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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Some Ads Are More Evil Than Others

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The Natural Way

08:23 / 05.03.02

Well, some of them I have to turn off. Y'know, when I'm tired after a long day working/commuting etc. I genuinely find some of this stuff really invasive: the way the volume's amped up, the way all this time is put aside to sell us these bullshit lifestyles that make as so bloody miserable, the constant scream of "BUY ME!" beneath the "ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM!" and the "hero inside yrself.." It really depends on my mood, but, if I'm feeling a bit low, the veins bulge muchly.

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: You and Runce ]

08:41 / 05.03.02

Oh dear God, 'zoom zoom'. That advert makes my teeth water.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:41 / 05.03.02

Well... There's a difference between adverts that are just annoying because they're a bit naff, or that grate because you can't stand so-and-so's voice or the supposedly catchy tagline, and adverts that piss you off because they suggest certain ways of thinking, or reinforce attitudes, that you think are actively EVIL.

"Urge to erbal" may irritate me, for example, but it's not in the same league as, say... oh, take that ad from a while ago with the posh dinner party, where they're all sneering at the couple who aren't there because they've gone off on an extended holiday round the Indian subcontinent... the idea that if you're a wealthy English person, then choosing to become the most colonial of tourists is not only a really radical lifestyle choice, but one in the eye for stuck-up nobbos... It makes me want to snap necks.

Then again, I reckon there are some adverts that qualify as aesthetically rather than ethically evil. Take this example: some random small act of benevolence is shown on screen.

"You don't often see generosity like that", muses the voiceover guy -

And then, without any warning -

"AT ICELAND YOU DO!!!"

The likes of Slipknot will spend their entire career striving to create an effect so horrible.

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: Flyboy ]

10:10 / 05.03.02

Well... I think the 'zoom zoom' ad is pretty evil. It's predicated on the idea that buying expensive cars will give you freedom from cares in the same way that you were free of cares when you were a child, and that driving in cars generates a childlike, innocent excitement. Which is patently bollocks. Cars are a cause of debt, pollution (the vast increase in asthma has been attributed to the increase of toxins in the atmosphere, which has occurred in no small part because of increased use of CARS), gridlocked roads, stress... I find the attempt to link the purchase of cars to childish innocence pretty disgusting.

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:17 / 05.03.02

Oh, I was mainly responding to bear, and I wasn't quite sure what the 'zoom, zoom' advert was... I wouldn't dispute the argument that car adverts are probably going to account for a large proportion of the most evil ones there are (has anyone read Miranda Sawyer's book Park and Ride? - there's a great bit on cars, suburbia and conusmerism in that).

How about that one, again from a year or more ago, with the little kid pointing to the side of the road (cue shot of broken down old banger) and asking her father "daddy, why don't we ever go in that lane? other cars do..."

EVIL.

10:25 / 05.03.02

Ack, well, the 'zoom zoom' ad is for an expensive car company (I think Mercedes, but I can't check right now because our internet connexion has been cruddy all day and will only let me access Barbelith) and involves: lots of shots of small children playing with toy planes, cars, etc; voiceover banging on about remembering childhood excitement; shots of adult careering around on supermarket trolleys like tossers; voiceover saying some adults remember childhood excitement, those adults including this car company; shots of car zooming along totally empty, scenic routes. The whole thing shot is vaguely retro, cinematic colour, with (as Runce says) ghastly 'uplifiting' music which consists of a Ladysmith soundalike choir going 'zoom zoom'.

BAH.

10:33 / 05.03.02

Holy. Fucking. Shite. You've just reminded me: KIDS COMING OUT OF SCHOOL AND JUMPING INTO THE WRONG PARENT'S CAR BECAUSE IT'S COOLER TO BE SEEN GETTING INTO THE NEW VAUXWAGON 90-ARSE.

*muffled rage that mere human vocal chords cannot properly express*

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: Saveloy ]

The Return Of Rothkoid

11:43 / 05.03.02

KCC: it's worse. It's a cheap-arse Mazda commercial that makes a link between riding a trolley across the carpark, and having the dosh to fork out for an MX5 or suchlike.

