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Constantine. Say it isn't so.

 
  

Page: 12345(6)78

 
 
Sean the frumious Bandersnatch
23:14 / 17.02.05
The movie that you're thinking of is "End of Days", where Arnie had Satan in a headlock, and later threw the devil out a window.

Why does that comparison now make me want to see Constanteen? And how big of a geek is my friend for finding it funny that Sting is going to be in town the week after Constantine premires?
 
 
Benny the Ball
03:17 / 18.02.05
End of Days is shockingly bad. THey were holding the bible upside-down, 666 was really 999! D'oh, the devils on his way! What a load of crap.

If Constantine is anything like that, it'll be terrible.

An ex girlfriend saw it recently, she said that I'd love it. But then again, there is a reason that she is an EX girlfriend, so I'm not so sure.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:41 / 18.02.05
I'm sure there is.

As if it weren't bad enough... they're pronouncing it "ConstanTEEN."

As does everyone else I've ever met.

The trailer for this was great; I'm pretty excited and happy.
 
 
akira
15:45 / 18.02.05
Sounds like the pills your Doc gave you are working then.
 
 
wicker woman
10:15 / 19.02.05
The movie? Surprisingly not nearly so bad as I thought... more than a little tolerable, actually! Keanu managed to not be completely stilted every time he opened his mouth, Tilda Swinton is completely freaking awesome as Gabriel, and I got a kick out of whoever that guy is playing Lucifer. Can never remember that guy's name.

Overall, completely more watchable than I was expecting. Only significant complaint would be that the more intriguing characters (Gabriel, Lucifer, Papa Midnite) didn't get nearly enough screen time.
 
 
Foust is SO authentic
15:25 / 20.02.05
I've only read a bit of Hellblazer; the [i]Son of Man[/i] and [i]Highwater[/i] TPBs.

So when I went to see Constantine last night, I wasn't sure what to expect. I had seen the trailers and knew that demons wouldn't be raping anyong to death (as in SoM) and that the cross shotgun was stupid.

So I guess because I'm not a Hellblazer vetern, I was able to watch Constantine as if it was a pulpy supernatural thriller and not a bastardization of a beloved character. In this context, some parts of it were pretty original. Like the magic; magic in movies is usually just a deus ex machina light show. I didn't get that impression here.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
17:02 / 20.02.05
I got thinking the other day. I am a long-term reader of Hellblazer since issue #9 or so, and of course have read Constantine's stories in Swamp Thing.

Why is the comic called John Constantine [small letters] Hellblazer [huge logo]? Why was it never just named John Constantine, or Constantine?

What does that title actually mean, when you stop to think about it? "Hellblazer" sounds more appropriate for The Demon Etrigan. John never went regularly to Hell at the start as far as I remember (the early episodes of Sandman, again, would have fitted that title better)... "blazer", apart from being a prefect's smart jacket, makes it sound like he's a firebolt, a superhero with incendiary powers, someone who comes up from Hades and burns Earth.

Is it, was it just an 80s cool brandname with no real sensible meaning? I can't help thinking that "Constantine" would have been a better title for the comic, from the start.
 
 
+#'s, - names
17:08 / 20.02.05
It was suppossed to be called Hellraiser but Clive Barker beat them to it.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
18:50 / 20.02.05
That makes some sense but a hellraiser is someone like Colin Farrell or Errol Flynn, a party animal. John Constantine is a morose loner whose friends all died.
 
 
Ganesh
19:14 / 20.02.05
Apparently the focus groups vetoed Morose Loner (Whose Friends All Die).
 
 
Liger Null
19:20 / 20.02.05
From the MSN review:

Picture the music video for Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River."

You remember it — the one in which Justin glides through a sleek, modern mansion in muted shades of green and gray, exacting revenge on a blonde in a newsboy cap who looks suspiciously like his real-life ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears.

Now picture the video as a two-hour movie, with Keanu Reeves standing in for Justin. And imagine that instead of being a boy-band icon, Reeves is a chain-smoking exorcist who trolls the seedy sections of Los Angeles, babbling in a sarcastic monotone about the battle between good and evil that's secretly being waged all around us.

And there you have "Constantine."



They've convinced me. I'm now willing to pay 50¢ to rent this...
 
 
Hieronymus
21:27 / 20.02.05
yeah. I saw it last night and I have to say I'm really disappointed.

It just wasn't at all what the film could have been, in so many ways. Parts of it were worthwhile. I agree with Foust, the magicking was completely spot-on, full of the sort of MacGuyver-meets-Gandalf sort of things the comics John would do (the mirror trick, the water and the cat, etc). So subtle and adept was the magick portrayed that I was almost able to look past Keanu's shitty, shitty, SHITTY acting (it makes me angry for some inexplicable reason) to enjoy the damn thing. Tilda Swinton was magnificent as Gabriel and Peter Stormare practically devours the film whole as Lucifer.

