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Godawful adverts

 
  

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Princess
13:49 / 14.03.07
My little brother finds the add hilarious. That's pretty muc proof that it falls into that part of the Venn diagram which is both "stupid" and "offensive".
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
19:33 / 21.03.07
Those new Match.com adverts? Did a team of creatives really get together and think that the best way to advertise the site was to push the 'it's for unattractive genetic freaks' angle heavily?
 
 
penitentvandal
21:51 / 21.03.07
Hey, you see unattractive geriatric freaks, I see a GMILF...
 
 
Alex's Grandma
22:44 / 21.03.07
Now, that GM, does it stand for GrandMother, or Genetic Mutant?

I'm just asking ... for a friend.
 
 
Gendudehashadenough
00:35 / 17.05.07
Searching GOOGLE for custom hat makers I hover on www.hatland.com under which link the adline reads:

"Styles sure to keep you in the Pink!"

I really don't know to laugh or bust the fist hammer-shake. Either way I'm sure it's abyssmally drawing.
 
 
Triplets
09:31 / 11.07.07
Boots' "Get Beach Gorgeous". Because what other people (apparently a lot of people) think of your body is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING this summer.
 
 
Ex
09:37 / 11.07.07
I was served in Boots by a chap in an orange T-shirt saying 'I CAN MAKE YOU BEACH GORGEOUS! ASK ME HOW!' I would have been more threatened by 'I CAN MAKE YOU GIVE A TOSS ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF BEACH GORGEOUS! AND I WILL!'
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
14:12 / 11.07.07
I'd have waved my beergut at him and screamed "MAKE THAT BEACH GORGEOUS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

But I'm guessing I'm not the target audience.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
15:52 / 11.07.07
This is just terrifying...
 
 
Jack Fear
16:06 / 11.07.07


He Who Walks Behind The Rows must be appeased.
 
 
Triplets
21:31 / 06.08.07
I'd like to put up Special K's latest advert. It's the usual stuff, slim woman walking around in trademark Special K red one-piece swimsuit. So far, so a typical piece of get forever slimmer culture, but it's ARGH! SHIT! for the line "swap your indulgent snacks for a bowl of blah blah Special Kakes". Yes, because snacks are indulgent, not to fill a hole because you missed breakfast, not a piece of fruit. They're indulgent. Except, of course, for Special Cocking K.

True, snacks can be, but it's the matter-of-fact way the voiceover says it, the implied notion that if you're interested in this advert then most of the snacking you do is indulgent or unnecessary. Which is a few steps away from "not allowed".

Am I being overdramatic?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
08:35 / 07.08.07
Not really. Our attitudes to food be fucked up! In all kinds of complex contradictory ways. Advertising is where those fucked-up attitudes find their most fucked-up expression, often.
 
 
Sibelian 2.0
18:33 / 29.08.07
OK, this post really should be in a "Godawful products" thread, and is about one of those soul-crushingly stupid cosmetics commercials so it's a foregone conclusion that it's stupid, but how can a skin care product claim that it contains "15% Oxygen"?

15% Oxygen? In a pressurised cannister?

What? What on earth is it talking about?
 
 
Shiny: Well Over Thirty
19:03 / 29.08.07
Probably a chemistry thing. Whatever the stuff is one would presume that oxygen atoms are part of at least one the ingredients molecular structures, and that part is equal to 15% either by weight or volume.

Doesn't make it any less stupid and pointless as a selling point though.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
18:46 / 01.09.07
Everyone knows a bloke like Mickey.
 
 
Mysterious Transfer Student
19:07 / 01.09.07
Don't even.

If Vernon Kay had travelled across parallel universes killing and absorbing the strength of his other selves just in like that Jet Li movie then Mickey would be the final result.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
19:52 / 01.09.07
Everyone knows a bloke like Mickey. Trouble is, Mickey doesn't know anyone. Because he's trapped in an advertisement with actresses, without knowing this; they taunt him, and depart. At night a strange wobbly ball thing comes in and gives him a new hairstyle. Sometimes people burst into jolly, out-of-context 1920s songs.

