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OH DEAR.
1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It's not just futile, it's physically impossible.
I get angry with myself that I can't fly all the time. And why is this statement even necessary or something women "don't know" about men. Everybody, at some point, gets frustrated because people around them can't automatically determine their mental state or needs non-verbally. I don't see why this is somehow a gender-specific thing -- because it isn't. And yet, people treat it like it is, and blah-blah-blah.
2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we're even dumb enough to admit it.
Men are the Hive-Mind! We will all like the Alba! You become one with us! You will like the Alba! Differences in sexual preference and taste will be eradicated! You will like the Alba!
And I'm really very happy that I'm in a relationship that accepts and riffs on the fact that we have other people we're attracted to and feel comfortable talking about it, joking about it, etc.
3. Don't ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.
Because we certainly wouldn't want to try and understand each other. Also: Women are the Hive-Mind! We will all like the shoes! Shoe Apathy will be exterminated! You will like the shoes!
4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.
Personally, I don't like makeup on people, or at least, not caked on all over them. Men or women. Some subtle eyeliner and the like can be attractive, though.
5. Ever notice how we don't fight with our male friends? That's why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.
Huh? I fight with my male friends all the time. I fight with my female friends all the time. We have differences of opinion. Bickering has always seemed like a positive thing for a relationship.
6. You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us.
Unless we are the "metrosexual," and must be shunned for our clothes-caring. Fucking hive-mind attitude. Also: please don't answer the door naked if it's a blizzard outside. You'll catch your death.
7. You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it.
Isn't there a difference between "hey baby what's your sign" hitting on and comfortable, respectful flirting? As in showing an interest rather than just firing lame pick-up lines into the ionosophere?
8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.
I hate these sort of statements because they presume that women can not ever say anything stupid, and that men have no control whatsoever over what comes out of their mouths. This is a fallacy.
9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.
We should appreciate all the little things we do for each other, and why not just make dinner together? Making dinner together is awesomely fun even when your significant other keeps criticizing how you chop onions.
10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!
Because our egos depend on friends' not laughing at us? Fuck off. Call me whatever you want.
11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn't mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.
Still confused about not showing attraction to other people.
12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend's a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who's giving you advice about the jerk.)
Ah, the nice guy fallacy. Your friends - no gender or orientation implied or specified - are a reliable resource of whether or not your new boyfriend's a jerk, and always be mindful of whether or not said "friend" is giving you attitude about deserving things for being nice. |
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