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Advice really needed...please

  
  

Page: 12(3)4567

 
 
Keith, like a scientist
12:11 / 07.01.04
right now, i just cannot imagine not trying to be friends again with her...she was crying and feeling bad just as much i was...she is mourning this loss just as much as me. granted, i'm also mourning the loss of a potential mate, but we are both just intensely upset about losing what we consider our best friends...

it was so awful...i'm sitting here at work (cause i absolutely have to be, it's really busy), and i just have no idea how to get through the day. tears are just behind my eyes...

something she said really bothered me last night. i asked her what she was feeling and she said a lot of things. i told her i need her to tell me everything. she said she feels like she has no friends, abandoned, guilty, bad, etc. it really bothered me that she felt abandoned and that she doesn't have friends now. i had to talk to her briefly this morning and let her know that i'm still here, and that i will always be there for her if she needs something, to not hesitate to call if she needs something.

it's just so awful...she said at one point her favorite time we ever had was when she had strep throat and i brought over a movie to watch. she started to be in intense pain from the strep, and i ran out and got her throat medicine. she said that was her favorite time...that really touched me in a way...i know it's easy to say, sure, that's her favorite time, because you did everything for her and she got the attention she needed, but after talking to her last night, i truly don't think she is being selfish in any way. she geniunely seems to care about me and want to be close friends...she is just unwilling to go farther despite her feelings.

this is going to be a terrible day.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
12:42 / 07.01.04
i had to talk to her briefly this morning and let her know that i'm still here, and that i will always be there for her if she needs something, to not hesitate to call if she needs something.

Be careful there, Keith. I'm not sure that this promise is a very good one for you to be making until you both have had the space you need to get over what you had--and are ready to have something different.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:00 / 07.01.04
(Standard disclaimer that I don't think stringing an "emergency partner" along is a gender-specific behaviour.)

she said at one point her favorite time we ever had was when she had strep throat and i brought over a movie to watch.

Ohhhhh, she's good.

Hold fast.
 
 
Ex
13:13 / 07.01.04
she said she feels like she has no friends, abandoned, guilty, bad, etc. it really bothered me that she felt abandoned and that she doesn't have friends now. i had to talk to her briefly this morning and let her know that i'm still here, and that i will always be there for her if she needs something, to not hesitate to call if she needs something.

This is terribly generous of you, and it's horrible to see a friend feeling isolated, but I will climb into my bitchboots and put some things here which are harsh (but intended in a spirit of "Go you!" rather than anything else).
I don't think her emotional support is your responsibility.
You have _also_ just lost your best friend - who's supporting _you_ over that?
Sorting out _your own_ emotional pain is your primary responsibility. There probably isn't any way you can "be there" for her without hurting yourself, and a person with your best interests at heart - a proper friend - would NOT ASK YOU to be their emotional support at the expense of your own wellbeing.

You both have to heal. Possibly you can't help her heal. This is one of the most unpleasant things about breaking up, and as you've said, this is in a very real sense a breakup.
To quote Breakup Girl before someone else gets in first - Exes don't help exes over breakups.

I'm searching for an English expression akin to the US "butt out" so I can indicate what I feel I should do now.
Good luck.
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
15:32 / 07.01.04
i know this is silly, but i can't help myself. i seriously can't stand this idea of losing her forever, because we care too much about each other, or are just too emotional about each other...

Ex, I don't think that was super bitchy, actually...i have other friends that are there for me, and this topic has been very supportive, actually. i consider every person on this topic to be a friend of mine now...simply because i can tell that people are geniunely concerned and looking out for my best interests.

what i meant by being there for her always, was mainly, if she is in a jam (car breaks down, gets drunk somewhere, needs a ride, family member dies and she needs help with something), that i'm not suddenly her enemy. likewise, i *know* that if i asked her for something like a ride to work or to help me get something done, etc., i know after last night that she would be there. i'm sure of that.

it's just that i can't simply and walk away completely from this...i can't get what i want (that's seemingly hopeless) from her, but i wouldn't feel right completely abandoning someone that i have spent so much good time with and who i think about all the time, and from experience and past examples, has been thinking about me a lot, too.

of course, i'm starting to ramble, and i have no idea if any of this is actually real or what...i'm so f-ed in the head over this right now, i can't really think clearly.

she emailed me this morning and said she knows we shouldn't email, hang out, etc, but that she just can't concentrate...couldn't sleep, was up crying, that she keeps hitting the receive button on her email to see what i am up to... it's so hard to resist this...we've emailed back and forth a couple times today, and even mentioned stuff about how hard the weekend will be, etc.

i'm just hopeless, maybe. i mean, some people are, right?
 
