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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

The Apprentice

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Hattie's Kitchen

15:08 / 04.05.05

Oh, I know she makes you want to bitch-slap her, but if I was in a company like Amstrad, which relies on consumers foregoing quality in favour of low prices, I'd choose Saira as the person to go out there and get the sales in the bag. Tim may be more effective in interpersonal skills, but he's shown on a few tasks that he doesn't have the hard-nosed negotiation savvy to see him through, which Saira has demonstrated in abundance, and she would sooner chain herself to a potential buyer rather than let a sale slip away. That's why I think Siralan has a grudging regard for her, and for him, what he wants is someone who can sell his tat.

15:49 / 04.05.05

Hmm, you seem to be missing my point that Saira is only good at selling within a context where she can get away with being absurdly overbearing and rude. She's shown little or no aptitude for selling in any other environment.

That's not to say she can't learn, or that her current skill-set is entirely worthless, just that she's still got a long way to go.

20:02 / 04.05.05

Tim - YAY!!!

20:05 / 04.05.05

I liked Siralan's line to the six finalists the best - "I've made some good friends in this business, like Richard Branson and even Bill Gates, and I know that if ever I call them, they'll take my call. Well now I'm giving you my business card, and if ever you want to call me, I will take your call too."

And you know he actually will.

20:13 / 04.05.05

And you know he actually will.

"Raaaaj! Super to hear from you!"

There was no contest, really, with the final two events: champagne fetish burlesque versus cheapo nasty vino - and dancing around a motorbike. It also pointed up the essential flaw in Saira's "blagging": she rips people off through sheer force of will, and they don't come back for more...

Paul = Arsey Tosspot.

20:38 / 04.05.05

I was wondering if Raj was in the studio audience post-Apprentice, or if we just didn't notice him..

and WHY would anyone EVER pick Paul to be on their team? That was proof to me Saira didn't want to win.

20:40 / 04.05.05

Well...perhaps not Raj.

No! Actually, he would take his call, even if he didn't really want to. I think siralan's a man of his word, and good on him for saying it.

Paul = total tosspot fuckwit wanker. He's just said (on the programme after) that all the women in the series were shit. Even though the women in it had just all pointed out their own problems and everything, he still wasn't magnanimous enough to give the misoginistic thing a rest. Having watched the after-show programme, I think that The Apprentice was cut fairly harshly. Even that girl who made Miranda her P.A way back early on (I forget her name) was very funny, and talked about what a big mistake she'd made in doing it.

As for Miriam, siralan sent her an email the day after he fired her, saying that on second thoughts he wouldn't have. There's so much going on there, it's untrue. What's the betting he's hired her secretly, and set her up in a flat convenient to work?

And, fancy that, he just also happens to have a key, too.

20:47 / 04.05.05

WHY would anyone EVER pick Paul to be on their team? That was proof to me Saira didn't want to win.

Nooo! Absolutely no-one would ever want Paul on their team, especially anyone female, but by picking him Saira being tactical. She knew siralan had a bit of a soft spot for Paul and she was trying to play the 'hold-no-grudges businesswoman'. Plus, how bitchy would she have looked if all the other finalists were picked, but Paul wasn't?

She perhaps would have done better to pick a person other than Paul, but I also think she had to pick him in order to look like she didn't still have issues with him.

20:48 / 04.05.05

WHY would anyone EVER pick Paul to be on their team?

Because they actually quite like a bit of aggro now and again?

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

21:01 / 04.05.05

The business cards thing - Yeah, right. Here's My card, if you call me, I'll take your call.

Once.

Maybe twice.

And if it stays relevant, we're on. Otherwise, I'm sorry, Siralan is busy at the moment, can I take a message? Sweetie?

Tim. Is he a serial killer or what? Cover of GQ? Check. Hello magazine? Check. TV potential? Check. Loves his mum? Check. Materialist? Nope. How will he spend the salary? On his MUM. Check.

Bodies in the cellar, trust me.

Or was I on a night shift? Feeling twisted? Check.

Sir Alan gets to be Simon Cowell of the business world. How many Apprentices does he need? Feh. and Pah.

Never mind the Apprentice, I want to see the Terrorist. On Channel 5. With pokey digi-cam footage, and Binladen in place of Siralan. Being fired on THAT show would not be good for the aftershow camraderie, let me tell you. Vox pops all the way. Run VT.

And that, ladies and gents, is why you shouldn't post drunk, twisted, tired and ill. I apologise in advance.

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

22:00 / 04.05.05

Paul IS Sean Penn and I claim my £5

14:27 / 05.05.05

WAY TO GO TIM!!!

did you notice Flyboy correctly predicted the exact winning order? Say Petey, do you have any strong convictions about this saturday's lottery numbers?

09:17 / 11.05.05

Saira continues her struggle for World. Dom. In. Ation! by boosting sales of the Guardian for one day.

Not, as rumoured, working for Ken Livingston and says of Paul "he's a tosser".

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:20 / 11.05.05

I've written books on betting.

Chequebooks.

(Wait, that doesn't work.)

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:04 / 11.05.05

She's introduced as one of the contestants on The Apprentice. "Can I just correct you there," she says. "I was actually the runner-up, and the star of the show."

KHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!

11:18 / 11.05.05

And there I was thinking I hated her before reading that... Could it be that she'll break big Oliver-style in '06 ?

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