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Calling all Barbe-parents...

 
  

Page: 12345(6)7

 
 
sorenson
19:04 / 07.11.07
Double post but wanted to separate the comments...

Yes, I shouldn't have just cavalierly thrown IQ into the mix of breastfeeding benefits - it's pretty contentious. I think the more straightforward health benefits are more than enough to justify giving it your best shot.

Not to mention, doesn't anybody else think it's weird that we think it's ok to give our babies milk from another species, however modified? The history of all this is so bound up in the way that formula companies have marketed and profiteered from selling the idea that man-made is superior to women's own milk made by them for their own babies (can't make much profit out of that).
 
 
Sekhmet
19:26 / 09.11.07
Me: On another topic - she's been drooling a lot, coughing a little, chewing on her knuckles and fussing intermittently during feedings... I'm wondering if we have an early teether on our hands...

sorenson: oh we've had this (and more - shittier than usual sleep, hard painful chomps at the breast, ear pulling) for at least a month now (Arlo's 3.5 months) and no sign of anything other than two fractious mums! we've decided teething is an excellent excuse for everything though.


Apparently the symptoms of teething can precede the actual appearance of teeth by as much as two to three months, so we may both be in for it for a while. We can add ear-pulling and chewing on pacifier to Alice's list of symptoms as of yesterday.

However, also as of yesterday she has decided that she likes the swing (on a particular speed setting and with a particular white noise track looping) and it has now successfully been used on several occasions to calm her when crying. She has also napped in it.

There is a light...
 
 
Proinsias
20:52 / 09.11.07
Good stuff, we found that the swing when combined with loud dub music produced a heavy sedative effect.
 
 
grant
01:10 / 10.11.07
we found that the swing when combined with loud dub music

You'd think the slower tempo would throw off the steps....
 
 
sorenson
07:19 / 11.11.07
i had the baby! man, it was bloody hard work - ended up with an emergency caesar after something like 30 hours of labour. i think it was the hardest thing i've ever done. but he's here now and utterly gorgeous and tonight is our first night home (i just spent one night in hospital - would much rather be here with my family than alone in a skanky postnatal ward).

and so the ride begins!

(there's a picture at our blog if you wanna check him out. he looks like billy idol!)
 
 
Ex
11:27 / 11.11.07
So many congratulations on your adorable miniscule creature. I hope you and the rest of the family do splendidly.
 
 
Papess
12:01 / 11.11.07
Aww, so adorable! All of you are!

Congratulations, sorenson and family. Hard work it is, but I bet you don't need me to tell you how much it is worth every second.

Bless!
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
12:18 / 11.11.07
Congrats!
 
 
Tsuga
12:19 / 11.11.07
That's fantastic, Sorenson. Congratulations to you and your family.
And, he's much cuter than Billy Idol.
 
 
Sekhmet
15:50 / 11.11.07
30 hours? Dear gods. Mine was only about 12 with no complications, and I really have no interest in ever doing that again... you are hardcore.

Mega congrats on the beautiful boy! Welcome to the world, Huey!

He actually looks remarkably unsquished for 30 hours of labor - had you gotten to the pushing stage before they CS'd you?
 
 
Spaniel
17:28 / 11.11.07
i had the baby! man, it was bloody hard work - ended up with an emergency caesar after something like 30 hours of labour.

Sounds very similar to Bobosso's, although she didn't have a caesarian. Anyone who goes through anything like that gets my awe and admiration.

And, well, BABY! CUTE, LOVELY BABY!
 
 
grant
15:01 / 12.11.07
He's throwing gang signs there, isn't he. Or are they responses to a line coach?

