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The miserable thread

  
  

Page: 12(3)45678... 75

 
 
Fist Fun
12:46 / 08.05.04
I banged my head in my hallway. Bounced of the top step which gave me enough lift for a square thud. Now my head hurts.
 
 
VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering
12:58 / 08.05.04
I've had another drug binge.

For the last month or so.

And I've stopped. Urgh.

Everything hurts.
 
 
Icicle
13:19 / 08.05.04
I'm miserable because there's no time to do anything, but go to work and get drunk, want to stay home and read books and do some writing but feel too lost in life to be alone. My eyesights gone so bad, I've got headaches and feeling sick all the time, and have to wait till wednesday to get some new glasses, and I'm trying to write a novel, but it's going really badly, and my friend has accused me of writing too 'ordinary sentences'! It's all terrible.
 
 
marwood
15:30 / 08.05.04
Die, my ovaries of doom.
Or at least stop with the dull throbbing and start with some real pain.
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
00:32 / 13.05.04
still...

i don't know how to deal this and i'm scared and sad and miserable. and alone.
 
 
imaginary mice
18:07 / 13.05.04
I got dumped on Monday. I really wanted to deal with this without anyone else getting involved and I’ve tried to be strong but I just cannot do this on my own. I haven’t posted anything personal on a website for years because that usually goes horribly wrong and I feel terrible afterwards. It’s just that I haven’t got anyone to talk to and trying to suppress my feelings is making me feel so much worse.

I only went out with the guy for a month and I don’t miss him that terribly. It’s just that the timing of this was really bad and the last thing I needed was another rejection.

Three months ago I hit absolute rock bottom and I was shit scared that I would harm / try to kill myself at some point. But then things got better (purely because they couldn’t get any worse) and I even felt quite happy for a short period of time. I’d never thought I could feel happy without any close friends or someone who cared about me and the realisation that I could be happy despite being all on my own was a major breakthrough for me. But now I’m back at square one and completely disillusioned… again.

It seems that no-one (no matter how open-minded and kind-hearted they are) is able to deal with me for more than a month and that’s quite terrifying.

I was perfectly fine a month ago and thought my life had changed but today I just wanted to crash my car on the way home from work. Everything’s still the same, I’m still just as vulnerable and unable to deal with rejections as I used to be. This is a major setback and utterly frustrating.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of break-ups: “Would you mind if we were just friends?” – what a fucking stupid way of splitting up with someone. Firstly, of course I fucking mind but I don’t have a choice in this matter, do I? Secondly, you’re just trying to make me feel better and this whole “friends”-thing is a fucking lie unless of course your definition of a friend is someone you say hello to when you meet them somewhere, rather than someone you actually want to spend time with, because obviously if you wanted to be with me and actually liked me, you wouldn’t dump me after just one month and by lying to me you’re actually making me feel worse not better. Thirdly, even if you were being honest, being friends with an ex who rejected you requires shitloads of self-confidence, composure and strength and I’m way too insecure to be able to deal with this, sorry.

Rant rant rant…

But at least I’ve stopped crying now.
 
 
marwood
13:16 / 18.05.04
I hate that you walked away, not only fucking up my dissertation, my uni essays and possibly my exams, but that you're so god damned happy about it.

I hate that your idea of leaving me alone is to mail me after two days and act like you're allowed to know the inner workings of my life still.

And i hate that I'm so bloody miserable about it all.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
18:27 / 19.05.04
Can someone please explain to me how the hell you sell yourself for a job as mind bendingly boring as office admin for a theatre society. The later stuff, the ooh I'm so good with Excel stuff I can handle but the talking about me stuff. Fucking ridiculous.
 
 
Mazarine
19:01 / 19.05.04
Why does the flawed logic of others (on other boards, not here) depress me so damned much? Why can't I take comfort in my own rationality, rather than letting the lack of it in others come over me like an oily black smoke?
 
 
Z. deScathach
04:28 / 20.05.04
I absolutely hate that I've somehow managed to get my ass stuck in a small backwater town, and for the life of me, I can't seem to get out of it without putting my life in serious jeopardy. Mark these words, though, I may have been exhiled to Backwater Pinetree, but I shall escape! A warning: The women of Backwater Pinetree may seem inviting, but..... DO NOT BRING THYSELF TO THIS PLACE! NAUGHT FOR ORGASMS SHOULD YE BRING THYSELF HERE NOR FOR ANYTHING ELSE!
 
 
Squirmelia
15:16 / 20.05.04
I know I'm not confident, but being told to go on a course called "The essentials of composure, credibility and confidence" seems to rub it in. Tch. Especially since it's only for women, since women are the only ones ever that aren't composed, credible or confident. If the sandwiches provided are sweetcorn and coleslaw flavour, like they seem to be on other courses, maybe my new improved confidence will cause me to throw them at various people in the office.
 
