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Right. So: it has come to my attention that the last three girls to whom I've been significantly attracted have been stereotypical Barbelith attractions, in that they all had boyfriends at the time. This may say interesting things about me but that is not my dilemma. My dilemma concerns the most recent one. The quick facts of that particular non-relationship: we actually were together for a brief time last fall, she broke it off, her ex came back from overseas and they got back together, cue six-seven months of sighing, brooding (Roommate: "Dude, you want to go get food?" Me: "Give me fifteen minutes, I have to write an email and brood a little bit.") while she does just enough to keep me interested (moving into the same building as me, occasionally dropping bombs like how she would have dated me in high school, etc)(I know, I know, she gets off on having dudes like her, I realized this about a month in but really it made no difference because I am a moron). Finally in the summer after we got drunk, aggressively spooned and SLEPT IN THE SAME BED I took a step back and said (to myself, not her), 'wait just a fucking minute here.' Around this time she dropped out of school and moved halfway across the country with her boyfriend. All this is doubtless familiar. Through it all she has been one of my closer friends. I know. I know!
So anyway we've written a couple letters, talked on the phone occasionally, sent the odd text message. So far, so good, fairly typical stuff. I'm over her, we can be friends, everything's good. Then a couple weeks ago I get a call, summarised thusly:
"Hey," says I.
"Hey," says she.
"So what's up?"
"Well, I might have to come back home for the summer."
"Oh really? That's cool, I was beginning to think I'd never see you again."
"Actually, I don't want to be stuck in a house alone. Could I live with you?"
I say "sure." Conversation ends and I wander into the kitchen and laugh hysterically for ten minutes.
I'm pretty much over her. I think I'd be fine with it; I like her, I like spending time with her, she's a fun person to be around when I'm not being all tragic unrequited lover, which I'm not anymore. However, I have a nagging fear that over-her-ness is predicated in part on her not living in the same house as me. I've talked to a few people about this; their responses have ranged somewhere from 'that's a terrible idea, don't do it' (the only drunk person I polled) to 'do whatever you think is right, maaaaan' to 'that's a bad idea but I'd probably do it, also I'm glad we're talking about you and not me.'
And so I turn to you, the wise people of Barbelith, for advice. Would it be an absolute disaster if she did end up living with me? Would somehow acquiring a girlfriend between now and then help? If I decide I don't want to live with her, how on earth do I tell her that? Am I a complete idiot for liking her for 9 months straight even when I did realize that she was doing many things to encourage it (answer: yes)?
I should point out that it's not a definite thing that she would want to live with me if she comes back, nor is it by any means definite that she will come back. She will also almost certainly be with her boyfriend, not that that makes a whole lot of difference.
I welcome advice, witty commentary, or piss-taking in whatever proportions seem appropriate. |
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