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Worst...Writing...Ever.

 
  

Page: 1234(5)67

 
 
TroyJ15
14:12 / 07.10.05
Honestly The Amazing Spider-Man: Sins Past story from about a year back. It's the one where Osborn and Gwen Stacy, apparently had sex and Gwen had 2 children by him that Osborn brainwashed into thinking belonged to Peter. Horrible because it bordered in the clone saga territory in the way it was executed. And it was written J. Michael Strazinki, who I expected a much better story from. Marvel and Quesada had seemed to be trying, the previous years, to get away from stuff like this and then for 4 or 5 issues they publish this comic that belongs straight out of the late 90s!
 
 
DaveBCooper
14:16 / 07.10.05
That storyline did seem a bit wonky, to say the least; wasn’t there some tale that JMS had wanted to make Peter the father of the kids in the first place, but had been told to change it to Osborne instead? Don’t know if that would have made it any better, but it might have seemed slightly less shoehorned into existing stories.
 
 
This Sunday
14:38 / 07.10.05
I wasn't by any stretch trying to imply that 'use of a familiar or similar character-type or qualifier in different stories' was 'bad writing' at all, but I do think that much of what is being namechecked as 'bad writing' might more accurately be 'does not do a thing for me' fiction, instead. The current Black Panther doesn't do much for me, but is that because it has black characters? Then why on earth would I love Kirby or Priest's BP?
Does my disinterest and not-much-liking of 'Watchmen' imply that homosexual musclemen made it BAD? I was serious about day-to-day life affecting writers, and used Priest because I thought he might be enjoyed by some here, and therefore could be used to illustrate without an obvious dodge, as Byrne or Morrison might. Lots of people couldn't stand BP, or Quantum & Woody, even, and I have to wonder if it was the tropes and habits of the writer - which are not necessarily bad, any more so than Fabian Nicieza's everything-and-the-sink conspiracy stylings is inherently bad - but that it might just not work for certain readers who have no day-to-day famiiarity with that mode or trope.
I can look at Morrison's 'Doom Patrol' and it seems very familiar and there are character moments that I can splay out over my own life, the lives of friends and family, and watch them blend... but there are people who have no hold on it, and simply couldn't get into it. They actually get more out of Byrne's 'Doom Patrol', despite whatever I may think about it, than they could from Morrison's.
I like Rachel Pollack's 'Doom Patrol' and I love Jill Thompson's 'Invisibles' art and I can still reread 'Fantastic Force' issues without projectile vomit or suicide. How many here can or would say that? How many, in fact, would put those in a worst comic/writing/art thread?
I liked the online comic 'Kiss the Girls' much better the first time around, but even the creator decided that wasn't working and went back for something different.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:14 / 07.10.05
At the end of this months issue of Hellblazer, John Constantine, having just seen his only sister agree to spend eternity in hell as the result of the machinations of the First of the Fallen, confronts his adversary thus:

'Oh you... cunt-bubble!'

I'm not making this up.

I mean does anyone even know what a cunt-bubble is?
 
 
Quantum
17:43 / 07.10.05
What cockdangle wrote that?
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
10:52 / 08.10.05
Decrescent Daytripper I like Rachel Pollack's 'Doom Patrol'... How many here can or would say that?

You're a better person than me then, fine. Or a serial killer in training.
 
 
Are Being Stolen By Bandits
17:51 / 08.10.05
The latest Hellblazer was written by Mike "Lucifer" Carey. The whole book wasn't quite as bad as that line would suggest in isolation (although I've still been pretty underwhelmed by the last year or so's worth of issues), but "cuntbubble" definitely rates as one of the most laughably inept lines I've come across in quite a while.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
19:55 / 08.10.05
I've been enjoying Carey's run, apart from the latest storyline. What with much of it taking place in Hell, a lot of the dialogue has been very over-blown, over-dramatised arse. Mix this with Carey's skill with the vernacular (which has served him well for most of his run) and you get such gems as "cuntbubble".
 
 
toughest, fastest, fatest
22:45 / 08.10.05
a cuntbubble is an ocasional by-product of a fannyfart (in the brit sense)
 
 
Krug
00:43 / 09.10.05
What the fuck is wrong with Mirror of Love?

It's a very moving poem. I've not read the comic but own the new edition that's just the text with photographs that are a bit meaningless.
 
 
Jack Fear
01:41 / 09.10.05
It's overwritten pish in forty shades of purple, and too pleased with itself by half.
 
 
Krug
01:44 / 09.10.05
I love you Jack and one of the few reasons why I like being on Barbelith but when did you stop believing in love ; )
 
 
miss wonderstarr
07:48 / 09.10.05
The newer version of "Mirror of Love", with photographs, has different text as well as illos. It's been rewritten as a poem, and dramatically extended from about six pages to book-length.
 
