I think the "Anger on Barbelith" thread further down in policy could be a useful addition as well.
I think Flyboy and Triplets have a personal dislike of DM, which is fine. Personal dislikes happen. There's no getting around them. I think I've noticed an occasional practice with Flyboy at least of attacking DM for stuff he's done which has irritated Flyboy in the past, at times when things are relatively quiet, and I don't think that's useful. It's like hitting a dog for pooing on the carpet once he's already whining at the door, in that the dog is only going to be confused about what you're angry at him for.
I also think that DM does a certain manipulative thing where when things are relatively quiet, he mentions people he's had disagreements with, as if to goad them to respond— maybe he's looking for approval for "doing right" now, or maybe he wants to provoke them. Either way, that's not a very useful practice either. He's also taken a situation in which many people were sympathetic to him (the birthday thread) and started what I see as a clumsy effort to turn it to his own advantage, which tends to lose him some of my sympathy.
None of this is banworthy. What I want is for people to acknowledge their personal dislikes and personal histories with other posters and the role of those feelings in creating their behavior. For instance, I might say something like (to use Ganesh as an example because I adore him and he knows it, so hopefully my intentions will not be misinterpreted) "Ganesh, whenever I see you on the b'lith all I can think of is that horrible thing you said to me about my passion for mangoes, and I really hate you for it. I certainly don't want to be asked to celebrate your birthday. That just makes me sick with anger." What I would not want to do is call into question Ganesh's right to exist by implying that he should have been aborted. Or on the other end of things I might say something like "Ganesh, I haven't heard from you in a long time, and I know you really hate me because I used to say shit about gay people that was inappropriate. I hope I haven't done that in awhile. Do you still hate me, or are we okay now, or somewhere in between?" Being straightforward like that is not commonly rewarded in real life; I'd like to see it rewarded here, if not by success at least by respectful engagement.
BUT: That's not everyone's style. And some people are more given to expressing anger with insults. I'm actually pretty okay with that, but I want that to have a space and a form that's acceptable to everyone. Some people are going to be upset by seeing someone called an abortionist's failure, and some people are going to be upset by the nonconsensual use of the word "boy" to refer to a grown man (an abbreviation of his name or not). So take it to a fucking calling-out thread, that's my suggestion and request. Someplace where b'lithers can laugh at your wit if they want, without seeing insults and potshots clutttering up other, more innocuous threads.
After all, if you hate Dead Megatron soooo much ("Flames... on the sides of my face... burning...") that you consider engaging with him on the board, or via pm, or in any fashion a total waste of your time, why would you even read a thread that was started by him solely for the purpose of celebrating his birthday? |
