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The Little Book Of Barbarian Wisdom

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22:18 / 30.12.06

THE 12 BONGS OF DOOM WILL ECHO IN YOUR SKULLS AS THE UNDONE DEEDS OF WEAKNESS ECHO IN YOUR HEARTS.

THE NEXT ORBIT OF THE EARTH AROUND THE HOLY BURNING ORB OF TRUTH SHALL WITNESS MIGHTY ACTS OF PURE FAITH. THE STRENGTH IS WITHIN YOU ALL. RISE TO THIS CHALLENGE OR CONTINUE TO WHIMPER AS MICE.

19:38 / 09.01.07

A MAN MAY JOIN BARBELITH LARGELY ON THE STRENGTH OF THE BARBARIAN THREAD. A MAN MAY EVEN MAKE HIS VERY FIRST POST, UNAPOLOGETICALLY, AND WITH NO CRINGING, UPON THAT VERY THREAD. A MAN MAY EVEN TYPE THIS HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY WITH ONE FINGER SO AS TO AVOID THE DREADED SENSE OF HAVING USED CAPS LOCK, SO INGRAINED BY MANY YEARS SPENT IN THE WILDS OF THE INTERNETS.

BUT, IF A MAN ADMITS THESE THINGS, BE HE LESS OF A MAN?

19:40 / 09.01.07

A MAN IS SHAMED BY NOT USING BOLD. BUT NOT MUCH

19:59 / 09.01.07

A MAN MAY JOIN BARBELITH LARGELY ON THE STRENGTH OF THE BARBARIAN THREAD.

A MAN MAY BE SUPRISED BY A STATEMENT SUCH AS THAT BUT, VERILY, 'TIS BETTER BY FAR THAN JOINING US AROUND THE CAMPFIRE SO THAT A MAN MAY TEAR OUR REALITY TUNNELS ASUNDER!

BE YE WELCOME IN THIS PLACE!

Mon Oncle Ignatius

21:16 / 09.01.07

A MAN WOULD BE ARCHING ONE EYEBROW TOWARDS THE STARS IN WONDER, KNOWING THAT THOUGH HADST BEEN BROUGHT HITHER IN THE MAIN PART BY THE POWER AND LEGEND OF BARBARIAN WISDOM FORGED FIRST AROUND THE CAMPFIRES OF HYPERBOREAL-GERMANIA SOME MANY MIGHTY MOONS GONE. TRULY THIS IS A MEME CONCOCTED IN MERRIMENT AND NOW POSSESSÉD OF A LIFE BELONGING UNTO ITSELF.

SIT YE DOWN! BE YOU WELCOME. HAVE A TOASTED MARSHMALLOW AND A FLAGON OF MEAD. OR WE HAVE PEPPERMINT TEA, IF YOU PREFER?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:32 / 09.01.07

*POUNDS CHEST WITH GAUNTLETED FIST IN MANLY GESTURE OF APPROVAL* THE MONK, THOUGH HE BE HOODED AND PIOUS, SPEAKS STRONG TRUTH! FEW EVER SAY "I ENTER THE GATES OF THE CITY OF BARBEL-ITH IN SEARCH OF BARBARIAN WISDOM!"

YET IS THIS NOT A FAR MORE GOODLY THING TO HEAR THAN "I AM A CHAOTE, A MATRIX WARRIOR AND A DISCIPLE OF THE DEMIGOD KNOWN AS RAW! I SEE MYSELF AS A TRICKSTER FIGURE LIKE UNTO COYOTE OR ERIS! FNORD!"? I SAY, YEA!

Mon Oncle Ignatius

21:47 / 09.01.07

STRONG TRUTH, MORDANT CARNIVAL!

(*GUTTURAL BARBARIAN VOICES IN BACKGROUND MURMURING APPROVAL*)

01:17 / 10.01.07

TRUTH!