It's immensely irritating - moreso when they play it in the movies before a feature and use a really grainy blown-up version from TV.

But maybe that's just me.

13:52 / 05.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Kit-Cat Club:
Ack, well, the 'zoom zoom' ad is for an expensive car company.....The whole thing shot is vaguely retro, cinematic colour, with (as Runce says) ghastly 'uplifiting' music which consists of a Ladysmith soundalike choir going 'zoom zoom'.

BAH.

Is that music an even shittier bastardisation of Eddie Grant's 'Electric Avenue'? Or is it me?

15:26 / 05.03.02

It's the kind of fake-ass, unthreatening "world music" only listened to by 48 year old Genesis fans because it makes them feel less guilty about being rich white bastards..

..but, er, that's probably opened a whole new can of worms, so best leave it..

But anyway, that stupid fucking zoom ad = DEEPLY EVIL in any reasonable language.

Now, I still find it hard to believe nobody else wishes to comment on this one:

quote:
the seemingly government sponsored ad which features a young boy’s monologue coming from the mouth of a bored looking normalish man, before warning “CITIZENS BEWARE: people on the INTERNET are not who they say they are – PEADOPHILES use the INTERNET” … this advert has me lost for words .. I mean .. just … FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FucKS! As if this perfectly valid, boundary breaking and engaging medium of communication in which you are engaging didn’t have a bad enough reputation already .. a bit of groundless, misguided tabloid hysteria I can deal with, but SINCE WHEN DID GOVERNMENT AGENCIES TAKE OUT SCARE MONGERING, PARANOID ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS TO FUCKING PUBLICISE IT?!?

gentleman loser

17:21 / 05.03.02

Aren't car ads the worst?

Since you can make any kind of false claim in advertising here in the U.S. as long as you put a microscopic disclaimer on the bottom of the screen, we have all kinds of absurd automotive ads. The one I hate the most now is the GMC ad "our engineers are so clever that we made our new SUV handle like a sports car", which shows their behemoth on a track with Porsches, Lotuses etc.

Heh. Just don't go around that sharp corner too fast or you'll tip over. Who's dumb enough to believe this crap?

Oh wait, most people are.

Another funny note, GMC has gotten so desperate to sell their shitboxes that they're running half hour infomercials now.

Another one I hate is that fucking annoying Mitsubishi ad. Makes me want to find the nearest one and smash all the windows out with a baseball bat.

Here's an amusing article on it:

"One of the toughest things about playing new music is (that) it's unfamiliar and people just don't have the patience for new music," he said. "Unless it's a really great song they won't stick around and listen to it. This song was already familiar."

So everyone gets their musical tastes from TV ads? Looks like it.

Excuse me. I have to puke now.

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: gentleman loser ]

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:55 / 05.03.02

That makes two of us, gurving up like gangbusters.

Why aren't advertisers ashamed? These people should be ashamed! Poison-peddling, lowest-common-denominator-lowering, Disney-character-tie-wearing doombrains. Rot the lot of them.

20:07 / 05.03.02

Rot takes too long...as a hobby carpenter I own a wide variety of devices that are much more expedient, and painful. Unless of course, your referring to that particular new form of virulent streptoccochus.

I loathe care ads the most, "specially the one that uses "Lust for Life" I wonder if the ad people nowadays are complete context daft, or do they just not care that the song is about heroin addiction?

Although ads for crap music compilations are getting up there.

And I fear the singing belly buttons. O how I fear them.

Regrettable Juvenilia

20:53 / 05.03.02

Riz, I'm sure I ranted about the cinema paedo one as well... maybe not. Anyway, yes, appalling. The only thing worse than an advert trying to sell you something you don't need or want, is an advert that has your best interests at heart (or so it claims).

Oh God - that reminds me...

The 'Give Blood' ads that seem to work on the principle "give blood, because you *might* save the live of a C-list celebrity, or a C-list celebrity's relative - and famous people matter more than ordinary people, don't they?". GWARGH!

