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I don't mean to detract from this fascinating and unusual conversation about the dichotomy of self-image among women, but I just wanted to give you all an update on Flux's really stellar performance as a Life Coach.
This probably seemed like a very mild rebuke to most of you, but afterwards Flux called me on the celly and read me the riot act. He told me, quite sternly, that I was using my staunch heterosexuality as a crutch, and that it was preventing me growing and developing as a whole person. He told me in no uncertain terms that I need to break down this idealized self-image toot sweet if I want to learn who I really am.
I was just waiting at the welfare office, visualizing what it would be like to clothe, house and satisfy the appetites of my 8 children (it's important to visualize the actual children if you want to fool the Public Assistance screeners), so it wasn't like he interupted anything pressing. I mean, you spend pretty much the whole day waiting at that place, so I could do my visualizing later.
So anyway, I took Flux's advice and as usual he was right. I went straight from the welfare office to Barney's and bought a couple of new outfits: a tan suit with alligator shoes; muslin slacks and a poly-lycra t-shirt, with black leather boots; and some Prada jeans and a muscle shirt. On Friday night I wore the suit to BANGor, ME in Chelsea, but it turns out I was a little overdressed. I was also the youngest guy in there by 15 years, so I got a lot of attention. I think they made me for "bi-curious" right away, but were pretty cool about it. I only made out with one guy, who'd bought me a beer and had a bald head and sort of a walrus mustache that tickled. He wanted to take me home with him, but I told him I wasn't ready for that and just gave him my number.
It's not that I was offended or anything, but it didn't do much for me. I called Flux about it from the cab. He told me it was a good start, not to get discouraged, and that I should keep him informed of any developments. See how committed he is? I called him at about 3 am, there was Classical music in the background and everything, and he still had time for me.
I'll update you on the rest of the weekend soon; I'm running late for my Pilates class. |
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