Barbelith Underground > Policy & Help > Moderation requests & discussion thereof

CHaus, thank you for asking for me to clarify. Thanks to the mod in question as well who sent me a very thoughtful PM. That was very kind and I appreciate it.

I had a rolling reaction and my posts in the Convo thread and here reflect my perception shift over time as I tried to understand what others posters' intent was, so I understand if there's confusion over my posts about the issue.

When I spotted the convo thread it had the F4J summary and upon reading the thread I was very upset thinking at first members of the board were joking about or actively supporting the F4J custody fight or some combination thereof. It seemed very much at odds with what I'm used to on Barbelith in terms of people being aware of complex and sometimes painful issues so I asked for clarification in thread. If they were joking about F4J and wanting to join in supporting the group I would have presented reasons why I found it offensive and a questionable group to support in any capacity. It did not seem to be making fun of the group but supporting them.

I may be spoiled by conduct on the board as a whole where I've come to expect respect for others' experience to be weighed before laughs. I've witnessed charged topics treated with humor but usually balanced with awareness. The first reading of the thread was at such odds with this I was shocked and very upset. I resisted the urge to draw comparisons to other social issues because we've discussed that's a minefield in its own right. My first reading was of a group of posters changing their ficsuit names to support or declare themselves F4J, a group that by its actions may draw laughter at first but with serious examination is problematic in how it casts parents engaged in custody battles as good/evil on an absolute level especially with children. The thread's hilarity on the subject shocked me whereas a serious thread on the subject would not have. to be plain it appeared insensitive to the point of offensive.

After my request for clarification in thread it was revealed that was not the intent at all by the original poster but rather a simple ficsuit name change group effort. I was then disturbed that someone would connect an effort, at best fun at worst silly, with a problematic social issue. I was unaware at the time of F4J's history on the board. It struck me as a thoughtless thing to do at the time and my reaction post was stern because I don't find it funny to reposition other people publicly in such a way.

The awfulness that drove me out of the discussion was in thread where the posters began to play with the F4J connection. I had been on the verge of letting go of my shock and annoyance with the summary change and the early posts in thread when posters began to engage in just the way I concerned with.

I feel I may not be explaining myself as well as I would like, so please indulge me as I try to unpack this a bit. I'm not offended by people having a laugh over the fucked up shit in the world or processing their pain with the aid of humor. I was disturbed that in laughing at, and with, the F4J about the seriousness of custody disputes a disservice is done to people and children being impacted in painful ways by it. I was disturbed that on a board where the community tries very hard to make room for each others' experience this topic was not considered worthy of sensitivity.

At that point the entire blame festival around mod behavior seemed frankly asinine as posters were making various in thread jokes in poor taste and blatantly offensive.

I did not at the time feel like soap-boxing in the Convo thread because it was a madhouse of stupid. Simply put it's pretty fucking awful to have someone pull the super-hero card with young children involved in a custody battle as it may automatically translate to them that the complex issue of love and protection can be transmuted to good and evil in tight casting roles, Father vs. Mother. While it is sadly funny on the surface that F4J parades around in costume upon closer examination its goals and methods are anything but funny.

It's not just 'think of the children', it's also hey can you be considerate that custody battles and related issues of stereotyping parents maybe extremely charged for some of the board's readership?

I'm fine if people want to jump around being stupid and/or funny, we know the board is not safe space. I just want to be able to say when I personally am upset by it or call it out of respect for others who maybe hurt by it. I don't expect my voice to be more valued than other posters'.

I hope that clears up what my reaction was about?