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Evil Scientist Rules Teh World!

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12:18 / 16.11.06

But wait, Oh Evil One, there's another use for the furry tailed devils;

12:39 / 16.11.06

Sniper cat will fuck you up, you Squirrel squaddie!!

12:57 / 16.11.06

Those pictures make me weep evil tears of evil joy. All animals should be armed.

Don't ban fox hunting, arm the foxes.

14:26 / 16.11.06

DM, you should try and follow Quantum's example. It's why he has the dirty great Galactus armour and you've got energon deficiency, rusty old balls, and Optimus Prime pwning you each and every day of the week.

granted on everything, except the Prime comment. I killed Optimus Prime one year ago...

15:03 / 16.11.06

Yes, only armless animals are harmless animals!

Sorry, that I couldn´t get a larger photo of Bazooka Beaver, but anyone that tried, died.

09:14 / 08.02.07

You know there are many stories told about how the Evil Scientist came to be. One of my personal favourites is that waaaay back in 1977 the two premier super-villains of that era made mad whoopy amid the ruins of the Avenger's Mansion and the snot-nosed, squalling result grew up to be your feared and beloved ruler.

There's also a theory that Evil Scientist isn't real at all and that he is, in fact, the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of Barbelith. That he is the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite Tom's sincerest efforts he have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. But that's obviously just so much tot I don't even know where to begin.

Nontheless the fact remains that today, out of all the days in the year, is the one that Evil Scientologists (specialists in the study of He Who Cannot Be Named Without First Singing Disco Inferno) agree is most likely to be the day of his birth.

That's right my dear and loyal subjects, it's my Birthday today. Normally I'd let it pass without comment, but this year is special (in a not-special-at-all-it's-an-artificial-concept-anyway-time-is-meaningless kind of way).

Today, IYAMTHIRTY!

Yes, cheer for the sheer middle-agedness of it all. Cheer as I enact my Anti-Logan's Run agenda and order the death of everyone younger than 30.

But there's bad news as well. Tradition states that I must grant any and all requests asked of me. So come my friends, approach The Throne of Science and ask of me what you will.

ASK!

09:32 / 08.02.07

*raspberries* Younger than you!

It's not often that a rebel leader gets to do that so I'll enjoy it whilst I can.

09:33 / 08.02.07

HAPPY SNOWY BIRTHDAY, MAN-BUILDER!

Tabitha Tickletooth

09:45 / 08.02.07

Happy birthday, Evil. You've granted my wish without my even having to ask. Your weather machine has produced a snowy London wonderland and caused public transport to grind to such a halt that I have been given the day off work. Okay, so I'm still writing propaganda from home but I've got the bay window blinds opening and I can see the snow falling even now. I hope your day is all-conquering and you are plied with warming alcoholic drinks!

09:49 / 08.02.07

Happy Birthday, Evil!

I ask you to use today´s snow in an unholy manner for strictly scientific purposes.

10:17 / 08.02.07

I ask you to use today´s snow in an unholy manner for strictly scientific purposes.

Yellow snow cones for all!

10:19 / 08.02.07

Happy Birthday, my fleshy competitor for universal conquer.]

What do I want from you?

A DUEL!

You. Me. To the end. Dragon-Ball rules. Winner takes it all. Just name the time and the place.

[aside: Little does he know I have envisioned a way to abosrb the special abilities of all my Decepticon soldiers. He does not stand a chance ha! ha! (Gotta go polish my chrome-coated balls)]

11:35 / 08.02.07

I'm standing here flexing even as we speak. Those cool little beams of energy are pouring into me.

Dragon Ball rules eh? So, who can shout the loudest?

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!

11:56 / 08.02.07

Excellient, excellient.... with all the macho posing and snow fighting there will only be one of you to defeat and that one will be weakened due to the main fight.... excellient.

Carry on.

12:50 / 08.02.07

Dragon Ball rules eh? So, who can shout the loudest?

Actually, I was thinking: one arena of a pre-determined size. Two fighters in the arena. Everything goes (except weapons that are not an actual part of your body, herein which lies my main advantage). The fight goes on as long as it takes. The looser is the one who gets thrown off the arena, is knocked out for more than 10 seconds, or cries.

Shouting counts only as showmanship, which is appreciated.

MattShepherd: I WEDDED KALI!

12:53 / 08.02.07

If the fight is to the death, I think Evil Scientist has this one in the bag.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

13:13 / 08.02.07

Happy birthday Evil, and ta for the snow!

13:26 / 08.02.07

(except weapons that are not an actual part of your body, herein which lies my main advantage)

Don't be so sure. You're not the only one with an energy-mace up your arm.

Plus the modified Quintesson rust virus in my saliva should help move things swiftly along.

13:27 / 08.02.07

Happy Birthday Malevolent One! It is sunny where I am please can you make it snow? In return I will sing you happy birthday-

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear To mass fires, yes! One hundred stories high People gettin' loose y’all gettin' down on the roof - Do you hear? (the folks are flaming) Folks were screamin' - out of control It was so entertainin' - when the boogie started to explode I heard somebody say Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin'! Satisfaction (uhu hu hu) came in the chain reaction (burnin') I couldn't get enough, (till I had to self-destroy) so I had to self destruct, (uhu hu hu) The heat was on (burnin’), rising to the top, huh! Everybody's goin' strong (uhu hu hu) And that is when my spark got hot I heard somebody say
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down, yoh!
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin'! Up above my head I hear music in the air - I hear music! That makes me know there's (somebody) a party somewhere Satisfaction came in a chain reaction - Do you hear? I couldn't get enough, so I had to self destruct, The heat was on, rising to the top Everybody's goin' strong That is when my spark got hot I heard somebody say
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno! (Aah yeah!)
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno, yeah!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno! (Aah yeah!)
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno, yeah!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin’! I just can't stop When(till) my spark gets hot Just can't stop When my spark gets hot... Burning, burning, burning, burning EVIL SCIENTIST,
Happy Birthday to you!

