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Am I a bad person because I increasingly have in my head, every time someone starts talking to me about this film, the Gail Simone line: 'This fulfills my need for Transformers porn!'?
Of course, I'm the nitpickiest of all, and it's the apparent fan/rotor-blade exhaust-eye look on early adverts (and espoused by the director has his idea, which he loves) that have soured me on the film. Unless the Decepticons fly by shootin jet-propulsion from their eyesockets, it's a stupid design feature. It's not helping them to see. Not going to translate well when scaled down to toy-size. And even as a little kid it would have annoyed me.
But, the new Optimus Prime pic doesn't bother me, because I don't think it's entirely legit. If I were in the position to do so, I don't think I could stand to not fuck with the older audience for this film, and just periodically drop an 'oh, hell no' element into the public eye, because those who care, will probably go to theatres to gawk at the trainwreck, and those who don't... don't care.
If it's just two hours and twelve minutes of Bumble Bee and Grimlock doing stand up routines, there's a percentage of young kids who're going to eat it up. And, really, they buy more toys than the adults do... because adults are less likely to break their action figures or to have them collected by teachers and bigger kids who can step on the first kid's head until the Transformer is magically their own.
It could just be 'Cars' choppedn in with extended footage ripped off a 'Macross' videogame, narrated directly from the brain of Starscream. The summer blockbuster extreme: 'Starscream's Video Diary' directed by Luc Besson! and little kids'll probably love it.
Thirty seven year old men, will probably hunt me down and kick me in the ribs, for suggesting it.
I mean, new Star Wars all pretty much sucked, but then, even when I was a kid, I never really got into the first one. It was always pretty bad. Jedi and Emperor... those I liked. Jar Jar's basically Luke in that first movie.
And the Transformer's source material's not exactly all the stunning gorgeous best stuff in existence. |
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