BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


The miserable thread

 
  

Page: 1 ... 1819202122(23)2425262728... 75

 
 
Princess
17:43 / 30.09.06
I dunno. It just seems a bit like I'm making an issue out of nothing. Alot of my friends at high school had counsellors, it was kinda cool to be messed up, you get me? I've been ofered counsellors before and my doctor told me a few months ago that I should definetly go see one.
But I just feel like I'm whihing. I don't have any real problems. I'm a white suburban guy whose parents supliment his earnings despite the fact I'm an adult. How can I really complain?
I don't know. It just seems a bit juvenile for me to go into a strangers room for an hour and say "hey, I'm suffering from ennui and basically every form of priviledge there is. LOVE ME!"
I just worry that I'd be being a dick and they would be too proffesional to say so.
 
 
Princess
17:44 / 30.09.06
ah, x post.
 
 
Princess
17:52 / 30.09.06
10 minutes until hug fresher is meant to arrive. I see little hope.

I feel like Blanche DuBois, you know, what with the cradle-snatching, loose morals and depending on the kindness of freshers.
 
 
Spaniel
17:54 / 30.09.06
Well, not knowing a great deal about self harming I can't say whether I think it's a particularly bad thing in all cases, but it seems to me that a)you don't find it very constructive and b) that you're quite unhappy. If all that's stopping you from seeing a counsellor is the thought that you'll come across as a vain, self-involved pillock, then, well, er, get over it.

(Oh, and try and be as honest with yourself as possible when it comes to addressing just why it is that the idea of counselling bothers you. I've known quite a few people who saw counselling as a leetle too much like actually taking ownership of their lives. Not saying that's you, mind, just sayin')
 
 
Princess
18:07 / 30.09.06
My immediate response to that was going to be "oh yes, I'm always aiming for control, I've signed up to sports and clubs and I make lists". But then I thought, any immediate response to questions of self delusion are possibly self deluded. I'll think about it. Thanks.

Hug fresher still hasn't bothereed contacting me. Neither has biscuit friend. I think I'm just going to go out dancing and trust that my green hair will earn me some cock.
 
 
Princess
18:53 / 30.09.06
I can't contact anyone in Aber. No-one's on line and no-ones picking up the phone. Obviously it's not a coreographed rejection attempt, but still, it's pissing me off. I'm not sure if I want to go out by myself. The union (which is normally pretty fun even if your alone) has a theme part you had to pay for, and it started an hour ago, at the exact time shitty fresher was meant to be arriving. The only other place that I wouldn't stand out like a huge green loner is the Pier, and that place is depressing if you haven't got a friend with you.
I'm starting to worry that I'm just boring people. IRL and here (IRL, I'll admit, still bothers me slightly more) I'm starting to think people only tolerate me out of a sense of duty. I'd stop posting, but it's something to do, and if you didn't want to hear I suppose you could just not go the miserable thread.
That probably sounds more snarky than I meant it, I just worry that I'm going to start getting on people's tits soon.
 
 
Olulabelle
21:43 / 01.10.06
Princess, if you were posting it all over the board I'm sure it would get wearisome, but you're posting about feeling miserable in the miserable thread. What's to be pissed off about?

I am here to say that I am miserable. Being bi-polar is fucking difficult I understand that, but so is living with someone who has it.

Yesterday was awful, utterly dreadful. And then today was lovely. I don't know how we can keep living like this.

My nerves are shot to shreds. I jump at the slightest thing. I never know what's going to happen, nothing is simple and easy, nothing at all, and worst of all I feel shitty for whinging because I'm not the one that's suffering.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
00:20 / 02.10.06
Hugs to you both, Princess and Lula.

It's a very minor thing comparatively, but I wanted to put together the digested read of the various "improving Barbelith" discussions, and instead I feel like my time online has been spent wading through slurry.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
01:13 / 02.10.06
So... much... slurry.

Princess & Lula, I'm very sorry and I hope thing get less miserable soon.

Um.

I know that's completely inadequate, but it's sincere.
 
 
Princess
21:18 / 02.10.06
Thanks everyone, feeling mostly better now. (It turned out alchohol and dancing was the cure. Who knew?)

One nagging thing of miserable is that my fiance is living eight hours away still. And was for most of last year, and will be for most of the next two years.

It's just very very lonely.
 