 
Ganesh
10:06 / 09.10.05
Finding The Mirror of Love to be pish is not the same thing as disbelieving in love itself. I'm a loved-up gayer, and the only thing it moved was my stomach.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:30 / 09.10.05
I liked it... when I was about 16 and a terrible goth.
Looking back, I'd venture to add "turgid" to Jack's description.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
14:02 / 09.10.05
Not so much bad writing as dedicated adherence... I found a copy of volume 1 of Mark Millar's 1986 opus "Saviour" in a bargain bin yesterday. And guess what? On page 76 the eponymous character demonstrates how evil he is... by bumraping a priest. No, honest. Shortly thereafter, the priest is nailed to a cross. Twenty pages after _that_, the Saviour nails somebody _else_ to a cross. It's like Shadowhawk and spines.
 
 
Ganesh
14:06 / 09.10.05
I expect a significant minority of priests might not be entirely averse to a spot of bumrapery...
 
 
matsya
23:17 / 09.10.05
Well, I don't think that the prevalence of lesbians in Moore's work is an instance of bad writing - I had been thinking about it of late and when Watchmen got brought up I just went for it. Consider it threadrot.

It would seem to me that this digression is more about shaky moments in comic writing than actual godawful stuff per se.

And cheers for the headsup on gay men in Moore's work. Haven't read Top 10 or any of the spinoffs, except for the first volume, which had a fairly prominent lesbian character in it.
 
 
Lord Morgue
11:29 / 11.10.05
Early Firestorm: The Nuclear Man. Can't remember who penned it, but like Teen Titans, it was essentially a Marvel-style book published by D.C.. Only in this case, crap. The first badguys were that whacky brand of eco-terrorist beloved by John Byrne, who hold that the best way to alert people to the terrible damage being done to the environment by corperate greed is to engineer a BIGGER environmental disaster, by blowing up a supertanker in New York harbour, or in this case, a nuclear reactor.
Present are a high school jock, here to impress the environmentally conscious (but naive and misguided) hawt girl from school by joining the anti-nuclear protest, which, naturally, is a cover for those dastardly unamerican terrorists, and a scientist, who, instead of getting fused together by radiation into a cool two-headed mutant, like White Like She, fuse into a superhero with baggy sleeves and his head on fire.
Now the jock, like Peter Parker, has his share of school humiliations, but his own personal Flash Thompson is the school nerd, who gets all the chicks, who really dig his massive intellect, horn-rimmed spectacles, and enormous Isaac Asimov muttonchops.
Because, you know, poor muscle-headed jocks everywhere can really relate to being publically humiliated by ugly, skinny nerds who walk off with their girls.
Do you think this writer ever went to a normal, human school like the rest of us, or did his mother keep him locked in the attic with nothing but bad comics to read?
And the less prosiac villains were no less ...odd.
Killer Frost, the literally frigid woman, who turns men into obediant popsicles. The Weasel, a surprisingly athletic college professor who kills for tenure. The Hyena, who hates crime so much she kills policemen everywhere for not doing a good enough job. And the writer's mental health aside, the art... O.K., the Simpsons Australian episode was a JOKE, I understand that, but would it have killed the artist on Firestorm to maybe step outside his fucking house, go to his local library, and research ONE lousy picture of Sydney Harbour, one of the most distinctive skylines in the world, as the slightly less somnambulant writer assures us? Last time I was in Sydney, oh, EARLIER ON TODAY, we didn't have a suspension bridge, and the Opera House still looked like a hermit crab gangbang, and not a wedding cake.
AAAARRRRGH! WHERE ARE MY FLYING MONKEYS!? FLY, MY PRETTIES! BRING ME THE HEAD OF FIRESTORM'S WRITER! AND THE ARTIST'S DRAWING FOOT!
 
 
DaveBCooper
15:22 / 11.10.05
I think ‘The Fury of FIRESTORM the Nuclear Man’ (that was the full title, right?) was written by Gerry Conway. Who, if I remember aright, is now a story editor/line producer on one of the Law and Order TV series.
 
 
eddie thirteen
20:10 / 11.10.05
God help me...but...

Yeah, Firestorm was written by Gerry Conway. And...well, I haven't read it since I was a kid, but my memories are pretty fond. Seem to recall liking the art a lot, too. In retrospect, there was almost certainly something wildly politically incorrect about the Native American prof who allows himself to be possessed by a manitou or something so that he can revenge himself against the white man (Black Bison?), and the hot terrorist chick from Quebec (who, as I distinctly recall, Firestorm defeats by making all her clothes vanish -- seriously), and...well, yeah, the more I think about it, this comic was probably pretty bad. At least politically, if not in actual execution, which I have a feeling was likely competent for the era.
 