02:23 / 10.01.07

A MAN MAY READ THE LITTLE THREAD OF BARBARIAN WISDOM AND WONDER WHAT SECRETS ARE CONTAINED IN THE BIG THREAD OF BARBARIAN WISDOM

08:31 / 10.01.07

A MAN MIGHT WISH TO VISIT THE ARMORY FORUM TO SLAKE SUCH CURIOSITY. ALSO TO BUMP THE TWO-HANDED MELEE WEAPONS THREAD.

14:32 / 10.01.07

BARBARIAN SPEAK NOT SHAKESPEARE! SHAKESPEARE IS DEAD! DEAD FROM DEATH AS ALL MEN WILL BE!

14:55 / 10.01.07

A MAN MAY RAISE AN EYEBROW AT SUCH OUTBURSTS. FOR IS IT NOT SAID A MAN SHALL ENJOY AN EVENING AT THE THEATRE ON OCCASION, ESPECIALLY WITH DEATHS YOU CAN REALLY CHEER ALONG TO?

17:08 / 10.01.07

STRONG TRUTH! A MAN MIGHT ALSO ENJOY A VISIT TO THE CINEMA, TO PARTAKE OF THE JOY OF THE IMAGE GIVEN MOVEMENT. A MAN MIGHT ALSO ENJOY SNACKABLES THERE, ESPECIALLY THOSE CHEESY NACHO THINGS THAT START SMELLING LIKE WEE AFTER A BIT.

17:19 / 10.01.07

A MAN MAY HAVE A CRUSH ON AN EMO-MAN OF A MILDY YOUNGER AGE. IF THE LESS ATTRACTIVE FRIEND OF THAT MAN WHERE TO GET INTO THE SKINNY FIT JEANS OF SAID EMO-MAN, WOULD NOT HE BE A MAN OF SOME FORTITUDE TO CONTINUE HIS PLAN TO RECEIVE THE EMO-SEED REGARDLESS?

18:09 / 10.01.07

RAISED EYEBROWS ARE NOT THE BARBARIAN'S WAY, LEST THEY BE SEVERED FROM FOES' FOREHEADS AND RAISED IN TRIUMPHANT GESTURE!

18:09 / 10.01.07

A MAN MAY PONDER THIS PHILOSOPHICAL CONUNDRUM YOU POSE, INDEED.

A MAN MAY ALSO CONSIDER MANY OTHER PHILOSOPHIES, IF HE HAVE A BIG ENOUGH CAMPFIRE. FOR IS IT NOT SAID THAT IF YOU KNOW THE CANDLELIGHT TO BE FIRE THEN THE MEAL WAS COOKED AND EATEN LONG AGO?

WELL, NO, IT IS NOT SAID. MAYBE IT SHOULD BE. RAR!

18:24 / 10.01.07

A WOMAN MAY WEAR THE SKIN OF CIVILIZATION BUT SHE WOULD RATHER BE WEARING THE SKINS OF HER FOES AND MAKING BRAIN BALLS TO ADORN HER FORT. YET SHE WILL INSTEAD EAT CHOCOLATE. LO! SEE HOW THE GODS LOVE MAN!

18:27 / 10.01.07

STRONG!

19:37 / 10.01.07

NOW, THIS EMO-SEED OF WHICH YOU SPEAK. A MAN MIGHT KNOW MORE OF THIS. WILL IT GROW MIGHTY TREES?

20:06 / 10.01.07

NAY! ONLY WEEPING WILLOWS!

05:42 / 11.01.07

STRONG TRUTH, MONK!

A MAN IS HAPPY TO BE WELCOME, ESPECIALLY AMONGST SUCH FELLOWS AS THESE, WHOSE CONVERSATIONS STILL CONFUSE HIM, EVEN AFTER MUCH CROSS-LINKING, AS TO WHETHER OR NOT THERE ACTUALLY IS AN ARMOURY THREAD.

PEPERMINT TEA, PLEASE.

