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Text Adventure Game Emulator #1

  
  

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Evil Scientist
11:54 / 10.12.07
What's the worst that can happen?

As long as we don't end up being shot at by missiles we'll be sound.

Calculate distance to Dancing Bear.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:55 / 10.12.07
You have insufficient data to calculate that.

Learn by doing!
 
 
Alex's Grandma
11:58 / 10.12.07
Ask the cook for directions to the Dancing Bear.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:59 / 10.12.07
Look sidelong at the cook and smile. Say, "Do you know who I am?" Maybe fiddle with the butter dish.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:25 / 10.12.07
You finish your simple, hearty, rustic, locally-sourced breakfast, and drain the last dregs of your beer. The cook comes over to clear your plate.

"Do you know the way to the Dancing Bear Inn?"

"Sure. You go North from here, take the first left and then the first right after that, head over the hill, past Mr Bridges' shack, keep going North and you'll get to Bastard Village. The Dancing Bear's right there in the Village Square, you can't miss it."

You give him a sidelong look and smile.

"Do you know who I am?"

You fiddle with the butter dish, while the cook waits patiently for you to stop so he can clear it away. He seems a little embarrassed by your behaviour.

"Er... you're a fisherman? 'Fraid I don't know any more than that, buddy! But I'm Vince. Good to meet you."

He puts out a hand to shake. You realise your own hand is greasy with butter, so you hastily wipe your fingers on a napkin and then shake hands. His grip is strong.

"I'm going over to the Village myself soon as my shift finishes. I could give you a lift if you like?"
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:49 / 10.12.07
Accept lift.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:27 / 10.12.07
Say, "I'm called Jesse."

Excuse self to the restroom, being sure to bring package. Lock door. Open package carefully so that it can be resealed without anyone knowing.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:50 / 11.12.07
"Sure!", you say. "I'm called Jesse."

"Huh. You don't look like a Jesse", he says. But he doesn't pursue it any further.

"I'm just going to use the restroom", you say.

"No problem", he says. "The guy who does the next shift should be here any minute."

You are still sitting in the booth. There is no door here for you to lock.
 
 
Evil Scientist
11:56 / 11.12.07
Go to restroom. Enter cubicle. Lock door (if able). Lower toilet seat (if able). Sit down (if able). Look for graffiti. Read graffiti (if present).
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:47 / 11.12.07
You stand up and walk north through the door signed BATHROOM, taking the package with you.

You are in a much better maintained and cleaner restroom than either of the two you've been in over the last couple of days. There is a sink beneath a wall-mounted mirror, and two cubicles, both vacant. You go into one, shut the door, lock it, put the lid of the toilet down, and take a seat. You examine the door and the walls of the cubicle for graffiti. There is only one piece of graffiti. In thick red marker pen it says:

THIRTEEN WAS HERE!

You carefully undo the knotted string and open the package in such a way as to be able to wrap it again undetected. It is a hardback first edition of a collection of essays entitled Von Mises: The Theses.
 
 
Evil Scientist
12:54 / 11.12.07
Carefully open the book and flick through the pages, catch any items that fall out.

Read final page with writing on.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
22:09 / 11.12.07
You flip through the pages of the book, and a large brass coin slides out. It looks very much like the one you had before.

The final page with writing on is a short list of acknowledgements, most of which mean nothing to you. You do notice however that the list includes "Wally - for a most excellent EXCHANGE of ideas over DINNER".
 
 
Alex's Grandma
22:35 / 11.12.07
Tie up package carefully. Leave rest room. Say;

'Hey Vince, sorry for the delay. It's my appetite, you know? I guess sausage in particular is a weakness of mine! Anyway, if you're ready to head over to the Dancing Bear, I'm ready to see some bears dancin'!'
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:26 / 12.12.07
Do you want to put the large brass coin back between the pages of the book, before you wrap it up again?
 
 
Evil Scientist
09:21 / 12.12.07
Nah, I want more zombie action.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:12 / 13.12.07
You pocket the large brass coin, slip the book back inside the brown wax paper, and tie up the package carefully.

You leave the cubicle and then the restroom. Vince is handing his apron to a spotty, lank-haired teenager.