 
Lilith Myth
16:33 / 07.01.04
Keith, you’re not hopeless, you’re really not. You’ve asked for help when you need it. And while I don’t agree with Flyboy very often, HOLD FAST. And like Ex and a bunch of other barbe-therapists said, your job is to look after yourself first.

I’ve been both of you at various points in my life. And I’m truly, truly, sorry for the times I was her. And I still hurt for the times I was you.

Helpful advice is sometimes the last thing you need, so feel free to ignore this. Walk away. She’s made it perfectly clear that she’s not leaving her boyfriend for you – a decision she’ll come to regret, but by then you’ll have moved on – and you need to get some distance to get your head together.

The best thing you can do is look after yourself. She knows what she’s doing, in oh-so-many ways. And I know you won’t see this now, but she’s not a good friend, because she doesn’t have your best interests at heart, and your best interests are in healing the gaping hole she’s left in your life.

Rent movies. Read. Write. Whatever’s your thang. Or, try this: call up a good friend, say "I'm bored and single, let's go do something fun." Lather, rinse, repeat.

Time’s a great healer blah blah blah, but the times I’ve tried to separate from someone I had a connection with, and then we still hung out/emailed/texted, well, we weren’t really separating. It’s tough, but you have to do it. And do it now. Delete her number from your cell phone. Cut a deal with a friend you can call them when you want to call her. Don’t reply to her emails. And I know you feel you “can’t help yourself”, but the best thing you can do to help yourself is to put her out of your mind. Even if you do it an hour at a time.

Make a lot of plans. Don’t discuss them with her. Like the Boy said, today’s the first day of the rest of your life.
 
 
Cat Chant
17:09 / 07.01.04
Also, don't beat yourself up if you can't separate all at once. When I was in a similar situation, it took years to get to some sort of resolution (something like fourteen years of friendship, two years of breaking up). I don't recommend that, I recommend the swift pull of the Band-Aid, but don't add to your own misery by telling yourself you're fucking up by not handling it perfectly. You are grieving. Grieving people do whatever it takes to get through, and that includes doing stupid things that might hurt them.

Um, though, try not to do that, obviously. But if you do, cut yourself some slack.
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
17:56 / 07.01.04
deva, unfortunately, i'm thinking we aren't going to be able to separate all at once...but maybe we are going to be able to move towards separation, or semi-separation right now...she definitely can't stay away from me. she said that she would leave this weekend up to me, that i know she wants to hang out with me, but that we have to figure out a balance or change. which is true.

maybe we just need to stop hanging out at my apartment or in very private instances. do completely public things, we can still chat and be friendly. go out with groups of people...the alone time is really what has precipated this, i think.

lilith myth, thank you...i just feel hopeless right now. i'm trying to hold fast, but not emailing her back or something...nothing can stop me, i guess. so i inevitably do it because i want to chat with her...

ugh. i'm going to have to seriously try to do it...but it's really damn hard!
 
 
Mr Tricks
18:31 / 07.01.04
Bravo... you're being very brave... keep it up!!!

maybe we just need to stop hanging out at my apartment or in very private instances. do completely public things, we can still chat and be friendly. go out with groups of people...the alone time is really what has precipated this, i think.

Clean break is the best medicine... this "comprimises" will just lead to you returning to the same situation that has brought you this heartache...

Take the weekend to visit someone out of town.

Go on adventures, I'm sure at leaast one of your friends would be willing to go bungie jumping with you.

Take some vacation time and just change your situation.
Rearrange your Apartment and Don't invite her over anymore!!!

You can and WILL live without her if that becomes the case, the sooner you convince yourself of this the better you'll feel, though, like it's been said don't beat yourself up.

When I was there I founf myself calling up other ex-girlfriends... not that you should do that.

Fill your life with new and exciting things!!! make a list of those things you've always thought would be cool to do and start doing 'em.

Perhaps volenteer work would be helpful, where you can help other who "TRUELY" need help. REMEMBER she has a boyfriend to turn to and really she might as well come clean and turn to him for her emotional healing. In the mean time you've got to find your healing in the greater world & believe it; the world is HUGE!

