic and looks like it will come back round to finish him off at some point.

And it took my cat last year. I fucking love my cat.

I really don't like cancer.
 
 
Spaniel
18:37 / 24.06.07
No, neither do I. It's shit
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:31 / 24.06.07
.trampetunia, you have my fullest sympathies. I lost my dad to bowel cancer when I was a kid, and last year my mum and sister both got diagnosed with breast cancer. They're okay now, as far as I know, but I totally agree- cancer sucks.

I have absolutely no advice to offer, though, other than "you're not alone". And that's not advice, it's a fucking platitude. I'm sorry.

It is true, though.
 
 
unheimlich manoeuvre
23:04 / 25.06.07
When I was a kid my grandmother died of throat and lung cancer. She was originally given weeks to live but she awfully went on for a year and a half. My mam swears they used her as a guineau pig for all manner of experimental medication.
I'll never forget watching her smoke through her tracheotomy.

My grandfather died in 1999, he had bowel cancer but it was a blood clot that took him in the end. The staff were told not to give him warfarin but there was a mix up. It was my turn to visit him at Watford General that day. The curtains were closed on the cubicle, I could see the nurses washing him, giving him a bed bath I thought, he looked so small a shadow of himself. The matron rushed up and told me I shouldn't be here. They were laying him out.

I buried my silver tabby cat Leo, late last year, in the flower beds at my parents place. He was 19, cancer took him too, I can still recall so clearly the day we brought him and his sister home in a cardboard box.

Fucking cancer.

My heartfelt sympathies .trampetunia.
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
22:08 / 26.06.07
This may not be the place... but one of my favourite wrestlers, Chris Benoit, was found yesterday dead in his home with his wife and 7 year old son. Word at the moment, pending the end of the police investigation, is that he is suspected of strangling his wife, and then suffocating his son the next day, before finally hanging himself.

Benoit was renowned for being one of the nicest and most loved and admired men in wrestling, as well as a devoted family man. This isn't some bullshit angle or storyline - WWE have actually cancelled many of their ongoing storylines so as not to appear tasteless (which is probably a first). Now I know that I didn't know him (and certainly not his family) except from TV, from the character he plays and the classic matches I've seen him in pretty much every time he came out to the ring... but man, this has cut me up. It's just so sad... something terrible happened, and no one has any idea why, although I imagine the how will be cleared up in the next weeks and months. It's not any worse because he's famous, or because I was a fan of course... but somehow it brings this kind of horror all the closer. It isn't like it happened to a friend, it just stupidly feels like it.

Don't know what else to say. Hope he and his family are at some sort of peace, although I don't really believe in that kind of thing. I just hope they are.
 
 
Saint Keggers
00:13 / 28.06.07
Has global warming reached the point where we cant find sufficient iceflows to stick old self-centered, guilt tripping relatives on?
 
 
Essential Dazzler
18:24 / 30.06.07
Boo! Wonderful Fiance (There are more, but they aren't wonderful) is all broken.

It's been about 10 weeks since she was taken out of action for 2 months by her back. Over that time Chiropractors have been helping and everything was almost back to normal. Yesterday she caught the train from Bristol to come and stay with me in Notts for the weekend and last her back went into spasms again, and took her legs and hands with it.

Today has been a purely miserable day of tears and whimpering.

And another 2 hours in a hospital being given useless painkillers and FUCK ALL else.
 
 
jentacular dreams
19:17 / 30.06.07
Shit, I hope she recovers quickly, and that some of the weekend can be salvaged for smiling and laughing instead.

Trampetunia (and all other cancer haters) - you have my sympathies. I know liver cancer is a hard one to treat with chemotherapy, though as unheimlich manoeuvre says above, often the predictions of survival time are merely an educated guess (often rounded down a bit). Hope the situation with F sorts itself out and that you make the right choices. I don't envy your position.
 
 
Jot Evil Rules During Weddings
05:05 / 01.07.07
I am really misreable because of this walk that I took earlier in the day. I decided that it would be a good idea to take a walk in order to clear my head and get some fresh air. I went for a walk to this very scenic overlook with a very pretty view at night. It is one of my favorite places to walk and I thought it would be nice to go over there. Well I was wrong. When I went there, I noticed that there were no people walking alone like me. There were a lot of couples and several families out there. There were also a couple of groups of friends that were out there enjoying themselves.

