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Romantic workplace faux pas

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MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

20:31 / 03.07.06

I felt bad about my reaction all day, especially considering he tells me he's seeing someone when I gave him every opportunity and was told, "No, I am not." (Yes, he even told me the night before that he wasn't seeing anyone. No girlfriend, nothing.)

So:

He was either (a) lying then, or (b) lying now. That speaks VOLUMES about your future prospects for a relationship based on sincerity and trust, doesn't it?

And people wonder where the "girls only date jerks" stereotype comes from.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

20:33 / 03.07.06

We're not dating. And I don't think I would want us to date mainly because I like this job.

ONLY NICE THINGS

20:38 / 03.07.06

Yeah. That's a good start, Kali, but at some point we really have to take a screwdriver and an oil can to the gimbals of that nob radar.

Also, Mr. Falconer. Strong truth.

Dead Megatron

20:40 / 03.07.06

Also, Mr. Falconer. Strong truth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Come over here you two and I'll cheek kiss both of ya...

(sorry for rotting your thread, Kali)

Tryphena Absent

20:42 / 03.07.06

Killjoys.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

20:49 / 03.07.06

Mr. Falconer. Strong truth.

Wow. Haus said that. Can we somehow mark this occasion? It's not something that happens every day.

Olulabelle

20:51 / 03.07.06

Kali, I think I should tell you that I actually married someone I was working with. I am now divorced.

Alex's Grandma

20:54 / 03.07.06

I'd advise you to knock this thing on the head straight away, Kali, for no other reason than the somewhat chequered history of this type of thread.

Basically, if you're asking Barbelith's advice about anything to do with a matter of the heart, unless it's a wedding, the chances are the whole thing's probably not going to work out - it's a jinx, it seems, a bit like shooting yourself in the foot before running a marathon, one you could never hope to win.

Ganesh

20:56 / 03.07.06

I will shortly be civilly partnershipped with someone I worked with 11 years ago. In my case, I was around halfway through a one-year placement, and took the calculated gamble that, if it all ended in tears, I could probably withstand the months of angst before moving on elsewhere. Also, there was no morning-after demonstrative cheek-kissing in front of colleagues, and there were no third 'dating' parties involved.

It worked out, but we were both aware, at the time, of the risks. Our relationship didn't become public knowledge for several months.

Dead Megatron

21:01 / 03.07.06

I think I should tell you that I actually married someone I was working with. I am now divorced.

Well, that may bring some enlightening data:

How did you start dating?

Did you kiss each other on the ckeek in the workplace? Or outside it?

Did it affect the work environment: Did working together help or disrupted the marriage?

And people, get off my back: You know I'm the wisest human being you ever met, possibly ever born. You're just afraid to admit it...

ibis the being

21:02 / 03.07.06

Aw, c'mon. He wasn't lying about not having a girlfriend. He doesn't have a girlfriend. This other person may be someone he's gone on one date with, or kissed once late at night after drinking at the bar. He doesn't sound like a player to me - nearly the opposite, in fact. He sounds inexperienced in relationship matters... didn't know he couldn't assume you were an item a day after kissing you at the bar - didn't know kissing you at work would be a weird thing to do - in his embarrassment he covered for his naivete with a questionable other love interest - I think he's probably just a little clueless. Whether or not clueless is a dealbreaker is just another personal choice in matters of luuuurve.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:04 / 03.07.06

Maybe you should have that tattooed on your arm, along with the Decepticon symbol, DM? You know, in case you need to prove how wise you are at short notice.

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:05 / 03.07.06

Alex - you can propose to people as well, and it usually goes all right, but it helps to be on the proverbial fairway, certainly...

Dead Megatron

21:05 / 03.07.06

Maybe you should have that tattooed on your arm, along with the Decepticon symbol, DM? You know, in case you need to prove how wise you are at short notice.

I would, if I could fit such a sentence in my arm. Maybe if I write it in Chinese????

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:06 / 03.07.06

That would probably be your best bet, yes.

Ganesh

21:10 / 03.07.06

If it's in Chinese it'll just Confucius.

Olulabelle

21:13 / 03.07.06

DM, working together seriously disrupted the marriage as we were unable to leave problems at work. The rest of it was difficult too; if you have an issue at home it's very hard to go "la-la-la" when you're at work and you have to pretend you're not royally pissed off with your partner.

Some bits were nice though. I liked getting random notes left on my desk.

Generally I would advise that if you are working with someone you are serious about, one of you should get another job.

rising and revolving

21:45 / 03.07.06

I'm curious Kali, what was the babbling about?

Just, it might be his whole girlfriend thing was babbling, too ... and I'm wondering what his side of this confusion looks like.

stabbystabby

23:38 / 03.07.06

seems to me the big concern is not whether you should date him, but whether you can date him discreetly in what sounds like a very blokey environment. are you comfortable with him sharing your relationship details with his mates? cause if his first response is public affection in the workplace, he's probably not that discreet. that said, he might respond well to talking-to, and agree to keep quiet....

as for the girlfriend - no girlfriend thing - talk to him about it. is there a girlfriend? does he want a non-pride puncturing way out? or did he get a peck on the cheek from a girl/boy/(i'm not sure what the correct non-gender specific wording is here someone help me out) after you left and misinterpret it?