 
Princess
22:08 / 02.10.06
Because I'm mean. Because I'm petty. Because I use my ability with words to hurt other people. Because I'm not sure if I should be feeling guilty. Because I'm still angry that you did that. Because I said I forgave you and never got a chance to be angry. Because I'm ridiculously angry. Because I miss you. Because I miss you. Because the only time you cry is when I tell you your a bad person. Because all I give you is complexes. Because all I take is everything. Because I'm a leech. Because I'm a virus. Because without you I'm dead and I'm never allowed to be with you.

Because when I said "I love you" you said "promise?".

I suxxor
 
 
Princess
22:12 / 02.10.06
Because when my friend found out I'd been depressed she got offended I hadn't called her. Because I just want to be alone with him. Because I just want to be alone. Because I've never met someone I haven't had to work hard with.

Why am I so desperate for human attention when it turns out it just makes me stressed.

Why, oh why, didn't God make me a tomato instead?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
22:14 / 02.10.06
On the plus side, Princess, you're not me, so there's that, eh? Chin up!
 
 
The local Goth prototype has become a run-of-the-mill example of the apocalypse.
22:20 / 02.10.06
My wife has left me for about 1 month
Every nite I would wake up and cry
my tears away. Listening to the radio at 4a.m.
offer some solace. Not that all the tunes
are much to listen to........but the lyrics
of those song make up for it. Guess these kinds
of heartbreaking songs are broadcast at this hour.
(Thought of starting a new thread 'Read Tomorrow
Not Today' but I guess this belong here. Was there a
previous thread something like 'cat out of the bag'?)

I still miss her.........
even when
I can hear her thoughts
I can see her dreams

I can smell her skin
I can taste her lips

I want to be wanted for love

This is the wildest love

Yet she take up my defences and tear them apart

She no longer feel warm when she thinks of me

Love me tomorrow not today
I need her more than yesterday

It was such a tragedy being her, being me.
Forget about us with no goodbye. It's over
between us.
 
 
HCE
22:33 / 02.10.06
Nothing more useful to say than hang in there, old beans.
 
 
c0nstant
15:22 / 03.10.06
because I'm unemployed.

Because I feel I might be Unemployable

because feeling so useless is making me not try (and THAT is fucking misery inducing)

and because without me really knowing why, one of my flatmates, and friends, is leaving.
 
 
pointless & uncalled for
16:17 / 03.10.06
No one is unemployable. Although, it is possible that you need to take a look at what you're doing with looking for work, aside from not trying.
 
 
Chiropteran
17:06 / 03.10.06
It hasn't been so bad lately, but I can still feel the urge to head-bang swelling up behind my forehead, and I know it means that there are things I'm not dealing with. And I know it would make me feel better, too, for a couple of minutes, so I keep thinking about it while my head tingles, and right now I know I can just slip away from my desk and go down to the mensroom and give it a good crack against the tiles. Writing about it means I probably won't.

Honestly, I think I've just gotten very very used to the constant stress, so that I don't see it for itself and have to divine it from my tics. "Ah, I'm stimming - think back, what's just gone to shit?"
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:08 / 03.10.06
Dear Uterus,

I would sincerely love to remove you right now and leave you in a bucket somewhere, you revolting organ you. I can't take anymore pain pills because I already feel sick, and it's too late to go and buy gin. You are the bane of my existance.

No love,

Me.
 
 
Ticker
01:00 / 04.10.06
we call that manifestation the bruterus. heating pads are your friends.

I've got a nasty case of the cold wet woods inside my lungs after camping during last rainy weekend. I'm not sick enough to take off from work and loll about drinking tea and being victimised by the feline anti-reading patrol, but man, I feel like teh ass. Luckily the chiro did some weird gland massage on my head this AM and the system appears to be on fast acting drainage. That and I get to eat propolis which is lovely.

yours in snot & hacking cough-age,

xk
 
 
Unconditional Love
02:01 / 04.10.06
Up late at night lonely as fuck swinging from wanting to kill things to laying down and never waking up again, Its all so empty and pointless, everything changes on the outside, on the inside its all suffering wanting freedom from the pain.
 
 
Tabitha Tickletooth
08:27 / 10.10.06
Snooker player Paul Hunter has died from stomach cancer. He would have been 28 on Saturday. The deaths of people I don't know, 'celebrities' I suppose, (although I'm not sure snooker players exactly qualify as that these days) don't normally affect me that badly. You know, it's sad when anyone dies, think of their friends and family, etc, etc. But this is making me cry.