 
John Paul Vann
16:27 / 20.05.04
When I remember....

I've seen shore lines effervescing, glittering, near the Nha Trang gate..... Palm trees on fire, off the shoulder of Buddha....

All those moments will be lost, in time.
Like; tears in rain.

(with apologies to Rutger Hauer)
 
 
Ninjas make great pets
17:10 / 20.05.04
when I forget..

all Ive forgotten. theres so much.. It comes in flashes sometimes what there was, how much of it.. Now I can't remember all that it is Ive forgotten and it saddens me.

I had my heart broken. I thought it had mended but I just made myself so busy I could ignore it.. and now its not so busy but Im trying to make it so because I've realised the hurt is fresh still and now Im afraid because of it I may have inadvertantly hurt another.. or be about to ..and there has been more than enough of that.

things might be simplier if we could learn to allow ourselves to just be happy.
 
 
akira
17:39 / 20.05.04
I contemplated registering under another name so I could quote something I wrote in the Barbequotes thread, you know so my life would be complete.
 
 
40%
14:43 / 21.05.04
Damn, I feel like shit today. Everything feels like hard work. I'm doing this temp job which is both boring and complicated, and I've been doing it for a few weeks now and it's getting to the point it's not funny anymore.

And I hate answering phones knowing that I can only take messages or just say "yeah, they'll be back in on Monday". I want to do something useful.

I'm not stupid. Why do I feel stupid today? Why do I feel like I can't get simple things right? Why does my mind keep going blank at important moments when I'm required to be useful about something. "Sorry, I was looking at the wrong bit of paper". Goddammit.

I shouldn't be doing a job that requires complete concentration. My mind needs to be able to wander. It's a scientific fact.
 
 
Olulabelle
16:04 / 21.05.04
I have a migraine so bad it made me sick this morning, which is only just now calming down. But I have so much to do, it's sod's law that it comes now.

And I'm sick of people with short tempers losing their short tempers with me for no reason other than that they have a short temper.
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
17:05 / 22.05.04
what the hell is wrong with me?
 
 
Olulabelle
17:15 / 01.06.04
We just had to have my Mum's poor little Blossie dog put down and it was awful and I still haven't stopped crying and my kitchen is overrun with 165 little cakes and and I'm so behind with them it's scary, and I still haven't figured out what I'm going to wear and the wedding's on Friday, and to top it all the milk just leaked all over my fridge.
 
 
The Puck
17:21 / 01.06.04
Im sure your cake-fu shall overcome,

im depressed, my ex phoned me last night and told me she went out with someone on the weekend and ending up kissing him, i mean shit weve been broke up like 3 weeks, i dont know why this hurts but, fucking oww.

i dont want her back but i dont want anyone else to have her, does that sound childish and irrational?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:56 / 01.06.04
No, dude, it sounds perfectly reasonable. It's been three weeks - right now is precisely where you get to feel things like "I don't want her back, but I don't want her to go out with anyone else", because at this point you'd have to be remarkably well-adjusted to have processed all the stuff that has just happened and emerged entirely without ambivalence, confusion or, indeed, sexual jealousy. There's a point at which these reactions become inappropriate or unwelcome, or get in the way of ongoing relationships with other people, but I think three weeks is well within the space allowed for people still to be headsick. Generally, the best you can hope for after a breakup is that you both recognise that at some point in the future you might want to be friends, or even partners in some enterprise or other, and try not to do too much ambivalent, hostile, sexually jealous etc. stuff around each other; a cooling off and venting period where you don't see too much of each other is often a very good plan, but can be difficult to arrange, especially when you share a locality...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
18:33 / 01.06.04
Oh, nearly forgot. I, of course, am miserable because I am not getting any.
 
 
The Puck
20:45 / 01.06.04
Thank you for your kind words, the benifit of your experiance and, via the link, a gentle reminder never never to invoke your ire
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
20:54 / 01.06.04
I really wasn't angry... it just seemed such an odd gambit to take... anyway, I hope it turns out OK, Puck. The mistake I usually made was expressing my ambivalence, anger, jealousy etc *to the ex*, in the belief that this was being open, honest and respectful rather than the conversational equivalent of banging my head, wrapped in a pair of knickers stolen from next door's washing line, against the ex's kitchen window while ululating "You're killing me! You're killing me!"

I'm sure you're doing better than that, because you're probably a lot better able to process your emotions than I was back then. I think, though, that it *is* fair to say that you're having trouble having these conversations with her right now, and could you guys maybe talk about relationship stuff with your not-in-common friends for a while instead.
 
 
The Puck
21:04 / 01.06.04
its been cool up untill now, i just never expected to be so caveman territioral about her y'know. And i dont even want to even consider another chick for a while yet how shes so bloody over me?
 