09:18 / 06.03.02

"faausands of pounds!! "

Trust me,I'm Jim Davison.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

10:50 / 08.03.02

I thought that Pot Noodle one was genuine until I got to the end of the ad, the mad cross-eyed bloke should have given me a clue.

I hate it when people who should know better do adverts for really crap things, that one Ian Dury did just before he died for The Times, that car ad with the Portishead track.

Hopefully the co-opting of a lot of faux-alternative styles will make people realise that it's just another scam; that Peugeot ad with the waitresses singing 'Teenage Dirtbag'.

Re; The Iceland ads. I'm sure that've had to redo those, because initially the voiceover guy did sound in genuine pain, as if he was having a mental breakdown. Now he's a bit more restrained and actually sounds happy that his bog-standard rebranded Beejams is selling stuff.

I don't know if I've been influenced by ads. I don't think I've bought any product that I wouldn't have bought if I hadn't seen an ad, but I think I've been influenced a few times along the line of 'I need something, oh I know, I saw product' and I'm pretty sure in each case it was a genuine need, not the advert making me worry about the state of my whatever.

12:54 / 08.03.02

Someone quite close to be went and bought Fybogel recently, instead of just making do and having a curry. So clearly adverts have an effect - although I refuse to touch anything Jamie-fucking-Oliver advertises.

Speaking of constipation, I like the one where the woman whirls round in her dreams because she has eaten of the sennapod.
I'm dancing becuase I'm not clogged, mummy! Marvellous.

That bloody MG advert gets on my wick because of the inherent contradiction.
'must have career, must have ambition'
CAN'T AFFORD A FUCKING MG WITHOUT THEM, YOU GREAT TART!

On the horrible ad front, close your eyes and just listen to the Gascoigne/Mcdonalds advert.

Then think of Mickey-love from the League of Gentlemen.

'They don't put nothin in. Norra dickie-burd'

I'm amazed he could find the ball to kick it.

Advertisers are wankers.

13:18 / 09.03.02

have you seen that new kit kat ad?
i thought the mcdonalads ad was bad but putting in bernard manning is just severely fucked up.

07:52 / 10.03.02

quote:Originally posted by Flyboy:
The 'Give Blood' ads that seem to work on the principle "give blood, because you *might* save the live of a C-list celebrity, or a C-list celebrity's relative

Unless you're a poof, in which case we reckon you're more likely to be HIV-positive - stay away, please.

10:32 / 01.07.02

Time to revive this thread as there are some new shite ads befouling our screens, not the least of which is of course a car ad:

Ed Harris! What the fuck are you doing advertising cars?! Kill yourself now!

The Natural Way

11:57 / 01.07.02

Glassonion recently hit the nail on the head. The worst ads? The "speaking to the soul..." variety. The current culprits (apart from that fucking Rover ad with the teacher and the inspirational "Something Inside So Strong" music that WILL. NOT. DIE!) include O2 (in fact any fucking ad that waffles about "Be You. Be Free. Connect. You are here.") and that terrible, terrible orange ad with all those hands branded w/ the orange symbol. Evil. No! You are not at your desk even when you're on the train! Get a fucking life! There's nothing powerful and deep and spiritual and essential about overwork! Fuck off!

But you just know there's loadsa people out there who really identify with this stuff (or are at least moved in a kind of distracted way), and that's horrible. These ads are fucking awful....I can't begin to describe how much they do my head in. These days I have to turn over. Oh, and singing bank managers must die, also.

12:00 / 01.07.02

Do we like Samuel L Jackson advertising Barclaycard? Or not?

12:34 / 01.07.02

Loathe the Jackson Barclaycard ads. How is it Barclays always seem to spend loads of money on hiring some film whore just when they’re closing something else down (last time with Hopkins and Coltrane it was a large number of branches, and this time it’s their webthing b2) ? Maybe they should just stop wasting money on celebrities. And pens on chains which don’t work.