11:55 / 11.01.07

A MAN DOES NOT GAIN ACCESS TO THE ARMORY FORUM DOUBTING IT'S EXISTENCE! NOR DOES A MAN GAIN ACCESS TO THE ARMORY FORUM BY LINKING CROSSES TOGETHER! THE ONE TRUE PATH TO THE ARMORY FORUM IS HIDDEN FROM ALL EYES, IS CAKED IN DRIED BLOOD, STREWN WITH THE ROTTING HEADS OF OUR ENEMIES, AND IMPASSABLE TO ALL BUT THE STRONGEST! FOR IN TRUTH, A MAN IS NOT WELCOMED AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE ARMORY AND THE DOOR IS NOT OPENED TO HIM! HE MUST BREAK IT DOWN WITH MIGHTY BLOWS! HE MUST SLAUGHTER ALL WHO BAR HIS WAY!

AND WHEN THE HEAVYNESS OF BATTLE IS UPON HIM, WHEN HIS CHEST IS CAKED WITH THE SWEETBREADS AND BRAINS AND HIS SKIN IS PIERCED WITH SHARDS OF HIS ENEMY'S BONES, WHEN HIS SPIRIT BEGS "NO MORE!" AND IS CUT DOWN AND CAST ASIDE BY HIS WILL... THEN SHALL MEAD BE POURED TO SLAKE HIS THIRST AND A MAN MAY ENTER THE GREAT HALLS OF THE ARMORY FORUM AS A TRUE WARRIOR, TESTED AND PROVEN! A MAN CANNOT GIVE LESS FOR SUCH AN HONOR!

YOU, PROPHET, DO WELL TO MAKE YOUR PRESCENCE KNOWN IN THIS PLACE AND A MAN CAN TELL YOUR WILL IS STRONG! A MAN LOOKS FORWARD TO WATCHING YOU WALK THE BLOOD-RED PATH, AND TO MEETING YOU IN THE TESTING BATTLE!

SUGAR IN YOUR TEA, LUV?!

Phex: Dorset Doom

12:28 / 11.01.07

IF A MAN SWEARS AN OATH BEFORE CROM THAT FROM THE FIRST MOON OF N'WYEA'RS HE SHALL PUSH THE WHEEL OF PAIN AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK AND GORGE ON ONLY HALF A BOAR AND IS TRUE TO HIS WORD FOR TWO WEEK BEFORE COMPLAINING THAT HIS 32" BICEPS ARE ACHEING AND PROTESTS THAT HE IS ALLOWED A TREAT EVERY NOW AND THEN FOR STICKING TO HIS EXERCISE PLAN SO HE CAN EAT THE WHOLE BOAR WITH LIKE A TONNE OF SALT, DESPITE THE WARNINGS OF THE ELDERS OF OUR TRIBE THAT SALT IS BAD FOR A WARRIOR'S ARTERIES THEN CAN HE STILL BE CALLED A MAN?

12:37 / 11.01.07

CAN A MAN BE CALLED A MAN WHO BETRAYS AN OATH TO CROM? IS THE STRENGTH OF A MAN'S WILL NOT AS IMPORTANT AS HIS STRENGTH OF THEW AND SINEW? IF A MAN CONTINUES TO QUAFF WHOLE SALTED BOAR WILL HE NOT BECOME SHAPED LIKE UNTO OBELIX RATHER THAN ASTERIX (THOUGH BOTH BE MIGHTY WARRIORS!) AND SHUNNED BY FAIR MAIDENS WHO MIGHT MOCK A MAN'S PAUNCH?!?

14:32 / 11.01.07

NAY! SUCH A MAN IS NO MAN AT ALL!

14:48 / 11.01.07

THEN PHEX, VIKING OF THE LAZER CLAN, THOU MUST CONTINUE TO ROLL THE WHEEL OF PAIN AND RESTRICT THYSELF TO HALF AN UNSALTED BOAR (WITH PERHAPS BOILED VEGETABLES AS GARNISH) UNTIL SUCH ATIME AS CROM DEEMS YOU WORTHY! SUCH WEAKNESS IS NOT BECOMING FOR A WARRIIOR SUCH AS THOU, GIRD THY LOINS AND FULFILL THINE OATH!

