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barbequotes

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Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:26 / 16.05.08

For some reason, I crack up every time I see this post from Zibarro In the Real.

What drew you to magic and the occult?

Wish Trolls

It's that sad sad little graemlin, hinting at inexpressible regret over the unmentionable horrors the Russ Trolls have unleashed upon hir life.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:02 / 19.05.08

I've had the same clippers for fifteen years, I keep them oiled and clean them fairly well every time, but last month they were just not working well. I ended up taking them totally apart, and found that the entire case was jammed full of whiskers. I've got a red beard, but it's been getting more grey for the last few years. I could see the whiskers transitioning over the years within the case; at the base they were brighter and purer red, transitioning to the current blend nearer the blades.

I just stared at it, seeing the whiskers of my younger days.

Then I cleaned it out, because it was gross. I hate clumps of whiskers. --Tsuga, in the "How to shave as a man" thread.

Janean Patience

17:00 / 23.05.08

I've quoted them IRL, so it's only fair to quote them here. Alex's Grandma on The Apprentice:

My feeling about Lee is that he's often wrecked. He's been increasingly red in the face, and his emotional outbursts have become more and more 'honest'.

He's perhaps been in a job where it wasn't all right to fire up the dragon within at lunchtime anyway, but now, the leash is off.

and

Alex has the furtive look of a treacherous minor royal in a Jacobean history play.

Mysterious Transfer Student

21:15 / 01.06.08

I think stories about men in stretchy costumes driving cars into each other's faces requires viewing through its own lens.

iamus, in the Glory Days thread, waves the geek flag high for the easily pleased of Barbelith, who have never spoken yet.*

*Not true, but deployed for dramatic effect, yunnerstand.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

20:00 / 03.06.08

Thanks to El Director, I nearly fell off my chair. Hahahhaha!

Mysterious Transfer Student

13:14 / 08.06.08

If there's one thing I've learned from my time as one of Scotlands most successful, if not Scotland's most successful export since anal penetration it's that Frank Quitely, just like all other Scottish people involved in the comics industry and in general, loves the ladies sorry I don't quite know what happened there.

An old comedy routine can still slay 'em when it's Haus on the mic. Props, also, for everything around that quote - and the thread as a whole - being an interesting and thoughtful examination of why and how Frank Quitely's art frequently causes its beholders to change their underwear; and also for coining the phrase 'wanking over a cliff', which I suddenly realise is what I've been doing with a good portion of my time on Barbelith.

14:42 / 08.06.08

Where does that routine originate from, btw?

Anyone knows (or knows the thread where it first popped)? Or would it kill the joke to explain it (beyond "Mark Millar wears shitpeanuts as hats")?

Our Lady Has Left the Building

04:59 / 09.06.08

Haus again, in the Final Crisis thread:

there's only so much you can reasonably take before you start thinking that maybe, just maybe, they aren't making it balls on purpose. Ultimately, perhaps one just has to get the hang of the idea that the Geoff Johns model of what makes a good superhero comic is... somebody pulling off the leg of character A and violating character B with it. It may not be nice, but sometimes real life isn't.

Haus writes something funny on Sunday evening, it makes getting up for work the next morning suddenly easier...

11:29 / 11.06.08

... And Haus again, chanelling Stephen Merritt in response to Buk's "no-one's poor really, are they?" in the Switchboard:

There are trolls, trolls, trolls in the trees,
Saying troll things, doing as they please.
There are trolls, trolls, trolls everywhere,
But when I'm with you, darling, I don't care.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:37 / 13.06.08

Proinsas, comedy genius:

Why don't we just pm Tom and ask if him and Cal can throw together some poster stat graphs at the bottom of the front page, surely that would be quicker than all this speculation business.

12:41 / 13.06.08

It's the deadpan way he says it.

Dry. So dry.

12:52 / 13.06.08

I did smirk, I admit.

17:13 / 13.06.08

I smurfed.

trouble at bill

15:34 / 19.08.08

Watching haus and E. Randy, of all people, spend these thousands of lines of text weeping and playing sad Russian music on their saxophones is tragicomical. We told you, several years ago, that this would happen if you kept taking yourselves so seriously. I mean, I adore you guys, I do, but why, guys? Y SO SRS?

Qalyn tells it like it is in yet another Policy hair-tearing session!

17:34 / 19.08.08

Well somebody also told us he was closing the connectors, or some bullshit like that.

18:29 / 19.08.08

Bill, if you liked the part about the saxophones, that's great, I liked it, too, but I'd rather not have all the Underdogs congratulate me for Speaking Truth to Power, because that's stupid. Apologies if I've got the wrong Bill.

HCE, I don't know what you mean.

18:43 / 19.08.08

You probably weren't around at the time. One of George's fans, appalled at our behavior, did something to us psychically or something. It's hard to tell.

Anna de Logardiere

20:28 / 19.08.08

It's not acceptable to talk about our master and overlord in this way. His holy leopard skin jock strap is offended by your attitude.

10:57 / 20.08.08

He severed our connectors...and now Barbelith is dyying...COINCIDENCE?! Or something more...

