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Von Mises' Apprentice

  
  

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Joy Division Oven Gloves
02:05 / 20.03.06


'I love it when a 5 year plan comes together'
 
 
Mon Oncle Ignatius
15:02 / 20.03.06
...did the A Team ever actually EXACT PAYMENT?

The Magnificent Seven did though. Again and again! Even if in KIND!

And they made the CARTEL pay in BLOOD at the BARRELS of their MASS-PRODUCED GUNS!
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
16:11 / 20.03.06
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...the A-Team.

Perhaps they never got any $$$ for the work they did, but they often had food and lodging given to them. I beleive they ran their business as a free trade barter system, since they were on the run they could not get daytime jobs to pay for things like food, clothing, gold chains and drugged milk.
 
 
Dead Megatron
16:17 / 20.03.06
They were not paid in cash, they were paid with luuuv.

Which pretty much explains why they wore the same clothes for so many years.

{I'm worse than a communist, I'm an anarcho-imperialist)
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
22:42 / 20.03.06
SHUT UP MEGATRON, for the SAKE of GOD!

I say, in character, of course.



Good news everybody! Dreams in the Stoat House has bravely VOLUNTEERED to take the placed DEPARTED by Goodness Gracious Meme. I expect his ODE to FREE EXCHANGE forthwith. And may I say how PLEASED I am to date by the standard of poems posted? Whilst some are seeking to put POETRY back into their LIFE, you good people have put some LIFE back into POETRY.

Bravo!

VM.
 
 
HCE
00:15 / 21.03.06


Prepare to get fired, you lot. I have posted a SHATTERINGLY ORIGINAL creative work.

As soon as I am in a room with von Mises, the CAPITALIST PIG, I shall introduce him to my 'GAT" or perhaps merely 'SHANK' him, if he is willing to repent and give all he owns to the PEOPLE.
 
 
Dead Megatron
00:18 / 21.03.06
Yeah, bring on the Revolution!!!

And the beer. Don't forget the beer.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:27 / 22.03.06


ATTENTION SCUM.

The following CANDIDATES have until midnight tonight, Barbelith time, to post their poems:

Boboss(ino)
Manny Being Manny
Qward
velvetvandal
Joy Division oven-gloves
Wombat

Please be so good as to INFORM me, Ludwig Von Mises, and your fellow contestants, if you can no longer take part in this TRIAL BY FIRE.
 
 
Jack Denfeld
08:37 / 22.03.06
Von Mises, Von Mises,
Or Ludwig I'll call ya,
try as i might with,
your economy boo-ya,
I still don't know why, it's you who are posting,
Your brother, Rich Edler is deserving a toasting!
  
 
Mistoffelees
10:02 / 22.03.06
The Apprentice Rules:

1. Exact payment with extreme prejudice.

2. Von Mises don´t surf!

3. Love the smell of money in the morning!

4. Never give out a loan. Absolutely goddamn right.

5. [That's classified.]

6. The apprentice will be going to the worst place in the world and ze doesn't even know it yet.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
21:59 / 22.03.06


GOOD EVENING!

The following CANDIDATES have failed to deliver a poem within the deadline! I understand some of them may have been otherwise OCCUPIED with the BURDEN of raising a child. Nevertheless, Von Mises is a hard taskmaster, and they are ALL FIRED:

Boboss(ino)
Manny Being Manny
velvetvandal
Wombat

I will post my thoughts on the poems that WERE submitted shortly.

VM.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:31 / 23.03.06


My comments on your POEMS:

Nina Skryty - excellent, an auspicious start! A

The Undertoad - what it lacks in SOPHISTICATION, it makes up for with simple JOY. The simple joy of working for pay. Good. B+

Alex's Grandma - somewhat tortured, but I approve of the WORK that has gone into it. B

fred, encore - you have RECLAIMED this song from those FILTHY GAY SOCIALISTS, the so-called "Sex Pistols". Well done. A-

Haus - a bit too avant garde and intellectual for an ECONOMIST such as myself. B-

Joy Division oven-gloves - the METRE is ALL OVER THE PLACE, but I admire your willingness to stick it to the (LEFT-WING) man. B+

Whisky Priestess - please note that the General is not a RAPPER, but a TOASTER. B

Jack Vincennes - FEISTY and SPUNKY, finishing on an unexpected melancholy note. A-

Dreams in the Stoat House - reminiscent of the great JOHN DONNE, whom all schoolboys should be forced to STUDY (the girls should study KNITTING). B+

Qward - I cannot make HEAD nor TAIL of this, but I like the last line. C+

Congratulations, you have all PASSED!


Now, a short word on TEAMS:

The more NUMERICALLY GIFTED among you will have observed that, with the recent disqualifications, the two teams are now rather UNEVEN. Von Mises proposes to RECTIFY this by transferring an OLD WOMAN from one team to the other. The NEW LINE-UPS are therefore as follows:

THE A-TEAM:

fred, encore
Haus
Joy Division oven-gloves
Nina Skryty
The Undertoad


THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN:

Alex's Grandma
Dreams In The Stoat House
Jack Vincennes
Qward
Whisky Priestess

Your new TASK will follow shortly. BE OFF WITH YOU!

