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Chop off my willy

  
  

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Dead Megatron
18:37 / 20.01.07
He may as well hang onto it now, don't you think? Really, what else can it do to him?

Well, it can still do the same thing again... It's been known to happen

Chopping it off may be a bit too much, but I'd advise putting it in the freezer (metaphorically speaking, I should add) for a while.
 
 
alas
21:02 / 20.01.07
diz, I largely agree with your sentiments, and see them as pretty appropriate to this thread. I do not see them as counter-productive or harmful.
 
 
w1rebaby
22:02 / 20.01.07
I do. I see them as abusive, patronising and unhelpful. Please don't take them as generally indicative of opinion, Triplets.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
22:20 / 20.01.07
Just to clarify my previous post, as there seems to have been a bit of misunderstanding:

"Hugely irresponsible" DOESN'T refer to the woman having sex with a number of men while single - far from it. It refers to the woman in question having unprotected sex a number of times (and reportedly with a number of people) while fully aware that if pregnancy should result she would neither terminate nor be in (to put it mildly) a good financial, physical, psychological or emotional position to raise the resulting child. (This is not to say that Triplets and the possible other partners were not also irresponsible).

"duplicitous and mendacious" refers to (apparently) lying to Triplets about the possibility of someone else being the father of said child. (Although this has yet to be confirmed, of course).

I am aware that all that we know about the situation and the woman in question comes from Triplets, and so I am careful to use "appear" and "seem" in my previous post - however, Triplets is our only source of info on this so I'm not sure what is to be gained by assuming all or part of his story is a lie, or twisted to favour him (although admittedly personal bias is kind of hard to avoid when recounting something from one's own point of view).

I said that I thought Triplets deserved better based on two things:
1) What I see and know of Triplets's behaviour on the board, as a poster
2) What I hear of Triplets's ex's behaviour through the board (pretty much exclusively through these two threads)

I realise that what I have learned of his ex has been exclusively through him, and that there's no way that information can be objectively presented, because he's emotionally involved with the woman.

To clarify something Haus (seems to) refer to - I didn't at any point call her a disgrace to her sex. However, if even half of her reported behaviour is true I think it's fair to express my personal feelings by saying that this makes me slightly ashamed to share a sex with her.

My negative emotional response to this situation as presented to us is probably stronger than a lot of other people's, but it is my response. I'm aware that others might well not share it, and I don't ask them to. However, I find it very difficult to respond positively to somebody who appears to have so little concern about the welfare or security of the child she intends to have - let alone her own welfare or security while trying to raise that child.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
23:42 / 20.01.07
It refers to the woman in question having unprotected sex a number of times (and reportedly with a number of people)

Was it at any point mentioned that any of the other sex was unprotected? I don't think so...
 
 
Olulabelle
00:16 / 21.01.07
Well I don't know. I agree with this: and have sort of mutually, if subconsciously, conspired to raise the stakes of their petty little game by bringing a baby into it, without any real understanding of the responsibility that entails. I think that's probably absolutely correct about this situation. it seems to me from reading the description of what's going on that that is exactly what is happening. Here there are two people, primarily concerned with self and how each self will be affected. Thst seems to be the main overiding theme. She said, he did, he was, she was...

The point is that is doesn't matter who said or did, Ibis's 'Larry merry go round'. Now there is a pregnant women who has no wish to become unpregnant and so there will be a child. That's the fact and so they have to deal with that. Recriminations are fine at some other point I guess if that's what you dig, but they're not relevant or useful here.
 
 
grant
00:40 / 21.01.07
I still want to know if there's any help/input from either set of grandparents -- if you want to avoid the worst-case outcomes described by diz, then kin caretakers are pretty important.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
00:45 / 21.01.07
Well, actually there will probably be a child, but one has to assume, indeed, that there will. And the relationship of the parents is going to be complex, by the looks of it, if those parents are Triplets and his ex. And the advice you get from your friends and family can only take you so far on that. It seems that it would be not only sensible but vital to try to get some more structured help. Something like the CSA could give more advice on the legal responsibilities. A counsellor of some kind would maybe also be useful. I think there's been some good advice and some less good advice in this thread, and some more or less helpful editorial, but ultimately this is next to a collection of barbarian wisdom, you know? It might be wise to call in the experts here.
 
