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Woman-Friendly Barbelith - commentary and analysis

 
  

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miss wonderstarr
10:43 / 15.04.06
I don't think there was anything wrong with the issue of banning being raised in the WFB thread

There's nothing wrong with that - it seems entirely right in a way - but it's unfortunate that when people who don't feel entitled to post on that thread (or want to respect it as a certain type of space) then take up an issue from that thread, the obvious place to do it is on this thread, which due to its name and original concept seems (to some at least) like a bunch of male-identified posters talking "behind the back" of the first group.
 
 
Ganesh
10:52 / 15.04.06
I don't think there was anything wrong with the issue of banning being raised in the WFB thread, but obviously the actual thrashing out of the whys and wherefores needs to occur somewhere that everyone can contribute--espcially the person who might end up getting banned.

Totally. As well as the women-only thing, I think it's also true that many non-moderators don't plough through the longer Policy threads, and may not be aware of a conversation taking place across them. I'm also becoming aware, via PM, of a reluctance on the part of some posters, to risk 'stirring things up' by stating an opinion at odds with someone who's expressed theirs particularly vigorously. In a separate thread where all opinions are explicitly welcomed, those individuals might feel more able to make their views heard.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
11:19 / 15.04.06
I'm also becoming aware, via PM, of a reluctance on the part of some posters, to risk 'stirring things up' by stating an opinion at odds with someone who's expressed theirs particularly vigorously.

Okay, now that's deeply worrying. I don't think that people expressing valid anger at unpleasant attitudes should be told to take a pill, but it's a matter of some concern if people don't feel okay about posting a conflicting opinion. A seperate thread might be a good way to overcome that.
 
 
Ganesh
11:26 / 15.04.06
I don't think that people expressing valid anger at unpleasant attitudes should be told to take a pill, but it's a matter of some concern if people don't feel okay about posting a conflicting opinion.

Sure, I don't think perfectly valid venting ought to be suppressed - but I know that some of us are more comfortable wading into the fray than others, hence the suggestion of venting then starting a (hopefully) cooler thread soliciting viewpoints more generally.

Some of the "I think X but am afraid of kicking things off (again)" comes from PMs; some of it comes from Xoc.

(Named and shamed...)
 
 
miss wonderstarr
11:28 / 15.04.06
I'm also becoming aware, via PM, of a reluctance on the part of some posters, to risk 'stirring things up' by stating an opinion at odds with someone who's expressed theirs particularly vigorously

Yes, or again, risk being thought of as (in this case) part of the boys' club that's undermining a female case for banning, and disappointing those who feel strongly about the case for banning; being part of the problem if you're suggesting a moderate tack such as "let's all look at the evidence and think about this".

And again, having this thread as the only obvious and available forum for broader discussion about this case emphasises that.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
13:24 / 15.04.06
I think we've danced around Shadowsax long enough - from one perspective, his issues are clearly causing significant unhappiness, and from another he is causing unnecessary threadrot by making people either address his issues with women or feel bad about ignoring them. We need to work out how we deal with people who are not self-confessed anti-semites/racists/homophobes/whatever but who still feel entitled to subject Barbelith to the above. It may be that we decide that having morons around is just the downside of not having banning by moderator fiat, but we could at least try to thrash that out.

Does anyone want to start a thread about this?
 
 
Ganesh
13:35 / 15.04.06
See here, Haus. I think that any poster who's been following this and feels strongly that ShadowSax should be banned ought to start the thread.
 
 
Isadore
16:58 / 15.04.06
I would agree, Ganesh, but I do opine that it would be better if one of the male posters started the thread so that it doesn't turn into Boys Vs. Girls.
 
 
Char Aina
17:21 / 15.04.06

male-identified posters refusing to listen


not much of a point, but i feel compelled to say that i am listening. i think others are as well.

