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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

The Apprentice

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15:53 / 17.03.05

I'm living in 'Merika at the moment, and I watched the first season of The Apprentice. I haven't watched any of the others, because after a few weeks you know who's going to win. It's the tall, white guy. They tried to make tension where we wondered "Who's going to win? Will it be the Southern hick who dropped out of college, the black guy, or the white guy with an MBA?" Dude, it's the MBA. They're not going to pick someone to run a company with less education than his employees. This is big business. Trust me, they have huge egos and very little ability.

Saying that, I'm tempted to take a look at the British version.

Tryphena Absent

17:24 / 17.03.05

Trust me, the tall white guy is not going to win. Well, not the tallest white guy anyway. If he does I'll... I'll... oh, whatever.

18:51 / 17.03.05

Lol.

Yeah, absolutely no fucking way.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:10 / 20.03.05

What is the odd man at the top of this page about?

Very glad Paul survived, 'cos the way Saira and others turned on him was just narsty. There's gonna be trouble when he gets back to the house...

12:53 / 22.03.05

Agree, Petey.

Had mixed feelings about Paul. I disliked his sexism, but warmed to him for the first time this week. I thought his behaviour was very dignified. Felt sorry for Rachel having to choose two people for the firing line when the team had done well overall.

But yeah, Sai really knived him in the back, and he is *not* someone you want as an enemy...

Tryphena Absent

08:36 / 23.03.05

Only 10 hours to go... until Paul shuns Saira. I hope he rips in to her.

Tryphena Absent

19:32 / 23.03.05

Ohmygod. She's dancing

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:51 / 23.03.05

Much like the toy episode, you could tell which team's project was going to be an absolute jaw-dropping disaster from very early on.

But who could have guessed HOW bad it was going to get? The cheap-as-chips, cheesy telly ad was one thing, but Saira's can-barely-be-arsed print ad and Rachel's collage and dancing.... ohmiGOD. By far the most painful episode so far. Well done to Raj for surviving yet another week by being borderline invisible.

Who's gonna get fired?

I'd quite like it to be Saira. But Rachel is boring as fuck.

Paul: "I'm a Roman Catholic and as God is my witness I shook hands with her in the corridor outside."
Sir Alan: "Well I'm Jewish and I couldn't care less!"

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:58 / 23.03.05

Paul could so easily survive if he were tougher...

Rachel goes. That board was so bad, it had to be her.

It's interesting that Sir Alan is making his decisions based not just on the individual projects now, but also on what's been going on in previous weeks.

Amazingly symmetrical reversal of emotional positions for Paul and Saira at the end there...

Next week looks amazing.

21:19 / 23.03.05

Paul stood up and took overall responsibility - which is what he had to do. Saira just attempted to shift blame - which would have got her sacked if not for Rachel being crap at something she claimed as a strength on her cv.

The end was telling - again Paul was attempting a reconcilliation and Saira was having none of it... I have a feeling that she will end up going before he does...

22:01 / 23.03.05

What worries me is that these people are supposed to be the cream of Britain's young execs. They don't even know how to stick the words "only £99" on the bottom of a document themselves. Oh, and what exactly did Mr Background Sebastian do this or any other week? (Except join the lads and a large proportion of the male audience in ogling Miriam's frocks, that is)

06:29 / 24.03.05

Like shit on a blanket!

YOU'RE FIRED!

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:23 / 24.03.05

Oh, and what exactly did Mr Background Sebastian do this or any other week?

"Sebastian has perfect teeth."

Does anyone else think Alan's son was an inspired cameo? Exactly like his dad, only clearly bone idle because he's never reeeeally had to do a hard day's work in his life...

I'm a bit worried that Miriam could win this now, she's in quite a comfortable position as far as I can tell in terms of her relationship with her team.

Tryphena Absent

08:47 / 24.03.05

which would have got her sacked if not for Rachel being crap at something she claimed as a strength on her cv.

I don't really think that's why he fired her. She doesn't have much charisma but she's always come across as pretty dependable and sensible which can be a real attribute in an environment that can become intensely political. Unfortunately instead of ringing Paul and asking him what she should do she took it upon herself to make the worst collage ever- it reminded me of third year art lessons, the type of thing someone without any eye for space would create. She didn't work to her strengths, that's why he fired her because her self perception, her understanding of her capabilities was off and she didn't really understand that even after he'd spoken to her about it. The CV was a convenient excuse because the other thing would be terribly difficult to explain quickly to someone who didn't understand where she'd fucked up anyway.

What really interested me was Saira. She's really damaged her position, she betted that Paul would be gone and she was wrong because she doesn't understand that Sir Alan is looking to employ someone and that person needs to know when to talk to their boss. Instead of kow-towing she talked back and in a way that made absolutely no sense, plus she's tried to knife Paul twice now and it hasn't worked. He's come out of this in a stronger position- instead of pushing him away when he tried to reach out to her, she should have accepted it but she let her emotions cloud her sense of judgement... three times.

08:52 / 24.03.05

I can't believe I've been missing this. Damn Jamie Oliver and his turkey Twizzlers.
I'm playing catch-up, obviously, but JeeZUS. Alan Sugar... sorry, Sir Alan (did he at any point insist they call him that?)... must be shitting himself about having to give a position of responsibility in his company to one of these children. Raj might be invisible, but that strikes me as a pretty sound tactic given the company he's in. Although Alan's 'It was so blindingly obvious, I asked Raj!' was telling.

