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Sex and Relationship forum

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14:47 / 07.06.06

Fair enough.

23:29 / 09.02.07

hey to poke the SBR forum idea with a stick again...

I can spot a few threads and latent threads which would find a happy home in such a place. I've recently been thinking a separate forum might not be a bad thing...again.

Here's my ponder results however sketchy they might be (as well as stated more elquently elsewhere in this thread):

1. Convo often shelters threads under the SBR heading but runs the risk of too flippant drive bys. I've had PMs with folks nervous about conversing too seriously there.

2. Head Shop needs to focus more on critical examinations than on always having a compassionate touch. I'm not comfortable trying to stake out some threads as less critical than others in a forum that has reason to be protective of its standards. It is my opinion that a forum with a different set of standards might be helpful. The line being perhaps that HS would be a realm of Philosophy, Cultural Studies and Identity Politics like it says on the tin but much of the first person examinations might be better off in SBR land?

3. All under one heading. It's kind of helpful to know that if you want to talk about a certain thing you go to a certain forum. It's a lot harder when topics seem to be spread out over several forums to know where yours belongs.

01:16 / 10.02.07

Agreed.

If there's a problem with bandwith, isn't 'Art, Fashion And Design' pretty much redundant these days? As a community, we seem at best bored of it - nobody ever seems to post there, at all. If it was 'Art, Sex, Fashion, Design, Body and Relationships' it would get more traffic, basically.

And while we're about it, couldn't The Laboratory usefully be more about guns? It could still be a forum about science, but given apparent current trends in research and funding, it might as well be The Armoury, I suppose.

13:36 / 10.02.07

Oooh I believe the Armoury needs to be some sort of official dueling ground, no? The Lab would have then also have Triage I'd suspect...

Anyhow as a compromise would it be possible that topics with a SBR tag in existing forums be allowed to have slightly refined treatments in their host forums?

so if there's a SBR thread in Convo folks know to be a bit more serious and if it's in Head Shop people know to have a less critical to personal experience approach?

Would that be less of a hassle and allow for easier searchabilty of related SBR topics?

20:01 / 10.02.07

I've been struggling to find a place to put a long analysis topic on croissants. Definitely need a Bakery Forum.

Don't even get me started on why we don't have a Zoids Forum.

Phex: Dorset Doom

15:11 / 11.02.07

I know it's been said before, but titling SBR-relevant threads as SBR:something allows searching of SBR threads and, if we get enough of them, gives us a lot of material to start a new forum with.

In other news, the thread summary makes some great poetry:

untitled (composition in blue #52)

sex love
lesbian engagement
bisexual crushes
boyfriend fucktoy
asexual anal bloodplay
pregnancy flirting
break-up fisting
straight transexual contraception
transvestite going out gay
making love
masturbation
etc.
etc.

13:40 / 12.02.07

I've been struggling to find a place to put a long analysis topic on croissants. Definitely need a Bakery Forum.

Don't even get me started on why we don't have a Zoids Forum.

On one hand I read this as a playful comment on the other I read it as insensitive to the fact that I and other posters are trying to find an appropriate and safe place to post exchanges about difficult topics.

In the playful vein I'd offer that the SBR forum would obviously also be the chocolate forum.

In the serious I'd say I'm hoping to get productive input from other people about how to create safe (or at least respectful) threads to discuss and exchange information regarding SBR topics. If the forum idea isn't really functional I'd like to discuss the SBR tag or some other way of indicating the desired level of exchange in a thread.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

13:51 / 12.02.07

I think the closest that can be offered is that people undertake not to fill SBR threads with trivia but with the policy of not deleting stuff even when it's the product of idiots with dribblesome minds that has some danger, plus the fact that, new forum or not, it can still be seen by people who are not logged in, though as we're not The Engine so don't insist people have their real names on here that's a different problem.

I think it all comes down to the way the board is programmed again. What's ideal might be a second level where you have to sign in to see the posts, but I don't believe that's possible.

13:35 / 14.02.07

I would like to see a Health and Sexuality forum, rather than relatiohnship focused forum. I mean, ick. When I am thinking of health in this context, I am thinking of well-being and social health matters as well as physical/sexual. Which is inclusive of the relationship element, but not limited to it.

Sex is not a topic like baking, and it is certainly, glaringly even, of great importance - certainly over fashion and comics, anyway, IMHO. However, there just isn't a place where people aren't going to get giggly, it seems, or stupid about it. Then again, if any community was capable of creating a no-nonsense archive of sexual knowledge, it would be this place.

