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Underground > Creation >

Writers' Helpdesk, how may we be of service?

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Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

15:23 / 15.03.06

Congratulations! What was the story about?

08:41 / 16.03.06

If it's the one I read, it's about a neglected boyfriend who, exasperated beyond measure by his lover's constant proclamations of literary success on an internet message board, chops her up and feeds her to the penguins at London zoo.

And very good it is too.

Whisky Priestess

15:21 / 16.03.06

Don't hate me cos I'm beautiful.

Whisky Priestess

15:24 / 16.03.06

And clever.

21:00 / 16.03.06

'And all the magical, fairy, sort of flesh-eating penguins went on to get three book deals at Harper Collins.'

God, the irony.

02:17 / 17.03.06

mucho congrats!! what we all like to see, really: success!

must be chuffed, you must...

Whisky Priestess

18:19 / 01.04.06

Hey Phex, are you still in Norwich? I'm having a mega birthday/end of term party on Tuesday for the CW MA folk if you fancy it.

sibyline, beating Qalyn to a Q

17:19 / 06.05.06

Just heard that I'm being offered a scholarship to the Wesleyan Writers Conference, which includes a consultation with Roxanna Robinson, whose work I adore. One of the guests is the fiction editor at Agni, who sent me a handwritten note with a story encouraging me to send more work, so I'm hoping to deliver a story directly to his hands at the conference.

Exciting.

21:32 / 06.05.06

Whiskey, can I read the story on Pulp.net then? Should I stop fucking about and get over there?

21:33 / 06.05.06

Oh, and well done, Sib.

Whisky Priestess

12:27 / 09.05.06

Does anyone have a famous writer mate who owes them a favour? (Long shot, I know ...) I really need someone to give me a nice quote for the cover of the UEA anthology.

PM me. I need help.

15:10 / 25.05.06

howdy WHD crew,

I'm having my first scifi novel copy edited and when all the commas are put to bed, I'm in need of a reader who doesn't know me to read it and critique it.

Ideally this person should enjoy scifi - scifantasy with sexuality as a component. It is a future noir fairy-tale involving AI's and socially engineered religions. I'm hesitant to lob a full synopsis into this thread but will provide one to interested parties.

It is currently 445 pages but my editor is out reduce it a bit more so I expect it to be a bit less (maybe 400).

I'm happy to barter for this assistance. Or do a little dance or buy ya dinner or some such.

thank ye.

Whisky Priestess

14:19 / 26.05.06

Is this something your editor knows you are doing? Did they suggest it (in which case they ought to pay for it), or is it something you want for you?

Buy me a bottle of Jameson's and a carton of fags and I'll do it, having recently honed my crit-fu on the Creative Writing MA and being a fan of sci-fi, but how much commentary would you want? A five-minute phone chat? Ten pages of insightful criticism?

Who is publishing it BTW? And are you US or UK based?

15:04 / 26.05.06

Jameson or Bushmills single malt 16 year? (Have to ask as a whiskey girl myself) Careful about asking an American to get you a carton of fags, you're likely to get a giant egg carton filled with kidnapped gay men.
But sure smokes and booze seems highly appropriate. Thank ye.

My copy editor is one of my pals who works in the erotica publishing biz as a part time pro editor. She digs the novel and is doing the critical grammar patrol on it.

I would like a stranger to tell me:

1) overall impression.
2) Any major plot incosistancies/problems I should address.
3) suggestions for improvement.

I've been living with it for so long I'm not the most impartial judge and all my kith and kin have weighed in on it. I'd like someone to just interact with the text.
Phone call or email should work? Maybe two rounds so I ask questions to clarify anything?

No one is publishing it currently, I'm still polishing the crap out of it. I may not be able to get it published and am considering self publishing it just to have done with it. I love it, but like an 18 year old it has to leave at some point.

Thanks again!

15:38 / 26.05.06

Sure, I'm in. PM me, or get in touch via the email link on my blog. I can't guarantee I'll be kind, but I promise I'll be honest.

Whisky Priestess

12:02 / 27.05.06

Blimey, Bushmills if you can get it, thanks for asking! (And Marlboro Light 100s).

I'm happy to write an initial report on email and follow up by phone (good practice for when I hope to be able to do this sort of thing for money) - but you're probably going to have to call me at home though, and might be best to do it on a Sunday or something when I'm likely to be in.

Anyway, PM me and we can sort out further details. I second Jack on the kind/honest thing, but my classmates tell me that even when I'm not being wholly complimentary I'm usually useful.

02:26 / 28.05.06

Excellent. Thanks to you both. I'm checking on when the edited text will be available.

No worries about the harshness/kindness levels. I'm looking for productive. Which may mean you tell me it is stinker, but hopefully if so you might be able to tell me why you think it stinks.

Besides my true love sat me down and in his classic honest english major hard science fiction lover style, told me what he thought was wrong with it. So I fixed it accordingly and think it is now much better than it was.

I like the nice-sammich approach aka bacon wrapped pill approach. What works, what stinks, what can be salvaged.

But no one I'm asking to help is obliged to do anything more than give a reasonable attempt to read it.
I'll PM when it is ready. If it is going to be much longer I'll let you know as I understand schedules change.

Thanks again!

13:50 / 28.05.06

Cool.

One request, though—Don't bother sending me a synopsis. I don't want it and I won't read it. If your eventual readers won't have access to it, I don't want to see it—the work must speak for itself to me, as to them.