(I swore a while ago that I wasn't going to post in this intially ill-advised thread, but it seems to be where this aspect of the debate is taking place...)

i had similar misgivings, hey.
i think it gets easy to forget that people who arent posting might still be reading.
 
 
Ganesh
18:23 / 15.04.06
I would agree, Ganesh, but I do opine that it would be better if one of the male posters started the thread so that it doesn't turn into Boys Vs. Girls.

I see that as largely irrelevant. One could frame the whole thing as Hetero Vs Non-Hetero or People Who've Experienced Divorce Vs People Who Haven't or US Vs UK or anything else, really. Important thing is that whoever starts a ShadowSax Should Be Banned Because... thread should be someone who feels strongly that ShadowSax should be banned - and feels strongly enough to put a case together to support this.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
14:47 / 16.04.06
I see that as largely irrelevant.

See, I'd like it to be. And I take your point that starting a banning thread would, ideally, only be about the issue of banning that poster.

But I can see Celane's point. Not acknoweldging context/pretending it doesn't exist isn't going to make it go away.

Particularly when that context is of recent touchy issues around gender identification/who is allowed to say what, dynamics between various genders and a very heated discussion of mysogyny and the way it plays out on Barbelith.

The comparison with gay vs. straight, for example, would hold water if we had a recent and passionate history of gay or straight people feeling that there was general discrimination against them and having to fight to be heard.

I'm currently engaged in putting together such an opening post, and I'd be an idiot if I didn't consider the risks involved in raising this subject. It's not an easy thing to try and do.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:51 / 16.04.06
Worth noting, possibly, that Flyboy already did pretty much exactly this with Shadowsax - asking whether his misogyny was bannable - and the failure to conclude that it was appeared to confirm to Shadowsax that his behaviour was in fact endorsed by Barbelith as a whole. It's what happens if a poster is put forward for disciplinary action of some kind and then nothing happens that concerns me a bit - is nobody allowed to comment on the behaviour that caused it after that, or is it individual conscience again?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
15:19 / 16.04.06
GGM - I was also in the process of starting the thread in question - if you want to go first, I'll just cut out any duplication and post anything extra I have in reply. However, as Haus seems to indicate, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that the request for a thread devoted solely to reasons why Shadowsax should be banned is a request for work that has already been done to be done again.

Having said that, I'm genuinely sorry that Ganesh feels that some people are trying to simplify this into "Boys vs. Girls" - haven't seen any of that around myself, and it would appear to disregard my own position, not to mention that of Lady Flowers.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
15:26 / 16.04.06
But it was Flowers who made the distinction between male and female responses that Ganesh found so unhelpful - just on the page before this one.

I'm also aware that discussion of this has been a few 'oh shit' posts in the womens thread while over here men are trying to justify it.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
15:55 / 16.04.06
Ah, yes, but Flowers then also said that "justify" had given entirely the wrong sense by suggesting that the men were justifying Shadowsax's behaviour - which meaning I got from it, and which did make me spit out my tea a bit. Perhaps more like "expand on/discuss/give another perspective on"?
 
 
sleazenation
16:49 / 16.04.06
I'm genuinely sorry that Ganesh feels that some people are trying to simplify this into "Boys vs. Girls" - haven't seen any of that around myself, and it would appear to disregard my own position, not to mention that of Lady Flowers.

Um, I'm getting a bit confused - wasn't it Celane, not Ganesh who expressed concern that this might devolve into 'girls vs boys'? What with us already having a FI-only thread and this one running in parallel to it isn't that fear already a bit late? Hasn't that particular opposition already been established by the existence of those two threads?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:22 / 16.04.06
Way-ull... as far as I know, the existence of separate bathrooms for women does not necessitate the existence of war between our genders.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:26 / 16.04.06
Sorry, sleaze, but I disagree. I don't see the WFB thread as an expression of some kind of sex war on the board. It's freely veiwable by all and a parallel space has been created for MI posters to comment on it. I may be wrong, but you seem to be veiwing it in a rather hostile light.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
18:36 / 16.04.06
I think the idea that this other thread is for MI response to that thread is causing problems. I feel there's a perception that the MI thread was created in a petulant spirit of "the girls have one, so we want our own", and that it's for comment or complaint about the WFB thread - which, understandably I think, makes some male and female community members see it as inherently problematic.