Don't comprimise, I've said the same things about "being there" and if you can Be there without an underlying attachment you're much stronger than I was at the time. Not to be mean, but rom what you're wrtting I don't think you're in a position to be that detached. SHE'S got a Boyfriend!!! Make that your mantra whenever you start thinking of her. He's gonna be there if someone in her family dies, and she can't fix her own flat tire then it's time she learned... or called the police or AAA.
The Best thing you can do for yourself (& perhaps her) is to just let all that's happened to date remain in the past. MOVE ON...

it's really only a matter of time and you findyourself looking back on all of this as a real source of wisdom and strength. Look forward to THAT.
 
 
GenFu
18:42 / 07.01.04
seems like quite alot of people on this thread have been in a similar situation... i know i was. the girl told me she loved me "more than [her boyfriend]", and made out with me etc. which made things much worse. Completely fucked my head up and made me act like a twat. Such as engaging in self-destructive activities to make her to show that she really did give a shit (obviously a bad idea, cause then you get a nasty guilt trip going aswell). I was in constant agony for quite a while, and eventually when it all came to a head (i told her exactly how i felt) found myself constantly writing down all my thoughts on the matter for about a week non-stop on various little scraps of paper. I found the worse thing to deal with was all the contradictions in my head (she says she loves me but won't be with me etc.), so i kinda found myself writing from loads of different perspectives. At the time I half planned to give her the writings...I was going to make them into a weird piece of conceptual art actually, by burying them in flour in a shallow black box with purple pettles (cool eh?). In some small way this satisfied my overblown ego at the time - I didn't actually give them to her (though i did tell her of their existence), in the end I kept them for about a year, after which I read them again (it was interesting to see how far gone i was) then disposed of them in a public waste paper basket. By the time I performed this down-played symbolic act I was more or less over it.

Erm, not sure if that really helps... all i can say is that i think writing stuff down can help get it out of your system and get your head straight - hey maybe this threads helping to do that job? Other than that what worked for me was a) time b) distance c) as little commincation as you can bear (i found deleting email addresses & mobile numbers semi-effective - even though you can usually remember or find out, it helps stops the irrational impulse to make contact when you're drunk...although drunken brains often find ways around things (too goddamn resoureful the cheeky li'l buggers)) d) other people (love interests or otherwise) e) avoiding eye contact (there's a certain kind of eye contact - don't engage in it), since this is the 'magical beam' by which she was controlling me . I don't think it necessarily helps to get angry or hateful really either (although stages involving these emotions may be inevitable...maybe they do help, but the end result shouldn't be hate i don't think), just detach yourself (fast if u can, gradually if necessary). Dnt. know if any of that helps, i guess it's just a painful process u've got2 work through really.
 
 
Linus Dunce
18:55 / 07.01.04
Keith, Keith, Keith ...

She does not want to give up her boyfriend for you because you are not physically attractive to her and he is. Yes, she's that shallow. She is not nice. She is not there for you. She is a user, relying on your affection for flattery, and probably that of others too -- are there any other boys that hang around her? Of course, you're her favourite ...

When your attention has made her feel all sexy and lovable, she's ready to let removals-boy do her six ways from Sunday. Emotionally, he's a dead fish, so we must be talking some seriously dirty stuff here. She needs this, it's what rocks her boat, and she will tell you anything to keep it going.

SHE IS A FREAK! SHE'S NOT EVEN UNIQUE! LET HER GO!
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
19:17 / 07.01.04
that was brutal.

but thinking about the dirty six ways from sunday definitely makes me intensely angry and bitter.

um...all i can say right now is that i'm going to see if i can do this, and if i just can't seem to do it, it's my own fault for being a doormat...for being used.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
19:41 / 07.01.04
Oh my god, Keith, you poor thing. Have a big ol' hug from Auntie Cherry. I feel like I've travelled back in time to my own life - I've more been in your shoes but anyway, let's start.

One thing that I've found interesting in your posts is that you are very, very concerned over what she is feeling and how she will handle it, but you seem less worried about how you are going to cope. I want to say this very loudly, YOUR FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT, TOO!!

I dunno. When I was younger I sorta did the same thing, too. Mainly because I thought if I just did everything in my power with an aim to keeping Mr. Object of Affection (OoA) happy, they would realize that I was actually the perfect person and would love me forever. Unfortunately what tended to happen was ol' Mr. OoA would realize they could get whatever they wanted or needed from me and would just take and take more.

