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Romantic workplace faux pas

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ONLY NICE THINGS

12:38 / 04.07.06

You really must come to the UK, Kali. There are so many people here who like Doctor Who, and a measurable percentage of them also like girls. Of course, the subset of those who are even borderline emotionally competent to drive is much smaller, but nothing's perfect.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

12:46 / 04.07.06

Oh, believe me, Haus, I would much prefer a UK boy than anything else on the planet.

12:48 / 04.07.06

This thread is going to go right down the crapper now you've said that.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:57 / 04.07.06

Oilskins on, people.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:00 / 04.07.06

Does this fellow believe the world will end in "2012"?

13:25 / 04.07.06

Had a few office romances and they all turned sour. One was a topofthepops manager who could not get it up, the other ones we don't even want to talk about. On the other hand - a significant number of singles find their Prince Charming in the depressing corridors of their workspace. If you like bad boys, like me, hunting them down in the office is not a promising strategy. Go to bikerclubs and shady etablisements. Interesting guys don't work. But you never know. If you're emtionally fit, fuck him once and see what happens. If not, play hard to get.
LOVE
Gogo

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

13:45 / 04.07.06

From Kali's description of what she wants a Dr Who convention in Coventry may be of more use than a Biker Bar.

Speaking as a UK boy, have you ever actually met any? They don't all look like Chris Eccleston, though obviously I do.

"I don't want to think about him naked. Or rather I do, but those thoughts are very very bad things."

Imagine him covered in small writhing tentacles from head to foot, that should put you off him, or if it doesn't then it would suggest you need help beyond that which could be provided here.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

13:51 / 04.07.06

Not that I wish to come off sounding like Mother Haus here but even as a casual browser of Barbelith (or the 'lith as I believe the trendier members of the collective are calling it) but there seems to have been a fair few of these threads in living memory from your good self, do you ever listen to the advice you get here?

That said I am thoroughly looking forward to Thursday in the hope that this burgeoning soap opera pays dividend and you once more feel compelled to share your private life with 4 or 5 thouasand close personal friends and here I only came in to indulge my tentacle fetish.

14:19 / 04.07.06

If you can think yourself out of getting involved than the attraction isn't so great (physical/mental). If however the attraction between the two of you is profound these small trespasses will keep building momentum.

There is a small window of time to convince yourself not to get wiggly with someone, especially when they flip the geeky-hot switch. Usually if this choice is the winner you need to install another sexy option immediately (angel with a flaming sword) or else it will unravel.

For myself I have often let physical attraction melt away knowing it is not enough to sustain anything worthwhile. Yet when the physical is joined with a mental(emotional/spiritual) attraction I value the possiblity of a great experience above all else.

That said, I have had several grand mistakes that turned into wonderful friendships and were worth the hassle. No job is more important than finding other human beings that you can genuinely care about deeply and have that returned.

As another American girl that is addicted to sexy geeky men, I can tell you we have buckets of them. The only trait I have fond to be more common in our handsome dashing British friends is the training to conduct a high level intellectual debate whilst enjoying the view of your cleavage.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

14:26 / 04.07.06

American men don't look at cleavages?

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:28 / 04.07.06

No job is more important than finding other human beings that you can genuinely care about deeply and have that returned.

Now, xk, I can tell from that statement that you have never had a job in the exciting and empowering world of recruitment consultancy.

Whisky Priestess

15:16 / 04.07.06

Isn't that a Bowie lyric, xk?

"The greatest thing ... you ever learn ..." etc.

17:11 / 04.07.06

Come to think of it, I've had sexy office flings, met people through and at work, and am working next to my partner right now. It's not always bad.

17:20 / 04.07.06

Ganesh it's not always about urine.

No, but as compared with the rubbing of one's apocrine glands on desk corners, it's probably the more efficient way of marking territory.

ONLY NICE THINGS

19:07 / 04.07.06

You young people with your easy solutions. I rubbed my scent gland over North Africa for the likes of you.

19:43 / 04.07.06

In my experience the British Young Man has been trained through fierce intellectual class room combat to keep the banter flowing while the American Young Man falters more quickly (while looking at boobs). *
It's all in the training of multitasking, philosophical arguement, and probably exposure to more nude beaches.**

Why yes it is a Bowie lyric, but with a dash of Nick Cave fatalism. You're going to fall anyhow if it isn't total crap, it will then hurt like a flaming red hot needle through the spleen, but then you'll be a better person with some great artistic inspiration ready to repeat the whole mess with a new shiny.