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

04:09 / 04.07.06

Oh, you'll love what I was babbling about.

There was an article in BBC-UK about David Hasslehoff busting his forehead on a chandelier in a London hotel and that was what I was rambling about.

You guys pretty much have the gist of me....I was nervous.

But the telling thing is this: he hasn't called me since said "incident."

I won't see him again in our workplace until Wednesday.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

04:33 / 04.07.06

Here's a series of blogs--okay, a couple, about the whole damn thing.

But, remember this, my precious 'Lithers, nothing means quite as much to me as your advice.

stabbystabby

05:25 / 04.07.06

so does that mean something? were you expecting a call?

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

05:26 / 04.07.06

I don't expect anything because there is probably nothing TO expect.

stabbystabby

06:02 / 04.07.06

well, err, that could be a good thing? maybe? perhaps you'd be better off having a chat with him outside of the workplace....

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

06:17 / 04.07.06

Well, I think having a chat is a good thing to have, but I seem to find most men would rather develop some sort of fatal disease than discuss what is happening romantically. (Or intimately, or whatever the hell this thing is, and I sure don't think the word "romance" actually figures into it.)

Unless they're Michael Schoeffling. Then they are only too eager to talk about it.

Kiltartan Cross

06:57 / 04.07.06

He's going to play the field, but wants a fallback fuck, just in case.

When you're killing your co-workers? Kill him twice.

Is what I was responding to, Haus - it was the post right before mine - so please lay off the sarcasm. I was hoping to question the assumption that anyone who could possibly consider wanting to sleep with more than one person was automatically bad and wrong.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

06:58 / 04.07.06

But Kay, that was Jack Fear's post.

ONLY NICE THINGS

07:18 / 04.07.06

Indeed. And, certainly, it could have been phrased in a more considerate and sensitive fashion. Christ, it could have been phrased in a more considerate and sensitive fashion by _me_. However:

I was hoping to question the assumption that anyone who could possibly consider wanting to sleep with more than one person was automatically bad and wrong.

I'm pretty sure we've all considered wanting to sleep with more than one person. I'd go to far as to say that many of us have actually wanted to sleep with more than one person, consecutively or concurrently. However, this is, once again, not what is going on here. We're talking here about honesty, not really about polyamory. However, there is a thread in the Head Shop on polyamory that you may find interesting.

stabbystabby

07:41 / 04.07.06

yeah, sorry Kali. i like to talk about relationship stuff, i forget that many men don't. errm.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

08:26 / 04.07.06

"Mmm. He didn't piss in a circle around your desk, did he?"

Ganesh it's not always about urine.

"Workplace romances can work and work well, but they pretty much *have* to be conducted with respect towards what is appropriate in the work setting"

And shagging in staitionery cupboards as I understand it.

"I don't know about the US, but if any of my co-workers tried to kiss me on the cheek -in the office or out -I imagine I would lamp them with the nearest piece of heavy office equipment to hand. Even if I liked them."

I on the other hand would be very surprised as I work at home on my own, unless you count a plush cthulhu toy. I would be very, very surprised if mini-cthulhu tried to kiss me...though tentacles...does this guy have tentacles?

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

11:59 / 04.07.06

Well, no obvious and visible tentacles, but nonetheless, not shagging your workmate seems like the most sensible course.

What's idiotically amusing about this, of course, is that I say I won't with such blithe yet firm conviction, but then I have to see what happens with my silly self come Wednesday.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

12:10 / 04.07.06

Well if it involves nudity check all over for tentacles.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

12:13 / 04.07.06

I don't want to think about him naked. Or rather I do, but those thoughts are very very bad things.

Sax

12:23 / 04.07.06

I think the only honest course of action here is to have a shag and see what happens. If he's prepared to drop his kecks for you then he's either happily in a relationship but hoping to have a quick bunk-up, or in a relationship and wanting to get out of it. Or, I suppose, thought he was happy until he saw your wunnerfulness and has been dazzled. Or maybe is not in a relationship at all and wants you to work for his lurve. Or is not in a relationship and just wants a quick shag.

Whatever, you can't lose, especially if this chappie is, as your initial post has suggested to me, a dead ringer for that sweaty bloke hauling a tyre around on that old Athena poster.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

12:33 / 04.07.06

You got a pic of that somewhere, Sax, because I'd really like to see it.

It's funny I worked five years at a coffeehaus, worked with some of the cutest boys you ever did see, but not once did I ever think of them as a kissing/dating/anything else material. They became my little brothers pretty much immediately. I'm sure these guys will end up the same way, but this one in particular confounded me as from the first moment I was introduced, I looked at him and went, "Ah. Yes. Whoa."

I mean, he's a cutie, but he's no, say, Chris Eccleston.

He is the first cute boy I met in this town who knew what a Dalek was and wasn't ashamed to admit it.

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