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Underground > Creation >

One sentence angst

  
  

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Ganesh
12:13 / 17.09.02
He was, it seemed, in Heaven - and Heaven knew he was miserable now.
 
 
Panda.
18:53 / 17.09.02
"Monkeys" John thought, with a devious look on his face - a look which suggested, that maybe, just maybe, John had thought of a way of escapimg this never-ending spiral of Jacobs ladder like-proportions.
 
 
bacon
21:57 / 17.09.02
"I have to kill them," he thought with twisted glee, "if I kill them all they can't make me go through these things anymore!"
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:10 / 18.09.02
This of course was a problem, because everyone in the room had already died, to the extent that they were not even the living dead.
 
 
bacon
00:49 / 18.09.02
"That's quite a thought" John thought postmortemly. (postmortemlie?)
 
 
gridley
12:16 / 18.09.02
"Clearly, I have no choice," said John aloud to noone in particular, "but to return to Earth, taking whatever physical form I can manage, and systematically hunt down every last monkey on Earth!"
 
 
aus
12:48 / 18.09.02
The memories had spontaneously disappeared of the misery of life and how suicidal he'd been the last time he was on Earth, but this time he had a MISSION!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:22 / 18.09.02
He would have to steal someone's physical form and it would have to be someone with an armoury in their basement.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:23 / 18.09.02
Or even an arsenal.
 
 
Panda.
15:09 / 18.09.02
e
 
 
Panda.
15:10 / 18.09.02
(?) His thoughts turned to Edward Woodward, ala his role in the cult 80's series the equaliser,
 
 
gridley
15:46 / 18.09.02
Then he remembered an interview where Pamela Anderson discussed a huge vault full of guns in the basement of rocker Tommy Lee's house.
 
 
cusm
16:43 / 18.09.02
Perhaps he could just take Tommy Lee, chances are he wouldn't even notice the loss of his body.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
17:14 / 18.09.02
Although he didn't really like Tommy Lee's hair, Pammy might be a better bet, he could leave the kids with their dad!
 
 
000
21:21 / 18.09.02
Still undecided, he pulled a deck of playing cards featuring color shots of "Great Dentists of Europe" from his shirt pocket and began to deal a game of Klondike solitaire on the seat next to him.
 
 
000
23:02 / 18.09.02
While he diverted his mind, he had a flashback sequence to the time where Mama John had confiscated his abundant comics collection and pressed him for hard answers with questions like: "When you were a callow youth, did you ever masturbate to a picture of a comic-book superheroine, and if so, who was she (if you don't want to identify her, just say which company the comic was published by)???
 
 
Mr Tricks
23:05 / 18.09.02
At this point The Karmic Conductor came up and punched John's Reincarnation Ticket "Back to Liiife... back to Re-Al-a-Tee" he hummed as he journied towards the darker end of the cosmic Train Tunnel.
 
 
000
23:43 / 18.09.02
"HELLO MORRISSEY," he yelled at the near deaf conductor.
 
 
aus
02:21 / 19.09.02
No sooner had he uttered these final words than he found he did not have his expected range of choices about how he'd be reincarnated; his only assurance was that he'd be reincarnated in a higher form and as such he found himself in a tree - a coconut tree because he had been reincarnated as a coconut.
 
 
bacon
02:31 / 19.09.02
The choice was a hellish menace, "If I was a tree, what kind of tree would I be?"
 
 
gridley
12:19 / 19.09.02
Just as he was really starting to feel sorry for himself, John sensed (with some odd sense that only coconuts possess) a monkey approaching from below.
 
 
cusm
17:42 / 19.09.02
He watched in fear as the monkey started shaking the tree, in an attempt to shake loose some lunch.
 
 
Ganesh
18:35 / 19.09.02
Sensibly, given the relative sizes of monkeys and coconut palms, the monkey decided instead to climb the tree and twist John loose.
 
 
Mr Tricks
19:27 / 19.09.02
Ambling down the tree and towards it's favorate rock on the nearby beach, the Monky seemed to be humming a tune vaguely famular to some unamed Smith's song.
 
 
000
19:46 / 19.09.02
And it wasn't even the execution but it clearly was crap to all foreign ears.
 
 
cusm
19:48 / 19.09.02
Coconut John was helplessly all too aware as the monkey found a good hard stone to crack his lunch upon, and raised John high above his head to get a good swing.
 
 
paw
20:32 / 19.09.02
'I'm alive bastard!' screamed the monkey.
 
 
000
21:18 / 19.09.02
The Discovery Channel film crew were astounded, so before the talking monkey cracked coconut John they captured it and the crew made an enormous fortune with their subsequint world tour with the freak of nature, enough to buy a small island, really; however, coconut John just lay on the sand for some time before an all to familiar character made his way to the beach and picked up the coconut and pierced it with his 3 adamantium-enhanced claws...
 
 
Ganesh
21:20 / 19.09.02
The three-clawed mutant hermit crab chewed on John's tender white flesh.
 
 
000
21:29 / 19.09.02
Coconut John had the orgasm of his life.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
22:32 / 19.09.02
The Discovery Channel crew exulted and rushed off to become the Lars von Triers of wildlife film with their groundbreaking arthouse documentary of coconut /crab sadomasochism, leaving John to desiccate and crust up, pondering how much further down the great karmic wheel he might slip in his next incarnation.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
23:44 / 19.09.02
And with that he was back with his darling conductor Morrissey again.
 
 
000
23:48 / 19.09.02
Conductor Morrissey began humming the unnamed Smith's tune that the monkey had previously, and the stress overcame John, so he bitchslapped the motherfucker and broke free of the fucking train by jumping out of the hole that Suoerman had made in his spectacular entrance earlier; he would never get into the fucking train again forever and ever and ever, in fact, John is so pissed off about this fucking train that he will bitchslap you too if you dare put him back on...
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:02 / 20.09.02
Yet John had a strange desire to get back on the train, his multiple personality disorder seemed to be coming in to play again, maybe he just wanted to chew Morrissey's ears off - they were made of marshmallow after all!
 
 
Ganesh
00:14 / 20.09.02
Or perhaps he would be reincarnated as Kid Creole.
 
  

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