"Don't worry", he tells the boy, "I'm sure you'll manage fine on your own for a few hours."

"Okay sir!" says the teenager in a quavering voice.

"Hey Vince, sorry for the delay", you say. "It's my appetite, you know? I guess sausage in particular is a weakness of mine! Anyway, if you're ready to head over to the Dancing Bear, I'm ready to see some bears dancin'!"

He smiles indulgently. "As of yet, I've seen no actual bears there. But you never know. I'll go start my car - see you outside?"

He exits, the bell above the door tinkling.

The jukebox plays Bruce Springsteen's 'Born To Run'.
 
 
Tsuga
09:23 / 13.12.07
Curse jukebox under breath. Then think, "wait, is that song a divine message to me?" and let mind run momentarily wild with paranoid fantasies.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:56 / 13.12.07
Done.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
10:52 / 13.12.07
Out.

Look.

Enter Car.

Wait.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:07 / 13.12.07
You exit the diner through the door to the South.

You are standing on the edge of an asphalt road that runs South and North along the seafront. To the West, on the other side of the road, is dense, impenetrable jungle. From within it come the cries of macaws. To the East, a set of stone steps run down to a thin strip of beach. The tide is in, and the sea is choppy.

North, behind you, is the diner.

You hear the sound of a car engine, and from the other side of the diner to the North, an old but well-maintained black and red Chevrolet Camaro convertible with the top down pulls up next to you. Vince is sitting in the driving seat (right-hand drive). He calls out over the sound of the engine:

"Hop in!"

You open the car door and get into the passenger seat. Vince spins the wheel and executes a smooth U-turn. He drives North. You watch the jungle go past to the West, and the waves to the East. Time passes.

"Mind if I turn the radio on?", asks Vince.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:09 / 13.12.07
"Go ahead, buddy."
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:23 / 14.12.07
Vince clicks the radio on and fiddles with the tuning knob.

" - skwwrrrkkktt - spokesperson from the Abraham Facility said the explosion was caused by an electrical fault, and maintained that there were no casualties. In other news - skreeeoooweee on a one to ten, she's a certified twenty, but that just ain't meeeee, so I said YEAH YEAH! - ffzzzzztt - "

The car takes a left turn and starts heading West, the jungle racing by on either side. Vince works the knob some more, never once taking his eyes off the road, and finally finds a station he seems to like.

"Livin' easy! Lovin' free! Season ticket on a one way ride!", goes the song.

"You can't beat the classics, man", says Vince, slapping his hand on the steering wheel in time to the beat.

"Don't need reason! Don't need rhyme! Ain't nothin' I would rather do..."

A right turn at a t-junction takes you North again.

"Goin' down! Party time! My friends are gonna be there too, aaaaaaahhh..."

Something roars in the distance, off to the West.

"I'm on HIGHWAY TO HELL. HIGHWAY TO HELL. I'm on a HIGHWAY TO HELL. HIGHWAY TO HELLLLLL!"

The Camaro cruises up a gently-sloping hill, past a pond and a hut, and carries on North down the other side of the hill. The trees around you seem to get taller and taller the further downhill you go, until eventually the canopy is far out of sight above you, and your surroundings become increasingly dark. The smell of the jungle is lush and mysterious. The song on radio continues to play.

You pass a triple fork in the road marked by a statue of a monkey. Vince keeps going North, eventually stopping in front of a Gate at the end of the road. The Gate is made of sturdy tree-trunks fixed together with iron bars, and it is shut. To either side, walls of equal height made from the same material disappear into the jungle. There are big spikes on the top of both gate and walls.

There is a vegetable patch on the Western side of the road, just in front of the gate.

Vince turns off the radio.

"Open up!", he calls.

There is no reply.

"Huh", he says, "looks like that Guard’s asleep on the job again."

He honks the horn of the Camaro a couple of times.
 
 
HCE
00:55 / 15.12.07
Tell Vince you'll be back in a minute and go check out the vegetable patch.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
10:59 / 16.12.07
"Be right back", you tell Vince, as you open the car door. You walk over to the vegetable patch and examine it. There is a single beetroot growing there.

