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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Constantine. Say it isn't so.

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13:34 / 02.05.03

< heading for a kicking for stating the obvious >

all the talk of Sting appearing is based on the fact that when Constantine was first created by Alan Moore back in Swamp Thing the look was inspired by the ex-front man of the Police, and also the blond geordie elements too.

< /heading for a kicking for stating the obvious >

Murray Hamhandler

14:59 / 02.05.03

That's hyperbole, right? You can't really imagine Sting doing anything but an utterly crap performance, can you?

Which differs from Keanu's inevitable performance...how?

Yes, I know there are some who will say that I should wait and actually see the film before I judge, but I've seen a lot of Keanu movies (some that I've actually liked him in) and I've read everything Hellblazer that there is to read. I'm familiar enough w/both to know that it's going to be a disaster, at least insofar as any accurate portrayal of the character is concerned. Which doesn't seem to be what the filmmakers are going for, to be fair.

17:31 / 02.05.03

Nah, but I'd prefer Sting instead of Reeves, jeez, I'd prefer my father, a some guy from the street, Mick Jagger, David Bowie... Even, and think about this, I'd even stand Brad Pitt, uhm, hell, at least he is blond, and imagine he is put on starvation for 6 months so that his fluffy face turns a bit more skull-like, but Keanu Reeves...

18:42 / 02.05.03

Hey, Pitt might not be so bad, and certainly not compared to Keanu. He has reasonable acting chops, and could just about look the part with a little bleach and a trenchcoat. If it were Pitt I'd at least be wondering how it would turn out, as opposed to kind of flat and final resignation I felt reading the Keanu news.

19:20 / 02.05.03

I bet Pitt could pull off that "I'm being a bastard!" smile of Contantine's quite well...

20:33 / 02.05.03

at the scarwash

21:13 / 02.05.03

C'mon, sting's got great acting chops. Who could forget:

"I WILL kill him!

21:58 / 02.05.03

Yeah. I'm with Cameron. Give Mr. Bean the job.

*grumbles about Hollywood co-opting every good British character to be a damn Yank*

We're The Great Old Ones Now

07:39 / 03.05.03

Guys... 'tweaking' doesn't begin to describe this.

Check the artwork here.

Summary: John Constantine, an American magus recently diagnosed as having brain cancer, teams with Detective Sergeant Angela Murdoch in the hunt for a serial killer who preys on psychics and magicians.

They're making 'Cast a Deadly Spell' meets 'Johnny Mnemonic'.

My favourite bit: "He's hot in the role, he's perfect for Hellblazer because he has that innocent quality about him, a bit naive, but someone you like," Donner says to Zap2it.com. "He's a bit like Tarzan, or a hero like that. But this time, he sends demons to hell."

Constantine, meet naive. Naive, meet Constantine.

Casting Keanu? By far the best decision they've made - with one weirdly hopeful exception. Frank Capello, the listed writer, once directed a movie called 'American Yakuza', which, despite the title, was a touching gangster flick in the 'State of Grace' vein. Although I grant you, he was also the mind behind 'Suburban Commando'.

13:46 / 03.05.03

Nah, but I'd prefer Sting instead of Reeves

my little coffee-deficient brain first registered that as Christopher Reeve. Who, come to think of it, probably would still be as appropriate as Keanu.

01:12 / 05.05.03

Okay, I got IT, DAMN, I finally got IT, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! This film is a revival of the ol' Bill Bixby TV series... DON'TCHA SEEE???

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

02:09 / 05.05.03

Why do they change things in movies when they come from comics? Because usually it goes through a few executives who feel they need to change a script so that they can say it's THEIR idea...and the fact that all of these things go through tons of audience testing, focus groups, etc...

I don't think you could get a decent Constantine movie because he's unlikeable..and that just won't fly in a big budget movie unless he becomes a big teddy bear in the third act.

09:26 / 05.05.03

Wtf is John Constantine doing with a fucking Batmobile? What the fuck?

Y'know, if only Ennis had written this crappy revamp, it'd almost have been worth it, because you'd know it would be 90 minutes of the film taking the piss out of itself. But he hasn't, and it won't. It'll be 90 minutes of crappy, heavy metal demonology with fucking technoid Matrix OST music in the background, and Constantine doing crazy stunts and probably saving the world with guns and kung fu, instead of being lazy as fuck, coughing a lot, and saving the world with a stubby piece of chalk and half a packet of Silk Cut, as it should be. Bastards.

11:35 / 05.05.03

The worst thing about the Constantine-mobile is that in the simple minds of the folk the association and demand will go sort of like this: Comic-Book -> Batman -> Customed Freak -> Chases Criminals With -> Silly Big Armed Car -> Go See Movie w/Silly Big Armed Car -> Movie of Constantine Fella -> Another Silly Big Car -> Chases Magickians/Demons & Fires Silver Bullets -> Comic-Book Inspired Movie -> Please Adapt Comic Book To Actual Movie If You Want Me To Read It.

We've seen too many migrations from cinema back to comics already, I just pray this will not be another case and someone gets to write the "cinema" version of the comic, although that is as much undesirable as the doing of the movie.

Murray Hamhandler

15:28 / 05.05.03

I can't even articulate to myself how badly this debacle pisses me off.

Argh.

19:17 / 05.05.03

Has there been any feedback from anyone at Vertigo? And on a more facetious note, will the comic book be forced to change to match the movie (y'see, Constantine had memory implants from the, uh, NSA, yeah, that made him think he was English...)...

