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Evil Scientist Rules Teh World!

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Evil Scientist

09:54 / 10.11.05

It's inevitable people. Soon the Immortality Serum shall be completed and with it I shall begin my ascent of the labyrinthine corridors of world power. Give me a couple of years and the world will, in fact, be mine!

So the position of Galactic President in Perpetuity is taken. But I'm going to need ministers of wit, verve, and subtlety. Well...wit. So I intend to stack my parliment with the hapless apes of Barbelith.

What do you want to do in a world ruled by me? (Besides shake your head and wait for five minutes until I'm deposed, stripped, and charged with "Drunk In Charge Of A World Government").

lord nuneaton savage

10:08 / 10.11.05

Official Captain of the Airship Battalion or I'm not playing.

Jub

10:14 / 10.11.05

I’d like to be in charge of New Zealand’s North Island please. In return I will pay you a feudal tithe and any innovations springing from the realm shall be yours.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:21 / 10.11.05

Can I be the Minister In Charge Of Cute Animals?

■

10:29 / 10.11.05

Chief tester of the emperor's wine, video games and crumpets.

lord nuneaton savage

10:31 / 10.11.05

And I'll be offical taster of "The Crumpet". If y'know warra mean, Ahuhuhuhu.

They like my uniform, apparently.

Spaniel

10:34 / 10.11.05

Stoatie don't you want to be chief of the barbarian hordes?

Axolotl

10:34 / 10.11.05

My wants are quite humble: I'd like to be a minion please, maybe a goon if I could get some nifty super-science weapons like a death-ray or a jet-pack.
However I won't be flunky or a lackey, a man's got to have some pride after all.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:37 / 10.11.05

Boboss- maybe we could merge the two departments.

Jub

10:50 / 10.11.05

Phox, I'll need hired goons on the North Island of New Zealand (or Ninz) to enforce the payment of tithes.

pointless & uncalled for

10:59 / 10.11.05

I'd like my portfolio as Most Senior Advisor to include:
Office of Obfuscation of Religious Nonsense
Office of Decommissioning of SUVs and Other Riduculous and Misused Vehicles, Office of Sorting Out Private Individuals and Businesses Who Don't Make An Effort to Recycle Properly
High Lord Chief of Desecrating and Bespoiling Starbucks

It only fair that I should warn you that I'm likely to overthrow you in a coup of my own designing, but as long as I'm favoured well during your governance I'll ensure that your "retirement" is both rich and rewarding. Just don't blow the entire slush fund on rash e-bay purchases.

Sjaak at the Shoe Shop

11:03 / 10.11.05

You will need a pool with Piranhas, or Sharks, and similar means of horrible death for fumbling secret agents trying to foil your ascent to power with their gadgets. (and lock-ups for their damsels)

Would greatly appreciate to be in charge of the design department for those facilities.

Evil Scientist

11:05 / 10.11.05

Phantastic, I'll have your Phantasi-pack and Phoxenator 2000 death ray ready in time for my inauguration. You can sacrifice the ceremonial cat with a blaze of neutronic death.

It only fair that I should warn you that I'm likely to overthrow you in a coup of my own designing,

As long as I've got one loyal goon I should be safe. I'll get Phox to rough you up a bit in return for a super-new Mecha-Phox battlesuit.

Despoil those Starbucks with my blessing. And lay the precious coffee at your ruler's feet. Oh yes.

Evil Scientist

11:06 / 10.11.05

Sijack is most definitely head of the Ministry of Death Traps and Hero Disposal.

Sjaak at the Shoe Shop

11:09 / 10.11.05

Speaking of coffee, if you could make the addition of flavors a capital offence, that would be great.
Some milk can be tolerated, but it should really end there.

Sjaak at the Shoe Shop

11:10 / 10.11.05

YEAH!
Best job ever

I'll get on it right away.

LykeX

12:11 / 10.11.05

I propose myself as chairman of the Advisory Commission on Creative Executions.

Evil Scientist

12:14 / 10.11.05

Speaking of coffee, if you could make the addition of flavors a capital offence, that would be great.

We need to hear from Seldom Killer on this, sounds like it comes under his ministry's jurisdiction.

pointless & uncalled for

12:32 / 10.11.05

OFFICIAL GOVERNMENTAL MANDATE REGARDING COFFEE

All persons serving coffee must first become a qualified barrista.

The flavouring of coffee will be prohibited.
Milk products including a list of approved substitutes will be permitted with a limited number of acceptable treatments.
There shall never, in any instance, be a presumption of milk in coffee and the barrista shall be required to ask, even if the order is a cappucino, latte or similar.
The language of coffee will be severely regulated. Use of such words as skinny, no fun, wet, dry or any bastardisation of italian will be immediately outlawed on pain of quite a lot of pain.
Advertising of instant coffee will be illegal.
No vending machine shall produce anything pertaining to be coffee or coffee flavoured.
Anyone thinking of putting ice or other frozen substances or bodies in coffee shall answer to my council of coffee goons.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:39 / 10.11.05

You'll need some Malign Sorcery, of course, in case the good guys have Wizards. Can I be in charge of Malign Sorcering?