In practice it seems to be proving quite useful now as an overspill for broader discussion about issues raised on the WFB thread, and an arena where male and female members of the community can discuss them, leaving the WFB thread as a space for a specific group only.

The title, though, suggesting it's for male response, gives a different, and I think unfortunate idea. And I actually wonder if that title could be changed.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:45 / 16.04.06
Not a bad idea--how about "WFB comment" or "WFB companion"?
 
 
Spatula Clarke
18:55 / 16.04.06
Either way I still can't help feeling that one or other of these threads (or both) is rendered pointless - or, more accurately, 'unhelpful' - by the fact that they both exist. I don't really understand how anybody can think that this situation - where all the issues raised in one thread have to be discussed in another - is anything but ridiculous.
 
 
sleazenation
18:55 / 16.04.06
I also think that Haus raises an important and interesting point. At the moment we don't really have much of an effective range of censure on objectionable posts/posters. We also lack a complete consensus on what constitutes objection, but I think this is a bit of a necessary evil I think because you can't really plan for every possible future eventuality.

So, yes, banning is a bit of a nuclear option. Ideally, posters who are informed that they have posted is objectionable they would respond with consideration and sensitivity regardless of whether they agree that their posts are indeed objectionable or not. I'm just not sure what the best response is to people who repeatedly demonstrate that they are unwilling or incapable of this...
 
 
sleazenation
19:30 / 16.04.06
Way-ull... as far as I know, the existence of separate bathrooms for women does not necessitate the existence of war between our genders.

But it certainly places those two groups in binary opposition to each other. I don't think I'm talking about war, I'm talking about the arbitary and differential relationship that has been imposed on these two groups by these threads.

Now, I can see a certain value of having a thread reserved for one particular sub-group to enable a practical demonstration of how privilidge works, but I still don't agree with the goal of creating any kind of 'safe space' for any particular sub-group within barbelith.

In addition to this, I think it is unhelpful to have matters of policy applicable to the whole board discussed and potentially decided in a thread reserved for a specific sub-group.
 
 
miss wonderstarr
19:54 / 16.04.06
I still don't agree with the goal of creating any kind of 'safe space' for any particular sub-group within barbelith.


Just as another thought, I wonder if it slows the process of making all Barbelith feel like a safe space for women. I wonder if it seems like a holding gesture, you know - "you've got your own thread now, so that'll keep you happy for a while" - while other threads on other parts of Barbelith clearly make the community in general feel unsafe for at least some women.

I'm entirely open to counter-thoughts on that, but it crossed my mind when I read the comment above.
 
 
*
19:55 / 16.04.06
A propos to this, slightly:

A friend of mine recently started an anti-racist allyship discussion group, focusing on the idea that it should not be the responsibility only of people of color to educate white people about the effects of racism, but those white people who are clued in need to start taking more responsibility for educating the more ignorant. But in making it clear that the group was for intended for white people who were allies or wanted to become allies, she caused some offense, and I'm still not sure how I feel about the way she went about it although I respect her intentions immensely.

The way I see it, if it's true that non-female-identified posters tend to dominate discussion around here, and it is, and if it's true that discussion of feminism and sexism on barbelith in particular tends to be derailed by people who just don't get the core concepts, and it is, then it's valuable to have a thread where that sort of derailing will be limited. If this thread serves the purpose of giving us a chance to practice our allyship skills, then it will do good; if it ends up pulling the discussion in the WFB thread off track, that will be bad. If it becomes a forum wherein the lot of us are sitting around complaining about how hard-done-by we all are because womenfolk are taking our jobs and our children and being counseled by scheming lawyers to lie about being abused in order to get attention and to add insult to injury now they won't let us in their thread, then we should shut down barbelith as a lost cause. But I don't think there's actually a lot of danger of that so long as we keep challenging ourselves.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
20:07 / 16.04.06
However, as Haus seems to indicate, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that the request for a thread devoted solely to reasons why Shadowsax should be banned is a request for work that has already been done to be done again.