Steal third! Steal third!
 
 
sorenson
17:47 / 13.11.07
He actually looks remarkably unsquished for 30 hours of labor - had you gotten to the pushing stage before they CS'd you?

he's totally unsquished because he didn't get anywhere - after 30 hours his head was still high and I had only dilated 3cms (but the contractions were still incredibly painful). it was a really shitty labour, especially for a planned homebirth! but we tried everything, and i mean everything, to get him to move down. the last resort was the syntocinon drip to make artificial contractions, but he started to show signs of distress and i still wasn't dilating so that was when we called it a day and just got him out as quickly as possible. at least i know it wasn't an unnecessary caesarean! i'm still a bit sad about losing my dream birth, but ever so glad that the medical expertise exists to deal with obstetric complications. and the hospital treated us really well (they don't always, with homebirth transfers).

he is a totally gorgeous baby - our little chilled out surfie dude, and we are both besotted! i'm not sure what his big brother thinks - he's certainly been checking him out! these first few days haven't been as manic as we expected, though things might change when Huon wakes up a bit (he's a bit sleepy with jaundice and possibly from all the drugs). it's great to finally have him with us. and not being pregnant any more is just the best! even after a hard labour and major abdominal surgery i feel better than i did in the weeks leading up to the birth - i'm sleeping better than i have for months!
 
 
Olulabelle
18:48 / 13.11.07
they don't always, with homebirth transfers.

Do they really not? Why not?
 
 
Spaniel
19:10 / 13.11.07
Because they're stupid idiots?
 
 
Princess
19:24 / 13.11.07
My Mom is a midwife. She has horror stories on the subject of home birth transfers.

Effectively it is because a lot of medical people (probably not the majority) are not very proffesional, and forget that the awkward transfer case they are dealing with involves real people.
 
 
Sekhmet
04:51 / 14.11.07
Oh, eeuuurgh. That sounds like a horrible labor experience, sorenson. My condolences. I was stuck at 4 cm for several hours before I finally capitulated and got an epidural... also changed nurses to someone who really knew how to coach me. After that I dilated lickety split, and the rest of the labor went fast. It was just the pain and tension and fear that was keeping things from progressing.

Still, it was hard, but it's funny how that immediately ceases to matter once you have that baby in your arms. All the shittiness of the pregnancy and the labor just fade away.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
06:50 / 14.11.07
People choosing homebirths are treated like dirt by a lot of medical practitioners. I know someone who was actually refused ante-natal care by her GP when she insisted on a homebirth for her fourth (the hospital having nearly killed her first baby, she was terrified of the places and chose homebirths for the other kids).
 
 
Mono
08:05 / 14.11.07
Congrats!! This thread always makes me insanely broody. Not that I need much help with that, mind...
 
 
doozy floop
18:53 / 30.11.07
Hello barbe-parents,

There is as of two days ago a new and Very Small person in my family, and my slightly odd question is this: what on earth should I get folks by way of Xmas goodies who've just had a baby? Loads of the stuff we used to treat them with doesn't seem child-proof/child-appropriate to my un-child-oriented senses, and we don't know whether to give something baby-centred, or whether something grown-up would be nicer while they drown in stuffed toys and nappies and so on...

I think I am just stumped because I've never met a baby before (nor people with such a new one). I think I am worried that their parents are now aliens, with none of their former interests. With, in fact, no interests except babies.

That's not true, is it??

*sniffle* and up till 2 days ago I was the family baby.
 
 
Papess
19:15 / 30.11.07
Doozy, rest assured that parents, new or otherwise, will still have all their usual interests intact. However, babies being demanding create this facade that the new parents have nothing but baby stuff on their mind. Which may be true, but not because parents don't desire what was once, their usual indulgences. From my own experience as a parent, receiving a gift that gratifies my adult senses is always welcome. Even exclusively adult gifts are fine. Maybe that hand-blown glass vagina centre-piece won't be on the coffee table, but it will have a lovely place on my tallboy.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:41 / 30.11.07
Until the little dickens is big enough to start knocking over china cabinets, that is.*

I would say it depends on the level of support they're getting from elsewhere. From my sprog-endowed friends' responses, gifts which affirm them as autonomous adults rather than as brainfried life-support systems for the recent spawn are generally welcome. However, if the parental units are not blessed with a well-resourced support network, think about having some practical baby gear in the mix. Babies are thoroughly decent chaps in their own ways, of course, but they are rather expensive to run. White babygros are the diplomatic choice.


*Around 2-3 years old. They're ju-u-u-u-st heavy enough and plently inventive enough, without the admixture of practical physics which comes through percussive contact with an unforgiving world. Me and my bro trashed every single piece of decent china and glassware in my parents' possession one fine day when we decided to make him a hammock by putting the hooks of a bike basket into the holes in the door-handles of a cabinet; he escaped miraculously unscathed as the item of furniture was dragged face-forward onto the floor with a distressing crash.
 
 
grant
19:57 / 30.11.07
Baby
Sitting
Coupons.
 