 
The Puck
21:09 / 01.06.04
yuck, i hate this wallowing in self pity rubbish.

What i need is the stout pipe smoking sergent major of my mind, to give me a good "pull yourself together man" talk with quite a few "chin up"s and a firm handshake
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:16 / 01.06.04
Well, the fact that she's going out with other people doesn't necessarily mean she's over you - it could be that she is rebounding, or trying to forget you, or just not really in control of her emotions and reacting in a different way. It's a weird time all round... and it's difficult to work out how somebody else's emotions are working when you can't get a clear run at your own. I'd focus on getting the Puck on a level playing field. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, write, avoid significant places... all the usual stuff. And take care.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:13 / 01.06.04
I've now reached a point where repeated attention-seeking suicide bids by a friend of mine have meant that I just feel angry when it happens now rather than concerned. I think she's killed part of my soul.
 
 
Olulabelle
22:53 / 01.06.04
Stoatie, she hasn't, it's a natural reaction. Your post makes me thing of a time a good few years ago when I got a call from the hospital telling me a member of my family had tried to commit suicide again.

I said, "Well I'm eating my tea so I'll finish that and then I guess I'll make my way in."

There's only so many times you can hear it before you stop being traumatised and just factor it into your everyday life.
 
 
Olulabelle
00:34 / 02.06.04
I am so sick of reading my own posts in this thread. Am I really horribly more miserable than anyone else?

(Feels miserable at the though of wanting other people to feel miserable.)

People that are, then aren't. People that do, then don't. People that are one thing then suddenly turn into another without any forewarning.

I mean, I'm all for change, only I do tend to mind if it is forced upon me without any preliminaries.

Just a bit of: 'OK, this is how I'm feeling right now,'(ness) 'get prepared'(ness) wouldn't go amiss.
 
 
the Fool
01:06 / 02.06.04
I am sad today. I had a couple of nightmares last night and a really awkward phone conversation with the new boy. I feel drained and sad. Its like I haven't slept at all and I don't know what to do.
 
 
Bed Head
02:01 / 02.06.04

Gahhhh. What a stupid, horrible night. I am now officially Worlds Biggest Idiot, 2004.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
08:08 / 02.06.04
You know, I really ought to be miserable. I just got left by someone I really care about.

Mysteriously, however, while I'm not delighted if I dwell on it, I'm pretty psyched about what I'm going to do now. It's summer, and I'm the cutest button that walks, talks, or slithers along on this green and shiny world, and you are all - all - mine. There are martial arts to study and scripts to write and holidays to book and friendships to revive and letters to write and new experiences to be had. There's wine to be drunk and amazing puddings to eat.

Welcome to my kingdom! I shall sleep with every one of you before the night is through!

(And if you can source that line, you and I should talk. Probably about our warped lives.)
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
09:35 / 02.06.04
olulabelle: thank you. That seems to be the advice most of my friends are giving me at the moment, too. And they're generally right more often than I am.
When I asked mono the same question, she said "of course you're not being a cunt for being angry. I'm fucking livid."
All of which makes me feel better about the whole thing. I CAN be stronger than to fall for emotional blackmail... I SWEAR it.
 
 
Mazarine
22:35 / 03.06.04
A bunch of little things. My car is broken, as it has been leaking gasoline, and I've been told it needs a new gas tank. I've been out of work since school ended, I'm just now starting up a temp assignment on Monday. My fiance and I are bickering- he's tired because he's been working full time, I'm stir crazy because I've had nothing to do, and am rapidly getting poorer. Didn't get into the grad school I applied to for the next leg of my education, which isn't such a big deal, but they chose to send me two rejection letters, about three days apart, just to make sure I knew they didn't want me. In the really shallow and petty section, I still haven't found a fucking bathing suit for my brother's wedding, or a dress. I'm just feeling like a pretty titanic loser at this point, educated all to hell with no practical applications for any of it except for getting even more education, and it seems I can't even do that at the moment, slowly hemorraging money, and god, I suck so much for having leaked that much gasoline out into nature, and christ only knows how many brain cells I've killed breathing the fumes, or how many near death points I've used up driving a car leaking quite a bit of flamable liquid all over the place. So yeah. Whine whine, whinge whine, moan moan.
 
 
Ganesh
22:52 / 03.06.04
I've now reached a point where repeated attention-seeking suicide bids by a friend of mine have meant that I just feel angry when it happens now rather than concerned. I think she's killed part of my soul.

Step back, then, Stoatie, and reset boundaries - as much for her sake as yours. Have some 'away time'. It doesn't mean you're less of a friend, just that you're mindful of preserving what parts of your friendship remain, while she persists in devaluing the currency...

Me, I'm cranky because I've got bad spots on my shoulders for the first time in decades, and it's Dr Atkins' fault.
 
  

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