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I'm full of bile today. What should be a lovely job in a lovely place with lovely people - effectively, what should be the best job I'll ever have in my life (even if the pay is shitter than shit) is rapidly being destroyed by one single motherfucking piece of shit arsehole wankstain fuckinGMOTHERFUCKINGRANCIDDICKWADMISERABLESHITBRAINEDCOCKHOLE sorry, you get the picture.
And my bile has made me remember the moment that set the day off to a flying start:
John Humphrys. Shut the FUCK up.
My non-love of Humphrys is well documented elsewhere in these pages, but today's Today was possibly the lowest of a never-ending series of low points for intelligent news broadcasting.
Every other morning, the item immediately before Thought for the Day is five minutes of "ZOMG Political Correctness is am go MAD now" radio water torture. Today, Humphrys tells us - in his lilting, sneering, cocksure, smarmy twat voice - that "it may soon be the end of those lovely little kissing gates and stiles that are seen throughout the English countryside - proper England, like, not that place with all the immigrants and EU laws - in order to comply with disability discrimination legislation."
Cue snort. Seriously, he fucking snorted down the mike. When he does this, I picture that upper class schoolboy that got turned into an alien in that recent Doctor Who. Just like that. the kind of sneering mug that you desperately want to plant one on. Right in the fucking kisser.
In your mind's eye, of course. Wouldn't want anybody reading this to contact the authorities or anything. There are safety and harrassment issues, dontchaknow.
Anyway. he snorts. Then he goes "this can't be true, can it?" to a guy who's come in from a county council countryside dept.
He has to editorialise everything. I never listened to Today until a couple of years ago, but if it's always been like this I wish to god Alistair Campbell had got his way and had the entire thing shut down. It's no fucking better than the Mail. It's worse, actually, because you can actually hear the superiority complex oozing out of the tosser's pores as he's talking.
You're meant to be a news reporter, dick. It's not a fucking opinion piece.
ANYWAY. The second guest in this item is a disabled member of the Ramblers' Association. Humphreys spends the entire interview mocking her. Actually, that's not quite true. He spends half of the interview doing that, the other half talking over her when she's trying to respond to him. She tells him that actually, this is important stuff and not something for him to be getting high and mighty about, ebcause only 1% to 2% of English countryside rights of way are accessible to disabled users *because* of kissing gates and stiles.
Which point he ignores and doesn't bother responding to, because he wants to carry on sneering and shouting her down. Which, of course, he's perfectly at liberty to do, because he controls the volume of the microphones.
They're pieces of wood, you turd. That's all. They do not represent the last bastion of Englishness, the final barrier being held up in front of floods of darkies and feminists by an ever-dwindling band of right-thinking middle class, middle-England heroes. PIECES OF FUCKING WOOD.
He's a piece of shit. And it's noticable that it's only the days when he's presenting that the show runs with these PCGUNMAD items.
It's getting to the stage where he's even starting to make Ann Atkins' TFTD tirades sound liberal and fair-minded. What a fucking prick. He's even looking down on us all in his agent's publicity photograph - one eye raised, hint of a "what a joke! Europe makes us eat straight bananas and won't let us use blackboards! How utterly ridiculous, Tarquin!" smile on his mouth. Eminently punchable.
Still, at least I can turn him off once I've become enraged enough to get out of bed and kick the radio alarm. Unlike this shithead at work.
Although she's not broadcasting her vicious bullshit to the entire nation. So it balances out somewhat.
Humphreys: STFU. |
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