 
Papess
20:00 / 30.11.07
Oh my...it is a miracle neither of you were hurt. I know in my parents home, you would have wished you were, but that is another story.

TtS, it is a good point to consider the family's support system. Anything that will enhance the family is always going to be appreciated. The idea of having a little mix as you suggested, is probably the best, if possible.

Doozy, what are thinking wouldn't be appropriate?

Grant: Oooh, good call! Adult AND child oriented!
 
 
Spaniel
09:05 / 04.12.07
Those of you that have cared for older children, YOU must be my guides!

Okay then, naughtiness - the kind that starts to rear its head as they approach two - what to do about it? Bobosso and I are looking for any and all advice, although it's worth bearing in mind that neither of us are super keen on corporal punishment, and that we're wondering whether it might be good try and minimise physical intervention full stop, although we are aware that that might be a) impossible and b) wrongheaded. Oh yeah, and we're also not very keen on shouting.

Things we are currently dealing with

1. Dangerous antics purposefully designed to attract our attention: spinning (in places where spinning isn't very wise), climbing (precarious surfaces/unstable objects), and attempting to fiddle with plug sockets (don't worry, we always keep the guards in place).

2. Not listening when told not to do something. This isn't a consistent problem, but if he's in the right (or should I say wrong) mood, he can be very difficult.

I'm not trying to suggest that he's a horribly difficult kid, 'cause he really isn't, but but his energeticness combined with the above behaviour can be very wearing. And, well, he's at that age when all parents start to worry that there child might turn out to be one of those super unruly children trapped in a horrid cycle of bad behaviour begetting negative responses that in turn beget more bad behaviour. I know that's the worst case scenario, but I'm a parent and I get all irrational, and, you know, I've encountered those poor bloody kids at nursery and the local library and I've seen how the other parents keep their little ones away from them and the downtrodden look in Mum and Dad's eyes…

[smacks own head!]

…Back to the post…

So what do we do at the moment? Well, we try and get him to listen to us by using a particular tone and manner, failing that we tend to resort to distraction, physical intervention, or removing any item that he's using as a mischief making tool. Course sometimes, when we're at the end of our tether or trying to stop him doing something that will result in physical injury we shout.

I should stress that for us discipline isn't just about dealing with naughtiness as and when it rears its head. We take a holistic approach that emphasises the attempt to create an atmosphere of love and calm at all times, and I'd say we're reasonably good at it, and I'm happy that we're doing the right thing, it's just that I'd like to hear more about the nuts and bolts of discipline. The ways in which other Barbeparents address instances of bad behavior.
 
 
grant
15:09 / 04.12.07
Lately, we've been using the Bad Step (which, unfortunately, tends to be whatever step is closest to the infraction rather than a single, consistent place) as a time-out thing. It's not called the Bad Step, actually. I'm not sure what it's called. Anyway, it is a place where the little one is sat down to think about infractions.

-> For as many minutes as his years of age. <-

I'm not positive this works, and our tempers are getting more and more frayed as all the children advance in age, but it's something. Often, the youngest will calm down and return in a new, productive mood. Not always, but sometimes.

Oh, and also, when he slugs his older sister (or one of us), it's not an occasion for the step, but for a hug and an apology, which is much quicker and tends to ease tension enormously.
 
 
Spaniel
08:30 / 05.12.07
I am wondering about the 'naughty step' (it would have another name in our house too). It's just that he's so little. Do you think a child (three months) under 2 could get anything from it, because it's gonna be a hell of a job getting him to stay put? A real live battle. A war.
 
 
Olulabelle
08:51 / 05.12.07
Supernanny thinks it works. Apparently you just keep putting the child back on it; no fuss, no arguments, certainly no war. All that happens is they get off (scream) and you put back. Repeat ad infinitum until child gets message. I actually think it's a good idea as long as you are consistent and can handle the constant putting back. (To start with).
 
 
Spaniel
11:29 / 05.12.07
Sounds like war to me, Lula.

