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Underground > Creation >

Barbelith Top Trumps. Lots and lots of PICS.

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22:42 / 05.12.04

I've never had so much fun reading a thread in all my life.

More! More!

22:57 / 05.12.04

I want to have sex with Top Trump Anna, Olulabelle and Deva. All at once, in an opium den. These cards are among the ginchiest things ever.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

23:17 / 05.12.04

Oooooo! More about me!

*feels like superhero*

23:29 / 05.12.04

Right. I'll give it a go.

Stoatie and Mono

STRENGTH - 6 and 6
MAX SPEED - As fast as they need to be
FOOL TOLERANCE - 6000
FUNK RATING - Off the charts

The daredevil pair of Stoatie and Mono are known throughout the universe as the itinerant's Sonny and Cher. Riding atop the grouchy but trandimensional badger His Lordship Maximillian Stockbutton, The Beknighted Emissary to Her Highness Citronella of Cashmere (whom they trunatedly call Button), these patron saints of gypsy livin' are vigilant against thieves, tax collectors, schoolyard bullies and The Man. One need only invite them to the latest picture show from the highest spot in town to be offered their swashbuckling services. Tyrants to the people, beware!!

Sean the frumious Bandersnatch

23:31 / 05.12.04

These are awesome drawings, Bed Head. How come no one has done Our Lady of the Flowers yet? That’s my second favorite, next to Tannhauser

Our Lady of the Flowers
STRENGTH - 7 and 9/13ths
MAX SPEED - 17 kph, but only in circles.
FOOL TOLERANCE - 2364 (8000 if said fools are edible)
FUNK RATING - 95%. Seeing as she lives in a swamp, she's bound to smell a bit funky.

Forty years ago, in the British town of Princefoot, lived a female mathematician working on the calculus of the Egyptian pyramids named Goose Mozzarella. She found a mathematical equation in her research which managed to work itself in a complete, self-sustaining circle. By reciting this ancient equation aloud, Miss Mozzarella formed a convergence in the countless reality membranes which hold all of the parallel universes, in effect combining of her alternate selves into a unique trans-dimensional entity. In a weird result of the transformation, the Lady is unable to leave the spot of her apotheosis, a swampland that known as "Flowers Pond".

Many Princefoot citizens consider her as an oddity, while others see her as a source of wisdom and consult her before a major decision. As a being that has existed in all parallel universes, the Lady can scry into the various universes and know the results of any decision.

This knowledge is also her most unsettling attribute. Using her hydroelectric arms (which she downloaded from a feudal universe where wars are fought with mechanical limbs powered by the pumping of human blood), she is known to grab anybody who comes near her and reveal what their lives would have been like in any of the parallel universes. How would you like to know how different your life would be if you had gone to college, or how good and kind a person your aborted son would have grown up to be?

(No offense is meant to the real Our Lady, who I’m sure is not actually named Goose Mozzarella.)

02:29 / 06.12.04

Maybe we should finish the workload on these. Bedhead did ask for assistence...

Well, here goes (whith apologies to the real Deva):

Deva

STRENGTH - 9.5 x 8 (when acting as a single unit)
MAX SPEED - 50 mph(when acting as a unit)
FOOL TOLERANCE - (-1000)
FUNK RATING - Super Fly TNT

Deva escaped from a top-secret government-run home for "exceptional" orphans at the age of nine. Physically frail and prone to frequent allergy attacks, yet possessing a sharp wit and almost supernatural charisma, she moved quickly up the ranks of the Saint Simians, a youth gang operating out of the delapidated suburbs of the greater tri-state area.

Eventually, Deva used her ill-aquired wealth and influence to form her own gang, the Liquorice Squad. They single-handedly anihilated the Saint Simians, all other gangs within a 500 mile radius, as well as any poor soul unlucky enough to incur Deva's wrath. Brutal yet precise, the Liquorice Squad are obedient to thier leader's every whim, and tales of their excesses are legion.