With affection,

VM.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:49 / 26.03.06
I WON. That means that I am a better quick thinking creative capitalist than you.

Bring on the next task. I am ready to WIN again.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
19:58 / 26.03.06


IT IS TIME!

Time for TASK THE SECOND!

This task is designed to test your ability to SEEK OUT and ACQUIRE things. Or, in this case, PICS. I am about to give you a LIST of ITEMS. Each team must post a PICTURE of each ITEM in this thread. Theoretically you could take a PHOTOGRAPH or do a DRAWING for some of these items, however in the event I anticipate that most of you will use GOOGLE IMAGE, so LAZY are the YOUNG PEOPLE of today.

Each team may employ whatever DIVISION OF LABOUR seems best to them. For example, as there are FIVE people in each team, you may choose to assign TWO images to EACH individual member of the team to find. Alternatively, you could send suggested images to one another, and agree between all five of you which is best - or simply agree to trust whoever finds a good image first to post it. HOWEVER: please note that this thread is not the right place to suggest images to your teammates. The FIRST image posted by a member of your team will be taken as your team's OFFICIAL ENTRY in the task.

On with THE LIST:

1. A WILD BEAST that could serve as a SYMBOL of CAPITALISM.

2. AN AUTOMOBILE suitable for a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN to drive, or be driven in.

3. An ITEM OF CLOTHING that I, Professor Herr Doctor Ludvig Von Mises, might wear while delivering a LECTURE on the EVILS of SOCIALISM.

4. A FOODSTUFF for which one might exchange FUNDS which had in turn been exchanged for one's LABOUR.

5. A HAPPY and DILIGENT worker doing his (or, if you must, her) WORK for honest PAY.

6. A popular CELEBRITY who might be used in a POSTER CAMPAIGN to remind people why capitalism is so great and the current state of SOCIALISM so awful.

7. A TORTURE DEVICE that might be used by tyrannical SOCIALIST/FEMINIST governments, for example the current governments of the USA, POLAND, and ITALY.

8. A SUITABLE BRIDE FOR VON MISES.

9. A suitable HONEYMOON DESTINATION for Von Mises and his new BRIDE.

10. An attractive and appropriate DWELLING in which Von Mises - that is I! - and his new BRIDE might RESIDE.


The deadline for this task is MIDNIGHT, Barbelith time, on Friday 31st March. Failure to complete this task will ensure that someone from your team is FIRED. If both teams complete the task successfully, I will assess which team has provided the better IMAGE in the case of each ITEM. I will then DISMISS a member of the losing team.

GOODBYE YOU WRETCHED, WRETCHED PEOPLE.

With love,

VM.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:59 / 26.03.06
Short-term PROFIT does not necessarily mean LONG-TERM GAIN. BE WARNED.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
20:28 / 26.03.06
(The above in RESPONSE to NINA).
 
 
Dead Megatron
00:57 / 27.03.06
Gosh, Stoat, that sounded a bit commie. What else matter, if not PROFIT?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
06:43 / 27.03.06


Dead Megatron, you could earn a profit simply by NEVER posting in this thread AGAIN! I will give you a FIVE-POUND NOTE!
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
07:03 / 27.03.06
Play this right, Dead Megatron, and you could get a pretty good extortion racket going.
 
 
Dead Megatron
08:18 / 27.03.06
Yeah, like that guy from "Fight Club"

"This is a job I can do from home..."

I'm only accepting Euros now.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
11:06 / 27.03.06
A-Team convene!!!1!!1!!!!!1!

I have an idea about the bride of Von Mises. PM me and don't let those dastardley mites from the Seven distract you and hack your accounts.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
13:11 / 27.03.06
Be not afraid! The Seven (or perhaps we should rename ourselves the FAMOUS FIVE in honour of Miss Blyton's healthy capitalist adventurers and adventuresses [not to mention TIMMY the DOG]) are well ahead of you, NINA.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:10 / 27.03.06
Your pictures will only allow Mises to see the inherent socialism of the Magnificent Seven.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
18:53 / 27.03.06
Whisky's superb PROJECT MANAGEMENT skills will lead us to absolute triumph, Skryty. Just you wait and see.

On an UNRELATED NOTE, Whisky, would you stop calling to yell at me when I am trying to do this task? I find it SOMEWHAT OFFPUTTING. I too am AWARE that we are on a tight budget.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
21:58 / 27.03.06
Your INSUBORDINATION is NOTED, "Mr." Vincennes. And I might point out that SirVon does not NEED any more corporate lawyers, or indeed ACE ATTORNEYS, so look to your BACK, my friend.*

(*All the above said in the SUPPORTIVE manner of a truly PEOPLE PERSON team leader.)
 
 
Dead Megatron
13:08 / 28.03.06
Hey, since this is a Barbelith version of The Aprrentice, when will we have a board meeting in which the loosing team members will point fingers at each other? It's the funniest part.

I'll shut up for 500 Euros...
 