It really made me feel like a loner because everyone else had someone else to talk to. I also hated the couples out there because it reminded me of the fact that I am single and I guess I am jealous. When I am single, I hate seeing couples expressing affection to each other. I also did not like seeing the families because I live far away from a lot of my family so I do not get see my family very often.

In the end, I found that I was looking for people that were all alone like me. I found this guy that was sitting on the bench all alone, which made me feel slightly better. But then when I got closer I realized that he was a homeless person. Then I became really depressed again.
 
 
^v^ Athrun ^v^
23:06 / 02.07.07
Hmmm, I have been quite miserable as of late...

I'm still not over my fiance, the only person who ever made me happy in any way shape or form, who suddenly turned and abandoned me exactly two months ago today. The emotional trauma from that has led me to drink, cuss, be a general asshole, and put down $140 a week for counseling sessions and therapy. My final paper for my Cultural Diversity and Ethics class got lost today, my maternal grandmother who raised me has been in poor shape the last few weeks, I'm nearly $2,000 dollars in debt from paying a bill to get my car fixed (btw, the car still doesn't work)...miserable enough?
 
 
TroyJ15
02:36 / 03.07.07
Surely it stops for a moment, just for one quiet moment, when you are alone with tiny supplicant stone Mary Jane, Troy? Surely her silent, unquestioning devotion soothes your angry soul?

Ha! Sorry, haven't been on the forums for awhile. Just caught that.


Benoit was renowned for being one of the nicest and most loved and admired men in wrestling, as well as a devoted family man. This isn't some bullshit angle or storyline - WWE have actually cancelled many of their ongoing storylines so as not to appear tasteless (which is probably a first). Now I know that I didn't know him (and certainly not his family) except from TV, from the character he plays and the classic matches I've seen him in pretty much every time he came out to the ring... but man, this has cut me up. It's just so sad... something terrible happened, and no one has any idea why, although I imagine the how will be cleared up in the next weeks and months. It's not any worse because he's famous, or because I was a fan of course... but somehow it brings this kind of horror all the closer. It isn't like it happened to a friend, it just stupidly feels like it.

I actually know what you mean. I dropped the 'rasslin awhile ago. But the Benoit thing was a bit depressing for me. He kind of represented to me that last of the gaurd during an era of wrestling where my interest was at it's highest. Everyone else from that period has disappeared (e.g. retired or died). It's kind of like realizing that nothing is simple --- not even wrestling. You know it already but sometimes these things happen to really hit the point across.

In the spirit of this thread, I wanna point out that I am really angry with Vince McMahon over this. I feel that the level of exploitation of the talent (by him and people like him) kinda causes this things. You put a guy on the road all year long, getting his head smacked about repeatedly, and then you pump him full of steroids and painkillers to maintain a certain "look" for the product --- I think it's really unfair to the talent. And McMahon's inability or lack of interest in the mental toll this takes on individuals is staggering. I hold him partly responsible for this and other wrestling tragedies that have occured inside and out of the ring.
 
 
Pooky Is Just My Pornstar Name
06:22 / 03.07.07
I'm miserable right now. Also, I'm more than a little pissed off - at myself! Like Jeanean Patience (aka Endless Love), I've also missed a depature date on a vacation. Though in my case, it's a train not a plane. My return ticket back home to Montreal was TODAY, July 2nd, not July 3rd. Somehow, I got the dates confused and only just realized it. Of course, I've tried phoning Via Rail, but they, obviously, are closed at this hour. The hour being a little past 3 a.m. my time.

I don't know what the scenario will be. Will Via Rail charge me for a new ticket, or will they allow me a grace period? Anybody have any experience with this? Well, aside from Endless Love? I really do not want to cough up more money for a return ticket. I will if I have to, of course. But I've already spent a lot of money on this vacation, and spending more money correcting my fuck-up is less than appealing.

To top it all off, I'm suppose to be at work in a few hours ! I'm going to email my boss and tell him I'm suffering from "Train Lag" and general unwellness - it's an exaggeration of the truth, but not an outright lie - and that I won't be in today. I'm actually not feeling very well right now. I'm angry, upset, and tense - so much so that I can't even sleep, even though I know I should catch a few hours of rest.

It's my own fucking fault! That's what gets me. I'm normally a really meticulous person, very detailed oriented. However, I've been unhappy in my life and burning out at work, so I took a week off to visit family and friends and my brain turns to shite as that I got too relaxed and carefree!

So now, due to my fuck-up, I may have to fork out an additional $140 bucks or so to get home. It's not the $800 or so pounds that Endless Love had to fork out, but still, it's a pisser.