If by "work" you mean referencing threads and comments with "this shit is unbelievable, isn't it?" attached beneath, then yes, it has been done before. But as I understand it a new thread would be taking a big step in formalizing the process of having a poster removed from the board, which I and several others think is a great idea. Plus a single thread would probably be easier for Tom (I'm guessing, anyway).

Also, if we're interested in reaching (or confirming, as the case may be) something like a board-wide concensus (we are, aren't we?) a seperate thread would be prudent, if not only as a forum for dissenting opinions to be heard.

I don't think I'd like to see it turn into "THE TRIAL OF SHADOWSAX" and go down in Barbelith history as such, but I would like things to be collected and organized and I don't think I'm alone on this.

...I think it is unhelpful to have matters of policy applicable to the whole board discussed and potentially decided in a thread reserved for a specific sub-group.

Agreed.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
20:41 / 16.04.06
I don't think I'm talking about war, I'm talking about the arbitary and differential relationship that has been imposed on these two groups by these threads.

A few of us seem to be of the opinion that barbelith was already engaged in a differential relationship without any exposure of that circumstance. When something is being imposed by individuals in a space that needs to be emphasised not brushed off and that's certainly a part of the reason for the WFB thread. If you wish to argue against this I suggest you read GGM's post and KKC's points in WFB and then address why the thread imposes a relationship on barbelith that isn't ingrained already. This is an idea that has been overlooked a little outside of that thread and if you don't think it's accurate than this is the forum for your argument against it. Alternatively you might feel that such exposure is not necessary and acts as a negative in some way. It could potentially be argued that a gendered discussion emphasises the differential relationship although I think that ignoring a problem is to allow people to remain ignorant of it.
 
 
Ganesh
21:12 / 16.04.06
The comparison with gay vs. straight, for example, would hold water if we had a recent and passionate history of gay or straight people feeling that there was general discrimination against them and having to fight to be heard.

And you know this isn't the case how? Because gay or straight people haven't voiced it? Fatuous point, perhaps, but I'm not sure it's possible to suggest that things are relatively rosy in terms of gay experiences of Barbelith simply because gay people haven't started a Homophobia 101 thread.

I'm not pretending that discrimination doesn't exist. I'm saying that, if Poster A thinks that Poster B should be banned, then Poster A should start a thread about it. I don't really see that Poster A's gender (or sexuality or nationality or ethnic group or whatever) has a huge bearing on this. The alternative - presumably invoking a Poster C to start the thread - makes absolutely no sense if Poster C doesn't feel strongly that Poster B should be banned.

I'm saying that if another poster's being mooted for banning from the board, the case needs to be made by the individual(s) who wants that poster banned.
 
 
Ganesh
21:14 / 16.04.06
... I'd be an idiot if I didn't consider the risks involved in raising this subject. It's not an easy thing to try and do.

And, IMHO, nor should it be. Banning someone from Barbelith shouldn't be an "easy thing".
 
 
Ganesh
21:24 / 16.04.06
Worth noting, possibly, that Flyboy already did pretty much exactly this with Shadowsax - asking whether his misogyny was bannable

I didn't register this - and I think that one of the reasons I didn't register it was that it's not uncommon for various of us to ask whether such-and-such is bannable, usually in one of the moderator threads and often in an angry "why are we putting up with X" kind of way. I'm suggesting that putting such proposals in a separate thread gives them a certain gravitas by emphasising that this is not simply a momentary expression of anger, but a considered argument for banning someone from the board.