 
Olulabelle
01:35 / 21.01.07
Ideally. But nothing ever is is it? The CSA will tell Triplets to pay more than he can afford which he won't agree to, and then she will be left with no money at all for the child whilst the CSA and Triplets argue, which will take years. I know this from experience.

Better to come to a personal agreement if you can although that also is is difficult. My advice is to avoid any kind of governmental agency, however well meaning they may be. It only ever ends up with everyone feeling resentful, and probably paying more than they would if they had privately agreed a sum.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
10:10 / 21.01.07
Well, yes. The CSA is only involved, as far as I understand it, if you are unable to reach a personal agreement, or if the resident parent is on income support or means-tested JSA - so either it's best avoided or it can't be avoided, really. However, the website has some useful stuff on how to think about contributions.

However, right now the mechanisms of child support are not really an issue. Sorting out how everyone feels about the pregnancy and the best way of dealing with it are. The Citizens' Advice Bureaux could provide some assistance here. If either of you are still at college currently or have been associated recently with a college, you might be able to use their welfare support network. The National Family Mediators Association deals with families who already have children and who are breaking up, rather than prospective parents, but might be worth a shot. Mediation, generally, presupposes that both parties are basically on the same side, and need to sort out the details of how to proceed - it isn't counseling and it isn't a legal contest, and ultimately no contract reached through counselling is binding.

A place to start, since it is free, might be the Parenting Plus helpline - more info here.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
11:22 / 21.01.07
Okay, a member of the partay here has started this thread because frankly he's in the shit. Over the last few pages instead of seeing people be helpful, kind and sensible quite a lot of you have engaged with your own emotion and unecessary judgement regarding both the situation and his ex. What do you think this is exactly, a novel? A work of fiction? Stop bitching at each other and infighting and get with the fucking programme. Dude needs our help, not our sniping.

*This isn't directed at the last few posts by any account. You guys are hott with the CSA chat.
 
 
The Falcon
11:31 / 21.01.07
^

Strong truth.
 
 
Spaniel
11:32 / 21.01.07
Now that's a helpful post.
 
 
Spaniel
11:32 / 21.01.07
As is Haus's
 
 
The Falcon
12:44 / 21.01.07
Actually, trips, I always liked you + have a actual baby, so you're more than welcome to pm 4 discussion and I can dole out such nuggets as 'it's not the end of the world, mate'. It really isn't, though.
 
 
bio k9
21:47 / 22.01.07
 
 
wembley can change in 28 days
11:14 / 23.01.07
Oh yeah!

Hey Trips, this thread will at least let you know you're not the only one who's been there. This happened, or something kinda similar happened, to my brother about a couple of years ago.

Basically, he's still in a bit of a fix because he's not with his ex, and they don't really like each other, and he does hate being stuck with her because she pulls all kinda manipulative stuff. He'd love to go to med school but the only university he can really go to is in the town where his ex and his daughter live, because he won't be taken out of his daughter's life.

And this kid. I love her socks off and my brother is absolutely, surprisingly, amazingly a fantastic dad. He hates the mom, he loves the kid (and I mean she's 19 months old and she just keeps getting more apple in his eyes). I personally think the relationship between them is eventually going to settle once they've simply had enough time to realize it's too much energy to be vitriolic all the time. But anyway. The thing is that he can be irritated about things, but if you ask him if he sometimes wishes Em had never been born, he'd use one of his Bruce Lee moves on you for even imagining the idea.

