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I couldn't quite follow why it hinders the current problem.
To be clear, I'd say that it doesn't have any bearing on the "dilemma" as such. The advice that people have given is rather obvious. And it doesn't mean that the sexist stereotypes people have been referring to aren't sexist, since they clearly are. But I think it helps explain where some people are coming from and this can be helpful in changing attitudes, since not all sexism arises in the same way.
Surely being the person who is usually expected to wade in and make a definitive request/statement of affection (the ritual Chap) is going to be a helpful if you're confused about someone's signals?
Yes, you'd think so wouldn't you? And it *does* work like that for some. But, as you say, this risky emotional stuff can lead to a situation where the asker almost always waits to be invited, while at the same time desperately looks for signs of being invited despite previous rejections. Once in that mindset, the woman (in this het scenario) does become effectively in control, in the mind of the man. Conversely, I've known plenty of women who felt that they *were* in control, in the sense of being able to decide, by virtue of the fact that het men don't say "no". This is overly simplistic, of course, but there is something here. Having said that,
if I engage any chap in a discussion about a potential relationship, I am Overly Forward, Probably Mad Clingy Obsessed Woman.
this is absolutely true. I suspect you would have spoken to them as people, respectfully and openly and confidently and so forth...which is, of course, totally transgressive. |
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