His princess is in another castle.

Now see Mickey howl:



Mickey is howling.
 
 
Tsuga
00:00 / 24.01.08
I thought that this ad had thankfully died until I saw it again tonight. I hate it so, so much, I wanted to share it.
But posting here reminded me of the one of the worst ads in the last year, probably worthy of the headsick thread. I think that it's particularly repugnant.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:28 / 04.03.08
Super internet work security mean that I can't see whether or not you're posting about the APPALLING "Chris the two-timing twat" Cargiant ads I'm forced to stare at every working day on the tube.

It involves a lot of red and three pictures: one of Chris looking sad, one of a car and a very large one of Chris looking so punchably smug it's a good job he's on the other side of the train tracks or else his face would be worn through by the justified smackage of outraged commuters by now.

Here's the text of the ad, in full:

FROM LONG FACE TO GIANT SMILE

Chris had a long face.

The wife wanted a new family car and this had the potential to blow a huge hole in his finances, not to mention the other plans he had for his money.

A little bird told him to get down to Cargiant where he bought a quality used car that kept the wife more than happy and saved himself a tidy little sum in the process. Just enough for a wicked weekend in Paris …

… with the girlfriend, tweet tweet!


Fair warms the cockles, doesn't it? It certainly unleashes the red mist for me, anyway.

Here's someone else's response
Here's Richard Herring's response (apparently Richard Herring is very sexy IRL, by the way. Can anyone comment? Just curious).

GAAAAAH. Anyway, just had to get that one out of my system and very glad that some others agree. I've even written to the ASA about it, which I have never done before.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:05 / 04.03.08
Depressingly, this feels to me like the first in a series.

Maybe they're planning a follow-up ad in which the wife beds Chris' neighbours in the back of the family-sized car, thus striking a blow for wives everywhere, in the only way they know how

Alternatively, a heartbroken Mrs Chris could drive the family-sized car off a cliff in the sequel - I'm not sure what point this would make about Cargiant as a company (she could survive, I suppose, though that mightn't be so good in terms of the target demographic) but it would get people talking.

On the other hand, perhaps Cargiant's just decided to write off half the population as potential customers, on the basis that they don't buy second-hand cars anyway.

Or again, maybe they just haven't thought this through properly.

The whole Men V Women dynamic has long been a fave in car ads though; does anyone remember that 'Spirito Di Punto' campaign from a few years back? The Scottish girl and the Sloaney boy? The concentrated hatred on that guy from Coupling's face was enough to make anyone commit to a life of pedestrianism, possibly cloistered somewhere, in a religious order.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
15:09 / 04.03.08
And the fighting couple (he white, she Asian) who were expressing their hatred via cheaper car insurance, or something?
 
 
All Acting Regiment
15:14 / 04.03.08
Not to mention 'Shhhhakespeare'.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:56 / 04.03.08
Indeed. It does seem as if ad creatives with (correctly)frustrated ambitions in urban brutalist drama are allowed to cut loose, pretty much, when they're working on car campaigns.

I wonder why that is - the car's a big expense, but it's not as serious as the mortgage, and so is okay to fight about, perhaps? Or is it something to do with the car being a symbol of freedom? Or could it be that ad types feel as if they can really express themselves in a car-related campaign, being reasonably sure that whatever they say, it's not going to make very much difference?
 
 
Tsuga
18:50 / 04.03.08
That sounds so much like what I posted about, WP. For a written description of the ad, look here. Smell the freedom.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
09:45 / 05.03.08
And here, posted in full for your reading sniggers, is the response of "one of the creative team". Dear Christ in heaven, I hope he was the one who chased up the coke, although from his command of English (the below is posted verbatim except for my unbolded snarks) I have a horrible sinking feeling that he probably wrote the copy ...