Now make it snow.

14:03 / 08.02.07

Here is your present;

That's right, Jenny Agutter from Logan's Run, cloned and costumed for you. I was going to get you spandex but I figured you probably had enough of a supervillain's wardrobe.

15:04 / 08.02.07

If the fight is to the death, I think Evil Scientist has this one in the bag.

Actually, the original Dragon Ball rule-book states that you get disqualified if you kill your opponent, but I think we can ignore that one.

Just one thing: I want Ninjas as my cheerleaders. You can have the Pirates.

(no one gave me a cute clone in post-apocalypse wardrobe on my 30th birthday. I guess we know on who's side the crownd will be...)

16:52 / 08.02.07

Happy birthday, Oh Evillest of Scientists.
Me and the rest of your goons would have baked you a cake, but our skills lie more in the "standing around with guns" area and after the trouble we had last year (how were we supposed to know the cake was sent by your arch-nemesis? Ok, the card might have been a hint, but I'm a goon, it's more than my job's worth to go around reading stuff: that's what lackeys are for) we decided it was best left alone.
I got you a death ray instead:

01:30 / 09.02.07

happy scientist, have an evil day...

shared with jules verne, rock on!

did you have a cake?

12:14 / 03.05.07

Well the Rebel Army's latest plan is going to great effect, the evil one is caught up in the most excellent plan known only as '52'.

Luckily for me most comic artists are in the RA and were easy to persuade to create something which would catch his attention and thus we have managed to steal the death ray plus some assorted paperwork, dvds and cds. Not sure what's on them as we still have to decode them, still the kittens are on it.

Still we at the RA pin our hopes on the King returning to regain his crown and take away the evil's toys, but for the time we are peacefully waiting drinking our tea and enjoying the cakes.

13:06 / 03.05.07

That Magnus fella is a wuss.

I already have a squad of plutonium men at the ready to annihilate my enemies. CRUSH! DESTROY!

You now know the secret of 52.

There are 52 flavours of Evil Scientist comin' atcha in a wave of multiversal insanity. Who will be the one that catches you in his steely claw?

Will it be Evil Cowboy Scientist? Evil Clown Scientist? Evi Giant Atomic Vampire of Doom Scientist?

What's your favourite?

13:28 / 03.05.07

The stress has plainly started to show, the evil one is cracking up........

Don't worry the King Denfield will soon come and you shall know your fate!

Anyways back to tea and cake.

14:45 / 04.05.07

What's your favourite?

EVIL NINJA SCIENTIST!

14:30 / 06.06.07

Dude, will you make me a psionic helmet please? I'm having trouble with the wiring.

13:40 / 07.06.07

Okay, but you're only to use it for enslaving whole continents y'hear? Don't be using it for any ahem "lurid" purposes.

14:26 / 07.06.07

How clever to have all that talk about an armoury forum nobody could seemingly get to, when in reality, all the good stuff's been stockpiled right out in the open!

I would like to know if this psionic helmet is yet another product robbing the descendants of Tesla of their rightful inheritence by copping all his beardy brilliance and crediting it to Edison, aliens, or the CIA. And does it have a setting for actually enslaving a continent? Not the people, so much, but just the dirt and rocks and floating plate of mantle?

I'm having trouble picking up the better looking mantle at the far end of the bar, just using the standard tectonic telepathic gifts we all possess, y'know?

11:13 / 08.06.07

I keep Tesla's brain in a jar next to my bed, it whispers secrets!

20:21 / 08.06.07

I'm beginning to have serious misgivings about your new world order, ES. With this psionic helmet and the brain whispers of Tesla, I'm doubting that there's a place for your barbeservants in your empire that isn't underfoot. Could you kindly assuage my concerns, great one?

Sincerely,

A. Minion

20:30 / 08.06.07

I keep Tesla's brain in a jar next to my bed, it whispers secrets!

You think that's Tesla, do you? Are you sure it's not...

theremin

Haus? (If anyone still believes the Head in a Jar (scroll down) theory, that is...)

Mon Oncle Ignatius

08:18 / 09.06.07

I had so forgotten just how amazing Bedhead's pictures are.

Now then, I hope you are all up to speed with your defensive paraphernalia:

Aluminium Foil Deflector Beenie instructions (the only truly effective design)

The truth about black helicopters (you will be amazed at the shocking truth - but there is a way to fight back):

And last but not least - download this - it could save your brane*!

Evil Scientist - this is the site for you!

*but only if you use an Amiga or run Linux. Sorry.

10:23 / 02.07.07

Lock up your monkeys and hide your lolcats, the Evil begins again! Let all who defied my iron rule be plugged into the endorphin machine and used to enslave Jupiter. Let loose my armies of battle-hardened wallaby-marines to "liberate" anywhere I have yet to "liberate".

Paradox Machines are for wimps.

Yes, I'm back, and I had a great holiday (Germany is jam-packed with good beer, good food, and pretty people where-ever you look).

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