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

16:05 / 20.08.08

We could always graduate to being a Peter Milligan fanboard.

16:32 / 20.08.08

Or something more...

Once, when I was a lot younger, I saw a buzzard with a broken wing and squished guts on the side of the road. I waved my hands over it in a meaningful and eldritch fashion, pronounced 16 bars of home-brew Enochian, whirling myself widdershins as I went, and cast it's spirit out of it's body.

Within hours it was dead.

Like MAGIC.

19:02 / 20.08.08

ROF and indeed, L.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

19:05 / 20.08.08

How about I just shiv everybody in the taint.

A good line to break up a page of tedious reading. I was this close to yelling "no not my taint" out loud.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

19:25 / 20.08.08

I want a gun that fires glorified sophisticated bullets.

Our Lady is funnier than Your Lady, Batman.

04:49 / 21.08.08

Oh but your taint will be the very first.

Harrison Ford, in a battle suit, wheels for feet, knives and guns

15:12 / 21.08.08

Chill out, buk, its only a ficsuit. Try and develop a sense of humour about it.

Lurid Archive to Buk in the 'Dealing with aggressive attempts to lower the quality of what is left of Barbelith' thread.

Very very funny!

15:14 / 21.08.08

It is, isn't it? I've put my cross-post up for the chop out of deference to the excellence.

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

02:18 / 22.08.08

Seth's manifesto in the anime festival suggestion thread thingee WOKE ME UP FROM A TERRIBLE SLEEP OF DOOM. Quoted in entirety because it's a thing of such elegant dimpled beauty that the planets themselves shudder and rumble from their depths to wake and gnaw at the universe-skin:

Give me reverse-harem high school comedies! Give me thousand foot tall pink tennis player robots that get delivered in heart-covered blister packs! Give me lesbians that turn into cars!

Give me near-incomprehensible apocalyptic Oedipal nightmares, give me children who have to shout out their special moves as they execute them, give me comic relief animal mascots, give me bell peppers on underwear, give me parents that turn into pandas, give me mecha with surf boards that fight using rainbows that turn the enemy into salt, give me detachable mind-controlling pig tails, give me twelve thousand year revenge missions, give me death threats to showrunners, give me bass-playing Vespa riding alien girls, give me gods that take the form of TV game shows, give me teenagers who unwittingly form after school clubs full of aliens, time travellers and espers, give me students who get hassled to do homework while playing World of Warcraft because their teacher is in their raiding party, give me spirit archers who specialise in sewing and embroidery, give me fourteen year olds in berserker freak-outs, give me TV-headed big brother substitues that sprout from hormone-addled pubescent male foreheads, give me partnered zombie teens who have to swap forearms with each other in order to activate their powers, give me bread that sends you back in time, give me cats used as mediums for interstellar communication, give me a Desolate Land of Wind and Hungry Ghosts populated exclusively by mask-wearing Spaniards, give me mile long insects that hatch in suns, give me heroes who punch the bad guys so hard that it knocks a hole through space-time, give me Warriors of Love, give me ten mile high hermaphrodites whose thousand-eyed forehead vaginas get penetrated by giant robots that are crucified on the Tree of Life!

Give me sentient beards! Give me Buster Beam! Give me Bankai!

But most of all... GIVE ME DRILLS!!

Give him drills, ladies and gentlemen. Drills.

07:09 / 29.08.08

Liza Minnelli is the Antimorrissey. Mist

I love this place.

trouble at bill

16:08 / 01.09.08

I'd rather not have all the Underdogs congratulate me for Speaking Truth to Power, because that's stupid. Apologies if I've got the wrong Bill.

No no, I merely meant that taking things less seriously is extremely good advice and deserved a wider hearing than it'd get in Da Policy. Taking things less seriously combined with aggressive positivity is the Way Forward. And I don't think it really matters which Bill you've got...

08:58 / 02.09.08

Katy Perry afterthought: Somewhere in the gay bars of Utah, which I'm assuming Perry's from cause she's a Mormon, someone's singing I Kissed a Straight Girl (And She's Not Stopped Banging On About It Ever Since, How Vanilla Can You Get?)

Janean in the Miserable thread.

12:53 / 11.09.08

Woo! Science!

Anna DeLogardiere about the LHC, a post of elegant simplicity.

21:55 / 04.10.08

I see, you're specifically leaving me out of those who "get it", just because you don't like my cowgirl hot dog idea. Well, I think that you're the one who doesn't "get it". That is a great fucking idea. I mean, it's got everything, novelty foam, great outfits (little fringed skirt, broom-horse, spurs), cowgirl theme, and for you, cross-dressing, a Halloween standby.

You're blind. Ta hell witcha.

Tsuga, making me piss myself in the Dress me! thread.

To be fair I did discount hot dog cowgirl out of hand after Tsuga went to the trouble of describing it and posting a picture no less. Although I do secretly suspect Tsuga's partner has hijacked her suit for the 'hard sell'.

09:37 / 03.11.08

...spunked your rage milk...

Haus conjures the perfect description of poster behaviour in the anti-potter thread

09:52 / 03.11.08

That made me blow my rage milk out of my nose.

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