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The miserable thread

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10:57 / 24.02.04

Just woken up from a dream where I took acid by rubbing a smurf sticker on my hand, 6 hours later in the dream my husband catches up with me and I'm a drooling insensible madwoman face down in a muddy puddle.

I awoke to find that I had yet again not gotten up in time to go to college. Currently coping with the beginnings of an anxiety attack.

Really not feeling so good.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

12:00 / 24.02.04

Looks like I'm going to have to leave uni for the rest of the year on health grounds then come back in september to start over. Really not terribly happy about this.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

12:04 / 24.02.04

More or less because of the symptoms may described and the sentiments expressed earlier in this thread. I didn't turn myself around fast enough and I feel really dissapointed with myself.

12:42 / 24.02.04

Sorry to hear it Radiator. You tried talking to your college counsellor? If you do have to leave, don't end up beating yerself up too much over it.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

12:49 / 24.02.04

Eh, long as I still have a place. Pain in the arse because this happened during my A-Levels back in 2001.

12:50 / 24.02.04

Oh Rad, yeah, be gentle with yourself. Huggles to you and BTW, Illmatic gives sound advice.

13:52 / 24.02.04

If it helps Radiator, I was really crap in my first year of uni. I stayed in my halls watching videos and listening to music and hardly went out or socialised at all. I felt out of place, and wasn't sure how to talk to people. And I decided to leave part way through that first year. My housemates even got me a leaving card. Then I just somehow ended up staying there, in the absence of anything better to do. I was truly crap. And I felt disappointed with myself.

But that's life dude. Moving to uni can be hard work. Some people take to it like fish to water, but I found it a struggle, and a lot of others do too. I'm sure you'll work things out.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

15:37 / 24.02.04

Yeah, I'm feeling oddly calm about it- I really need to get my depression licked, which means taking my pills for six months after symptoms cease and not straight away, etc etc. Not too chuffed about leaving the city to go home, though.

15:54 / 24.02.04

Depression's like a freind to me sometimes, i'm just lost for words.

I feel...........the mad proffessor needs to come to my aid! Astral plane full of patterns and shapes!

HOW DO I SPELL.....professor? Is it :

a)proffessor
b)professor
c)carrot

15:59 / 24.02.04

Oh my, I just looked this up, Jack!

It's "b"

16:04 / 24.02.04

I got it right, huh? Actually, I am dating a Professor. Imagine, I couldn't even spell his name!

goes out to buy peroxide

And so as to not rot this miserable thread entirely, the thing I am miserable about today is never having enough time or sleep. Not having enough sleep can make me especially miserable. Although, I did sleep long and well last night, so I in good spirits today...'cept for the time crnch which shall come about suppertime. I am sooo, looking forward to that! Not.

16:21 / 24.02.04

Radiator: one of the best students I ever had was on hir third go at uni, having had to take breaks for reasons similar to yours. I know it sucks right now, but your tutors in years to come will love you for it.

14:06 / 26.02.04

Gah. Shit day. That is all. I’m actually on the verge of admitting defeat.

Keith, like a scientist

23:53 / 26.02.04

aggggh

close female friend (attraction is mutual) just left from hanging out with me to go be with her boyfriend. boyfriend out drinking, though. makes her so miserable she decides to go to gym, anyway.

agggggggggg...

aggggggggggggggggggggggggg

05:32 / 27.02.04

Poor Keith...still...

I feel like I'm getting sick, and I proved for the millionth time, that I can't be trusted to have computer games installed during the school year as it's now 230am after 4 hours of Medieval Total War instead of Mexican History work... I need to get my act together. Blah.

...but tomorrow's Friday, so yeah!

07:15 / 27.02.04

Thanks May Tricks!

09:47 / 27.02.04

I'm miserable. I know I've been miserable elsewhere on Barbelith often enough lately but just when things seemed to be looking up, my landlord goes and sticks a FOR SALE sign up in front of "my" house. There is no chance of this simply meaning a change of landlord, the house will be demolished and 3 expensive new ones will be built on the block. If it sells, I will have to move.

