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Misreadings

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16:42 / 31.03.03

Yesterday I saw a sign that said "Aesthetic Surgery", but I misread it as "Stoic Surgery", the concept of which amused me greatly:

"Mm. Er, Mr. Robbins...? You awake, Mr. Robbins?"
"Mmrr... why, yes. Why do you ask?"
"Mr Robbins, er... looks like I've accidentaly severed your arm off..."
"Which one?"
"The left one, sir".
"I see. Well, doctor, let's pay more attention in the future, shall we?"
"Er.. Yess. Yes, We will"
(one minute later)
"Oweeeeeee! *arf*... I wonder what was this excruciating pinch I just felt in the middle of my chest..."
"Mmm. That would be, that would be... my wristwatch. It just slipped and fell between your lungs".
"Oh, yes. Yes, I can feel it ticking! Well now, good doctor, take it back. You certainly don't want to lose your watch, do you?"
"No, sir. I most certainly... oops, sorry, just pierced your gums."
"Yesh, I notished . (sigh) Well, well, looksh like shomeone jusht woke up in the wrong shide of bed today, huh, shon?

Our Lady of The Two Towers

15:22 / 03.04.03

From the beard thread:

mixmage my secret face wears a public beard

Yeah, just try and tell me that you didn't read that as pubic.

22:29 / 03.04.03

hmmm... I've seen that done...

In "explain yourself", grant seemed to be employing seductive reasoning... wouldn't put it past him!

maybe this should be in the crush thread...

12:17 / 06.04.03

Just checking the headlines, I was impressed to note that a sigil bomb was dropped after airstrike called.

yah-boo... turned out to be single.

16:21 / 06.04.03

I read the headline "Pearl Jam Singer in Anti-War Controversy" as the much more fun "Pearl Jam Singer in Anti-War Conspiracy".

For about 5 seconds I though Eddie Vedder got arrested for treason.

18:53 / 07.04.03

In a paper today there was an advert which said: Welcome Olulabelle but which on second glance actually read: Welcome to Eurobell.

(No, it does. The world does revolve around me.)

19:41 / 17.04.03

i was a little intrigued and perhaps it is fair to say taken aback to see a thread called 'the ethics of slave ownership' in a barbelith forum.

i know it says 'share', but just you tell that to my brain, double-taking every time i look at it.

15:12 / 19.04.03

How easy is it to detonate a nuclear bomb:
I read as how hard is it to donate a nuclear bomb.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:56 / 19.04.03

It's fucking tricky, actually, gingerbop. A lot of places won't take 'em.

Linxy Kakenhoff

17:41 / 19.04.03

I was once looking over a map of the eastern provinces of Canada. I was rather shocked to see a place named "Dildo". Unfortunately, that really is the name of the place.
In other news, while reading a children's story aloud I somehow ended up with the line "Mark eyed the boobs" instead of "Mark eyed the bread". I didn't bother to correct my mistake, and hope that i've help with the education of the poor young child who happened to be listening.

The Return Of Rothkoid

01:50 / 20.04.03

Hey. Don't be knocking Dildo. They're fucking great, there. Their town logo is an old salt known as Captain Dildo.

And I have him on a t-shirt.

Linxy Kakenhoff

12:56 / 21.04.03

Actually I like Dildo, it's a very nice place.

Anyways, thanks to the wonder of my hearing problems, one phrase in a radio commercial sounded like "Jerry, he's got my testicals!". The correct phrase would be "he's got my tentacle". Oh well.

10:23 / 04.09.03

In the fictional characters thread, I was skimming down the posts when I saw someone discussing "HP slash"....

...I assumed this meant HP Lovecraft, not Harry Potter. It took me a minute for it to click in... Please tell me there isn't Lovecraft slash out there...

10:46 / 04.09.03

Well, if there isn't, there should be. I'm sure the Great Old Ones and suchlike are just lonely and sexually frustrated and need some companionship from their fellow tentacled monstrosities.

I'm going to have Cthulhu come round my house now, aren't I? Oh dear. Really sorry, Cthulhu and co.

13:01 / 04.09.03

Well as long as it's not slash that actually features HP Lovecraft. That would just be .. shudder.

13:10 / 04.09.03

He wasn't that bad looking, was he? Maybe him and Charles Dexter Ward or something...

Whisky Priestess

13:23 / 04.09.03

Lovecraft/Poe jammies stories for me please.

And on the subject of Signior Dildo ...

14:04 / 04.09.03

I misread the words "burn candles" as "bum candles" recently, which I blame on Barbelith.

15:55 / 04.09.03

In sleaze's missing bag thread, Xoc says "Of course, if you send me some naked polaroids and a tenner I will make you a genuine authentic passport from my old one and a stick of Pritt."

For some (probably disturbing) reason, I saw that as 'a stick of Brad Pitt'.

I'm still laughing, but then, I am easily amused.