Of course, I'm way too embarrassed to tell family and friends that I missed my train. They'll all reprimand and laugh at me. And right now, I've got enough expenses, I don't need them laughing at me at my expense too.

The killer is that my sister had the correct depature date. However, due to my brain-freeze, I told her that I was leaving on the 3rd! Urgh! Fuck! If only I had looked at my ticket more carefully! I actually checked it, but for some reason, instead of taking the time to READ it, I just glanced at it and my brain said, "Self, you're leaving on the 3rd." Fuck, fuck, fuck...etc.

Barbilithers, I could really use some huggles and some godo luck wishing right now. Please send them as that I could use a bit of both.
 
 
This Sunday
06:53 / 03.07.07
I did something similar with AmTrak, not too long ago, getting confused about the date/day-of-the-week and missing my departure, and the fine upstanding AmTrak people just rolled it over to the next train going out that way. I did happen to have a printed itinerary with the wrong date, though, so the fault was not entirely mine (though looking at the rest of the arrangements could have told me the one with the different date was probably wrong). So it is possible, with some lines and companies, but of course, all cases vary from other cases.

So, absolutely good luck to you and as far as screw-ups, well, join the club and rejoice in the sheer number of members before you even got in. Hope the 'train lag' excuse works smoothly and the travel gets reworked with minimal new costs.
 
 
matthew.
12:44 / 03.07.07
What's been happening is this.

I've been sort of seeing this girl called X. Now I don't meet a lot of girls so seeing one is awesome. Since last week, we've been talking on the phone all the time. On Monday, we went to a restaurant at like 1 in the morning and then sat and talked in her car for like two hours. Then on Thursday, we talked forever on the phone. On Friday, we went to this bowling thing... we ditched it and went to this really nice park in downtown, we walked, we talked, we went to a restaurant, then I drove her home and we sat in my car talking for like three hours. X e-mails me in the morning: "oh I had a lovely time, it's really great hanging out with you". Awesome.

I haven't had any sexual desires since this began. Seriously.

On Saturday, we talked on the phone. She revealed that she had read my writings, my stories. This implies she has figured out that I'm not exactly straight; I'm bi. Okay, no big whoop. I was more upset that I was easily google-able.

Then she releases the hammer. She has a boyfriend. Of two fucking years. What the fuck? His name is Kevin, apparently, and he's like the exact opposite of me....

I wasn't angry, per se. I was annoyed. A chance at a relationship and it's fucked up by her omission. Great. So I played the nice guy route: "You've had a lot of shit in your life and you deserve happiness. I'm going to respect your decision." I implied that it's time for a choice.

I woke up the next morning, Sunday, and wrote her a loooong e-mail, how I felt. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to date her. I wanted her to be happy. I outlined my strong suits: I'm not crazy, I'm not a stalker, I'm smart, ambitious, interesting, etc, etc. I went to work.

I came home and we talked and X said she was going to Kevin's for that day. She replied to my e-mail saying that it was nice and she wanted to "hang out with me". Okay.

She came home from Kevin's and said "we're on a break" and it's Kevin's idea. Okay. She and Kevin had been having "troubles" for like four months, drifting apart and not seeing each other and he's a really nice guy but there's more to the story.

I asked her point blank, "What does a break mean for me and you?" She couldn't answer. I said, "Okay. Take your time."

Yesterday morning, Monday, I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like doing anything. She's on MSN, we talk, we don't really say anything of note. I pretty much stay away from the computer as to avoid talking to her. The reason being is that we're not going to say anything, just bullshit. I'm just waiting for X to make her decision.

I'm leaning towards saying "fuck it" and moving on. But on the other hand, I really do get along with her. It's worth sticking around. It's not like she cheated on him with me... we didn't do anything other than hang out and talk. But on the other hand, what does this mean for the future? This is a rough start. But on the other hand, I don't get a lot of chances for relationships.

So now I wait for her decision. At this point, if I were a betting man, I'd say that she's going to say, "no we shouldn't date." And my current attitude, as of this moment, I'm thinking yes, I agree.

This morning, as I type this, I really am thinking that this could never be a healthy relationship but I want it to be. I'm torn between being realistic and being romantic. Fucking hell.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
12:51 / 03.07.07
What you should probably do, is keep yourself open to this idea, without letting it become completely restrictive, because it seems like it could either be great or shit. Your friend doesn't sound like her previous relationship was very healthy, certainly. Might be best to see if they properly need to split before you get together, though.
 
  

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