I've been through enough over the last year, I really didn't need this. I have lived here for nearly 8 years, I work from home and my clients and friends and everybody I know loves this place. I've been here so long, with such a slack landlord, that my rent hasn't gone up in all those years. Anywhere else is going to cost me about 40% more, even more if I can't find a good position for the office and I have to rent one separately. And I hate moving and every ad I see says "No Pets" and I only recently got a new kitten and my income has been shit since I got back from living overseas for 6 months last year (while subletting the house).

Bugger.

15:32 / 27.02.04

Justified Ancient, can you buy it yourself? You could maybe use your rent money for a mortgage. Then you could stay there with your kitten and not have to do the whole horrid new house to find 'GAHHHH' thing.

20:44 / 27.02.04

One of my teeth has just fallen out. Fuck. I am too young to be losing my fucking teeth. It feels all wrong in my mouth. And when I went to the dentist to have a crown put on this tooth that has just fallen out, he told me that the 90-minute operation I had had at the dental hospital last year was a waste of time and one of my other teeth is probably going to have to come out. Why? Why? Why??? It is not like I am a heroin-addicted bulimic or anything. Bastards.

22:16 / 27.02.04

Me Olulabelle? Get credit? Nooooooooooooo!

The banks won't even let me have a credit card, let alone a home loan. For some reason they frown upon bankrupt self employed people who don't have stable incomes. Very rude of them I think.

Even if I could get a loan, this place is going to sell for something over half a million Oz dollars and would be out of the range of even my most affluent friends. That's a really high price in the Adelaide market for what will be a vacant lot, REALLY high!

It's a shitty house actually, very small and no insulation so it's an oven in summer and a fridge in winter. Basically it's a breeze block holiday shack with a tin roof but the position is amazing and the block is huge. I won't miss the house in the slightest, it's the location and the cheap rent I don't want to part with.

Oh well. I'm off to get the newspaper so I can search the real estate section with my morning coffee. What fun.

23:32 / 27.02.04

Left knitting, still on the expensive palm wood needles, behind in dark club, and nobody turned it in. Club not crowded, due to rain, and I doubt any picked up 14 inch long, # 10 6.5 mm needles with six feet of heavy wool scarf (three rows from finished!) without realizing it. Not to mention smaller project, fine angora on #3 needles, rolled inside larger one. Two or three months worth of effort and $80 in materials, gone, through the cooperation of my own spaciness and the unimaginable motives of whoever stole it or threw it away.

Most unhappy.

Keith, like a scientist

01:19 / 28.02.04

oh hell

me again

oh hell

just saw female friend with boyfriend (who haven't seen in a long time). after a week of him being in town and completely abandoning her all week. after her calling me in tears last night to complain.

how stupid am i? god damn. i think i shall go to bed now. sleep sweet sleep. let tomorrow be a day full of distractions sights other than that god damn effing boyfriend!!!

01:25 / 28.02.04

Oh fucking hell all you poor, poor miserables.

I'm fine at the moment but i'll probably be joining you later on, my moods go up and down like a yo-yo. And i've been drinking.

20:20 / 03.03.04

I am miserable.

The thing that usually cheers me up to no end has just made me feel sad. Yesterday I ripped up hands on the bars at gym, so today I thought I could keep going, just tape it up, but it wouldnt stay. I felt a right failure. Then I went onto the shiny bar which doesnt require than part of my hand, and I was doing really well towards something I've never done before, and then I chickened out and didnt do it. Now I feel pathetic, because I didnt try.

And I have a ripped hand that I'll have to swing on on saturday. And I've got bruises coming up round my wrists and hands from bar-straps. And I shouted at 10 year olds, which I really shouldnt have, but they were pretending to be toddlers, babytalking, when I was both miserable, frustrated and hormonal. Then my mum tried to pick a bit of fluff off my trousers and I just about kicked her and screamed "CAN YOU NOT JUST LEEAAVEE ME ALONE?"