 
HCE
14:10 / 28.03.06


fred waits for no one:

1. A WILD BEAST that could serve as a SYMBOL of CAPITALISM.

2. AN AUTOMOBILE suitable for a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN to drive, or be driven in.

3. An ITEM OF CLOTHING that I, Professor Herr Doctor Ludvig Von Mises, might wear while delivering a LECTURE on the EVILS of SOCIALISM.

4. A FOODSTUFF for which one might exchange FUNDS which had in turn been exchanged for one's LABOUR.

5. A HAPPY and DILIGENT worker doing his (or, if you must, her) WORK for honest PAY.

6. A popular CELEBRITY who might be used in a POSTER CAMPAIGN to remind people why capitalism is so great and the current state of SOCIALISM so awful.

7. A TORTURE DEVICE that might be used by tyrannical SOCIALIST/FEMINIST governments, for example the current governments of the USA, POLAND, and ITALY.

8. A SUITABLE BRIDE FOR VON MISES. NOT WORK SAFE


9. A suitable HONEYMOON DESTINATION for Von Mises and his new BRIDE.

10. An attractive and appropriate DWELLING in which Von Mises - that is I! - and his new BRIDE might RESIDE.
 
 
HCE
14:11 / 28.03.06


Dear teammates,

Consider yourselves BETRAYED.

Bon chance,
fred
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:03 / 28.03.06


I believe that is what my former ASSOCIATES in HMP Pentonville might call a "JACK MOVE".

Von Mises may consider allowing the REMAINDER of the A-TEAM to ENTER their own IMAGES, as a team, and may judge their JUDAS as a separate INDIVIDUAL.
 
 
Bubblegum Death
19:10 / 28.03.06
Oh the horror! To have been betrayed by Dwight Schultz of all people.

It matters not. I shall have my revenge against that Lenin-spawn.
Hurrah!
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:47 / 31.03.06
Time's a-wasting, and as we know TIME is MONEY.

1. A WILD BEAST that could serve as a SYMBOL of CAPITALISM.





2. AN AUTOMOBILE suitable for a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN to drive, or be driven in.



Many of us, no doubt, learnt from Bo and Luke the importance of SUPPLY and DEMAND. Also, that sometimes you can't make a capital OMELETTE without BREAKING SOME FACES.

3. An ITEM OF CLOTHING that I, Professor Herr Doctor Ludvig Von Mises, might wear while delivering a LECTURE on the EVILS of SOCIALISM.



4. A FOODSTUFF for which one might exchange FUNDS which had in turn been exchanged for one's LABOUR.

What's better than caviar?










MORE caviar, enabling us to NEGOTIATE a DISCOUNT FOR BULK. Eat it, Fred. No, I mean eat it. NOW.


5. A HAPPY and DILIGENT worker doing his (or, if you must, her) WORK for honest PAY.



Just GOOD OLD BOYS, never maining no HARM. But if you try it on my PRIVATE PROPERTY, I'll cheerfully shoot off you ARM. The same goes, incidentally, for SEXUAL ASSAULT.



6. A popular CELEBRITY who might be used in a POSTER CAMPAIGN to remind people why capitalism is so great and the current state of SOCIALISM so awful.




IF ONLY HE AND BO COULD BE FRIENDS


7. A TORTURE DEVICE that might be used by tyrannical SOCIALIST/FEMINIST governments, for example the current governments of the USA, POLAND, and ITALY.



Dependency. The greatest TORTURE of them all.


8. A SUITABLE BRIDE FOR VON MISES.

ladysov

A young lady who UNDERSTANDS the VALUE of a SOVEREIGN.

9. A suitable HONEYMOON DESTINATION for Von Mises and his new BRIDE.



They have already scattered the CONFETTI of CAPTIALISM to welcome you.

10. An attractive and appropriate DWELLING in which Von Mises - that is I! - and his new BRIDE might RESIDE.



When SOCIALISTS roam, PANIC is REASON.
 
 
Dead Megatron
13:24 / 31.03.06
Hey, I want one of those beds.

For safe sex, of course.



(My shutting-up price is still 500 euros)
 
 
Daemon est Deus Inversus
13:26 / 31.03.06
Wasn't Pentonville the place that they hung Crippen?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:31 / 31.03.06
Get with the PROGRAM! That was in 1910. MUCH HAS CHANGED, much of it involving MY MATE PETE. EVEN a SPECIALIST in OCCULT INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY (or, to employ the language of my CHUM above, UNSAFE SECTS) should be a little more CONTEMPO than that.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
16:21 / 31.03.06
Here are the fruits of my labours...

3. An ITEM OF CLOTHING that I, Professor Herr Doctor Ludvig Von Mises, might wear while delivering a LECTURE on the EVILS of SOCIALISM.



For what could be more SYMBOLIC of the ETERNAL QUEST FOR PROFIT?

4. A FOODSTUFF for which one might exchange FUNDS which had in turn been exchanged for one's LABOUR.



LADIES and GENTLEMEN, I give to you CAPITALISM IN EDIBLE FORM, the scourge of COMMUNISTS and VEGAN BED-WETTERS ALIKE... The BIG MAC.
 
  

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