What are really getting on my saggy manboobs right now are the profusion of ads which are about as well-dubbed as “Heidi”; Immax legshave thingummywhatsit, some kind of Nivea thing for yer armpits, and the vast majority, it seems of car ads (driving on the wrong side of the road could be a bit of a clue). And I think the Pringles ad might well count in this regard, as Mr ‘David Seaman’ Pringle’s mouth doesn’t seem to be moving in time with the music… speaking of which, what the hell ? People dance like mad to a tune which is apparently linked in some undefined way to the presence of an open tube of crisps, and when the crisps run out, so does the music ? How the jiggins did they sell that idea ?

Does anyone here know anyone who actually works, or was trained, in advertising ? If so, were these people raised in an alternate universe where people actually talk like they do in ads ? Or is it just a result of spending all your time watching advertising, and not the real world ?

DBC

Our Lady of The Two Towers

12:40 / 01.07.02

That car ad that invokes the ghost of Hendrix for no readily apparent reason...

Ed Harris presumably paying the bills after doing his art-house Pollock film...

The Natural Way

18:28 / 02.07.02

Sauron works in advertising. He tried to keep it a secret (calling himself "Sauron" was a good start - everyone assumed he was a beardnerd as opposed to a Hoxton-mullet), but, in the end, the smell of bastard started to leak from his posts....the pungent whiff of Scaatchi and Scaatchi and, wha's it called? CUT-THROUGH! Aaah yes, how we hate him now in his special outfits that "speak to da yoof!" - his hoodies, his Mum (pronounced Moom) records, his fake-arse p.....

Actually, he's alright Sauron is. Leave it out DAVE.

19:11 / 02.07.02

Ed Harris! What the fuck are you doing advertising cars?! Kill yourself now!
My sentiments exactly. And more to the point, he's advertising Vauxhall. What has the world come to?

The zoom-zoom ad gets me not just because it's crap, but because it's clearly a non-localised European ad. How French is it? Or Spanish? Lots of European locations, smiling people that don't say a word, great weather, and a cheesy, goofy, European-sounding music track. Zoom-Zoom? That's, like, what you get in Italian commericals. And they suck.

Similarly: badly dubbed tampon ads - he says "can I have a biscuit?", he mouths "can I have a cookie?". No need at all.

And in terms of "European": the T-Mobile logo. And tinkly piano sting. They have bearable ads - I mean, I think the one with the baby's face everywhere is great, and not entirely dreadful music... and then at the end you get (duh-ding-ding-ding-duh) that T-Mobile logo. That logo is SO HIDEOUSLY FRANCO-GERMO-ITALIAN or whatever. I'm not trying to be offensive here, but it looks exactly like nasty continental logos, and that piano jingle is the final kick to the head. Still, if it means no more Gary Oldman, fine with me.

And whilst phone ads may be trying to speak to your soul, at least they're stylish.

Oh - I also hate Phones 4 U ads, mainly because they imply that you are backwards and foolish for not having a brand new 100quid+contract phone. Mine works fine. Why is it embarassing if it lets me call people?

I watch ads far too closely now, and every one I see distances me from wanting to go into advertising. I really like the BMW 7-series ad, though (Boards of Canada and empty swimming pool).

Prisoner no. 1300

08:39 / 08.07.02

The car ad for an Audi with music and visuals courtesy of Jimi Hendrix is particularly dire and distressing.

Incidentally, the company that produced that advert recently funded a CD of Hendrix music known as Voodoo Child.

This is annoying, because the song is Voodoo CHILE, which makes much more sense and is more profound. Look it up.

09:15 / 08.07.02

Yes that fucking tampon ad! I kept waiting for the final scene where the tampon swells up in his throat and he chokes to death. Serves him right if he can't tell the difference between a tampon and a lollie. In fact tampon ads are up there with car ads for the most annoying in my book. I never knew periods were so much fun. According to these ads every time you get your period you get to go to all these great parties, go to the beach, anything you want. Us guys are missing out on all the fun...

09:18 / 08.07.02

The Ed Harris car ads are real shake-head stuff, because I really can’t see what the hell they’re meant to be on about. There’s a new car on the market, and so they have to go to court to defend it ? From whom ? Is there a class action being bought by the families of some crash test dummies or something ? And what the jiggins is an ‘interactive braking system’ or whatever he talks about ? All braking systems are interactive, surely ?