 
Quantum
17:43 / 14.10.05
Check this out. Reading Superman: Godfall from the library (Michael Turner and Joe Kelly) I found the best spikey speech bubble ever. Smashing through a window a villain shouts at Kal-El...

Suck glass, fascist pretty-boy!

which rates pretty highly on the shite-o-meter, surpassed only by the next line from the same dude as they ram supes with a motorbike...

Yeah! Like that! Spine full a stomach?!? (sic, question exclamation question after 'full a stomach')

WTF is that? Shit writing, that's what. Suck arse Turner and Kelly you fascist pretty boys, bend over for the Hyde bumsex.
 
 
This Sunday
20:10 / 14.10.05
I'm torn between really liking the idea in 'Fantastic Force' of all places... that Wakandan youths are unfamiliar with the concept of racism or of racial epithets - presumably because they live in an isolated land of superwonderfultech and don't like the outside world or something... and thinking it's just really shitty writing. I always, in my youth, believed the isolationist-excuse, but on a recent reread, I realize it's not there. It's just that he's from Africa so he has no concept of racism. Because that's an American thing. Obviously.
The fact it was a bit in 'Love Fights' that made me go back and read those FForce issues might be grounds for putting that series in here too, though. Andi Watson fucking set me up!
Oh, and did anybody else vote in 'Maus' or 'Maus 2: The Revenge' yet?
 
 
The Falcon
23:17 / 14.10.05
No, but I think it's daft to say Maus or Watchmen constitute 'Worst. Writing. Ever.' really. I mean, obviously, there's a temptation to do so because they're both so god-damn sacrosanct, from the year 1986 - when comics FINALLY got serious!!, and we all know Barbelith loves to kill it's idols, or at least say rude things about their wives, only not really.

I don't like Maus, because I dislike the apparent onus on people who'd frankly be happier to read one brightly-coloured icon hitting another with cool dialogue (must say, I do like Kelly, and rather like 'suck glass, fascist pretty-boy!' too) to check out the Pulitzer-winner. I also don't like the supposed clever stylistic invention of casting different racial groupings as animals, which all the cover blurbs seem to fall over themselves lauding (iirc.) I feel similarly about 'radical new stagings of Shakespeare - in an Aussie watering hole', or whatever.

The stuff about his relationship with his father is pretty good, and the rest - well you know it all, pretty much, but you never seen it with animals. Apparently using anthropomorphs is a pretty good way to gain some cachet in indie comic terms; no offence, MacGyver, cheque'll be on the way when I can find the bastard book. It doesn't constitute worst-ness in any way, but it ain't anywhere near so fucking brilliant as people want (you) to think.

I can't even remember what happens in Maus II.
 
 
This Sunday
02:03 / 15.10.05
'Maus' just seemed very, very over-played to me. The visual solecism of men in mice and cat-suits does not change enough for me, and the central conceits are simply, to me, uninteresting. It goes out of its way to take a complicated thing and make it as simple and easily digested as possible, except that every other panel I would pause and know I was being spoonfed something suspicious.
Nazi cats. Jewish mice. Oh, there's an entirely unloaded and intelligent dichotomy being established in wonderfully laden and dense metaphor... wait, no. It's not.
It's all about his father, then. The mouse that walks on two legs. But, again, it's not. It's his father in a mouse mask, opressed by cats. Because cats are evil and hunt things to eat, but also to fuck around with while the prey is terrified and confused, before coming over and rubbing on your shin for a pet and some water. Just like nazis. Do you see? Cat! Nazi!
Mice, on the other hand, are small, innocent, plucky and industrious and lovely animals that never do anything horrible like gnaw through clothes and stuff, eat your food and crap in the kitchen drawers... or kill people by rounding them up into concentration camps and shoving them in rooms to be gassed, burnt, or just shot and thrown on a pile of almost-corpses to die a day or three later.
Pulitzer Prize winning material here! How could I not see things so clearly before?
It's cheating when you use Nazis as the bogeyman to scare a moral into your audience. I despise Nazis and recognize the threat of that sort of thing, but dammit....
And dressing them in cat-kit does not a useful metaphor make. An easy, cheap potshot that insults cats everywhere, yes, but useful, productive, or something that might cause a flourish of thought, restrospective analysis, and an understanding of the human condition and our relationship to our ancestors?
'X was impressed by nazis' is a powerful statement, but stating it relies so much on outside material that it does not make a particularly fair story.
'Cats kill mice and so, mice, who obviously never kill anything - except when they do and for the same reasons as cats but we'll not get into that - mice are not Nazis and must garner our sympathies.' Not as impressively overwhelming as 'persecuted by Nazi' but still pretty good.
It's an overblown and politicized 'my dad can beat up your dad, and he makes more money and he's more fun too' argument.
My point is, rubbish writing has no depth, not even the illusory depth or begging depth of say, the last few Nabokov novels, or an early issue of Fantastic Four, even. Rubbish writing takes every easy out, gives us nothing surprising or confrontational or intriguing, reassuring us and sugarcoating all the way, and doesn't think highly of its audience at all. And above all it is uninteresting and appears to have no fun with itself at all. Even the bleakest of material, well, strives for its bleakness energetically, if it's any good.
Horrible writing has to lack (a) impetus and (b) wit. That's all I ask of anything. Depth is nice, but ultimately, unnecessary. 'Sugar is not a vegetable' is perfectly alright by me. As is 'We're here to hurt you.' And that fascist prettyboy thing.
And that's how I read 'Maus' and 'Maus II' which I believe is actually packaged together in one go, these days. But, a quick glance at past posts here on Barbelith reveal the sorts of thing I love, so y'know, there's ample evidence that I have off tastes.
 