14:46 / 28.05.06

Jack, you kick serious ass. Thank ye.

Happy Dave Has Left

21:15 / 28.05.06

Xk, so in, if this is still in the realm of reading.

Seriously, send me your stuff.

18:09 / 29.05.06

My beloved stunt-readers, you all kick serious ass.

22:51 / 30.05.06

I managed to track down my copy editor...and she says it won't be done for at leat another month. Sorry to have hasslehoffed you too soon. I thought it was only a week away from being done. I'll PM you when I have it in my paws.

(unless any of you are utterly insane masochists and want to read the comma-retarded current edit, in which case PM me.)

sibyline, beating Qalyn to a Q

19:44 / 07.06.06

news from the "when it rains it pours" department: i got offered a scholarship to the napa valley writers conference this week.

two conferences in a summer sounds like a lot, especially when i'm starting grad school in the fall, *but* napa = california wine country. all the readings are at vineyards with free wine tastings. think "sideways" but blonde.

17:53 / 13.06.06

congrats! That sounds like a score.

06:37 / 30.06.06

Hi all,

sorry to butt into this conversation late, but I only just got here ;o)

Sibyline, congrats, it sounds like it's all happening for you!

xk, you sound like you've got a few reviewers lined up, but if you need/want another, I'd be happy to help out. Maybe I'll even send you something of mine one day in return; so far not even my family or partner or even my teddybear have been allowed to read anything I've written (although i'm ok with complete strangers. The bear probably wouldn't be impartial enough to give good feedback anyway).

Now I have a query for all of you experienced writer-people. I have written a long-ish short story, which sort of starts in the middle, if you see what I mean. During the story the reader understands what's happened in the past, either by inference, or when the main character remembers / talks about an event. So, when I write the synopsis to the story, should I start at the same point in time that the story does? Or should I spell out the unwritten 'prologue' first? If the former (which I'm assuming), how do you write "flashback to the previous week" without sounding really naff? Or do synopses by their very nature sound naff anyway?
Hope that makes sense.

cheers all.

Whisky Priestess

10:06 / 30.06.06

Unless it's a novella rather than a long short (what's the wordcount?) you're not likely to need an official synopsis. Do you mean a detailed one or two page document or do you just need a para in the covering letter to the editor saying what it's about?

If your story flashes forward and back, say that. Tell the story in miniature, don't change the details. Don't present the events as A then B then C in the synopsis if they're presented C then A then B in the story. Let the editor figure it out just as the reader will have to. Otherwise it's like pitching "Memento" in beginning-to-end order - the film's not chronological, so you lose the whole point.

All Acting Regiment

11:05 / 30.06.06

Anyone interested feel free to enter stuff- soon- for this anthology, Transmission. They are looking more for people from near me but it's still worth a try for anyone on here.

sibyline, beating Qalyn to a Q

14:14 / 30.06.06

feline, i agree with whisky on all points. also, at least in america, summarizing one's story in a cover letter is a sign of inexperience. my cover letters say something like, "my name is sibyline qalynkiller and i would like to submit my story 'qalyn dies' for your consideration." then i write some pithy paragraph demonstrating that i've ready the publication and admire it, etc. and if they've published a friend of mine i say that too. then i list my credentials. that's it.

Whisky Priestess

15:04 / 30.06.06

Thanks Legba, I've sent them a couple of things. I fear I may suffer by not being from oop north though ...

15:06 / 30.06.06

I'm grateful to any and all who want to read it. I've sent out a search party for my copy editor. Will see where the edit stands.

Whisky Priestess

09:04 / 26.07.06

Does anyone want to write for a US music magazine?

New Humor/Rock Magazine, TRASHED!, seeks COPY EDITOR and WRITERS. First issue out this October -- this is a print magazine with national distribution published by Lo-Fi Entertainment. Please contact LeeSobel@aol.com if interested.

Bands - send us your CDs for review:

Attn: Rondo Ratford
TRASHED! Magazine
250 Washington Avenue, #C3
Brooklyn, NY 11205

Read more about TRASHED! at www.lofientertainment.com/trashed

18:52 / 23.08.06

Um, I just got a rather unexpected call from my hired editor. She has just gone over the synopsis with a peer in the sci fanatsy publishing biz...

they are suggesting I cleave my 800 page book (that's formatted, shit I thought it was 400) into two with a long range plan of a multi book series. No cuts, they want more pages.

Mind you I've been thinking of this as a self publishing event and now peoples are telling me it has a chance to be picked up. I'm thinking it's a slim chance, like winning the lottery chance.

I'm a bit dazed and not sure what to do. Have other people cut a story in half before?

I wrote it with a structure that can be divided but the two sections will not be the same length. Does it matter?

...freaking out slightly don't mind me....

paranoidwriter waves hello

19:31 / 23.08.06

YAAAAY! This sounds REALLY positive, xk! Good on ya, comrade.

As for cutting the story in two, all I can suggest is you imagine where you'd cut it if it were a two-part TV drama; i.e. at a good, tense, high-point in the narrative. Give 'em a cliffhanger, eh?

Best of luck with this...and I want a free copy, yeah?

19:50 / 23.08.06

Cliff hangerness...right.

I'm not sure if this a good thing..no one is picking up it is just being groomed for it which is creeping me out emotionally.

..but thanks!

21:00 / 25.08.06

Also a late arrival, but xk, if you need yet another reader for your ample supply, I'll gladly help out. SF/fant is definitely my thing.

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