"Dudes."

You look up to see the Guard from the other day peering over the top of the Gate. Today he is wearing a Wolverine t-shirt. He is carrying a pike.

"Oh, hey Vince", he says, on recognising your companion.

"Hey Geoff", says Vince. "What did you make of The Black Dossier?"

"Meh", sniffs Geoff, "Too many obscure references to British shit. And I don't think all those rude bits were really necessary, do you?"

Vince shrugs non-commitally.

"Well, I suppose I better let you in then", says Geoff. Then he disappears behind the Gate. Moments later, you hear the sound of his exertions, and various creaking and whirring noises. The Gate swings open.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
13:02 / 16.12.07
Pull down trousers and pants. And do the rest of the routine, however it used to go - 'Lads ...!' etc? Perhaps reflect on the mercurial nature of R Brand's quicksilver genius.
 
 
Fr.Ps
14:32 / 16.12.07
Take beetroot.

Enter through gate.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
16:27 / 16.12.07
You pull down your jeans and generic sexless-but-comfy underpants, wiggle your hips, and call out:

"Lads, my instructions are EXAMINE and then GO SOUTH!"

Geoff the Guard, who has reappeared at the top of the Gate, turns a sickly colour and disappears again quickly.

Vince shakes his head sadly.

"'Fraid you're moving just a mite faster than I like to these days, hon", he says, and drives off through the Gate.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
16:30 / 16.12.07
Feeling a little forlorn, you pull up your underpants and jeans, and pick the solitary beetroot.

Poor beetroot. All alone.

You walk through the Gate, and it shuts behind you.

You are standing in a dusty square in the village of Bastard. Directly North, opposite you is the Dancing Bear Inn. To the West is an imposing grey stone building which you instinctively guess to be the Guardhouse. To the East is a P WN SHOP.

There are streets leading North-West and North-East into the town. To the North-West a plume of black smoke rises in the distance.

There is a fountain in the middle of the square.
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
16:31 / 16.12.07
Examine fountain.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
16:51 / 16.12.07
Stare blankly at the rings of happy water in the fountain, while reflecting on how badly it all went with Vince, and how it could, so easily, have been very different. If only ... but no.

Sing, quietly, to self, 'I Know It's Over' by The Smiths. Every last word.

Then look into the possibility of shooting Geoff. Or failing that, pulling self together.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
18:52 / 16.12.07
But then, inspired by the fountain, vow to win back Vince's ... is love too strong a word? Possibly. But that sort of thing.

'Oh what a terrible mistake we have made, by pulling down our trousers and pants, but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Eh?'
 
 
Alex's Grandma
18:56 / 16.12.07
Writhe around in the dust for while, thinking about this, like a wriggly little worm.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
19:03 / 16.12.07
A handsome wriggly little worm.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
20:32 / 16.12.07
"Oh Mother...
I can feel...
the soil falling over my head.."

You begin to sing to yourself, quietly.

"And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over..."

You stare into the fountain. There is no water in it, only litter and dust. The stone horse in its centre is cracked and chipped. It seems... desolate.

"Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me?"

If only you hadn't rushed things with Vince - maybe things could have been different.

"Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)"

If only you'd not pulled down your trousers and pants.

"And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la...
I know it's over
And it never really began..."

You'd quite like to shoot Geoff the Guard, but you can't see him anywhere.

"But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said:
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know..."

You collapse to the ground as if having a seizure, and writhe there for a bit, in the dirt, like a worm. All the while, singing:

"'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over..."

You'll win Vince over, though. You WILL. Of course you will! How can you fail? You're not a failure! You're a success!

"Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love..."

What would Morrisey do? Well, he'd kick everyone off the Island who wasn't born there. Actually, their parents would need to have been born here too! So it could be curtains for that woman Caroline. But maybe that's what she deserves!

"Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my..."

You stand up. Forget the specifics! The point is, Morrisey would pull himself together. Like you're going to, right this moment!

"Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can even feel the soil falling over my head.."

No more self-pity and despair. No more of this.

"Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my..."

No more of this. No more.
 
 
Tsuga
20:37 / 16.12.07


Enter P WN shop.
 
  

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