20:57 / 24.06.03

Well this sure doesn't look good

02:37 / 25.06.03

I used to play a game with a friend of mine called Producers that went something like this:

"Sorry, I had to take that call. Where were we?"

"Okay, we've got Pierce Brosnan in a romantic comedy..."

"A gay romantic comedy..."

"...With Don Knotts. It's the gay Harold & Maude."

"Daring! we'll shoot it in Italy. It'll be the gay Harold & Maude meets The Talented Mr. Ripley..."

"And they're stalking the Olsen Twins..."

"They kill the ugly one in the second reel."

"Dark! I love it. Tim Burton can direct."

"Okay, but something's missing. What's hot right now?"

"Furry fandom."

"Too art house. Unless we can get Hillary Swank interested..."

"No, she's doing that Crocodile Hunter movie. How about satire?"

"Satire's always hot, but not overt satire, and no dick jokes in this one."

"Right, we should try for a PG rating. Family movies are BIG."

And so on.

Hrm. Why did I bring this up? Oh, yeah:

The casting notices went on to say that Angela "is imbued with more than just instinct and seems to be in the right place at the right time where her perps are concerned. Angela meets Constantine in an effort to enlist his help in tracking down her twin sister's murderer, even though initially it seems like a suicide. She is deeply religious and becomes very concerned when it seems that supernatural forces are involved in her sister's death. Through this journey, she realizes just how strong she is without having to be so tough." Hispanic and African-American actresses are reportedly being considered for this role.

"J. Lo."

"America's tired of J.Lo, her cred's gone. How about Rosario Dawson?"

"I think she's crossing over to butt porn."

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:37 / 25.06.03

Sweet Jesus.

17:40 / 25.06.03

er... Spoiler?

The two other roles these Showfax pages are to be used in auditions for include Chaz, Constantine's young cabbie "apprentice" (spelled "Chas" in the comics), and Beeman, described as sort of the "Q" to Constantine's James Bond. Beeman supplies Constantine with information and occult artifacts.

The scenes for Beeman also revealed the BIGGEST SPOILERS.

Roughly seventy pages into the screenplay for Constantine, Beeman reads to John and Angela from an ancient scroll, which explains what supernatural peril they must save the world from. It seems that the devil is planning on sending his son, Mammon, to earth. Usually, demons can't "cross over" but since Mammon was conceived in heaven (before Lucifer was cast out) but born in hell, he's found a loophole! (Frankly, this makes the boundaries between this world and the next seem as porous as the border between the U.S. and Canada.) Obviously, it's up to John, Angela and Chaz to make sure this doesn't happen.

18:43 / 25.06.03

They need to make sure this movie doesn't happen!

22:39 / 25.06.03

I'm just going to breathe, stay away from as many spoilers as I can, and consume as much alcohol as I can in regards to hearing/seeing anything about this abomination.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:26 / 26.06.03

I really don't think they count as spoilers... they're hardly gonna impair our enjoyment, are they?

11:46 / 26.06.03

Wrong. It's just plain wrong. Surely this is a hoax? Canoe as Constantine? What next, Mr Blobby as Promethea?

14:56 / 26.06.03

ok , I thought I could ignore this, but I just can't.

I don't even fucking read Constantine and even I know that Keanue is grossly unsuited for this role!

"Naive"? Who the fuck ever described Constantine as "naive"???

18:30 / 26.06.03

This film is going to be sooooooo fucking coooooooool !!!!!!!!***

I love Hellblaiser!!!!!! I love Kearnou!!!!!!!!

Has anyone seen the Matricks?????????!!!!!!!!!!!

;( Ruuuuuuuuuuuule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

14:03 / 12.10.03

At least he looks the part.

14:31 / 12.10.03

He looks like Keanu. Smoking.

Hardly "looking the part."

They might have lightened his hair a bit, at least...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:00 / 12.10.03

At the risk of repeating myself...

Sweet Jesus.

17:11 / 12.10.03

just go see the goddamned movie (sheesh!)

00:31 / 13.10.03

NONONONONONO..... what on earth would possess a person to cast a cereal box as Constantine???!! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck... this is Constantine here, CONSTANTINE, the guy who gave the Fallen the finger, chainsaws an angel, pisses off all his friends, converts a whole prison facility in less than a week, like it's his friggin right to do so in the first place - and here we have Cardboard Man of all people holding a cig with all the charisma of a... aw fuck. This sucks. I mean, I don't mean to piss off movie producers who need to make a livin, but could you at least read the damn comic book? What are you going to do next? Get the cornflake to fake a british accent? Think I'll avoid this one with all the affection that a slug has for sea salt.

00:59 / 13.10.03

crap. if THE PUNISHER producers could be bothered do change Thomas Jane's hair why couldn't this be done here? is this a contract clause?

now I'm hoping he gets a Constantinemobile. and an asian sidekick.

if they're going for an american version they could be arsed to get Kieffer Sutherland for the part.

01:08 / 13.10.03

He looks more like Max Payne!

Phex: Dorset Doom

12:00 / 13.10.03

Are the pictures on this thread meant to the sigils we were going to wank over to kick up an Exorcist style hellstorm and stop this movie being made?

They're not?

Oh.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

12:36 / 13.10.03

It's no biggie. The movie will be radically different from the comic. It will either be cool for itself, or it will be a disaster. If it's cool, good. If it's not, no surprise, and who cares? Someone will come along, and write a Constantine-like character and shoot the story with a Brit flavour more like the original. I might even do some kind of 'gritty-magic' story myself, but I can't get away from the feeling that Constantine was an eighties creation, and he looks a bit odd now. Warren Ellis had it right: "Time to be someone else."

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