*as a generalization this statement has been reviewed as warranting a warning lablel of Utterly Silly and should be disregarded as a basis for anything except laughter.

**Higher British education systems do appear to spend more time training people in critical thought than the equivilant American institutions and there are a lot more boobs in the daily rags to take the edge off.

21:28 / 04.07.06

Ah. Musclegeek. It all comes together.

02:51 / 05.07.06

Now, xk, I can tell from that statement that you have never had a job in the exciting and empowering world of recruitment consultancy.

No I'm the head that gets traded by the head hunters, gawd bless their wheeling and dealing expertise!

03:14 / 05.07.06

As Barbelith's most recent failed Romeo, take all of my advice with a large grain of salt.

I agree with Ganesh in that you should probably avoid this guy. It took but one day for him to jeapordize your position at work. Even if it can be chalked up to inexperience, doesn't it indicate that he's not likely to be the most adept at balancing work and a relationship? Of course, none of us know this guy like you do. Maybe he really is the bee's knees. I think your mistake was rushing into this. As responses in this thread have shown, starting a relationship with a coworker isn't necessarily good or bad. What I think is always bad is starting a relationship when you don't even know how you truly feel about the person. Is there a way you can convince the guy to back off for a little bit while still keeping the possibility of dating down the road open? If you find that you're seriously attracted to this guy then by all means, go for it. I think love is worth it.

You're lucky in that all you did was kiss. That shouldn't be too hard to back out of if your partner is somewhat emotionally mature. Give it time and see how you feel and go from there. Off the top of my head, three months or so of interacting should tell you how badly you want to be with him.

Keep in mind that I just got destroyed by a girl and that there's a good chance I know jack shit about this sort of thing. Just give it time. There's nothing wrong with taking that leap but it's kind of a foolish thing to do without looking first.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

12:51 / 05.07.06

Okay.

First: yes, he does believe the world will end in 2012.

Second: I don't think all Brits look like Eccleston, but I have met enough to know that I like them better than American boys.

Third: I did rush too quickly into having physical interaction with him, even if all we did was kiss.

Fourth: I agree that I should just wait and see what happens. If after a few months, things are still interesting enough, then I may entertain the thought of pursuing something. Until then, I remain polite and professional.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:53 / 05.07.06

First: yes, he does believe the world will end in 2012.

Can you arrange for a car - a big one - to fall on his knees?

12:53 / 05.07.06

Does your eschatalogical grease-monkey look like this, Kal?

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:02 / 05.07.06

As Barbelith's most recent failed Romeo

Dude, on the plus side a _successful_ Romeo is a dead person.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

13:07 / 05.07.06

No, he doesn't, Sax, but I wish.

Meow.

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:30 / 05.07.06

Pete?

13:40 / 05.07.06

that man's oblique muscle is ready to give birth to Athena or something...

13:40 / 05.07.06

First: yes, he does believe the world will end in 2012.

Do you really want to get together with someone who's only going to give your relationshop 6 years tops? Doesn't seem fair to me. Not much hope for children, is there?

13:44 / 05.07.06

some of us make the distinction between the World ending and Life ending....

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:46 / 05.07.06

Yes, silly Illmatic, 2012 is when we all hatch out of our 4-dimensional cocoons and became 5-dimensional squid, like Douglas Rushcock.

13:49 / 05.07.06

Dude, I would so not go out with someone who planned on turning into a squid in 5 years time. NO WAY!

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:50 / 05.07.06

Be fair, Illmatic. Only the Pentagon thinks that it'll actually be the end of the world proper, which is why they're trying to make deals with the Martians for asylum for the President. It'll actually be some form of cosmic upgrade, during which we will discover that we are all one. Which actually makes parenting a lot easier.

You know, the more I think about it the more I suspect that the only way to have made the Invisibles even cooler would have been to involve Simon Furman at the plotting stage.

TARGET 2012! 11! 23!

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:52 / 05.07.06

An upgrade, you say?

13:57 / 05.07.06

Dude, I would so not go out with someone who planned on turning into a squid in 5 years time. NO WAY!

I didn't get the squid memo, but hey hentacles seem like a natural progression in pervitude.

ONLY NICE THINGS

13:59 / 05.07.06

Dude, we'll all be one.

You'll go blind.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:04 / 05.07.06

Dude, I would so not go out with someone who planned on turning into a squid in 5 years time. NO WAY!

You have so got to be kidding. Think of the cash you could make selling the story to, well, Sax and Grant! Not to mention the TV appearances. It'd be SWEET.

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