I KNOW it hurts. I KNOW you love this person, I KNOW you want it to work out. I KNOW you think there is a chance.

But... there isn't.

And it won't work out.

At least, it surely doesn't seem too likely to me. It sounds to me like this girl is playing you. She is probably just as nice and great as you say she is but that said, she IS playing you, conciously or subconsciously. I want you to see that she IS treating you unfairly, and she IS using you.

How is she using you?
Well, she's using you as a surrogate boyfriend when her boyfriend isn't around, for a start. Is that the sort of girl you'd like to be with? Someone who'd get that close to another guy behind your back when you weren't around? Do you really honestly think you could trust her in that situation after her behavior with you?

She's using you to make her OWN boyfriend jealous because she's not happy with him. Again, is that the sort of girl you'd like to be with?

She's using you in order to get the flattery and attention she enoys when she's feeling blue. Hey, don't get me wrong, moi j'adore flattery, but it's not all that nice to use someone who feels really strongly towards you in order to get that attention.

I'm sure that she does have some feelings for you and does consider you a friend but trust me, part of the reason she is so upset is because she's losing her little toy. Whatever she SAYS, she IS treating you like a toy. And it's NOT FAIR TO YOU!!!!!!

I know this situation sucks and hurts like hell, but it's unfortunately the only way you'll get to the better things that you deserve. Which is NOT with her. Believe it or not, there are people out there that you will love, MORE than you love her, who will treat you with the respect and affection you deserve.

good luck, I'm pulling for you.

And have another hug.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
19:55 / 07.01.04
Two quick things:

1) Ironically I have to disagree with Lilith Myth on one thing: she's not necessarily going to regret not dumping her boyfriend for you. You have to face up to the fact that this woman does not want you to be her boyfriend. She wants you to be her valet.

2) If she "gets drunk somewhere, needs a ride", make sure you are on another CONTINENT.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
20:02 / 07.01.04
Absolutely have to agree with Flyboy here. If she ever gets drunk somewhere and need a ride then at absolute most just give her some money for a cab. You can earn back the money far quicker than you can earn back your own self respect.

Here's a little exercise that you may want to try. Close your eyes and imagine the most self debasing act that you would actually perform to get this girls attention. Now spend at least five months berating yourself for actually doing it. This will save you the embaressment of other people knowing that you did it.

So maybe I sound a little harsh here but it has to be said that you won't ever win her if you can't win her respect and with a little luck you won't want her when you have some more self-respect.
 
 
EvskiG
22:49 / 07.01.04
Allow another random person to chime in:

Been there.

Everyone here is giving you the right advice.

Don't worry about her feelings, worry about your own.

Make a clean break.

Hold fast.

Believe it or not, you'll find someone better.
 
 
Lilith Myth
23:04 / 07.01.04
Hey Keith. Hope all the helpful advice is holding back the helpless feeling. Do you have a friend you can talk to IRL? I sometimes find that an understanding friend who doesn't mind talking about the same person over and over again till it wears off can be a good displacement activity.

What this is about is you feeling good about yourself; like Cherry insightfully said, there's not much here about your feelings.

Practical stuff: I echo also previous (can't see now I'm posting) poster: do you have an out-of-town friend you could visit? Sounds like the weekend might be tough, and YOU NEED TO MAKE PLANS now. It's almost Thursday. If you don't go out of town FILL UP EVERY AVAILABLE MOMENT.

You sound like a fabulous guy that some future as yet unmet gal would love to get together with. Someone who genuinely values you and cares for you, and that's what you have to hold out for.

And in a bizarre ironic threesome of ideas - and academically, because so far in the future it won't matter - I've got to return to form and disagree with Flyboy. I'd bet any money that in ten-plus years time, when you're settled with someone you love, and she's getting tired of playing this game over and over, and hasn't learned a damn thing about love, truth and commitment, you'll get a call out of the blue. She'll sound a little sad, lonely, desparate. And you'll be so sorted she'll just be someone you used to know. Believe me. Karma.

But for now, I know it's hard, but keep doing what you're doing.
 
 
bjacques
09:45 / 08.01.04
Again, she did pick the other guy, so don't do his emotional work for him. That's TWO people benefitting from your sacrifices. He has someone else to keep her stable since he can't or won't.

