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Why are we all so dumB!?

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06:36 / 04.09.04

I take this girl out, and she is cute, and I like her. During the conversation, the topic of my best friend comes up, now my buddy is most likely the best looking guy out of all our group(he knows it, and loves to play it up). I am not worried to lose girls to him, we have an understanding, and I am not bad myself, its just that he is better looking, by a little, and has more free time to play it up with girls, anyway, she doesnt stand a chance with him, and even if she did get a one night deal out of him that would be all it is. As I mention his name her eyes light up! And I jokeingly say, you think Steve is better looking than me dont you? (dumb question!dumb dumb dumb,) she smiles and looks at the ground, and says 'of course not.' that was it! I let it stew for a while, no one likes being second to anyone, we all are, but none of us want to know about it.

We go back to my apartment, and who shows up? Steve.
She spends all night looking at him from the corner of her eye. I know she likes me, and I think alot, I know she knows that she cant have steve, and even if she got him couldnt keep him, but still I cant help but be a little pissed at both of them, at him for being so smooth and good looking, and at her for wanting the holy grail!

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:28 / 04.09.04

she doesnt stand a chance with him

I have to ask - why?

08:36 / 04.09.04

Chloroform, I presume.

08:54 / 04.09.04

I don't know T, I'd have thought that would only increase her chances, if anything.

On a related note about chloroform, and the urban myth surrounding it ( the large open bottle under the guy's bed - I'm assuming most people know the one I mean, ) a friend of a friend apparently used to know the, er, passive character, in real life.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:57 / 04.09.04

Really? A friend of a friend? Well, that does rather prove it.

Hang on, *which* urban myth?

09:18 / 04.09.04

The one where it turns out the guy's flatmate has been anaesthetising him with the aid of a bottle of chloroform under his mattress, and then, er, doing him while he's asleep.

But I probably shouldn't have brought it up.

Regrettable Juvenilia

16:21 / 04.09.04

I don't know who 'we' is meant to refer to, but I think it's obvious that the question "Why is benfoxdance so dumb?" is an important question, one that we should spend time discussing.

So, ben (do you mind if I call you ben?), let's start with a relatively simple and elegant explanation:

Were you dropped on your head as a child?

20:05 / 04.09.04

This is like a gender-reversed version of 'Jolene'. In non-songular form.

flufeemunk effluvia

20:51 / 04.09.04

Roofies: Because you're only second best.

22:22 / 04.09.04

Dude,

Unless Steve actually lives in your apartment, it's pretty clear that he is NOT your friend. Steve: "Hey, Ben, 'sup?" You: "Not much, man...just hanging out with this girl I brought home from a date...uh...." Steve: "Awesome! Mind if I come in for a bit?"

Clearly, Steve must be garroted. If nothing else, the man's a cockblocker; at worst, he's moving in on your girl. Extreme prejudice.

23:00 / 04.09.04

But Steve is clearly more attractive than Ben. He is the most attractive person Ben knows. Ben is only slightly less attractive, but when you're talking about attractiveness on Steve's level, you're looking at a situation that only an enormous amount of plastic surgery is going to fix. Think about it: Steve is way too attractive for this girl. She can dream, but that's all it'll ever be. Steve probably hasn't even noticed that she's there for fighting all the other women off. Now, despite only being slightly less attractive than Steve, Ben has been thrown aside. She must realise that she doesn't stand a chance with someone as attractive as Steve, and yet so attractive is he that she's fogotten about that.

It must be a hard life, Ben, when even the ugly girls ignore you in favour of Steve. Depsite your being only slightly less attractive than him. Extensive cosmetic surgery and a lowering of your standards are the only options. Even then, I have my doubts that any woman will ever even glance at you as long as Steve is around. Maybe you should kill him. Or just cut him up a little.

23:06 / 04.09.04

Stuh-eve, Stuh-eve, Stuh-eve, Stuh-eeeeve. I'm beggin' of you, please don't take mah (wo)man. Stuh-eve, Stuh-eve, Stuh-eve, Stuh-eeeeeeve. Please don't take her just because you caaaan.

23:22 / 04.09.04

Pleading won't work either, not even if it is Country-tinged. The important point to note is that not only is Steve attractive, he's also a bastard. I'm sure Ben appreciates the truth that the women he loves always end up going with his good-looking bastard friend, despite that friend inevitably treating them like shit. Curses! And to think, Ben would treat her right, even if she isn't up to the standard he normally shoots for, looks-wise.

That said, you've got me wondering: does Steve have flaming locks of auburn hair?

23:24 / 04.09.04

And Ben cannot compete with him, Stuh-eve. Stuh-eeeeeeeve.

00:20 / 05.09.04

I think that, as an experiment, Ben should take an X-Acto knife to Steve's face. Obviously, the two of them have an understanding, and -- really -- what's a little disfiguring mutilation between best friends? Will Ben remain as magnanimous when he is now numero uno? Or will there be...you know...gloating?

Actually, now that I think about it -- where do you live, Ben? 'Cause I'd do it. And I have a few people I wouldn't mind seeing get the axe, too, but their deaths/mutilations are just WAY too easily traceable back to me. But if YOU killed them, and *I* killed Steve....dude! I should start a webservice like this. Someone HAS to have had this idea.