- and the failure to conclude that it was appeared to confirm to Shadowsax that his behaviour was in fact endorsed by Barbelith as a whole. It's what happens if a poster is put forward for disciplinary action of some kind and then nothing happens that concerns me a bit - is nobody allowed to comment on the behaviour that caused it after that, or is it individual conscience again?

I think that having a timescale (so far, I've suggested one week) after which moderators and non-moderators have to come down on one or other side of the fence would solve this problem to a certain extent: rather than simply petering out with a lack of any particular decision, there'd be a tangible deadline by which we'd have to state an unequivocal opinion re: banning. If "nothing happens" then that's presumably because the community as a whole has decided that nothing should happen, or because Tom's decided to overrule community opinion. I'd say that the behaviour could be commented on again, but not in the sense of suggesting banishment again, unless the poster in question continues to behave badly and the question arises again in the light of new material.
 
 
Ganesh
21:38 / 16.04.06
... I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that the request for a thread devoted solely to reasons why Shadowsax should be banned is a request for work that has already been done to be done again.

I think opinions have been expressed over several threads, but I don't think "work... has already been done" in the sense of starting a thread summarising reasons and inviting the community as a whole to comment. I've stated several times, in this thread and in my Expectations one, why I think a more formalised procedure would be of value as compared with scattered expressions of anger over disparate threads.

I'm grateful to either yourself or GGM for going ahead with this.

Having said that, I'm genuinely sorry that Ganesh feels that some people are trying to simplify this into "Boys vs. Girls" - haven't seen any of that around myself, and it would appear to disregard my own position, not to mention that of Lady Flowers.

Perhaps you've failed to understand the implications of your own comments, as well as those of Flowers? You said

Ganesh, why not read the Fathers 4 Justice thread, where the case already exists, rather than asking female posters to do the work for you?

Why "female posters" rather than "other posters"? Why bring gender distinctions to bear here?

Flowers said:

I'm very aware of the charges levelled against Barbelith for being more accepting of misogyny than say, racism, I'm also aware that discussion of this has been a few 'oh shit' posts in the womens thread while over here men are trying to justify it.

Again, gender distinctions are stressed: discussion of ShadowSax is summarised as a few posts in the "womens thread" (implying that it's women who are making the complaints) while men are "trying to justify it" (implying that men are being apologistic for ShadowSax's views). This suggests a false dichotomy of female complainants vs male apologists. Flowers has since apologised for this.

Are you genuinely unable to see this, Flyboy?
 
 
Tryphena Absent
22:03 / 16.04.06
Ganesh, logically that aint a great post because G for Gundetta is male and unless he's started identifying as female ("no") it would be a little odd if he did support the idea that this is a girls vs. boys issue. In addition you were asking a group of female identified posters to collate a vast amount of material for you- me, Celane and mordant so his comment wasn't at all inaccurate.

Flowers apologised for his phrasing stating that the discussion here was around whether a tipping point had been reached, more an explanation of incorrect wording than the original intent to post on gender division and unless we're choosing to ignore people's explanations it's something to take on board.

So no one is trying to make this into a girls vs boys issue, indeed that isn't happening at all but it is weighing on everyone's minds because ShadowSax's posts consistently support a girls vs boys mindset and that's part of what we're discussing here. I think that's why you're fixating on this so readily and that's the idea that you should be exploring.

In addition two people have volunteered to create this banning thread so why don't you just wait for someone to have the time and willpower to make it appear.
 
 
Ganesh
22:30 / 16.04.06
Ganesh, logically that aint a great post because G for Gundetta is male and unless he's started identifying as female ("no") it would be a little odd if he did support the idea that this is a girls vs. boys issue.

I'm not arguing the 'greatness' of any of my posts, Nina, but logically, it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask: why did Flyboy feel the need to say "female posters" instead of "other posters"? Why did he make that distinction? Enquiring minds are keen to know.