Secondly, don't go out in public with her if you're at all likely to run into eligible women. They'll either assume you're together or else they'll pick up the together/not-together vibe and will stay away. You'll kick yourself later.
 
 
bjacques
10:00 / 08.01.04
Also, chances are he'll just dump her when he finds someone more convenient, and she'll come running to you. Don't be home when that happens; otherwise, you'll get your hopes up while she recovers, but then she'll move on. People in crisis do what they're used to doing; they don't suddenly start doing what they ought to be doing. She might figure it out later, but she'll wring you dry in the meantime.

You need to tell her goodbye for now, at least until you no longer accept more of the same (nothing) and she learns to get emotional support from herself or at least from the guy she's with.
 
 
Sax
11:02 / 08.01.04
This is going to be rather brutal and totally unhelpful but what you need, my boy, is a sympathy shag from a nice lass. Go and find someone who there is no danger of getting emotionally attached to (in the way that you want to marry them) and have a jump. You'll feel all grateful, like a puppy, and for a while at least will forget about this other girl.

Worked for me once.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:29 / 08.01.04
I honestly think that speculation about what may happen in the distant future if and when this woman changes her mind about anything is the last thing Keith needs to hear, especially when it comes with reassurances that Keith is a nice guy who's bound to get himself sorted, primarily because opimistic speculation based on the fact that Keith is a nice guy is exactly what's got him in the mess he is in now. Given what Keith has said in this thread, it's clear that he is constantly being tempted to seize any hope, however slim and far-off, and cling to that tiny slender 'maybe, one day'. This has to stop.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
11:42 / 08.01.04
Yeah Keith, where's your fighting spirit? I think Sax is giving you a plan of action here and I'd do what he says if I were you.
 
 
Bear
12:11 / 08.01.04
Why does everyone keep saying Keith! It's driving me crazy...

Hope your cool though Keith, I'm sure things will sort themselves out soon.
 
 
Bear
12:14 / 08.01.04
Why does everyone keep saying Keith! It's driving me crazy...

Hope your cool though Keith, I'm sure things will sort themselves out soon.
 
 
Keith, like a scientist
12:18 / 08.01.04
Hopeless and ashamed. Population: Keith.

And to completely kill and credibility and faith that you have all been showing me with your encouragement...

I went out for a drink with her last night.

Yup. I had to go on a press check (I'm a designer...yeah, that probably explains a lot), and had some time to kill. She said she thinks she needed last night's drink tonight...and I was like you know there's nothing I'd rather do than kill some time waiting for my press check than getting a drink with you. She was like we are going in circles, doesn't this completely negate what we talked about last night. I said it didn't, but that I needed a drink and I just don't care right now. I'm weak.

We got a drink, proceeded to have an insanely good time for most of the night, until we had to talk about stuff between us, then it got all emotional again. And she was telling me over and over again how glad she was that I wanted, how all day all she could think about was me and how I was and what I was doing.

I think the word is co-dependent? I really truly don't think she is maliciously and purposely abusing me or using me...it's complete and total addiction and dependency now...she has no one else, and she is dependent on me. And I'm addicted to her. A bad combo.

She's coming to realize that all of her problems stem from her boy leaving her, and she wonders again what if she just stopped calling him. What if she just ended it. This seems to be all talk to me. Or, who knows, maybe losing me has jarred her too much. Probably not.

A clean break is not going to be possible. It just isn't. I really appreciate all of the advice and really wish I could live up to it, but I'm not able to right now. You can feel free to stop giving me advice. I probably don't deserve it at this point.

A sympathy shag, though...yeah, I'm not opposed to that...I guess some friends of mine met a girl last night that they think is perfect for me, they told her about me, she wants to meet me, and it's possible she may come out with a group of us Friday night. Not that that is where the sympathy shag is going to come from...
 
 
Sax
12:33 / 08.01.04
Maybe not, but I'd still scrub behind my ears and dip my 'nads in the handbasin before going out on Friday night if I were you. Just in case.
 
 
Ex
12:45 / 08.01.04
She's coming to realize that all of her problems stem from her boy leaving her, and she wonders again what if she just stopped calling him. What if she just ended it. This seems to be all talk to me.

Crucially, it's talk that she should be having with someone else. You can't dicuss your ambivalence about someone (and your speculations as to whether you should dump your boyfriend) with the person you are ambivalent towards. Who is waiting with baited breath for your every pronouncement.
You're not a sounding board! You have feelings!
You're torturing each other (not in a sexually interesting sense, either). If you stop seeing her now, you're giving both of you a chance to behave with dignity. If you carry on, you're both going to expose some really nasty sides to each other - I'm not going to list the kinds of nasty, because you've already accused yourself of most of them. Do you want her to see your nasty sides?