With each retelling, Deva and her little friends gain more cult-hero status. There are some who say that the Liquorice Squad don't exist at all, that Deva is a one-woman operation, using her incredible powers of suggestion to create the illusion of an invincible army.

This assumption is incorrect. I have witnessed first hand the Liquorice Squad in action.

Those sick bastards ruthlessly murdered my grandparents ten years ago, right in front of my terrified six-year-old eyes. All for a rare blues record that my Grandmother refused to sell to them.

Well, they're not going to get away with it this time! The Liquorice Squad's reign of terror is over! You see, I have a plan...

08:04 / 06.12.04

A plan involving a giant vat of sherbet?

09:35 / 06.12.04

Pineapple sherbet actually.

Mmmmm, sherbet.

14:58 / 10.12.04

Nobody's done Jack Fear.

Are we... afraid?

17:22 / 10.12.04

(*charges in where others will not tread*)

JACK FEAR

STRENGTH - unknown
MAX SPEED - 25 mph (40 mph vapor form)
Special: Teleportation, Invisibility, Incorporeal
FOOL TOLERANCE - <1,000,000.35>
FUNK RATING - Hendrix

The spectre known to locals only as Jack Fear has terrorized Guadalajara for centuries. Generations of prattling children have been chastened to silence, sometimes to tears, by a stern warning that if they did not hush, the Fear would come in the night to take them away. When he is mentioned, many elders will cross themselves and spit over their left shoulders to ward off the Eye of Fear.

Believed to be the restless spirit of a legendary bullfighter slain in single combat by the infamous Count de Armas, this apparition does not speak. It has been known to appear in many locations, particularly places of learning and government, to deliver an explosive sonic wave which can be deadly (lose all tapped mana, will save vs. 18 or lose 2 trumps). It is 25% more likely to appear if a debate has lasted more than 15 turns.

The Fear's secondary attack is a stunning gaze delivered by the Eye of Fear (fortitude save vs. 15 or lose a turn).

The Fear has occasionally been impersonated by the unscrupulous for their own aims, but such individuals meet with an invariably grisly fate, later being discovered disembowled and floating in the Presa de las Pintas...

A beautiful tunnel of ghosts

21:53 / 22.12.04

At the risk of seeming repetitive, ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Golden Age Tannhauser

STRENGTH – Mental Strength of 9 versus fools.
MAX SPEED – Best expressed as the speed of thought over WPM.
FOOL TOLERANCE – Due to his detached existence, Tannhauser has a Fool Tolerance of 0.
FUNK RATING – Tannhauser feigns indifference to the opinions of others, but secretly enjoys a high rating amongst those who have passed through him into understanding.

Golden Age Tannhauser, also called Tannhauser the Gate, reigns from exile as the Vagabond King of Reason, his throne usurped by the Pretender, Emotion. Of whimsical design and the finest Swiss craftsmanship, his pneumatic body is replaced whenever mental fatigue has exhausted its capacity for expression; both statesman and soldier, Tannhauser's peerless intellect grows with every blow struck against the Pretender’s forces, his deathless brain suspended in an ideoplasmic distillate from which his vast knowledge is drawn.

His Philosopher's Eye possesses the power to transmute base deception into pure truth in those subjected to its merciless gaze; those unable to withstand its intensity are forced to confront their innermost fears as their ignorance is thrown into stark relief. Travelling incognito with his boon companion, his noble Pointer, Bertrand, with whom he debates the teachings of the Classics, Tannhauser wages his never-ending battle against the Pretender, having sworn to dispel the shadow of fear and ignorance from his kingdom, wherever it is cast.

I thank you.

23:52 / 22.12.04

See, now I'm all grouchy that my name violates copyright. "Aren't I clever, using my name and a movie character all at once," I said. Hmph.

10:12 / 28.04.05

Bumpty-bump.

Just wanted to get this back out where folks'll see it. The art is just too good to let it hide somewhere in the background.

Anybody else out there have the mad drawing skills to spin up a few more fiction suit portraits? I'd be more than happy to do it myself, if only I possessed that niggling "artistic talent" thing.

Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER

11:39 / 28.04.05

I'm more than happy to do some, but am nowhere near as good as Bed Head, being but a mere mortal. But otherwise, sign me up!

11:39 / 28.04.05

Gosh. I don’t think I’ve ever been *bumped* before. Always up for a new experience, though, so thanks for that.

I’ve done another five-and-a-bit of these already, but I probably won’t post them until I’ve 10 or 11 finished. Been kinda busy, but more will follow, along with Other Stuff I've been doing. Promise.

12:35 / 28.04.05

Huzzah! I love this thread in a most inappropriate way.

Please please please please please draw more!

21:25 / 28.04.05

1. Have all the original drawlings been described?

2. Does anyone want to transfer picture links + descriptions onto a page on the wiki? For greater ease of reading?

22:20 / 28.04.05

I'll do a wiki thread Grant in the next few days if that's OK. You know how I like...er...wiki-ing.

23:23 / 28.04.05

Oh, bugger. Sorry. Have I ruined it for you? A wiki page with all the blurbs on it seemed such a good idea, I scuttled off to have a go as soon as grant mentioned it. Results here. I’ve only really dragged all the links together and into the right order, though, it really needs a damn good tweak.

00:03 / 29.04.05

Bed Head, would it be too much for me to ask you to forsake life, work and all other engagements to finish the next batch off sharpish?

See, I wouldn't otherwise trouble you, it's just that I have this insatiable need.

07:01 / 29.04.05

B-but... how long is it going to take to get 5015 done?

12:09 / 29.04.05

Bed, you're such a wiki-nicker.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

22:33 / 25.05.05

Okay, this is all a bit Temply and non-uncuntish, but has anyone else found themselves... ehhm... growing into their illustrations? Like as a f'rexample, I now have hair (not a very lot, but radically more hair than last year) and I'm doing the whole "cross my palm with silver" thing (eBay, Tarot, ect.)

No facepainty sex-midgets though. I suppose they must come with the caravan.

Just a thought.

00:45 / 26.05.05

Erm.

Oddly enough, now that you mention it, I have started wearing a bandana tied 'round my head in piratical fashion when I exercise or work in the garden. It started because I was embarrassed to be dripping headsweat all over the treadmills down at the gym, but I couldn't get behind doing the Mark Knopfler look nor the Rambo option.

Admittedly, it's a short-tailed rag so it's less a swashbuckler look than a skullcap. But still.

Eerie, now I think about it.

08:06 / 26.05.05

Stop now. My hair is exactly that length and style and lately I've started wearing lots of jewellery, although nothing as beautiful as that bracelet.

BedHead! Come here and explain. Just what did you weave into those pictures?

08:47 / 26.05.05

And if whatever you're doing really works, do you take requests for body-shapes/sizes, as well as clothing styles?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:09 / 26.05.05

(While we're here, I'd just like to reiterate my deep and passionate love for those pictures.)

Tryphena Absent

15:32 / 26.05.05

Sorry, I've grown my hair down past my shoulders. That's because I'm a rebel, not a follower. I'm subversive. You people are just sheep!

18:02 / 26.05.05

BED HEAD IS TEH MAJJJICKK!!!!1!!one!

These pictures are better than Real Life.

18:16 / 26.05.05

If you think it's scary so far, wait till you see his Bed Head übertrump.

All of Barbelith clenched in the palm of his hand.

13:20 / 29.12.05

*bump* because this thread shouldn't be allowed to sink.

13:55 / 29.12.05

STRONG TRUTH

What happened to the Golden Age Tannhauser link? I can't seem to get it to work.....

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

16:01 / 29.12.05

I got a moped for Christmas.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

16:12 / 29.12.05

And look! Could it be?

Why yes, it's the first Barbelith Top Trump fan art!

22:51 / 01.01.06

The (Golden Age) Tannhauser pic ist kaput!
What nefarious scheme is afoot?

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