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A joke to cheer everyone up. Mayhap, this could turn into a prolonged and merry joke thread...

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The Return Of Rothkoid

01:26 / 12.03.03

Where's Haus with the pub joke? Bah...

01:27 / 12.03.03

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but don't you wonder how they got in there?

The Return Of Rothkoid

01:27 / 12.03.03

It. Had. To. Happen.

Q: Who's a pirate's favourite philosopher?
A: SARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-tre.

You know the rest...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

01:30 / 12.03.03

I was beginning to wonder myself, Roth. Maybe you'd better start without him.

rakehell

01:49 / 13.03.03

Did England/USA have the spate of dead baby jokes?

Here's one that's better in the telling - because it's got a homophone in it.

What's black and white and red all over?
A nun with stab wounds!

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms!

Saveloy

10:25 / 13.03.03

A man walks in to a pub.

"Ouch!"

It was an iron pub.

(was that the one you wanted, Roth? - ed.)

Smoothly

10:33 / 13.03.03

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. Barman says, "Is this some sort of joke?".

Eloi Tsabaoth

12:42 / 13.03.03

Shakespeare walks into a pub. The landlord shouts 'Oi! Get out, you're Bard!'

Smoothly

13:08 / 13.03.03

What do the donkeys on Blackpool beach get for lunch?
About half an hour.

etc

Loomis

13:23 / 13.03.03

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

deja_vroom

14:53 / 13.03.03

Aah, this thread reminds of the glorious days of the "Green Ox" Joke. I think I effectively made three or four posters definitely give up browsing this board, just because of it. How did it started? Ah, I seem to rememeber. It went something like this:

"That small town was shivering with anticipation. Because that night, at the Circus, they would be showing the only green ox in the world..."

grant

14:59 / 13.03.03

Did England/USA have the spate of dead baby jokes?

You mean like, "What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?" (A: "You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork....")

Smoothly

15:47 / 13.03.03

And the cot-death ones: What's 8 inches long, pink and stiff first thing in the morning? and so on.

Whisky Priestess

16:42 / 13.03.03

Warning: Basil Brush reference.

Two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom! Boom!

I told you ...

pomegranate

17:37 / 13.03.03

How many ska punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to smash it, and three to pickitup! pickitup! pickitup!

[I love that one.]

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:12 / 13.03.03

There was a fad for "Mummy Mummy" jokes back in the late 80's.

"Mummy, mummy! Why's everyone running away?"
"Shut the fuck up and re-load."

"Mummy, mummy! I don't like spaghetti."
"Shut the fuck up, or I'll rip the viens out yer other leg."

"Mummy, mummy! I keep walking round in circles."
"Shut the fuck up, or I'll nail the othre foot to the floor."

etc.

Bill Posters

20:24 / 13.03.03

A skelton walks into a pub. He asks for a beer and a mop.

(That's it.)

A priest walks into a pub. He says to the barman, "Can you tell me where the little boy's room is?"

A font walks into a pub. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type."

A baby seal walks into a club.

(That's it! Sorry, animal rights peps. God, these pub jokes are sooo offensive! Watch, I'm gonna make 'em all PC.)

A woman walks into a pub. Fuck, she thinks, I've just colonised a male-dominated joke format.

No, seriously, a woman walks into a pub. She says to the barman, "I'd like a double entendre, please." And guess what? He gave her one.

Lionheart

00:56 / 15.03.03

What's small, fleshy, bluish-red, shivering and on your thigh?

A homesick abortion.

Did you hear bout that new pirate movie?

It's rated ARRRRRRRRGH!

What's worser than 12 dead babies in one trashcan?

One dead baby in twelve trashcans.

"Luke, Lukemia, I am your father."

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:52 / 23.05.03

Bumping the bad jokes I am, yes!

What's ET short for?

He's only got little legs!

What time does Saddam Hussein have his lunch?

Same time as Tariq Aziz!

Jub

09:02 / 23.05.03

don't bother with dwarfs with learning difficulties....

... they're not big and they're not clever.

Hattie's Kitchen

09:52 / 23.05.03

How mani Iraqi Information Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

There is no need to change the lightbulb. It glows brilliantly, basking in the power of the wholly intact and functional local power station. The room is not dark. And there is no bruise on your knee from the furniture you didn't bump into.

Ninjas make great pets

10:50 / 23.05.03

some soft fluffy jokes..

whats grey, has four legs and a trunk?
a mouse going on holiday.

whats brown, has four legs and a trunk?
the mouse coming back.

awwww...

lord nuneaton savage

11:36 / 23.05.03

How many riot grrrls does it take to change a light bulb?

None everyone knows riot grrrl never changed anything.
(I don't agree folks but it sure does make me giggle).

How many Parisians does it take to defend Paris?

Dunno they've never tried.

hehehehe...
Oh dear.

Old brown-eye is back

13:58 / 23.05.03

Why has so Edward Woodward got so many Ds in his name?

Because if he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar.

Plus,

A man walks into a video shop. Says to the man behind the counter: "Have you got The Klumps?"

Man says: "No, it's just the way I'm standing."

My favourite joke, I can't tell you. I really can't.

sTe

14:44 / 23.05.03

I meet this gorgeous Dutch girl the other day with massive inflatable shoes. I phoned to ask her out for a date, but she's popped her clogs!

Spaniel

12:33 / 24.05.03

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

sTe

16:03 / 25.05.03

There was a man who entereda local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

sTe

16:09 / 25.05.03

plenty more where that came from, (which I should probably leave well alone, but can't resist it)

- Saw a bloke in the pub chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one"

- Tell you what I love doing more than anything, trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

- A jump lead walks into a bar, the barman says, I'll serve you but just don't start anything

Not Here Still

16:31 / 26.05.03

A cigarette walks up to a club. One of the bouncers says to his mate: "Don't let him in, he's completely menthol."

A bit of green tarmac walks up to a club. One of the bouncers on the door tells his mate: "Don't let him in, he's a bit of a cyclepath."

Princess Diana walks up to the gates of heaven. St Peter tells her: "You're not coming in here until you've wiped that Merc off your face."

plus a lamentable one I heard the other day:

Q: What's the worst joke about Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed Sahhaf in the world?

A: There are no bad Iraqi information minister jokes. Why must you keep saying this?

Bomb The Past

13:46 / 28.05.03

Q: What do you get if you cross a baby with a spike?

A: An erection.

(sorry)

Saint Keggers

01:26 / 03.06.03

A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"

Mep

07:01 / 03.06.03

a friend of mine told me this joke, and he said that if you laugh at this joke, then you will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL WHEN YOU DIE AND BURN THERE FOR ETERNITY, or somesuch, but, whatever:

what's better than getting the gold medal the the special olympics?

...NOT being retarded.

mkt

12:50 / 03.06.03

There are two lobsters in a tank. One says to the other, "So, how do you drive this thing?"

Tezcatlipoca

12:58 / 03.06.03

Two cannibals eating a clown.
One frowns and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

Mirror

18:38 / 03.06.03

An Irishman walks out of a pub.

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