I dunno. Sure, I used to watch Supernanny all the time, and, like a lot of her techniques, it does seem to make some sense, but given the steady accretion of anti-Supernanny stuff that washed up on the shores of Boboss Beach over the last year or so, I can't help but feel that I'd like to hear the opinions of some genuine human beings (not telly constructs), or proper experts.

I can't really tell whether any of it actually works by watching telly, basically. I mean, it is the same bloody story every week, afterall. And, well, there was that bloke on Thinking Allowed the other week who'd done that research looking at the effect of reality TV on its child stars - all extremely negative apparently*.


*No reason to think that Supernanny's techniques don't work, obvs, just that they might not work in that context.
 
 
Saturn's nod
12:11 / 05.12.07
I'm not a parent but I have looked after other people's kids. My approach is ideally to 'give information'. For example, if it's spinning or climbing, assume first it might be a need to do that thing, but tell the kid where the appropriate/safe place for doing those things is and direct them to do it there: outside, on the right bit of the park, when there's a mattress out to fall onto, or whatever. Kid might just need to burn off some energy, and he's doing his best but it's not clear to him how to do that properly.

If you're sure it's attention from you he needs, try to plan some more opportunities for high quality time with him? Sounds to me like he might also be thrill-seeking, as there's an element of danger? If he's well attached to you as parents he might be wanting a bit of danger to explore that whole safe/dangerous thing: how about some new experiences with faster playground rides, new situations outdoors with physical exertion required and so on? Those are the kind of things that he can explore being more bold and strong, it might be an age and development thing.

The not listening thing, are you sure he hears you? Worth checking. If it's not that, what is it you're observing? Is it him not paying attention to your instructions? I'd try making sure you get a rapport with him first. As far as I'm aware, you pretty much automatically get counterwill (=disobedience) whenever an order from authority exceeds the strength of the relationship - so do something to bond with him - eye contact, loving touch, empathy - before giving the instruction.
 
 
Spaniel
12:25 / 05.12.07
Lots of nice stuff in there, apt. Some of it we're already doing, some of it we should probably work at.

We're big on explanations
 
 
Spaniel
12:26 / 05.12.07
And we do try and make as much quality time for himas possible.
 
 
Olulabelle
14:59 / 05.12.07
Little kids all push boundaries especially at that age. That's why they call it the terrible twos. they're also willful. I think to some extent having a big ol' chat about what might be the problem is lovely and smashing, but not so great if they're willfully running into the road to get run over.

I think children really need boundaries. They need to know what is and what isn't acceptable behaviour. There is nothing worse than being in a restaurant or whatever and having kids running all around your table and the parents just sit there, oohing over their clever, bright, independent children. Those children, the ones who are just doing what the hell they like because the parents are being all liberal are universally hated by everyone.

I think it does no harm to firmly say no about things, and to use whatever time out method works for you. It doesn't have to be a step, but the whole point about time out is that the child realises he or she has made a mistake and that that behaviour is not tolerated, without the parents getting angry or arguing.

I don't get it when people don't think any discipline is necessary (not saying anyone here does think that) because those kids really struggle throughout their childhood. I know some kids like this - ones with really liberal parents who never tell their child off because they somehow think all behaviour is creative learning or something awful like that. They end up having problems in class because they don't understand they should sit and listen, and their friends don't want to play with them because they're mean and don't understand about sharing. And then the parents are all, "Oh they're hyperactive", or they have an 'allergy' or something. No they don't, they're just horrible naughty children because their parents never did anything to stop it when they were really little.

Sorry, but it makes me really cross.

I think we have to explain to kids what is right and wrong because they genuinely don't know, and sometimes explaining doesn't work and you just have to tell them. You have to be strict sometimes. It's our job as parents and if we don't explain about discipline and being polite and having respect for the people around us and ourselves then I think we fail them.
 
 
Spaniel
15:07 / 05.12.07
I agree with absolutely every word of that.

There are sooooooo many of those parents in Brighton. Soooooooooooooooo many.

So you used timeouts when he was 21 months?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
15:09 / 05.12.07
Oh God do I ever recognise that syndrome. You've just described 70% of the home-educating families I used to run into as a young'un.
 
  

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