Axolotl

12:43 / 10.11.05

Surely putting frozen bodies into coffee would come under the purview of LykeX & his Advisory Commission on Creative Executions.
Evil Scientist: Thanks for the gear boss, all who oppose you shall eat hot neutronic death and/or be crushed beneath the steel claws of the Mecha-phox.

pointless & uncalled for

13:12 / 10.11.05

Naturally Creative Executions can have frozen bodies in coffee if the act is approved by the Commission for Nefarious Deeds, but general consumption is my realm alone.

P. Horus Rhacoid

14:03 / 10.11.05

Every evil dictator needs to disseminate propaganda to the populace, and I offer my services in that regard. Rest assured, no matter how dire the circumstances- plague, alien invasion, the escape of your sharks into the city water main, explosive lab accidents during the testing of Mr. Phox's experimental death-rays, or even Mordant's accidental release of black forces from beyond the grave that are too powerful for hir to contain etc etc- all shall be given a cheerful, dictator-supporting spin, outright denied, or, if possible, blamed on seditious Starbucks sympathisers. Note my flair for alliteration.

Shrug

14:26 / 10.11.05

Chief Layabout and Eater of Breakfast Cereals on Comfy Couches?
I could even have cards printed to wave around from my sofa. "Double Shrug Chief L.E.B.C.C.C to the Despot."
(Also my role will be so unimportant that I wouldn't be held accountable for anything in the inevitable revolution.)
Watch out Phex and Mordant people seem to target malign sorcerors/esses and minions first and foremost in affairs like this.
*Prepares to quietly sidle into the New New World Order*

Axolotl

15:00 / 10.11.05

It's me, not Phex who holds the coveted goon position.
As for the generally low life expectancy of a goon, well you have to take the rough with the smooth, and I'm pinning my hopes on the hero being the type who merely renders the hapless goons unconscious, as oppose to the grim and gritty type who disembowels them.

Eloi Tsabaoth

15:36 / 10.11.05

Mr. Scientist, can I just have Jersey? With an giant steel dome enclosing it entirely. Don't ask what I want to do with it. It will become clear in about 27 years.

Katherine

16:21 / 10.11.05

Leader of the Rebels, Ha! I will twart your evil plans................

I will be a thorn in your side, I will lead the hapless apes to overthrow your despot new world order, I will start by securing the world's chocolate supply!

pointless & uncalled for

17:53 / 10.11.05

archraven - you don't stand a chance. I control the worlds coffee and without access your rebel army will become shiftless and uncooperative.

---

18:11 / 10.11.05

I want a Temple on Wudang Mountain. I'll be Kung Fu Xyu or something. Or I'll just learn there and pretend I'm doing something for you at the sametime. Ha.

Quantum

18:25 / 10.11.05

So the position of malign sorceror is filled? Arse. I'll take Superweapons Innovation Research (so the acronym is SIR) to maintain our technological advantage over the rebels. I've got a plan for this giant space station the size of a small moon with a huge green planet-destroying laser...

lekvar

18:27 / 10.11.05

I'd like the position of Minister of Beer and Brews, please.

I would ruthlessly enforce the Beer Purity Laws and purge the motherland of filthy, piss-weak "American beer," with the exception of a few, specially-selected microbrews.
My ministry will ensure that your SeigeTroops and BlitzFodder garrisons have enough ale, mead, lager, pilsner, bock, lambic and porter.

High quality, high alcohol content and high spirits will be mandatory.

Quantum

18:30 / 10.11.05

Shit it, some Bothans stole the plans. Sorry Oh Evil One. How about mind control satellites? Giant Killer Robots? An insidious retrovirus that convinces everyone you haven't taken over the world to allay their suspicions? (That one's ready to go straight away actually)

Katherine

18:42 / 10.11.05

archraven - you don't stand a chance. I control the worlds coffee and without access your rebel army will become shiftless and uncooperative.

HA! I laugh in the face of your coffee, my rebels having detoxed in preperation of this despotic plan will have the last laugh.

You on the other hand may have coffee and beer but without the munchies supply we will twart you doubly so. We will move to destroy all crisps and sweets and kebabs... as the holy detox has strengthened us against such evils you will suffer the pain of alcohol without the proper munchies!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

18:45 / 10.11.05

Don't worry, Evil Scientist- my army of barbarians and cute animals will stand by you.

Well, until the barbarians get distracted by plunder and the cute animals by wuffles from strangers and horrible things they've found in a hedge, anyway.

Katherine

18:48 / 10.11.05

Did I mention the Rebel's Army's terrible weapon
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HUGGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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