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For fun, Chuck Norris likes to visit Veterinary Hospitals. When asked if he has a sick pet, Chuck Norris flexes and says, "These pythons are pretty sick." He then kisses his pecks until all the ladies explode with orgasmic fury.
If you don’t know who your father is, it’s probably Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris chews bubblegum, the bubblegum screams.
The only thing stronger than kevlar are vests woven out of Chuck Norris' chest hair.
Chuck Norris' family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
The original ending, as suggested by Chuck Norris to George Lucas, to Return of the Jedi consisted of the Rebel Alliance finding Chuck Norris on the moon of Endor. The Rebel Alliance realized the power they had in front of them, and begged Chuck to help them defeat the Empire's Death Star. Chuck then jumped into space and roundhouse kicked the Death Star, which exploded in a fiery bang. In the last scenes, Leia left Han for Chuck, Chewbacca became Chuck's life-debt servant, and Luke decided to drop Jedi training and study under Chuck. The ending was never made because it was too awesome for George Lucas to comprehend.
Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. |
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