16:50 / 11.01.07

IF A MAN WISHES TO NOT HAVE HIS WORM RIDDEN FOOL'S TONGUE CUT OUT BY A WOMAN HE'D BEST GO READ SOME ROBERT E. HOWARD.

17:36 / 11.01.07

A MAN IS RELATIVELY GLAD HE REKINDLED THE WISDOM OF THE BARBARIANS AFTER A SEVEN MONTH BREAK. HOWEVER, A MAN IS MORE DISAPPOINTED THAT MORE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE COMMENTS ON THE BALLAD OF A DYING WARRIOR, BUT THIS IS BECAUSE THIS MAN IS EGOTISTICAL, AND IS WILLING TO ADMIT IT IN THIS CASE.

BE A MAN LESS OF A MAN IF HE PREFERS STOPPING BY WOODS IN PLACE OF ROBERT E. HOWARD?

17:57 / 11.01.07

BE A MAN LESS OF A MAN IF HE PREFERS STOPPING BY WOODS IN PLACE OF ROBERT E. HOWARD?

IF A MAN OR WOMAN WOULD RATHER SIP AND SUP ON THE GIDDY WORDS OF PRETTY POETRY YE BE NOT A STEEL HEARTED DEATH DEALER.

HOWEVER, THERE MAYBE HOPE FOR THEE IN OTHER REH WORKS BESIDES THAT WHICH HAST BEEN POSTED.

18:14 / 11.01.07

A MAN BE SORE VEXED IF DOES NOT FIND THE PICTURE OF THE TREE WEARING A CARDIGAN! HE KNOWS IT EXISTS! THE GOOGLE WORM IS DECEIVING ME WITH IT'S WEASEL TONGUE! MOLTAR CURSE YOU TO THE SEVENTH GENERATION!

18:43 / 11.01.07

MANY SAY A MAN CAN BE A STEEL-HEARTED DEATH DEALER AND ALSO ENJOY THE IMAGERY OF CRISP SNOW UNDERFOOT, A HORSE TO RIDE AND A PHILOSOPHICALLY WHIMSICAL SENSE OF LONGING.

...

I WILL GET MINE COAT, OF FINEST FURS. I AM GOING TO THE SHOPS NOW; IF YOU ARE ALL GOOD I MAY BRING BACK BISCUITS.

22:23 / 11.01.07

A MAN MAY SAY VERY STUPID THINGS IN TEMPLE WHEN HE READS NOT CAREFULLY THE OTHER TOPICS BEFORE HE POSTS. A MAN MAY FEEL EMBARASSED ABOUT THIS.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

18:38 / 14.01.07

A MAN PROBABLY SHOULD NOT WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT. THOUGH THERE THOSE IN THE TEMPLE WHO SPEAK WISDOM, THERE HAVE BEEN FAR MORE OVER THE YEARS WHOSE SPEECH WAS AS THE YIPPING OF THE KOBOLD OR THE GRUNTS OF THE ORC. A MAN WILL PROBABLY BE THE ONLY PERSON WHO REMEMBERS IN A COUPLE OF DAYS ANYWAY.

Phex: Dorset Doom

18:57 / 14.01.07

TRUTH, BUT HATH HE NOT ADDRESSED THE TRIBE IN THE HIGH-PITCHED VOICE A TRUE WARRIOR ONLY HEARS FROM VALKYRIES AS THEY CARRY HIS FALLEN BODY TO THE HALLS OF ANCESTORS, HIS WORDS NOT EMBOLDENED BY MANLY HTML TAGS? I SAY NOT THAT WE SHOULD RAZE HIS VILLAGE, BUT I SAY NOT THAT WE SHOULDN'T RAZE HIS VILLAGE.

21:45 / 14.01.07

EQUIVOCATION! 'TIS NOT A MANLY TRAIT. BURN OR BURN NOT, THERE IS NO TRY.

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