And it's only been a day! Of course you both still think about each other all the time! It doesn't mean you can be together!

And look! I never knew there were nearly a hundred ways to say "run".
 
 
Cat Chant
13:38 / 08.01.04
I really appreciate all of the advice and really wish I could live up to it, but I'm not able to right now. You can feel free to stop giving me advice. I probably don't deserve it at this point.

Keith! Dude! Go and reread the post where I told you not to beat yourself up for "failing" to "live up to" people's advice. The feeling I get is that this thread is really popular because so many of us have been through something similar, and to some extent we're all talking to our former selves - saying "Younger Deva! Don't go for that drink with F., you will cry for months!"

But how did we learn that if we went for the drink with F. we would cry for months? That's right! By going for the drink and crying for months!

We all want to spare you pain, dude, but I think most of us only learned the way round the pain by going through it at least once. When we say "be nice to yourself", that includes giving yourself some slack if you don't handle everything perfectly.


And this that Ex just said:

You can't dicuss your ambivalence about someone (and your speculations as to whether you should dump your boyfriend) with the person you are ambivalent towards.

is completely crucial. The experience I'm trying to redeem by talking you down was a break-up with my best friend/romantic-friend, and she seemed to expect that my "best friend" role involved supporting her through the breakup with me. It destroys your head.
 
 
Cat Chant
15:15 / 08.01.04
Incidentally, it might help you to meditate upon the following quote (produced by a friend of mine in the course of an acrimonious argument over what to name someone's new teddy bear):

A rose by any other name... would still be called Keith.
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
15:58 / 08.01.04
This is not like programming a video, Keith, nobody said anything about easy. Or clean, for that matter.

But you've got to pull up that drawbridge. Until she chooses between you and boyf everything you do together will end up twisted, just like last night. And right now, for that matter, because you sound like you're almost back to where you were when you started this thread.
No matter how much she needs your friendship, no matter how chivalrous you think you should be, that won't change until one of you changes.

And it doesnt look like she's changing any time soon, no matter how much you want her to. If she was strong enough to change, she'd have said no last night.

Listen, if cold turkey seems a shade too cold, if you really think she has nobody else (Um, hang on, isn't that the whole problem? She *has* someone else?) then cut back in stages. Start by not, repeat *not*, having drinks with her again. email, telephone, fine for now if you have to, but stick a giant, throbbing, glow-in-the-dark wedge into your behaviour so that neither of you is under the illusion that it's all OK.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
16:50 / 08.01.04
Why are people so keen on abusive and destructive emotional ties? Keith, dude, you may have spotted a pattern in the 3-pages-and-counting of responses to your present dilemma...

This relationship is destructive. Destructive relationships end in pain, heartache and misery. Only. Never, "and with that curious, unexpected reversal of fortune, in a most unlikely twist to the tale, they all lived happily ever after, and loved each other to the end of their days". Like, ever. Seriously.

Take a break, and chill out, until you find a creative relationship. They are so much more fun, albeit less dramatic.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
19:46 / 08.01.04
Right Keith, you need to listen to There You go by Pink or preferably watch the accompanying video particularly the bit about the car breaking down.
 
 
Squirmelia
08:50 / 09.01.04
I agree with the cutting down on contact slowly idea. Maybe you could tell her you've changed email address, create a different account, but never check that email account. Obviously you can't really completely avoid her, since you work with her, but you do need to cut down on contact, stop being quite so close, as much as it hurts.

I also agree with the suggestion that you should take a trip out of town (or maybe just stay at a friend's place.. or even parents?). Make yourself non-contactable, even if it is just for a weekend (not a weekend when she is seeing her boyf, and probably wouldn't contact you anyway though!) Don't take your phone, don't log online, don't write her letters, in that time.
 
 
Olulabelle
09:13 / 09.01.04
I've just read this whole thread from beginning to end for the first time.

It's taken me two cups of coffee and now I feel really sad. But I also feel really glad that you started the thread Keith because of all the good advice you are getting. Poor, poor you and lovely, lovely Barbelith people for being so, well, lovely.
 
 
Mr Tricks
22:35 / 09.01.04
Group Hug everyone!!!

Keith gets to be in the center!!!
 
  

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