In addition you were asking a group of female identified posters to collate a vast amount of material for you- me, Celane and mordant so his comment wasn't at all inaccurate.

Just somewhat unnecessary. I don't think I said "could female posters summarise this for me"; I said

it would be helpful for one of those making the suggestion (Nina? Mordant?) to build a case, perhaps in another thread

The pertinent element here is "one of those making the suggestion" ie. one of those suggesting that ShadowSax be banned - not the fact that Nina and Mordant are female-identified. I can't see why Flyboy chose to emphase "female posters" other than to imply that I - a male-identified poster - was unfairly calling upon female-identified posters to "do the work" for me.

And yes, it is a lot of work to summarise the reasons for wanting someone excluded from the board but, frankly, it fucking should be. I don't think it's workshy or unfair or any variety of 'ist' to ask that members wanting someone banned lay out their reasons in a separate thread, and invite the community as a whole to comment.

Flowers apologised for his phrasing stating that the discussion here was around whether a tipping point had been reached, more an explanation of incorrect wording than the original intent to post on gender division and unless we're choosing to ignore people's explanations it's something to take on board.

Yes, Flowers apologised for wording which implied a gender dichotomy, and I appreciate his apology. I don't recall not taking the tipping point issue on board; in fact, I acknowledged it myself a post or two afterwards.

So no one is trying to make this into a girls vs boys issue, indeed that isn't happening at all

I'm afraid I don't agree. I think both Flyboy and Flowers emphasised a gender dichotomy here. I think they were wrong or misguided in doing so, and it may have been accidental, but I don't think pretending it didn't happen is the way to proceed.

but it is weighing on everyone's minds because ShadowSax's posts consistently support a girls vs boys mindset and that's part of what we're discussing here. I think that's why you're fixating on this so readily and that's the idea that you should be exploring.

Again, I disagree. ShadowSax's gender issues are not the reason I claim Flyboy and Flowers disproportionately stressed gender difference with their choice of wording, and I rather resent your implication that I'm "fixating on this". I am not "fixating"; Flyboy and Flowers' posts suggested that women were complaining about ShadowSax while men were apologising, "justifying" or failing to "do the work" where ShadowSax's posts were concerned. I am not the only person who thought this, and I'd appreciate you not telling me what I "should be exploring".

In addition two people have volunteered to create this banning thread so why don't you just wait for someone to have the time and willpower to make it appear.

I am waiting for GGM and Flyboy to make the case for banning ShadowSax. I have expressed my gratitude in advance. This does not, however, invalidate the other points I have made in this post.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
22:35 / 16.04.06
Just to clarify - I wasn't saying "this has already been done and as such I see no merit in the idea" - more "this has already been done and petered out because ultimately there is not a lot we can do except refer these things upwards. So, a "should we ban" thread would at least focus that, but I have a feeling that it will come up against the basic reluctance to ban anyone that Barbelith has. However, if it starts up, at least it will focus the discussion and determine what happens next.
 
 
Ganesh
22:41 / 16.04.06
Just to clarify - I wasn't saying "this has already been done and as such I see no merit in the idea" - more "this has already been done and petered out because ultimately there is not a lot we can do except refer these things upwards. So, a "should we ban" thread would at least focus that, but I have a feeling that it will come up against the basic reluctance to ban anyone that Barbelith has.

I don't think that basic reluctance is necessarily a Bad Thing. I think we should, generally speaking, be reluctant to ban people. I do think, however, that formalising the process will serve to sharpen the focus of the moderators, at least. Making the timescale closed-ended as opposed to open-ended (we have to reach a decision within a week, say) would at least consolidate any decision to refer things upwards. A larger proportion of the community would have been involved in that decision.

However, if it starts up, at least it will focus the discussion and determine what happens next.

Absolutely. That's my aim.
 
  

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