And I've got a chest infection, but that somehow seems to be a more minor thing than a 5mm hole in my skin. And I need a dose of chocolate and sedatives, I think.

*bbreeaaatthh*
It was verging on the untamed rage and anger thread, but now I just feel miserable. x

16:28 / 08.03.04

If people tell you enough times that something is your fault, and that you're to blame then you start to believe that everything is your fault, and that you're to blame. You get really self-centred about blame. And you blame yourself, all the time. "Well it must have been me, maybe I said something wrong, maybe I did something wrong..." And you tend to lose track of the fact that it's quite likely you're not to blame and it's something entirely unrelated to you, that is.

I get this.

But what I don't get is how people who know you really well, and who know this about you can still let things happen which they know will make you feel like you're to blame. Even if it isn't your fault.

Because surely they must be aware that what will happen is you'll be sitting there going, "Well, it's all my fault. It must have been something I said." And generally crucifying yourself. Because you can't help it.

18:09 / 09.03.04

Horrible zombie death rays, or 'clouds' of morbidity creeping through my whole being today, what's going on?

19:01 / 09.03.04

Literally no one likes me here at the office. And while that's understandable and perhaps even justified given how much I loathe the job, it still feels really bad to be all-around disliked. Poor me.

19:03 / 09.03.04

ibis don't worry about it. If it's really bothering you think of something funny to tell them or try and make conversation?

Actually that's easy for me to sit here and say, i can't feel the vibes of your office.

09:13 / 10.03.04

Even when things work out I'm miserable!

I got a job today. yay!! This is a good thing. It's only 4 hours a day, 9am - 1pm, but I get paid enough to consitute a reasonable full time income. Plus I can, and will, still operate my own self-employed design business in the afternoons. I am about to be rolling in it. Even if my landlord sells this house I will be able to afford to move with no problem at all. Hell, I will even be able to furnish a new house with new (second hand) furniture if I want to!

But now I'm scared. I'm so used to things not working out that I'm just sitting here waiting for a phone call to tell me it is just a joke, or that they have changed their minds. I'm afraid that I'll hate it when I get there despite them having been a client for something like 15 years and me knowing everyone there and knowing full well that I can do the required work in my sleep.

Perhaps next week, after I've started this job, I will be happy about it and can make a post in a thread called "The HAPPY Thread". If one doesn't exist, I'll start it myself. Honest.

23:41 / 25.04.04

Because things are always how you hope they won't be, and things always end up being what you should have expected in the first place but were too Pollyanna-ish to really believe.

I guess the lesson is, don't try to do the half-full glass thing, stick with the half-empty glass and then you won't be disappointed.

Morlock - groupie for hire

11:59 / 26.04.04

Fuck. Can't find a balance between the self-control needed to stop wanting to smash things, and the passion needed to get off my arse and change my life.

Haven't slept right since Easter.

Goodness Gracious Meme

14:35 / 26.04.04

i am miserable. One of the reasons why is over here. Fucking bunch of no-hope wankers, how on earth do I come to be associated with them?

oh. yeah. I see now.

Others are that my head feels rubbish, and life is generally stressful. I'm fed up with my life, anyone want to trade? I know I haven't sold it esp. well, but I do live near the beach. The BEACH!

Goodness Gracious Meme

15:10 / 26.04.04

actually, I know why I'm miserable. I spent the afternoon in the DSS.

09:39 / 08.05.04

Because I always say the wrong thing before long. Because I can never manage to say precisely the right thing when I really, really need to. Hell, because I’m such a fuckhead in general. And because I’ve got a fuzzy cheap-wine headache right now. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Going out to sit in the rain.

12:46 / 08.05.04

I banged my head in my hallway. Bounced of the top step which gave me enough lift for a square thud. Now my head hurts.

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