But by the film's climax, all the loopholes were just too huge to ignore and all the merit the film was starting to earn was blown to smithereens (how did the full-fledged creepy crawly demon 'cross over' to fight John if the Son of Satan had to use two psychics and the Spear of Longinus to get over here? Why did Nazis bury the Spear 100 miles outside of Los Angeles, only to be discovered in a one foot deep hole by vagrants? Does the Catholic Church still hold that suicides go to hell?).

Once John went from a brooding exorcist to a holy-shotgun-wielding, immigration officer for demons, the film started to sour for me (gotta place those Blade-like actions scenes somewhere).

And yeah, Chaz is more Boy Wonder/apprentice than buddy. The angel bit a little after the credits roll is just sad.

Worst of all, absolute worst of all to me, was his lung cancer in this. The one thing I was hoping they'd keep in this film from Dangerous Habits they utterly trampled on. His cure doesn't come from his sly manipulations but as a kind of second-thought exposition orchestrated by the Devil. Y'see, Lucifer wants to let him live to make him suffer (by curing his cancer?) because God wouldn't let him take John to hell.

The gum. *grumble* grumble* the goddamn chewing gum in the final frame.

In the end, Constantine could've been something if it had actually stuck to the heart of Hellblazer. Instead, in its place, we get some chain-smoking smartass, a John Constantine incapable of outwitting the devil and who instead saves the day by dumb luck and the infinite grace of God.
 
 
Scrubb is on a downward spiral
02:39 / 21.02.05
Well, that's 2 and a half hours of my life that I'm not getting back.

Oy. Mr Keanu pretending to chain smoke, being baaaaaad and getting outacted by a cat (grey tabby) - oy, oy.

But Tilda Swinton and the chap playing Satan were marvellous; trying to work out by price of ticket/screen time that they appeared in whether they could actually justify the cost of going. And some lovely suits too.
 
 
_Boboss
08:24 / 21.02.05
delano tried to wrestle with the 'hellblazer' title: 'blazing his own path to hell' is kind of the way he played it - all the sacrifices john makes (i.e. the dead friends), no matter how save-the-world they are here -is all shit he'll have to pay for on the other side.
 
 
Foust is SO authentic
21:17 / 21.02.05
A question about the comic. Is Brit Constantine a suicide, too? Are the general facts about his life correct? Is the world in Hellblazer basically the same as in Constantine? Bet between God and the devil, no direct influence allowed? That sort of thing?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
11:56 / 22.02.05
As if it weren't bad enough... they're pronouncing it "ConstanTEEN."

As does everyone else I've ever met.


Oh. I always called it ConstanTINE, to rhyme with 'mine'.

You know. The way it's spelled...
 
 
Punji Steak
12:01 / 22.02.05
Ummm, well, how do you pronounce 'libertine' then?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:52 / 22.02.05
The same way he pronounces 'figurine', presumably.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
13:38 / 22.02.05
Wait...so does 'gelatine' rhyme with 'asinine' or not?

Cos it could really screw some lyrics I'm scribbling.
 
 
Mistoffelees
13:59 / 22.02.05

Oh, I have to threadrot on that. Look at these:

**************************************************
1, The bandage was wound around the wound.

2, The farm was used to produce produce.

3, The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4, There is no time like the present, so he thought he would present the present.

5, When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

6, He did not object to the object.

7, The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

8,The oarsmen had a row about how to row.

9, he was too close to the door to close it.

10, A stag does strange things when the does are present.

11, After a number of injections my jaw became number.

12, The artist saw a tear in his painting and shed a tear.

13,She had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

14, An army chef decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

There are no eggs in an eggplant, no apple or pine in pineapple.
*********************************************

Have you any idea, how difficult english can be, sometimes?
 
 
_Boboss
14:11 / 22.02.05
gelatine/asinine? no.

jell-a-teen a-sin-eyen

like, emperor constantine is teen, but john constantine is tyne. just is. constantyne is more eighties, and being a very eighties man that's what we should call him.

on holiday once met a chap called him 'wolvereyen'. he had a brummie accent and everything, drove me nearly mad. macgyver (of this parish, not the cia), blessim, says 'darkseid' like 'darkseed' instead of 'darkside'.
 
 
Punji Steak
14:22 / 22.02.05
But hey, how do we know how the emperor Constantine pronounced his name? Or are we just getting waaaaay off topic here...
 
 
_Boboss
14:29 / 22.02.05
well, i don't, i just know how historical documentary presenters say it on telly. let's not worry about rotting this thread too much - the hellblazer movie, after all, has an american as the lead character. mental.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:33 / 22.02.05
That's actually surprisingly easy. He pronounced his name "Flavius".
 
