| |
|
Hi all,
Would you mind giving me some girl/work/relationship advice? I've noticed that things like this get good responses from everyone here, and I'm kind of at the end of my wits here...going completely crazy this holiday season.
I'll try to make it short, but it's kind of complicated.
A little over a year ago, this girl started working at my office. Small office, 14 or so people. Totally pretty, she had a boyfriend. However, boyfriend moved away for his job a couple months later. However, they decide to stick it out and stay together, do the long distance thing. Girl and I strike up a friendship over love of comics and movies, most especially Lord of the Rings (I was pretty much in love the first time she mentioned her adoration of LOTR). So, we started hanging out, going to movies once in awhile, going to the gym together. Then it started in on dinners, drinks, renting movies, etc. Then it started becoming very obviously relationship territory. No physical stuff started happening, she is a good girl in that respect.
At one point, the flirting, the obvious relationship-ness of our thing started bothering me and I decided to come right out and say I like her, etc. She knew, of course. It was obvious. But, she was dedicated to her boy. I said I didn't know how much more of this I could take...just being friends. She became very upset when it looked like she might be losing me as a friend. We try to keep some distance after this, but things just got more intense after awhile.
Things continue from this point, and she starts flirting more heavily, treating me as if I am her boyfriend. Examples are many. Eventually, one night she admits that that she likes me as well, but still loves her boy. Tells me that she thinks about why is she still with this boy who doesn't know if he wants to marry her, when there is another boy who is great sitting next to her. And that she even likes this boy. We hold hands, get emotional, etc.
After this, we have many conversations about it. Many nights of extreme flirting/couple-ness. End up laying on the couch together a lot at my place. Making dinner, going out for drinks 3-4 times a week. She stays over some nights (separate beds). One night it was intense, and I said to her as we were hugging good night that I sometimes really want to kiss her. She says she knows, but that she can't, that maybe we aren't handling this mutual attraction very well. She admits things like it's really hard for her to be in this position, of loving one person and really liking another. That she holds herself in check more than I know. That she shouldn't tell me what she really feels for me. She says we couldn't date even if there wasn't her boyfriend, because of work. That we walk a thin line. That the only thing we don't have in our relationship is a physical thing. That she likes me a lot.
Right before Christmas, we had a particularly intense couple of weeks with lots of cheek kissing, missing you, obvious sexual frustration. Lots of couple activities, but no hanky panky. Finally, she is getting ready to visit her boyfriend, then he is coming home for xmas, then she is visiting again for new years. I realize this is an important time, so I ask her to stop by before she leaves (not uncommon, she is at my apartment 3-4 times a week), and she takes a little nap on the couch. I sit down, and she asks me what I wanted. I tell her I love her. She takes me hand in hers and says that I make it really hard for her. I say I don't mean to. I say I know she loves her boyfriend, but that I wish she would consider other possibilities. She says that considering is thinking and that thinking is easy, that she thinks about it, but that doing it is harder.
She called me Christmas night to say hello. We did a little exchanging of gifts day the week after when her boy was gone. I told her I had missed her, and I tried to kiss her at the end of the night, but she backed away. She called New Year's night to say Happy New Year. Not being with her so much lately has really bummed me out. I really don't know what to do anymore. I like her, she likes me, her boy doesn't really plan on coming back, she isn't hot to move to him, she wants to marry him, but he says he doesn't even know if she is the girl he will marry. And she stays with him.
She was a bit distant since she has been around him so much. That will change, of course, when she doesn't see him and sees me for the next couple weeks.
I can't really see giving up right now, since she is so close to coming to me, but is holding back. What should I do? How can I make this happen?
Any advice you have would be much appreciated...Thank you very much.
Keith |
|
|
