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Barbannoy

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ONLY NICE THINGS

10:31 / 03.02.06

Depends a lot on my mood. Often, I'm kind of secretly delighted.

10:47 / 03.02.06

That's really different from how I think I'd react. What is it about it that delights you?

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:28 / 03.02.06

Sorry, that was a bit flippant. It is sometimes quite nice, I think, to know where you stand with people, and coming across a couple of people bitching you out randomly in a thread about soomething else does make that prety unambiguously clear. I'm thinking here, I suppose, about the Planet of Sounds or the modzeroes of this parish. At other times, it kind of goes one way or the other:

1) People are talking about my actions or personality in a way that makes me think about how they are perceived.

2) People are doing the same, but in a way that feels eithre unfair or simply based on manifestly false premises.

If (2), I tend to get involved, although I hope a little more comprehensibly than Shadowsax (above).

12:53 / 03.02.06

I'm really annoyed that I missed a perfectly good opportunity to rot/redeem (delete one) that thread with Morrissey lyrics. "There's homopanic in the convo, there's heteropanic in Barbelith ..."

It writes itself really. Mister Disco is even namechecked in the song, and I missed it. I think I need a Morrissey refresher course.

14:00 / 03.02.06

*ahem* today I am mostly barbannoyed by brawls spilling out into the barbannoy/barbequotes/headsick and rage threads. Can't we have an Armory forum with an Thunderdome thread? Two posters enter, one poster leaves! and a Dogpile thread? Bundle! And an Underdog thread? Aww, leave poster X alone.

I've missed the whole shadowfax escapade thankfully and wonder if there's a way to avoid this increasingly accelerating cycle of events that has the same shape every time. Ho hum, I'm off to the policy for the next phase of the script.

Also I'm annoyed by crack squirrels.

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:04 / 03.02.06

Underdogpile?

Our Lady Has Left the Building

14:25 / 03.02.06

Hmmm, to clarify, Jack, do you think by my having a little whinge here I was doing an 'awful thing'? Or are you talking about something else?

Mon Oncle Ignatius

14:25 / 03.02.06

If there was a Sex Forum could there also be a Shagpile?

14:28 / 03.02.06

Hmmm, to clarify, Jack, do you think by my having a little whinge here I was doing an 'awful thing'? Or are you talking about something else?

You'd have to ask Olulabelle.

22:52 / 03.02.06

I think that this is not the same as having a bitch in the office about a colleague when they are not around, because, by definition of the immortality of internet threads the person being bitched about is around.

I thought this thread was about annoying things about Barbelith, not anoying people on Barbelith. If it is a place where it's OK to whinge about specific posters may I suggest the name be changed to 'The Barbelith Water-Cooler'? I wouldn't expect to come here under the current destinction of it being about 'what's pissing you off about Barbelith?' (as a whole) and find myself name checked as one of those things. I might if it were called something else. At least then a person would know what to expect.

As for feeling ashamed; I am ashamed to belong to a board that thinks it's OK to bitch about people in a generic thread. I personally feel responsible for how that poster might feel on coming across those comments about him/herself and embarrassed for us as a board that the 'water-cooler' conversation has been overheard. That's what I meant when I said I felt ashamed. I wasn't saying anyone else should feel ashamed, or that I feel ashamed for them. Just that I did, personally.

I'm sorry if that's the wrong thing to say, but I do.

22:58 / 03.02.06

I thought this thread was about annoying things about Barbelith, not anoying people on Barbelith. If it is a place where it's OK to whinge about specific posters may I suggest the name be changed to 'The Barbelith Water-Cooler'?

You'd have to ask Boboss, since he started the thread, chose the title and didn't make a distinction between "things" and "people".

I'm sorry the board is making you feel so persistently negative. You may wish to remove yourself from it for a while until you recover.

ONLY NICE THINGS

23:10 / 03.02.06

OK. So, you don't think that this is what should have happened, and you are... universalising that? I don't quite get it. You seem to be interpreting - telling us what a thread should contain in your opinion, but then assuming that we all knew what you thought, had agreed to apply it to the thread and were now letting you down by not cleaving to this agreement. This is, not to put too fine a point on it, a bit odd.

Oddly, incidentally, you seem to be bitching quite a lot about specific people in this generic thread. Have a think about what you're communicating by word choices like "whinge". Might be worth having a look at Shadowfax's views on women and child custody as well, before judging whether this overspill was gratuitous. kthxbye.

00:45 / 04.02.06

Enough.

I've read the whole thread about Father's for Justice and have deliberately refrained from commenting precisely because I have DIRECT EXPERIENCE of a horrible custody battle, including many and varied degrees of misogyny and female-favoured behaviour both within the system and without. It's funny. The whole thread seems to be centred around intellectual discussion about a system that in the main relies on emotion, including what the child wants, what the mother wants and what the father wants. So yes, I have read it and chose not to comment. I also read this thread.. WAAAY before the 'whinge' word was first posted people were bitching, but the whinge post was the one that referenced office gossip. That's why the reference.

That's all.

I'm sorry I misunderstood the thread title. I really actually believed that the thread was about generic things. Clearly it isn't and if it isn't that's fine, go ahead. make personal comments.

As for anyone telling me I 'may wish to leave the board for a while' because it makes me feel 'so persistently negative', what's that supposed to mean? The board doesn't make me feel persistently negative - very occasional things about it upset me. I certainly don't wish to leave the board. Am I being told I should wish to?

00:48 / 04.02.06

Merely pointing out that if you're that ashamed to be part of this community etc., there's a ready solution, temporary or otherwise.

Alternatively, do your best to live with the shame.