There is some crossover to the Temple and Labratory, as well as Conversation and Headshop, but those areas only touch on the Sex and Health areas, they don't cover it. The proverbial "garden path", if you will...

13:46 / 14.02.07

On one hand I read this as a playful comment on the other I read it as insensitive to the fact that I and other posters are trying to find an appropriate and safe place to post exchanges about difficult topics.

Nah, I just get silly whenever the proposed Armoury forum gets mentioned. I generally think the idea for a new Health/Sex/Body forum is a good idea.

As you were.

22:24 / 17.02.07

I would like to see a Health and Sexuality forum, rather than relatiohnship focused forum.

Health and Sexuality is a much better idea than SBR. It sounds better than Sex, Body and Relationships too. I think if we are going to consider a new forum for this kind of discussion Heath and Sexuality is definitely the way forward. I propose we consider it under that name instead of SBR. We can always change the existing tagged titles.

Re: Croissants. Can't expect to do silly Armoury jokes but not accept silly mention of croissants!

16:10 / 01.03.07

Thank you Olulabelle for the support. I had a dream of you last night, BTW.

Anyway, I am going to state the obvious, as it is apparent that changes to the board are not likely, in the forseeable future, given what Tom has said here.

At this point, I am just happy the board is still running.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

17:18 / 01.03.07

Ironically creating a forum IS something that Tom could do if he wanted to, G&G was created a year or so back.

20:43 / 07.03.07

OK, I've just started a HSBR thread and realised that people wanting to be anonymous about things (which, with a topic like incest, they might) didn't have any particularly good options. Hence the super secret email project.

Closed for Business Time

18:11 / 15.03.07

Boimp. As I've said in the hotrodding Cheating thread: Gimme gimme gimme the HSBR forum, pretty please? Any news on this, Barberoyalty? Mr. Coates, sir?

08:19 / 16.03.07

Yes. I think that people have demonstrated a clear desire to create a new Health and Sexuality forum. Perhaps, if there are no disagreements, it's time we put in a formal request that the forum be created.

If we do do that we should probably think of the wording for its description.

If everyone likes Heath and Sexuality as a name above S,B&R then we should also moderate the current threads with S,B&R in the title to H&S so that when the forum is created it's easy to find the threads which belong in it. Any moderators coming across a thread which would be suitable for movement can do that.

Do you think we should have some sort of vote on the name and if so, shall we create a new thread for it?

09:38 / 16.03.07

A new thread would make the process more managable, certainly.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

10:46 / 16.03.07

Well, I suggest that one of the people that desperately want this forum PM Tom and ask him to look at this thread. I would question this 'clear desire' of which Olulabelle speaks, but we also need people willing to moderate this forum, and some sort of agreement on whether stronger moderation will be used due to the more highly personal nature of discussions that may take place.

11:10 / 16.03.07

Was there are clearer desire for a Games & Gameplay forum? A scan of the equivalent thread seems to have had a similar kind of response.
But maybe we do need some kind of vote before bothering Tom. Is it worth starting a yay or nay thread?

For what it’s worth, I’d be willing to moderate, and my view is that we’d want moderation of about the strength we have in the Revolution forums. I think mods should be able to delete offtopic or disruptive posting, make some effort to stimulate the discussions and keep everyone playing nicely, but I don’t think we need more than that.

11:58 / 16.03.07

Sorry not to explain that very well.

Clear desire =
1/Talking about it for two years.
2/Still having people start threads with the prefix even though we have been talking about it for two years.
3/The fact that this thread gets bumped lots.
4/The fact that there are a great many threads which would sit really nicely in the forum.

If we do want one I was proposing that we sort it all out before approaching Tom. Then we can say 'Here's what we want, we want a forum called XXXX, with a description which reads XXXXXX, can you please create it'.

And asking for moderators now is a good idea. Perhaps the key proponents of the forum.

We're much more likely to get it if all Tom has to do is make it rather than oversee the discussion of exactly how it should be defined and things.

12:29 / 16.03.07

I would really love to moderate. Dearly dearly love.

I like Health and Sexuality as a title. I'll admit I'm still amused by the idea of calling it "The Amore", but a weak pun probably isn't the way to go is it?

jentacular dreams

13:09 / 16.03.07

Given his involvement with the previous H&Sx threads, and his all-round niceness I'd happily second princess.

Plus one day he'll be famous, so we should get on the bandwagon as early as possible.

