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Misreadings

 
  

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Papess
23:32 / 12.11.07
Condom killings? OH! Condemn killings. Right.

Bad brain.
 
 
Axolotl
15:45 / 14.11.07
King tells Chavs to shut up.

Bloody hell, talk about class warfare!

Oh, King tells Chavez to shut up, that makes more sense.

P.S. My use of the word chav here does not mean I condone its use, just that's what I misread it as.
 
 
Papess
22:16 / 16.11.07
A real time machine?

Ooh, a real time machine.

Emphasis makes all the difference.
 
 
Perfect Stranger
17:02 / 17.11.07
"Explosive sniffer dogs operating in the area." I read it right but thought it meant something else.
 
 
Triplets
18:19 / 26.11.07
Not exactly a misreading, but... I was on the bus earlier and on it's route there's a funeral parlour directly opposite a newsagents, which has a couple of neon signs out front. The bus stops in traffic. You know how things get weirdly reflected in bus windows with the inside lit up etc? For all the world it looked like the sombre funeral parlour had a neon sign flashing "OPEN!" above the front door.
 
 
jentacular dreams
12:09 / 27.11.07
Happy Birthday from Nemi, the Norwegian God of the Metro
 
 
Essential Dazzler
12:15 / 27.11.07
Every time we go to Cardiff we drive past The Cardiff Institute For Blinding.

This is not good for my fiance's phobia of eye-injuries.

(It's actually The Cardiff Institute for the Blind inc.)
 
 
Pingle!Pop
08:11 / 01.12.07
The man, who claimed he had a bomb strapped to his chest, had entered the building and demanded to speak to Mrs Clinton, who was not president.

Just in case you were getting ahead of yourself a bit.
 
 
Mistoffelees
15:35 / 05.12.07
If there are going to be regrets, could I have a chicory coffee? I'll get the next round.

No, because brb wrote beignets.
 
 
Blake Head
11:36 / 07.12.07
A BBC News article on boxer Ricky Hatton inspires the sort of frankly depraved sexual imagery I wasn’t expecting from a family corporation:

Hatton makes a joke out of the way he famously balloons in weight between fights. A photograph of him lying on a settee with Bernard Manning in his underpants hangs in his Manchester gym.
 
 
Triplets
00:06 / 15.12.07
I have an Evangelion post I've been meaning to shite out for a while that's exactly that. Godzilla, The Bomb, Mecha and Ick. That's for another thread though.

I thought it said "write out" which made a drunking reading tonight into five minutes of childish chuckling...
 
 
alphito
07:42 / 18.12.07
at my lovely sex-toy-store job we have what is called a 'sleeve' for gents filled inside with 'stimulating masturbation noodles.' ...i'm not sure if 'masturbation nodules' (the actual copy) is much less silly. neither am i sure why my brain does this to me every single time i walk past the thing.

then again, i'm not sure 'sexy fun bumps' would pull them in, either. beaucoup tiny bumps not typically being conducive toward the sexyfun.

i keep picturing a tube full of ramen!
 
 
TeN
07:54 / 18.12.07
I've been using a little program on my mac called TextExpander (very handy, you should check it out), but when it was first recommended to me, it was typed in all lowercase, and i misread it as Tex Tex Pander, which is what I assumed it was actually called for several days until it dawned on me how much of an idiot I am

I'm not sure what Tex Tex Pander means (although I prefer it to the actual name), but my friend and I have invented the closely related Tex Tex Panda, which is, of course, a cowboy tyrannosaurus rex-panda bear hybrid (he also just so happens to fight corrupt human-muscle dealers, but that's another story entirely)
 
 
Essential Dazzler
23:03 / 19.12.07
Bouncing between Comic Book forums and Anti-BNP sites tonight.

I was surprised to discover that Nick Griffin is writing an upcoming issue of JLU.

(That'd be Keith Giffen then.)
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
23:05 / 19.12.07
Alphito: You just know that somewhere, some guy has actually done that.
 
 
Essential Dazzler
23:20 / 19.12.07
Google Image Search for "Noodly Love Sleeve" = Not as terrifying as you'd imagine. So says a friend.
 
 
This Sunday
11:07 / 21.12.07
I just, right here on Barbelith, misread 'Bat-heroin' as 'Bat-heron' and had a vision of the appropriately broody and gritty birdie of justice. He was getting ready to fight a particularly pale stork, I believe, who wouldn't stop laughing.