 
_Boboss
14:47 / 22.02.05
flaah-vee-uss?

flay-vye-oos?

flar-vee-arse?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:15 / 22.02.05
Flah-wee-ous, or thereabouts. Sorry, rot over.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
15:44 / 22.02.05
(hope springs eternal)

* I secretly knew about the gelatine/asinine thing. Honest. The previous two examples in defence of -TEEN not -TYNE were, like, facile.

OK, who else was chuffed / disgusted with Constantoon : The Mivie?
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
20:47 / 22.02.05
Not me. But I took a whole lot of mushrooms about an hour before, so my movie-going experience was probably a bit different.

Things I liked:

1. The effects were pretty sweet.
2. Some good lines here and there. "Can you at least point me in the right direction?" "Sure." (points to door) or the pretty funny "What kind of mental patient commits suicide? That's crazy."
3. Gabriel was pretty damn cool. As was Lucifer.
4. The scene where Constantine is being accepted into heaven and as the music begins it's crescendo he slowly gives Satan the finger

Things I didn't like:

1. Where the hell did the car come from in the first scene with the vagrants?

2. Chas as the openly-admiring apprentice

3. The chewing gum. Don't really remember it, but I hates it all the same.

Seriously, though, some of you guys will never ever like Keanu's acting regardless of how "good" at it he is so stop fucking complaining about it already. Christ.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
21:02 / 22.02.05
That's the review I needed.

So, either Thai or Hawaiian mushrooms to the tune of about 15g, administered shall we say an hour and a half before hitting the theater (to possibly help with the chewing gum bit and remembering business).

Great movie.
 
 
madfigs #32, now with wasabi
22:18 / 22.02.05
I guess they're already talking about a sequel, which Keanu spoke of in his usual eloquent fashion in this recent interview:

...it's a character just as how it exists in the graphic novel, so I would love to play him again. Who knows? I mean, February 18th, probably by the 30th we'll know.

Awesome.
 
 
Foust is SO authentic
23:45 / 22.02.05
That kind of hard-edged, hard-boiled, world-weary cynical, fatalistic, nihilistic, self-interested -- with a heart.

Somewhere, Moore spins in his grave.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
00:20 / 23.02.05
A question about the comic. Is Brit Constantine a suicide, too? Are the general facts about his life correct? Is the world in Hellblazer basically the same as in Constantine? Bet between God and the devil, no direct influence allowed? That sort of thing?

Haven't seen the movie, but I know the comic, and: No, no, no, and no. The movie would appear to have little resemblance to Hellblazer. Why, then, didn't they just create a whole new character for Keanu to fuck around with? Dunno.
 
 
Hieronymus
00:54 / 23.02.05
Seriously, though, some of you guys will never ever like Keanu's acting regardless of how "good" at it he is so stop fucking complaining about it already. Christ.

I happen to have liked him in 'My Private Idaho' and 'The Gift'. It's when he's playing these bigger-than-life starring roles that he seems to phone his acting in.
 
 
wicker woman
05:32 / 23.02.05
Picture the music video for Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River."

You remember it ? the one in which Justin glides through a sleek, modern mansion in muted shades of green and gray, exacting revenge on a blonde in a newsboy cap who looks suspiciously like his real-life ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears.

Now picture the video as a two-hour movie, with Keanu Reeves standing in for Justin. And imagine that instead of being a boy-band icon, Reeves is a chain-smoking exorcist who trolls the seedy sections of Los Angeles, babbling in a sarcastic monotone about the battle between good and evil that's secretly being waged all around us.

And there you have "Constantine."


Or, in other words, "Because there is similar visual styles, I'll draw comparisons between the easily-demolishable bit of pop culture that is Justin Timberlake and this movie, 'cause it'll score me points with the type of person who bothers with commenting on MSN movie reviews." *Cue sobbing and curling up into a ball*



Oh boy yeah, was that chewing gum bit completely shit.


Worst of all, absolute worst of all to me, was his lung cancer in this. The one thing I was hoping they'd keep in this film from Dangerous Habits they utterly trampled on. His cure doesn't come from his sly manipulations but as a kind of second-thought exposition orchestrated by the Devil. Y'see, Lucifer wants to let him live to make him suffer (by curing his cancer?) because God wouldn't let him take John to hell.

At least they still included him flipping off the Devil, y'know? It seemed to me that (in the movie) Constantine crafted it to the point where he would either go to heaven, or Lucifer would save him. They would've had to completely re-work the sequence from the comic anyway, unless they wanted to include/explain the existence of the other two Devils, as their existence was integral to John's con in the comic.
 
 
Benny the Ball
09:22 / 23.02.05
Perhaps they bit of more than they could chew, and were hoping to please the comic fans by referencing one of the favourite stories of old - but got caught out because they needed to introduce John before they could introduce everything else.

Okay, pain of the story and acting and the whole it's in LA thing aside, and treating this as a film standing well alone from the beloved lore - does it work? It looks very nice, stylistically. Is it more Prophecy than End of Days?
 
  

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