00:22 / 05.09.04

You are right, steve is a bastard! And as long as I hang out with him he will always get first, and second, and third pick, leaving me with the gap toothed girls, who cant help but smile, and dream of him when they are with me!

You have helped me see things so clearly. The only problem is, that Steve and I go way back, and I would hate to lose him as a friend. Would it be wrong of me to horribly disfigure him in the name of friendship?

And to just-to-fly-thug-Whatever your name is, you are a rude person. I am sure you will think of something witting and cruel to say back to me, but it wont change the fact that you are rude.

00:24 / 05.09.04

Sometimes friends HAVE to disfigure each other. In the long run, Steve will thank you -- I promise.

00:36 / 05.09.04

I ought to know this, but I don't: What is " a roofie " ?

00:47 / 05.09.04

On a less countrytastic note, I can't help but notice that the girl in question (who's never named) gets a single positive comment on her appearance while Steve's attractiveness is mentioned three or four times. It's also made quite clear that, while the unnamed female is "cute" enough, she wouldn't stand a chance with a charismatic stunner like Steve himself.

Seems to me like Ben's pointing his obvious hardon in the wrong direction: surely he really wants to ditch the second-rate beard and bare his buttocks at Steve?

01:15 / 05.09.04

it is my understanding that a roofie is a type of drug commanly used too sedate the object of your desire and do filthy filthy things too while unconcho

there are technical names and better explaintions but im mullerd

(ps i hate steve, cockblocker aint no freind of yours, i dont care how cute you make him out to be)

01:18 / 05.09.04

Ahh, but all the nice boys love a bastard...

flufeemunk effluvia

01:28 / 05.09.04

Alex, this is how roofies work:

(innocent) Girl shows up at (sleazy) Guy's apartment
Girl: Hello Guy!
Guy: Hello Girl! Wanna have mad sex?
Girl: NO I AM TOTALLY (saving myself for mairrage, bleeding vaginally, a nun, etc.)
Guy: Oh, sorry. I'll get drinks!
Guy gets drinks and slips a little Rohypnol® (roofies) in her drink.
Girl: YAY MOUNTAIN DEW!
Girl goes unconcious
Guy: Now's my chance!
Guy does filthy, filthy things, and Girl wakes up the next morning with a headache and a pregnancy.

A sad situation, indeed.

02:16 / 05.09.04

roofies(sp?)=Rohypnol®

09:03 / 05.09.04

You do know that Fly's first name is Steve, yeah?

10:18 / 05.09.04

On a less countrytastic note, I can't help but notice that the girl in question (who's never named) gets a single positive comment on her appearance while Steve's attractiveness is mentioned three or four times.

Less countrytastic? Hie you to a stereo, my Dolly-Parton-listening friend, and check out the lyrics to You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me, Lucille, in which the narrator is unable to make sweet, sweet love to a beautiful woman for thoughts of her big, handsome ex-husband...

In the mirror I saw him,
And I closely watched him...
The big hands were calloused,
He looked like a mountain,
For a minute I thought I was dead [OF LUST]

From the lights of the bar room to the rented hotel room
We walked without talking at all.
She was a beauty, but when she came to me
She must have thought I'd lost my mind.
I couldn't hold her, for the words that he told her
Kept comin' back time after time...

.. Ahem. Benfoxdance, I would recommend that you enjoy cuddling up with your girl and squeeing happily together over how pretty Steve is and how nice it is to look at pretty people. (For some reason my 'enjoying looking' attraction to people is a bit dissociated from my 'wanting to have sex' attraction, though, so I find it easier to do this than some other people. But I recommend trying it anyway!)

10:26 / 05.09.04

Wow. Country slash...

Forget the four starving children, Ben; the cock's in the field.

10:33 / 05.09.04

Actually, thinking about it, Lucille is the same situation from Steve's point of view, if Steve (slashtastically) harboured the same, umm, admiration (albeit tinged with guilt/pity) for Ben that Ben evidently feels (albeit tinged mild irritation) for Steve.

There's a fairly rich history of men idol-worshipping the rival whose alpha-charms have wrenched away their faithless woman. This was taken to its logical conclusion of the third series of League of Gentleman when Charlie attempted to physically usurp the female's role.

That might be worth a try.

11:01 / 05.09.04

the best-looking guy out of all our group ( he knows it, and loves to play it up )

How does this behaviour manifest itself exactly ? Does he show up at people in your group's flats wearing cut-off denim shorts and a heaving tool belt, offering to fix the plumbing and so on ? Is he a " Handy Hunk " ?

11:13 / 05.09.04

Or the construction worker from the Village People?

14:42 / 05.09.04

yeah, he has a few pairs of those cut off jeans. We live in the same apartment building, so he sees me drive up, and usually comes over any time I get home.

15:21 / 05.09.04

Just do the foxdance ben, do the foxdance. We both know it will work.

"Benny you move so fast maaaan! I love yaw moves hot thang! I'm yaw girrrrrl."

flufeemunk effluvia

15:34 / 05.09.04

Is he a " Handy Hunk " ?

The way to out-manly ANYONE is with a Workman's kilt.

18:58 / 05.09.04

We go back to my apartment, and who shows up?

Steve.

19:26 / 05.09.04

phwoar

I would. I can see where benfoxfive is coming from here.

19:33 / 05.09.04

I bet the ladeeeez and the gennelmen go for that hepcat...

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