Just on that experience, my advice is that you may find a kid of your own to be something you really really love. And that even if you aren't together with your ex, the kid can have a potentially large base of support and love in the form of many other family members. That's the other thing, everyone ELSE in my family and in her family is smitten with the little girl. We're all nuts over her, and even though neither family is exactly in control of a large financial thwack of resources, kid's got everything she needs.

Right. I'm not purposefully hijacking the thread (I hope), but I just wanted to show that it can work out (without actually working out yet).
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:30 / 23.01.07
The thing is that he can be irritated about things, but if you ask him if he sometimes wishes Em had never been born, he'd use one of his Bruce Lee moves on you for even imagining the idea.

He sounds like he might have some anger issues.

But seriously, did they manage to work out support/access issues, Wembley? Is there a voluntary agreement, or did they go to law?
 
 
Triplets
19:37 / 23.03.07
THE BABY'S NOT MINE.

She's had a scan that puts the conception sometime in the middle of January.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Party!!!
 
 
JOY NO WRY
19:54 / 23.03.07
Feels a little out of place to say it, but congratulations, Trips.
 
 
Papess
20:19 / 23.03.07
Wouldn't you have felt silly if you had actually chopped of your willy?
 
 
Mistoffelees
20:51 / 23.03.07
That must be quite the relief after those two months of uncertainty. I´m glad this turned out well for you!
 
 
Lama glama
21:20 / 23.03.07
Nongratulations, I suppose.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
23:12 / 23.03.07
Let this be a lesson to you, nay to all of us, barrier contraception preferable when not desiring babies.
 
 
iamus
23:21 / 23.03.07
Yes indeed.

Be less of a silly billy next time.
 
 
This Sunday
23:42 / 23.03.07
Just ran through this entire thread, while thinking of a friend of mine who found out, with no uncertainty, that his ex-gf's kid was not his, and has been sticking it out, despite all manner of problems, because he feels it's good for the baby. Or all the people I used to know in LA who deliberately had as much non-protected sex as plausible for about a year, as some inane defiance of AIDS, pregnancies, and general over-attachment. Finding out a girl was lying about taking birth-control, while lying peacefully post-coital and all.

I feel a weird sort of congrats or something, must be in order, but... it's the monk side of me, I know, but maybe Bill Hicks was right and we should all curb the rutting until we get this food/air deal worked out. Without unnecessary or overdone genital mutilation and angst.
 
 
imaginary mice
16:38 / 24.03.07
I'm very happy for you, Triplets.

And let's hope mum and baby will be alright.
 
 
Dead Megatron
16:53 / 24.03.07
I second imaginary mice's post to the letter.

But, if conception was somewhere mid-January, and this thread began January 18, how long did your ex take to realize she was pregnant, tripsy? Three days?
 
 
JOY NO WRY
17:56 / 24.03.07
Uhoh. Even I felt a thrill of fear there. Hot work, Internet Detective.
 
 
Spaniel
18:20 / 24.03.07
I echo Mice's sentiments.

I'm really glad the issue of paternity has been resolved, but I hope and pray everything goes well for Mum and fetus.
 
 
Jake, Colossus of Clout
00:23 / 25.03.07
That's fantastic, triplets. Go have a cocktail on me. And buy some rubbers.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
02:16 / 25.03.07
Glad you're off the hook there, Mr T.

From now on, contain the paste in a bag!
 
 
Triplets
02:17 / 25.03.07
"I seem to have formed some kind of paste"
 
 
Whisky Priestess
12:47 / 25.03.07
Well, blimey, what a relief. I'm of course not glad that she decided to mislead you about the whole deal, and cause you ridiculous amounts of stress, but I hope the real father is around, and if not over the moon, willing to be supportive.

Lesson learned, presumably. And anti-congrats!
 
 
HCE
13:52 / 25.03.07
I missed the part where it was determined she was misleading him rather than having been mistaken. Link please?
 
  

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