 
Neville Barker
06:27 / 17.10.05
Jesus, All Star Batman and Robin sucks a toad. I mean, I dig alot of what Miller did, esp. for Batts, but this reminded me of another piece of crap that he wrote, the Spawn/ Batman crossover. I remember reading that and thinking how corny and forced it was to have the two caped-crusaders basically insulting one another for the entire book, and now here is a return to that blatant machismo-styling. The whole sequence in issue #2 of ASBAR where Bruce has just filched Dick from the scene of his parents deaths and the maw of impending crooked police reads like a dialouge-hallucination induced by forced consumption of mushrooms grown in combined compost retrieved from Scott Lobdell, Todd Macfarlane and Rob Liefeld.
Ex.
Their in The batmobile barely getting away from danger and Batts says; "SO SLEEP TIGHT PUNK. SLEEP TIGHT MY WARD"
Dick: "WHAT THE HELL'S A WARD?"
Batts: "...I'LL DO THE TALKING HERE"
Dick: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GIVING OUT ORDERS LIKE THIS?"
Batty: "WHAT, ARE YOU DENSE? ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM? I'M THE GODDAMN BATMAN."

Nuff said, eh? And it goes on like that. What a piece of crap!!!
 
 
Lord Morgue
07:22 / 17.10.05
Ohhhh dear. Well, I don't know about worst writing, but Dark Knight Strkes Again was a similar exercise in Miller-on-autopilot, at least as far as the art went. Do you think with these pieces of crud he vomits up for D.C. he's insulting the company, the fans, or both? The art looked like the blotting paper he used to clean up the mess after he inked it with a baseball bat, and I'm not sure if Lynn Varley photoshopped it before or after she threw up on it.
 
 
Triplets
07:28 / 17.10.05
I will scan Dark Knights Strikes Back. I will scan those pages and you will see the Flash. You will see the Flash giving Donald Rumsfeld the bunny ears.
 
 
Lord Morgue
10:44 / 17.10.05
Well, O.K., I liked THAT bit. And honestly, the writing wasn't that bad, but the ART, my GOD, the ART, was he even awake when he did it? It looks like Gerard Ashworth after that last bender blew his brain, and whatever creative potential he had left, and Sin City proves Miller didn't have a wall fall on him in an earthquake, like Masamune Shirow, and leave him only capable of drawing panty shots and CGI, so why am I left with a very expensive, glossy three issues that look like he drew it with the pen up his arse, Sex and Zen style? I mean, Miller's a pretty man, but he's no Amy Yip.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
20:31 / 21.10.05
I don't know, dude. That ASB dialogue is some funny shit. I guess Miller might've completely lost his mind, but I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that it's intentional.
 
 
Spaniel
23:24 / 21.10.05
Of course it's intentional, it's whether it's any good that's the question.
 
 
This Sunday
23:48 / 21.10.05
I'm put off by 'Maus', loathe 'Watchmen', and I think 'Dark Knight Strikes Again' was great. There's therapy for that, right?
 
 
eddie thirteen
06:33 / 22.10.05
I'm with Murray here. I've heard some bad, bad things about All-Star Batman, and read some bad, bad things when Miller tried writing corporate comics post-about-1990, but that is NOT bad. That's hilarious. Is that the real dialogue?
 
 
Triplets
07:17 / 22.10.05
Dick: "WHAT THE HELL'S A WARD?"
TGB: "...I'LL DO THE TALKING HERE"


Who's retarded? Oh, Miller.
 
 
Spaniel
08:26 / 22.10.05
I'd just like to say, on the evidence of that chunk of script, it's hilarious.
 
  

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