I love the way these people talk as if they're Big Swinging Dicks (Paul and his Management, and Saira with her 'Professionalcapacity'), but then sob like school-girls at the first sign of disapproval from Daddy... I mean Alan Sugar. I mean. Alan. Fucking. Sugar.
And Rachel's presentation to Publicis was the first TV moment of this year to induce in me the kind of cringe that makes my palms itch. 'Whoo! Yeah...How do you feel? How do you feel now?'. And that collage. What was she thinking? Do that kind of thing if you must, if it helps you, but fefuxake don't show it to people.

Great show though.

09:10 / 24.03.05

i think what i really like about this show is the fact that sir sugar's gonna have to take one of this shower of twats as his pa when this is all over! 'the best of the UK's young business talent', err, no, the best is in jobs that it's happy with already methinks.

Tryphena Absent

10:32 / 24.03.05

Her dancing. Oh help me, her dancing!

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:58 / 24.03.05

Has James done anything that's made anyone watching think he's either a twat or an idiot, I wonder? So far he's about the only one I've not seen disgrace himself in some major or minor way...

11:20 / 24.03.05

Nina, I can't help you - I can't even help myself.

11:22 / 24.03.05

I really wanted to give Saira a dose of YOU'RE FIRED!1!!.
Can she use abbreviations?

13:58 / 24.03.05

My last post disappeared, so apologies if you suddenly get two posts saying identical things....

Did anyone notice that the advertising poster had been not just ripped but completely torn up and then stuck back together, presumably in a fit of pique?

I felt for Paul this time, but he behaved honorably in adversity.

Hattie's Kitchen

14:23 / 24.03.05

I love the way that Saira started out as a very annoying and patronising self-important sales berk, and has gradually become so frigging Machiavellian as the show has progressed.

She scatterbombs giggles at every slightly amusing thing that Sir Alan utters, every answer to any question starts off with her boasting about her professionalism and if fault is found with her way of doing things, it's because other people are racist/uncooperative/stupid and nothing to do with the fact that she antagonises everyone she speaks to.

I found her denial of Paul shaking her hand unnerving, and the crocodile tears at the end were cringe-worthy enough to make me want to turn over.

Needless to say, I think she's the best thing in the show.

Rachel dancing will live with me forever, though. Fuckssssakkke...

15:26 / 24.03.05

She also managed to fall out with every member of her team at different times, and then expected two of them to unite with her to get rid of Paul.

15:51 / 24.03.05

I didn't actually see the dance. I saw her kick off her shoes and begin to bounce around a bit, but then it was just the sounds. It's weird, I can watch autopsies, genital surgery, Pop Idol auditions, the lot. But things like that just trip some kind of circuit-breaker, my hands make tight fists and my eyelids clamp down involuntarily. To be honest, I don't even like to imagine it.

19:37 / 24.03.05

It's not unreasonable to entertain the possibilty that Saira can't remember the handshake - she was pretty emotional at the time. Stress, sadness and anger tend to bring up the blinders.

But then I didn't think they were crocodile tears either.

Ah, we're back to the old Big Brother argument.

Tryphena Absent

20:17 / 24.03.05

She kind of pushed him away though. To be honest I was watching the dance through my fingers and I had to keep hiding my eyes.

13:29 / 31.03.05

James looks unstoppable now. He calculated correctly that he would be ok even if he went into the boardroom, and there was never really any suggestion that he would go.

Miriam is looking v. strong, too.

14:31 / 31.03.05

I reckon Saira's actually in the running...

Tryphena Absent

10:17 / 01.04.05

No, he won't employ her because she's consistently lied to him and he will know that she's lied because it's all on camera. She's a contender but this isn't a competition to go to the toughest person, he has to employ the winner.

10:30 / 01.04.05

Has anyone else noticed that Saira constantly makes redundant statements.

For example: "Our strategy was to treat the celebrities with respect".

As opposed to disrespect, then?

Look out for it. It's sooo annoying.

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:39 / 01.04.05

Miriam does look strong now just because I think she's very popular with the other main contenders. And Michael Winner.

James looked shaky for the first time this week - he's not had to deal with failure yet, and I expect he'll probably still be dealing with it next week - but it was quite smart of him not to bring Saira back into the boardroom. He knows she might turn on him.

Immensely satisfying to see Sebastian and his PERFECT TEETH get fired for lacking "the Sugar culture". Suck it up, Not-Nice-And-Dim.

To an extent I feel like Raj must surely go very soon - I have a great deal of sympathy for him, because I suspect I would stammer and umm in these situations too, but...

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:44 / 01.04.05

Boboss - she is a prime example of a corporate jargon bullshitter, except she's not even very good at it. Her attempts to cover over when she's just fucked up are quite painful.

In contrast, I have to say I was pleased that James said "obviously we did make mistakes" rather than saying "I think we did exceptionally well but lost because of this minor bullshit reason that's not really our fault", as several other losing team leaders have done.

11:29 / 01.04.05

When Saira is finally sacked, and I think it is a question of when and not if, I will be jumping up and down in a hatesex orgasm.

08:10 / 04.04.05

Do you think James is gay? I think James is gay.

Tryphena Absent

09:16 / 04.04.05

Oh, honestly! You shouldn't be allowed to watch this show. Go and play with your fish!

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