19:19 / 08.09.03

I passed an American Pie 3 poster recently.

"He's finally taking her up the arse"

- They can't show that. They can't show that.

Turns out it was "...up the aisle".

21:11 / 10.09.03

I just read the following headline:

"Ben and Jerry to wed Sunday"

Unfortunately, it was really:

"Ben and Jen to wed Sunday"

12:41 / 15.09.03

Since no one's said it yet, the They call us walking corpses thread.

Surely I'm not the only one.

22:13 / 16.10.03

From the photo thread:

Has anyone told you Slim, that you look vaguely like Mr. Nick Cage? Not that I am crazy about his actng, per se... but I have this fantasy sometimes, where he is hanging from the ceiling upside down singing "Love Me Tender", and everytime he sings the chorus I take this cat and.......oh well, the rest must be obvious.

Now read that again, but substitute "Mr. Nick Cave" which I read, and made me read a few more times until I realised the mistake...

22:57 / 18.10.03

Theres a shop on Leith walk, if I remember correctly, called Laiba. Looks a lot like Labia.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

02:10 / 19.10.03

I may have mentioned this before, but for along time I thought there were such things as Public lice.

02:26 / 19.10.03

Oh, lovely growly voiced Eddie Vedder. Well, enough of my sexual fantasies. Back to miscommunication.

I can't tell the difference between Keats and Yeats. I know, I know, centuries between them and there is, God knows, a huge stylistic gulf but I have never really read much by either poet. I know all these snippets of Yeats but have never satisfactorily explored him.

Two skinheads were having a very public sex scene in this place I was at tonight and a guy (who was the double of Brad from Neighbours, surfie dude archetype, Holly Valance's ex-mananger) came and attenmpted to join in. It was all very fine for a wee while then the skinheads rebuffed him (probably the bleached and excessive hairstyle, and Ganesh said, "The centre cannot hold etc..."

So embarrasssing that I then attributed this to the wrong poet. I know everybody else in the place was just thinking about dicks and throbbing boy on boy action but G and I often like to discuss the romantic pooets when all about us are shagging.

Must try harder. That's probably what the skins were thinking too.

15:24 / 19.10.03

I mis-heard the Kylie song, "Come into my World" as "Come into my mouth" and I know I'm not the only one.

21:35 / 19.10.03

I was shocked to see that my neice had a book on her floor, which had "Peep Show" on the front. But it said "peepo sun".

Pubic and Public are too similar- playing Balderdash, my bro had writted his full version of SPB as Society for Pubic Bones. I thought he'd meant a bunch of people keeping graves tidy or something.

Linxy Kakenhoff

00:24 / 28.10.03

Hooray for caffeine and gravol. Was thoroughly trashed this weekend, which resulted in a few misreadings when I ventured out into the public:
"Conference Crap" on the coffee cup lid, supposed to be "Conference Cups" or somesuch
"Pubic Transit" ie: public transit

07:36 / 12.11.03

while on the front page, i spotted that

a vote for bush is a vote for...
whiteness
polyamory

i can believe one of those promises, but only one.

in case its lost for all time real soon:

Head Shop
Philosophy and Cultural Studies: Postmodernity, Deconstruction, Marxism, Queer Theory, Feminism - analysing the 21st Century.
• A vote for Bush is a vote for ...
• Whiteness.
• Polyamory
(520 threads, 14161 messages)

07:49 / 12.11.03

Heh, I noticed that one myself Toksik. Also yesterday in a newsagents one headline jumped out at me. The left hand edge of the front page of "The Voice" newspaper was slightly overlapped by another paper, and I read "KIDS CARE TRAP" as "KIDS ARE CRAP."

10:28 / 12.11.03

Is it just me, or does this thread read scarily like a tabloid letters page? (Tell us about the hilarious things that have happened to you, and if we print your story we'll give you five pounds!)

10:40 / 12.11.03

If anyone thinks they're getting a fiver out of me they've got another thing coming!

The "A Vote For.." one reminds me of the recent Laboratory thread:

Nanotech Boom Leads to Big Leg

Ironic, or what? Creepy, too - why just one leg?

One from the other morning, during journey to work:-

Temporary road sign near recently installed pedestrian crossing sez:

NEW TIGHTS AHEAD

Cool! Oh....

18:55 / 16.12.03

"Public Service Announcement
(2 replies, last at 10:58 16.12.03)
Google this instead of working. Your boss will thank you for it.
started by foust................................sparkle"

I read "your boss will spank you for it."
Tell me its not just me, and it really does look like that?

09:27 / 17.12.03

Wow, I did exactly the same thing. I think it's the proximity of the word 'sparkle', below and to the left of 'thank', and the fact that 'sparkle' is isolated, and so stands out from the rest of the text.

Hmmm, that suggests that there's probably a way to engineer these things, and use it for good, not evil.

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