DBC

09:31 / 08.07.02

Can we have a big "IF YOU THINK QUAINT SPANISH PEASANT VILLAGES WHERE THEY GET THEIR WATER FROM COMMUNAL WELLS ARE SO GREAT, WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF AND LIVE IN ONE? I'M SURE ALL THE QUAINT SPANISH PEASANTS WOULD LOVE TO COME OVER AND LIVE IN YOUR SWANKY METROPOLITAN FLAT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR WASTEFUL FIRST WORLD LIFESTYLE, AND FURTHERMORE, IF YOU WERE TO DRIVE YOUR SHINY OPEN TOPPED BMW (or whatever) THROUGH SAID VILLAGE, SMIRKING LIKE A SMUG RICH CUNT, I HOPE THE PEASANTS WOULD HAVE THE DECENCY TO BEAT YOU AND STEAL THE CAR RATHER THAN JUST GAWPING LIKE CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOGS IN AN "I'VE NEVER SEEN A CAR BEFORE" MANNER!!" for all the adverts that use that kind of imagery? Thanks.

15:21 / 31.07.02

My new favourite fucking annoying and evil advert is for that variety of Tampax that is supposed to be super-discreet. Scene: woman pours out contents of her bag onto the table in a cafe, boyfriend picks up wrapped tampon, shakes it quizzically, and she says 'Sugar? Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?'. Arrrrrghhhh. Lord, protect the delicate little male from the horrors of the female reproductive system. His head might explode if he has to think that his girlfriend bleeds monthly. And she'd sure as hell never get over the embarrassment of him finding a (shock, horror) tampon in her bag. Puhleeeeese. This advert annoys me even more than its predecessor. It is so utterly juvenile, and maintains the bizarre and frightening notion that women should be ashamed of their periods...

Our Lady of The Two Towers

16:31 / 31.07.02

AND it's ripping off the Young Ones from over twenty years ago...

Rik (after rummaging through someone's purse);"It's got a tail! It's a mouse!" "Hello Fiona, are you enjoying the part- ugh! I think I'm going to be sick."

17:13 / 31.07.02

Cholister: absolutely! I particularly dislike the musical 'scream' effect in both adverts at the point where both menstrually-embarrassed woman and viewers realise her male companion is in danger of noticing that - horrors! - he's holding a tampon...

And this month's Unbearably Smug Couple award goes to Mr & Mrs Brittas Filter (sp?) for their unstinting enthusiasm for... water.

17:29 / 31.07.02

Dunno which car manufacturer or I'd be out there bombing 'em now but as I discussed with the humble crab the other day the car weaving between the crabs pisses the fuck out of us.

Assumption 1 debunked: the car cannot actually do that. How ever slick the handling, it really can't avoid very small moving objects like that, try it with stationary caltrops and see how far you get mate.

Assumption 2 debunked: just because the car is weaving in and out of crans does not mean it actually is in tune with it's environment. The meme suggests this (see how the car does not in fact damage the environment) but in actuality people don't be fooled cars are one of the worst environmental disasters ever.

(threadrot alert/ I once had a debate - read stand up row - with some people as I suggested Ford was more evil than Hitler, Hitler for instance, despite his anti-semitic standpoint (understatement alert) was still not ready to fully believe the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Ford got them printed in the US, I believe. But I digress /threadrot alert over)

In fact, I understand those crabs no longer do that carpet migration thing on that island because (shock horror) the cars always wiped them out when they did it, so they learned not to annihilate themselves...

This message was brought to you courtesy of the 'Let's dirty Ford's Reputation' Committee.

Jack The Bodiless

18:20 / 31.07.02

And, despite spirited competition, Rizla wins the I HATE ADVERTS ranting contest hands down. Passionate and funny. Yo.

I like the 'zoom-zoom' advert, personally. Not for any justifiable reason (it's clearly evil), just because I like whispering "zoom-zoom" in a scary child's voice a lot.

I was doing it long before the advert was first screened though, so maybe it doesn't count as appreciation...

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