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Running with the directly above 'Top Changes from Infinite Secret Crises War Thing':
"Villains will now no longer be allowed to call themselves 'Doctor' without first presenting valid documentation."
Thus making the female Dr. Light both okeh and an oddly funny and disturbing joke.
"Batman will forget how to drive and will have to get lifts everywhere."
Can he ride on Flash's motorcycle? I mean, it's not like Wally needs it, y'know?
"Every female superhero will go down one cup size. As will every male superhero drawn by Rob Liefeld."
This is really just to soften the blow of making Wonder Woman a man, innit? Be honest, they told us they'd show us the man inside every character, and by 'inside' they meant nothing sexual at all, no. Flag-swimsuit tranny with a Greek accent and bondage gear; yes.
"Hypertime will cease to exist, meaning that... meaning... what the fuck was hypertime again?"
I'll love this if only its some character in meta-denial, like Bats in 'The Kingdom' being all, 'there is no Kathy Kane, there is no Batwoman, there is no Kathy...' mantra style. 'There is no Hypertime, there is no Hypertime....'
"Superman will ask Batman for all his stuff back. 'That giant coin, I'm pretty sure that was mine...'"
Well, shit, after Batmonkey lost that kryptonite ring and all. I mean, I'd be wary of lending him anything valuable, too. Right, Bruce, blame it on the earthquake, mysterious forces, the president's out to get you, right, right. Somebody get this man his medication!'
But, seriously, if this whole thing doesn't result in a return to the big, bright neon and dayglo goofball DCU with apes on the covers and Flash changing colors in prisms... fuck it. That's why God invented back issues. I lived through Teen Tony and pseudo-erasure of Pete Wisdom at that other company, y'know the one, and hey, Warren's doing Tony and holy ice weasel's Claremont's bringing back Wisdom! So, Beetle's gotta come back. He might not sound like himself, he might be written by hacks and overdone, or underdone, but he'll be back. At least, his evil-universe double with the nega-costume and goatee's gotta come back, innit? Cosmic clockwork run by the speedforce cuckoo. |
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