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Misreadings

  
  

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Pingle!Pop
11:29 / 09.03.07
I look at my email, and courtesy of the Googlyads at the side I get:

Cold Calling The Dead

Jesus Christ. Do these people have no shame? If you go phoning the underworld trying to sell double glazing for corpses' coffins, do you really have anyone else to blame if they rise up to eat your branes?

And then, I look again and it's an advert for a dull e-book, Cold Calling Is Dead. I'm simultaneously relieved and quietly disappointed.
 
 
jentacular dreams
14:22 / 09.03.07
Those two are both brilliant.
 
 
Triplets
19:57 / 09.03.07
My heart skipped a beat a second ago when, looking through the TV guide, I saw a film at 10 called "Decepticon".

Deception. Deception. Breathe, Trips. Spielberg's robopus isn't out just yet...
 
 
Leigh Monster loses its cool
01:07 / 14.03.07
Kali: Cat Consumer since '97.

ew, fur in mouth.
 
 
Triplets
19:03 / 16.03.07
"Sweatshops for kids! Sign yours up today!"

Blimey, that's a bit keen.
 
 
Papess
20:20 / 16.03.07
You just know you have more than a few mental obscurations when you read Arhat as Asshat.

I hope Arhats have a good sense of humour.

I am an asshat.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
19:34 / 18.03.07
Wandering round W. H. Smith's a few days ago I was pleasantly surprised to catch a sidelong glimpse of their book section for 8-12 YEARS QUEER FICTION

"Older Fiction", disappointingly.
 
 
Bear
23:11 / 18.03.07
Just a second ago on this very PC (which belongs to my SO Mother)..

There's a bookmark named Beastex, turns out it's an online game involving a cat (not like that though).
 
 
Pingle!Pop
10:28 / 23.03.07
two-headed kids everywhere

Jack Fear attempts to paint a picture of Omaha, Nebraska as "[a]n American city like any other" but falls just slightly short.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:42 / 23.03.07
Ex- well, the M&S/MI5 link does exist... this could be bigger than we thought. Were you wearing those sunglasses from They Live and seeing TEH REEL TRUTH??!?!!1!!!1!!?
 
 
Benny the Ball
07:29 / 26.03.07
I was quite disappointed to realise that the Suicide Jackets that I thought were on sale on the shopping channel this morning only turned out to be Suede Jackets.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
17:37 / 28.03.07
The Pirates of Canvey Island

... is not, on closer inspection, the title of a series recently in receipt of its own thread in Comics. A damn shame, as I was looking forward to tales of derring-do in the Thames estuary, raids with cannon and cutlass on South Benfleet and Shoeburyness, to the sound of "Milk and Alcohol" by Dr Feelgood. This is what we want to read!

(... it was Coney Island. Cuh.)
 
 
Shrug
16:18 / 18.04.07
David Lynch's* much loved classic Great Expectations.

Why

Doesn't

This

Exist?

*Unfortunately Lean's..
 
 
This Sunday
17:42 / 18.04.07
Y'mean that wasn't the alternate title for Blue Velvet?

Seriously, look at the characters and tell me that's not what's going on.
 
 
The Ghost of Tom Winter
08:09 / 21.04.07
Out side a church parking lot I saw a space reserved for "Missionary Asshats"

Sadly, it was only Ministry Assistants.
 
 
MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!
16:06 / 30.04.07
I was just doing the crossword and the clue was "Goatee site" (answer: chin).

I read "Goatse site" and I was wondering just what the hell was going on in the crossword editor's mind.
 
 
Shrug
12:23 / 01.05.07
Y'mean that wasn't the alternate title for Blue Velvet?

Seriously, look at the characters and tell me that's not what's going on.

*Makes mental note to rewatch Blue Velvet*
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
17:50 / 04.05.07
the "nipples" being felt throughout the DCU

From the new Countdown thread in Comics... it should say ripples, but a rogue mouse pointer at the wrong spot on the screen flung me for a split second into a scary, tweaky new reality.

I apologise to Papers for such a childish response to his brand-new thread, but think how I feel... now I'm channelling Joel Schumacher.
 
 
Make me Uncomfortable
05:25 / 05.05.07
The title of an anthropological presentation, Death is a "Football".

It was actually a festival. But it was a brazillian festival. So I wasn't far off.
 
 
Saveloy
10:33 / 14.05.07
Gah! Every f---ing time I check out the Music forum:

Cameron and Disrespect

"Surely that should be in Switchboard? D'oh!"
 
 
Whisky Priestess
22:42 / 15.06.07
A response to Legba's hate-on for his racist-toleratin' housemate:

Legba, I don't think I like your flatmate. I think he's a cock.

Naturally, I read it as:

Legally, I don't think he's your housemate. I think he's a cock.

If only that *were* a legal definition. And a punishable offence ...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:56 / 21.06.07
I could have sworn I just saw a banner ad for "birthday gits" somewhere on the internet.
 
 
Mistoffelees
13:01 / 21.06.07
Coincidence time, I was just looking for this thread. On a news page I read "Bush fell downhill - dead and injured", but it was a bus.
 
 
Saveloy
13:12 / 21.06.07
"Bernard Manning Flies"
 
 
COG
19:43 / 02.07.07
A song on Kate Bush's latest album called Pimp3.

No it's called Pi and is in that popular mp3 format.
 
 
Equal Opportunity Disaster
00:43 / 04.07.07
A friend on msn handed her keyboard over to a gay guy I didnt know. He said he needed to loose weight so I, naturally, asked why.

because this look aint getting me too many jazz cats on the street corner, you know?

I read it as:

because this look aint getting me too many jizz coats on the street corner, you know?

sadly it was several mintutes later I realized my fault..
 
 
Triplets
17:46 / 07.07.07
I keep reading "Bemani / Rhythm Action" in the Games & Gameplay forum as "Bentley Rhythm Ace".

And I find myself thinking, "the game?".
 
 
Triplets
17:48 / 07.07.07
because this look aint getting me too many jizz coats on the street corner, you know?

Surely that would be the logical outcome anyway.
 
 
Mistoffelees
21:12 / 08.08.07
"Will sing for visa? Alien in limbo"

No, it´s not from pouter space, it´s Lily Allen.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
13:03 / 20.09.07
I was amazed to see, on the top news banner of Digital Spy, that Jolie claims to have slept with your mum.

It was with a mixture of relief and disappointment that I realised it actually said "four men".
 
 
Chiropteran
18:27 / 22.10.07
Two:

I was beyond startled, the other morning, to see the headline:
Lethal Injection Site for Addicts in S.F.
The War On People is heating up! Or... no. "Legal Injection Site." Well, that's different. Very different.

And last night, a bumper sticker advertising a local animal hospital:
Our Pets Love the Yeti
Who doesn't? But, alas, it was just the Vet.

I haven't been getting an awful lot of sleep, so these are probably going to start piling up.
 
 
Triplets
18:44 / 22.10.07
"Our Vets Love The Yeti"?

Well, of course they like a visit from the big chap.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
14:25 / 07.11.07
Ex-Blue Peter man attacks kids

Shocker!

No he didn't, it's just that I have the attention span of a gnat.
 
 
gu
23:13 / 07.11.07
"Finger puppets" only sounds good as a noun.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
22:47 / 08.11.07
Abstract plastic surgeon filled my mind with all sorts of images before I realised it was just Arizona plastic surgeon.

Time for bed, said Zebedee.
 
  

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