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:40 / 16.03.07

I suppose the question I'd ask is this: will a Sexy forum decrease the tendency of Barbelith members to start talking about the details of their genitals or how good at the sex they are or how superior their sexual preferences are to other people's (whether by being kinkier or more normal), by drawing all of that discussion into a sort of 'free zone', if you will? Or will it increase these tendencies, by validating them?

14:28 / 16.03.07

Well, it would probably draw all the genitalia to one part of the board at least. Which would go some way to shielding the innocent.

As to people being smug and superior about their sexiness, well I'd imagine that would be treated in much the same way as fnording. Occasionally it would pop up. But it would be questioned, confronted and dealt with.

14:32 / 16.03.07

That is to say, if there was a specific forum with it's own rules/mores then the annoying parts of sexy-talk/body-talk/healthy-talk would end up being decreased. The users of the forum/Barbelith as a whole, would come up with schema for dealing with those things. It wouldn't be perfect straight away, but I think it wouldn't take long before methods of dealing with that stuff where established.

14:42 / 16.03.07

Well, I’m quite interested in the details of people’s genitals, how good at sex they are and how superior they believe their sexual preferences to be. But however you feel about it, whether there would be more or less of this if we create a ‘free zone’ is an good question.
Is there a precedent? Does the Music forum increase the tendency of people to talk about the details of their record collections, or how superior their musical preferences are to other people’s?

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:50 / 16.03.07

It tends to keep the discussion there, yes. Not a fair comparsion though, Smoothly, as I'm sure you're fully aware, and not least of all because reading about someone's record collections without warning is unlikely to make the reader feel like their personal boundaries have been crossed without their consent.

14:55 / 16.03.07

Well if a thread was labeled with [Sexual Content] in the same way we label a thread with [pics] then surely people could make the choice whether or not to make the risk?

15:00 / 16.03.07

Depends on your personal boundaries, doesn’t it.
I take your point, but I think it’s a bit precious. It’s also at odds with the prevailing atmosphere on Barbelith. There’s plenty of stuff in the Temple, for example, that I find a bit weird and creepy and discomforting, but I don’t think that should stand in the way of their being a Temple forum. And, yes, at least a dedicated forum would contain this stuff in such a way as to make it much easier for you to avoid it.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:02 / 16.03.07

Not much good if that's after the fact. It still relies on people being able to resist the temptation to talk about their winky unless winkies are the topic at hand. Which for some reason people often find harder than suddenly talking about music, too.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:03 / 16.03.07

That to Princess Swashbuckling.

15:16 / 16.03.07

How about ***GENITAL WARNINGS*** and ***SEX WARNINGS*** used like spoiler warnings? That way people could just skip the those posts that mentioned those things.

15:34 / 16.03.07

I have a very clear desire NOT to see such a forum and will be back later to explain why in greater detail, but briefly:

1. I do not think putting a sign on the door stating that you're behind it doing X, Y, and Z is a tremendous improvement on doing those things where I can see them.
2. Being compelled to choose between being an audience for other people's flirtations, sex lives, or virtual genitalia or not visiting Barbelith is unfair.
3. Most importantly, the kind of information that comes out in, for example, a Head Shop thread about sexuality or gender or body image is going to be different from a Sex Armoury thread. Compare, if you must, the thread on 'Cheating' to previous threads on relationships not built on monogamy.

I think the Barbelith benefits tremendously from the way these topics need to be approached to fit in with the existing fora. Please, please, please don't make this place into the rest of the internet, I beg you. I will happily provide links to Nerve, MySpace, and LiveJournal for those who absolutely cannot or will not get what they from Barbelith as it stands.

15:52 / 16.03.07

Um, why do you assume that such a forum would end up like that? Just because we are talking about sex (and quite a lot of other stuff as well, there is a H before the S) and we're doing it in a way that isn't headshoppy doesn't mean that the conversation will instantly become vapid or self-involved. Why do you think that the normally capable Barbeldrones would suddenly turn shallow and self centered if the forum opened up.

The thing about the sign on the door..um, what? If it's not actually affecting you and isn't being crammed down your throat then why shouldn't we have those threads, even if you do find them distasteful? People are free to do x, y and z and to talk about it. And, they are going to do so. If you find that upsetting then surely a space to contain all that and some schema to control all that would be better for you?

15:54 / 16.03.07

And you aren't being asked to choose between Barbelith and sex. Part of the point of having a HS forum would be to make that choice redundant. You would get to choose to have a Barbelith with HS pr a Barbelith without simply by clicking or not clicking on the bright pink H+S bar.

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