The Penguin was suddenly horribly redundant. As was Magpie, but nobody remembered her.
 
 
jentacular dreams
12:23 / 07.01.08
Not so much a misreading, but 'live' subtitles on BBC news 24 can often bring forth unintentional comedy gold. This morning's offering: "Poles indicate that a barmaid is likely to win New Hampshire primaries" (correcting all those who mistakenly thought we heard the newscaster say "Obama").

OK, so not always comedy gold, but that's at least copper, maybe even zinc.
 
 
Hydra vs Leviathan
16:34 / 07.01.08
I've lost count of the number of times i've misread Obama as Osama. And vice versa.
 
 
Shrug
22:10 / 18.01.08
Civil Servants: How to Cope?

Needed.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:20 / 18.01.08
Not so much a misreading, but 'live' subtitles on BBC news 24 can often bring forth unintentional comedy gold. This morning's offering: "Poles indicate that a barmaid is likely to win New Hampshire primaries" (correcting all those who mistakenly thought we heard the newscaster say "Obama").

OK, so not always comedy gold, but that's at least copper, maybe even zinc.


I'd definitely vote for a barmaid (or -man). One thing I've learned in my time on this planet is that trusting the people in charge of the booze is vital.
 
 
Mike Modular
22:54 / 18.01.08
"Poles indicate that a barmaid is likely to win New Hampshire primaries"

Well, maybe the Polish know something we don't...
 
 
All Acting Regiment
16:56 / 21.01.08
'Recent PhD Says We're All Lions!'
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
10:10 / 22.01.08
Well I am.

Exept when I'm a dinosaur.
 
 
Twice
10:13 / 01.02.08
A box of Cup-a-Soup in the office marked as CHICKEN NOODLE. I saw it as SMOKED HADDOCK. Curious.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
10:23 / 01.02.08
Why I Kicked 13 Ospreys is a Fall-esque misreading of a headline I saw this morning; sadly it only refers to something as mundane as a Welsh football coach justifying his picks for the national team.
 
 
Hydra vs Leviathan
15:01 / 01.02.08
I thought i saw a headline in the Metro recently about a Unicorn Baby.

Sadly, unborn was the more mundane reality...

(It was some "funny picture of the week" thing in which an ultrasound scan showed a fetus making an obscene gesture, or some probably-photoshopped thing...)
 
 
jentacular dreams
17:38 / 09.04.08
...Then I kind of vegetate when in a relationship and get fat and want to stay in lofts....

Buk reveals hir inner pigeon.
 
 
Dead Megatron
20:56 / 09.04.08
Every time I see the Goth Hatecrime? thread in Switchboard, the first thing that pops in my mind are those milk commercials:

Got Hatecrime?

and it's a weird thing to see in Switchboard
 
 
Jackie Susann
07:44 / 11.04.08
I was at the bank the other day, and the teller had an inspirational-message-of-the-day calendar, which I read, upside-down, as, "If you choose two rabbis, you'll lose them both." About five minutes later I realised it actually said, "If you chase two rabbits, you'll lose them both", but what bugs me about it is the former didn't strike me as at all strange until I realised what it actually said.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
18:54 / 27.05.08
I just took a personality quiz on Facest*b, because I need machine code to tell me who I am even though I'm in my mid-thirties.... anyway, one of the other quizzes listed was 'Favourite Pancreas'. The reality-based alternative 'Favourite Princesses' both makes sense and is explicable, but who needs or wants to make choices based on that sort of thing?

Naturally, anyone reading this who can formulate a personality quiz based on internal organ preferences should contact the shrouded, vulture-like things who sell advertising on Facebook for a diamond marketing crossover opportunity.
 
 
COG
20:25 / 01.06.08
Just perusing the Gastronomic thread and saw these rather militaristic instructions.

So in a big pot you heat the butter or olive oil. Add the onion, garlic, carrot, and sweet potato and salute till the onion is translucent.

Somehow I can imagine that saluting and not sauteeing would make it taste better.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
20:31 / 01.06.08
The reality-based alternative 'Favourite Princesses' both makes sense and is explicable, but who needs or wants to make choices based on that sort of thing?

Favourite Princesses? Apart from Barbelith's own one, who's even in the running?
 
 
Triplets
23:45 / 13.06.08
I shouldn't laugh but, reading through a list of Iron Man's enemies on wikipedia, I came across one formidable man... Alcoholism!
 
 
COG
17:18 / 19.08.08
"Emblematic and unique, the 725 Continental Hotel Buenos Aires is a mixture of design, tradition and vandalism."

...actually, vanguardism.
 
  

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