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...this is a thread about fetishes...
I'm not sure that it is, though, or at least it's not a thread just about fetishes. Fetishes, as you observed, are often closely associated with objectification, in that they function independently of the personhood of the fetishized person (or wearer/bearer/etc. of the fetish object) -- "any man in high-heeled thigh boots," and who cares if he's also a talented poet who tends bonsai trees. It's just about the boots (possibly in conjunction with the gender of the wearer), and that's it - it's a kind of exclusive hyper-specificity.
On the other hand, many, if not all, of the characteristic described in this thread are exciting precisely because they do relate to individual personhood - they complexify the person (if only on a fantasy level, depending on how well you know them) by being inclusive. Suddenly showing passion for something you never imagined they'd even heard of, the grace with which they handle crises or frustration, the vulnerability that shows through when the veneer cracks -- all these things add to our overall image of a person and help [us] realize that [the people we are attracted to] are complete people, and not simply 'objects of desire.'
[*sigh* Why am I in such a soap-boxey mood today? And I'm not getting any work done...]
I do agree, to a point, that the fantasies that bubble up from our subconscious can sometimes be troubling, and that we shouldn't necessarily be morally condemned for what turns us on. However, once something does emerge into consciousness, it is often important (and healthy) to critically examine it. This post of Seth's (in the Temple) is a great example--most especially because it relies on rigorous self-examination, without recourse to shame or "finger-pointing."
Part of this process, ideally self-led, is an examination of the way we talk about our "fetishes," and there's been some of that in this thread (and I'd love to see more). I know (I know, I know...) that this is the Convo', and there seems to be an idea that the Conversation is exempt from serious discussion and examined language, but I'm thrilled to see this thread here, and I'm glad we're talking through some of this stuff outside of Headshop.
Meanwhile, I apologize for hopping the bus to Tangentville yet again. To get myself back on track: Someone biting their lower lip, whether as a sign of concentration, nervousness, or desire. My heart melts. |
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