Hi

I’m one of the creative team responsible for the ad. so I thought I’d give you my perspective…

1. The ad campaign is all about what different character types do with the time or money they save by going to Cargiant.

2. There are four ads in the sequence - a good family man with a tiresome mother in-law, a young woman who hates smarmy sales men, a young buck who wants to outsmart the office know-it-all and Chris, the slimy sod.
(How come Chris is the only one anyone's ever seen, then?)

The campaign, and if you use the underground/look at the backs of buses you will see all of the creatives…
(no you won't, you really won't - you will just see Chris's hugely punchable face, over and over again)which give ‘Chris’ a context.

In short it’s not about CarGiant it’s about what we as individuals want when we’re buying a new car, what it takes to put a Giant Smile on our faces… save a weekend, treat the mother in law to a long holiday to the old country, wipe the smaile of a rivals face… or ‘Chris’…

3. He is a smarmy sod isn’t he - you can see that we made a point of choosing a smarmy self satisfied ‘look’. He is not symathetically portrayed.

4. This sort of toungue in cheek humour
(what???)has been the bedrock of British comedy since (and before) tyhe days of carry-on

Anyway, even if you don’t agree with me, hopefully that gives some context. The aim is not to offend just to give a little ‘head smile’ and get the cost saving message over.

Mac


And what the fuck's a "head smile"?
 
 
All Acting Regiment
10:34 / 05.03.08
They want you to have one regardless. That Chrysler ad - why are they advertising a Toyota in it?
 
 
Alex's Grandma
23:44 / 05.03.08
It reads like a pitch for a sit-com on BBC3, perhaps.

Well fair enough, but how is any of this going to help Cargiant (assuming, as seems increasingly unlikely, that Cargiant isn't a front for a money-laundering operation) sell cars? I'd guess Cargiant's CEO might feel as if he's been stitched like a kipper, and I can't say I'd blame him, if that was the case.

All he wanted to say was that you can get a cheap car that runs all right at Cargiant, and instead his company's been dragged into this swamp of psycho-sexual lunacy. Because some buster's been to film school, and so on.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
23:51 / 05.03.08
I think a head smile is like a head cold.
 
 
All Acting Regiment
10:32 / 06.03.08
the smaile of a rivals face
 
 
Whisky Priestess
12:17 / 07.03.08
Stop smailing!

Maybe it's a very slow, snail-like smile which is of, not on, the face of a rival or rivals?

Then again, maybe the ad was written by mouth-breathers.
 
 
Tsuga
12:41 / 07.03.08
That Chrysler ad - why are they advertising a Toyota in it
They've secretly replaced his boring old Toyota with an exciting Chrysler! And his boring old wife with an exciting model!
Fuckwads.
 
 
bjacques
13:02 / 07.03.08
Here's an evil one (it's a PDF). And, ahem, here's the improved version.
 
 
trouble at bill
10:05 / 29.04.09
On the 'Slimey Chris' Cargiant ad note, it was tenth most complained about of 2008 but not actually investigated:

10. Cargiant

96 complaints

ASA: Not investigated after council decision

Adultery was the theme again in these posters, with a man so happy with the savings he made on his vehicle that he was going to take his mistress to Paris. Complainants said the ad was chauvinistic, but the ASA said it was likely to be considered lighthearted.



That's from:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2009/apr/29/asa-most-complained-about-adverts-2008
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
10:32 / 29.04.09
I feel like enough time has passed now to reveal that my dad was actually responsible for the Frosties 'It's gonna taste great' ad. You know the imaginary person you vented your bile at, mocking them, wishing them death?
THAT WAS MY POP, YOU BASTARDS.
Still, he's fairly sanguine about the whole thing.
 
 
Evil Scientist
13:49 / 30.04.09
Well he got pre-emptive revenge on his haters by making the cursed thing in the first place so why wouldn't he be?
 
  

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