He's always reminded me of my little brother. In fusty old snooker, he seemed really cheeky and fun and young. Even after he was diagnosed and had what seemed to be very debilitating treatment, he went back to snooker and tried to play through it all. He was so brave and cheerful. I thought he was in the clear, to be honest, and then suddenly he's dead.

It seem's a bit silly - I don't know they guy, people die every day, but even telling myself that, I still feel very very sad. I'm sitting at my desk, crying about someone I only know from television and I'm really sorry that he's gone.
 
 
*
01:58 / 11.10.06
It's. Repairing. Fucking. Rugs. Granted, they're a hundred years old, but how much could I possibly get wrong in one day?

Let me get up to speed and up to skill, please, because when it's goign well I really like this job and I want to keep doing it.
 
 
Proinsias
02:25 / 11.10.06
Everything around me is dying.

In the past three weeks there has been:

The death of both my degus - one went quick, the other went on hunger strike which made for a rather excruciating few days.

All five of my mice died plus one wild mouse died in the cage - see the weird thread for more details.

My mothers neighbour and good friend, a few months after his wife.

My dad's neighbour.

My gran-in-law's neighbour - well over 90

My persian cat who was given the all clear by the vet this morning, despite my insistance something was very wrong, appears to be dying in front me at the moment. It could be a long night and I'm half hoping he passes away before I have to subject him to another vet trip first thing in the morning.

All of which have been completey unexpected.

I've been on an almost daily diet of death news for three weeks, if the cat pulls through I'm off to buy a lottery ticket to mark the change of tides.

I couldn't see an "enough is enough" thread so I went with this one.


The cat has just dragged himself under the couch, I've no idea what to do.

I need a fag, lets hope the lighter works.
 
 
Proinsias
02:53 / 11.10.06
On the plus side I've just put on a Buddy Guy album I've never got round to listening to and it's fucking great.

Tea or coffee to accompany the fags?

Cheers to the miseable thread, I feel better now.

I'd better get mi coat now I feel better.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
10:46 / 11.10.06
Not so much misery as sadness. Went to a launch last night where some of my good MA friends were and realised that in most cases, I wouldn't be seeing them again for probably years, in some cases not ever. One's already left for Cyprus, another leaves today for India. A third is trying to extend her visa so as not to go back to Malaysia. The rest live in Cambridge, Wales, Devon, Oxford, Norwich, all over the shop. Only three Londoners out of all of us.

I had such a good time and it's really over now. I feel like the last of my youth has died. I miss them.
 
 
Saint Keggers
18:11 / 11.10.06
um... right now.
 
 
*
21:05 / 11.10.06
Hey Kegs, what's up?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:59 / 14.10.06
I just want one thing to be going okay. I'm not fussed what.
 
 
COG
20:21 / 14.10.06
Fancy a beer tomorow or this week?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:25 / 14.10.06
yeah, that'd be great. What sort of time?
 
 
Ticker
13:06 / 17.10.06
I fucked up, which births that magic moment of opening your eyes in the morning and feeling a ton of shame land on you making the existence of your skin a cringe worthy crime. The dreams were horrid. The physical hangover is just that dehydrated husk feeling but the emotional shame hangover feels like hell. Miserable is a bit of an understatement right now.
 
 
Spaniel
19:48 / 17.10.06
Poor, poor you. The shame is always the worst.

Except for that one time when the physical hangover was so excrutiatingly awful that the shame drowned in a sea of vomit and tears.

That was a bad day.
 
 
Ticker
20:13 / 17.10.06
that's a day when tiger balm on the back of your skull and cool porcelain on the front is essential.

Yes indeed idiocy and excess such as this is best left in one's youth.
 
 
Feverfew
18:25 / 18.10.06
Madam;

I can see how you feel that might have been your right of way, even if the cars were all on your side and I had nowhere to pull in.

I can see how at the end of a long day you might just want to press the point and not let me through first.

I can also see how this would annoy anyone, really. Pushing past is understandable.

However, the big yellow stripes across the car and the big sign on top, coupled with all the logos, should really give the real impression that I am a Learner Driver. Therefore, making sarcastic hand-clapping motions is not very helpful, and makes Feverfew a very annoyed person.

I hope getting home twenty seconds earlier has filled you with a warm glow. I really do. And the very best of luck.
 
  

Page: 1 ... 1819202122(23)2425262728... 75

 
  
Add Your Reply