Triplets:
I did say I would prefer abortion when we had the first pregnancy scare in December (I was also pro-abortion from our first week of getting together). However, when she said no I didn't press the issue. I have also brought up adoption which has been similarly shot down.
So, wait. Let me get this straight.
You've been having unprotected sex with her. This has led to a previous pregnancy scare. At the time of the previous pregnancy scare, you reached the impasse you're at now, where you didn't want to have a baby and she did.
Then, knowing the sorts of choices she would make in the event she were to become pregnant, you kept having unprotected sex with her.
Now, she's pregnant, and, surprise, she still doesn't want to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption.
Is it just me, or was there a point where you could have done something differently?
I texted her today saying that I'm not comfortable offering support until I see the results of a paternity test and that I'd prefer (knowing that she can be manipulative) less contact as possible.
Dude, no. If you can't text message breakup, and you can't, you sure as hell cannot text message demand a paternity test, and incidentally ask that she not see you anymore. I don't care how many times you have talked to her about it in person. The woman is claiming to be pregnant with your child, and you have reason to believe she may well be right. You absolutely cannot under any circumstances cut her off and inform her by fucking text message. It's just really kind of a faux pas.
Selfish, maybe.
Ya think?
Whisky Priestess:
Not only does she appear to be hugely irresponsible, it seems she's also unfaithful, duplicitous and mendacious.
I think the key word here is "appear." She "appears" that way because Triplets has portrayed her that way. His portrayal may be accurate, or it may not be.
I feel you deserve someone light-years better than her behaviour indicates she is.
Even if she really is the harpy from the pits of Hell he's portraying her as, I fail to see what has given you reason to believe Triplets deserves someone better.
gourami:
The simple fact that Triplets does not know for certain that he is not the father suggests to me that he is not the innocent victim of some kind of dirty, evil, lying succubus who stole his precious seed while he slept. If this is what is meant by "I love this girl" then I wonder how Triplets would treat her if he held her in contempt.
I, too, am particularly disturbed by the way Triplets continues to portray himself as a naive but well-meaning dupe and his ex as said evil succubus. What makes it especially disturbing is that it just seems so disingenous, like he's pretending he doesn't mean to be portraying her in that way, like he's trying to put her best face forward, and just happens to be dropping in tidbits that make her sound like a total trainwreck. You know, so we can say, "no, Triplets, stop being such a nice guy, she's using you, DO YOU SEE?" and we can twist his arm into standing up for himself. See, he tried to give her every possible benefit of the doubt, but when he told the story even total strangers were trying to convince him to stop playing nice... Basically, he gets to be the nice guy and he gets to weasel out of the situation and he gets to play the victim all, at the same time!
Of course, she could very well be a total nightmare of a human being. I don't know, I've never met the person. I just think the way Triplets is presenting the story is making me suspicious of him.
Honestly, I suspect that in real life she is probably as manipulative and crazy as Triplets is making her appear, but then again I'm cynical about people sometimes. However, I feel that Triplets has been incredibly manipulative in the way he presents the situation - painstakingly crafting the image of himself as the kind of guy who would never smear someone he claims to love, as he is, in fact, smearing her - and so even if she really is as bad as he's making her seem, they probably deserve each other.
This whole thread has seemed to split into people who sympathize with Triplets and demonize the woman, and people who sympathize with the woman and bash on Triplets. Personally, I suspect that it's likely that they're both manipulative, irresponsible fuckwits who are trapped on, as ibis so eloquently called it, the "she-cheated-I-heard-from-Larry merry go round," and have sort of mutually, if subconsciously, conspired to raise the stakes of their petty little game by bringing a baby into it, without any real understanding of the responsibility that entails. I can't say I'm terribly inclined to sympathize with either one of them, though I pity any baby that might be born to the people involved.
Mister Disco:
It's a complete myth that having a child disrupts the life path of everyone concerned, and makes it impossible to continue 'independence'.
With all due respect, not really, no, it's not. Or, rather, no, technically, it's not impossible, but it's extraordinarily unlikely. The statistics are quite grim. Realistically speaking, having a child at that age not only fucks up your life, it fucks up the child's life, too.
Teenage parents have drastically worse economic futures and dramatically worse quality of life metrics across the board. Children born to teenage parents have significantly higher incarceration rates, lower life expectancies, lower IQ scores (leaving aside how fraught the whole issue of intelligence testing is), and, again, drastically worse economic futures.
It's not a myth. It's not something that should be treated like a little surprise that might possibly cause a few hitches in one's life plan. It's a disaster, and it's a mistake. The few people who manage to make it through relatively intact do not outweigh the overwhelming majority of people who do not - just because you know someone who managed to run across eight lanes of speeding traffic without getting hit doesn't mean that doing so is not a colossally stupid idea.
This is not the same thing as vilifying teenage mothers, or cutting off their support, or demonizing teenage sexuality in general. I just don't think it does anyone any favors to pretend that having a kid when you're an unemployed teenager is just one of those curve balls life throws you. I really don't think we should downplay the magnitude of what we're talking about here.
Boboss:
As I said earlier we've all done stupid things, we've all had unprotected sex and we've all behaved irresponsibly in relationships.
I'm about to be a self-righteous asshole, so please, forgive me in advance.
I have done stupid things. I have had unprotected sex. I have also behaved irresonsibly in relationships.
However, I have never had unprotected sex with someone with whom I had not already discussed the issue of abortion, and with whom I did not share basic fundamental assumptions about what should be done in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.
I have had sex with people I didn't know very well, sure, but because I am not dumber than a bag of rocks I wore a goddamned condom. I have also known women who were opposed to abortion, or who felt strongly that they could never have one themselves even if they supported the legal right to have one, but I have never had sex with any of them, because I really thought it was important to avoid finding myself in the situation that Triplets finds himself in now.
Pregnancies happen by accident, but in places where abortion is legal and readily available, they only come to term by choice, and frankly, you only find yourself in Triplets' situation by choice. He chose to have sex with her. He chose to not to wear a condom. He chose to continue to not wear a condom even after a pregnancy scare when it became clear that the two of them would handle a pregnancy very differently, with serious ramifications for the rest of their lives and potentially for the life of a child who would be dependent on them.
We've all done stupid and irresponsible things in relationships, by which I mean we've all gone to visit an ex ostensibly to have a few drinks and watch a movie, platonically, as friends, only to predictably end up humping on the floor and waking up weird and alienated and broken-hearted. We've all done stuff like that, but we have not all done things as stupid, selfish, and irresponsible as Triplets has done, and I for one do not feel the need to sugar-coat that.
I mean, for fuck's sake, he knew she would want to carry any pregnancy to term, and he had unprotected sex with her, and now he's trying to act like she tricked him or something, like she somehow hid from him the sinister truth that penis + vagina - contraception - abortion = baby. |