01:23 / 04.02.06

Late to the party:

2 pages ago, Liger Null said:
(presumably male) posters in the "stuff you find attractive..." thread are labeled het-panicked simply for mentioning that they are attracted to women.

I think that's called homo-panic.

01:35 / 04.02.06

Oh, and you know what? Even after reading the Fathers for Justice thread and trawling through all the comments about women (at which point I feel compelled to point out that both my solicitor and my barrister were female) I still felt that this wasn't the right place for personal comments. There is a great deal in that thread that I do not agree with, specifically to do with favouritism of the woman and the like, and I disagree with it because I have direct experience of the system.

And possibly out of all the posters here I have the most to object to, given that what is being said in that thread is, by definition of me being a Mother having fought for custody of my child, in some ways directed at me.

But my personal opinion on what a poster has said elsewhere would not make me post snarky remarks about them by name, here. At the very most I might write about my frustration with regard to a particular thread and the perceived misogyny therein.

It's not that I object to complaint here, because I don't. There is very fair comment and reason for complaint here with regard to the F4J thread. The only thing I object to is complaint by name, especially when ten or so other people all then agree that 'so and so' is a *****.

01:47 / 04.02.06

I think that's called homo-panic.

Q, 'heteropanic' was the word that was used in the thread in question.

01:50 / 04.02.06

I was being irritating, ie, "homopanic"=when "queer-identified persons" get freaked out by heteros being hetero and must assert their queerness. But never mind.

02:08 / 04.02.06

Ah, gotcha.

03:16 / 04.02.06

This heteropanic thing is leaking to every thread. It's like the borgs in Star Trek

03:22 / 04.02.06

As for anyone telling me I 'may wish to leave the board for a while' because it makes me feel 'so persistently negative', what's that supposed to mean? The board doesn't make me feel persistently negative - very occasional things about it upset me. I certainly don't wish to leave the board. Am I being told I should wish to?

Does come across as kinda snarky, yeah. And, frankly, it comes across more than a little condescending and don't-get-hysterical.

To backtrack a little bit -- Haus, I really did mean what I said -- I don't think I was wrong, but I am over it. When there was a full-on bitch session about Hawksmoor in his absence, which I not only participated in but made sure to add fuel to whenever it seemed to abate, even a little, that was in Policy, and the point of that was to eject someone who was here way, way, way too long. This, as far as I can tell, is a discussion that served no purpose other than to call someone an asshole without having to hear the asshole's replies, and I don't think much of that. Mileage varies, to employ a tired cliche.

The poster does seem a worthy target of ire, however, and the thread abstract does make this the right place for talking behind someone's back -- and I never claimed otherwise. I just don't think that's, you know, such an awesome purpose to put the thread to, but have fun.

03:24 / 04.02.06

Could this lead to heteropanicpanic (when non-heteropanicky posters get freaked out and feel the need to prove that they aren't heteropanicking)?

No, wait, I've already done that one...

03:26 / 04.02.06

(In reply to DM, obviously.)

03:27 / 04.02.06

Don't misunderstand me. Homopanic doesn't annoy me and I'm as queer as the next guy.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

07:39 / 04.02.06

Qalyn, my queer cock is much bigger than yours. Heh heh heh...

Ganesh Merely pointing out that if you're that ashamed to be part of this community etc., there's a ready solution, temporary or otherwise. Alternatively, do your best to live with the shame.

Alright, what did you do with the nice Ganesh?

ONLY NICE THINGS

09:26 / 04.02.06

This, as far as I can tell, is a discussion that served no purpose other than to call someone an asshole without having to hear the asshole's replies, and I don't think much of that.

The asshole replied.

Tom Paine's Bones

10:42 / 04.02.06

we run the risk of turning into exactly the kind of facists that we come to Barbelith to avoid.

The widespread use of 'fascist' as a general epithet always makes me a bit snarky.

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:52 / 04.02.06

Seconded.

11:55 / 04.02.06

facist, though?

ONLY NICE THINGS

11:57 / 04.02.06

Discriminating against those who have faces is still discrimination.

yawn - thing's buddy

12:28 / 04.02.06

'The night of a thousand elois'(a barb sesh I was involved in sometime in march 2000)was so much fun than every other moment spent on this board could be considered an annoyance.

12:32 / 04.02.06

Eddie Thirteen: This, as far as I can tell, is a discussion that served no purpose other than to call someone an asshole without having to hear the asshole's replies, and I don't think much of that.

Haus: The asshole replied.

Yes - and it was specifically his reply here on this thread that prompted my own "oh dear" (at that point, I hadn't perused the Fathers4Justice discussion). This is one reason I'm really not getting the "without having to hear the asshole's replies" part. Or, for that matter, the "call someone an asshole" part, registering one's annoyance doesn't automatically map onto name-calling.

13:52 / 04.02.06

The asshole did reply, but only because he happened to chance upon the thread; it is true, however, that things didn't get really ugly till he did. A fair point. Still, I don't see what the point was of talking about him, as opposed to or even in addition to talking directly to him. Not many posts in this thread have been one-offs -- the person who started the conversation (can't remember) must have done so with some awareness that the initial post would likely lead to a session of berating someone in his absence. As (it seems to me) a means of bonding/scoring points with one's fellows. Again, I don't think that's very admirable. I don't think the thread has been misused, per se, I just don't think using it that way is all that great.

14:00 / 04.02.06

Not too far removed from what the 'Snide throwaway whatever it was' thread, in fact.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:18 / 04.02.06

Indeed. Difference being, of course, that that one was actually intended for that purpose, or seemed to be anyway.

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